We remained quiet a long time.
I broke it this time.
“I’m being a bad hostess. You want a drink?”
She stood. “Some other time, honey. I should get home to my family.”
Her family.
She was a lucky bitch. Fortunately, she knew it.
“You mind if I don’t see you out?” I asked.
There was a smile in her voice when she replied, “Not at all.”
“Thanks for stopping by, Anya. Tell Knight I’m cool. All systems go tomorrow.”
“I’ll tell him.”
I watched her walk to the darkened kitchen doorway as I stroked Gun.
Her shadow didn’t disappear through it. It stopped and I knew she was turning back to me.
“One last thing, Sylvie. When I leave, I want you to think about your life right now. I know you like it. I know you’ve got people close to you. I know you have fun. But I want you to think of your happiest memory, the happiest in your whole life. Then I want you to compare it to the life you live now without Tucker Creed. My guess, your happiest memory includes him. My guess, even with that shit between you, you give it a shot, you’ll go from the life you live now, that you like, to something else. Something bigger, richer, better, happier. And you know it. You’re just scared to lose it because you lost it once. Then, after all that, think about what your life would be if he was never in it. You’d never met. He’d never touched it. Then, honey, ask yourself how you would feel if you didn’t have those moments. Last, I hope you’ll come to the realization that, this time around, you’re making the deliberate choice not to take a chance in order to have that beauty.”
I stared at the shadowed door long after her silhouette left it but I didn’t see dark shadows. I saw sunny days, the lake, the pier, blankets over grass, young bodies rolling on them, tangled, twin beds in dark rooms that barely fit two bodies, whispered conversations, holding close.
My hands curled around Gun as my legs uncurled from the chair. I set my feet on the floor as I cuddled her close and walked through my dark house to my bedroom. I didn’t bother with a light. I just dropped Gun gently on my bed and dug through my clothes on the floor until I found my jeans from last night.
I dug my phone out of the back pocket.
I flipped it open and the light from the screen made me wince.
I went to my phonebook, scrolled down and hit go.
I put it to my ear as my eyes went to the clock on my nightstand.
It was one seventeen in the morning.
The phone rang once.
“Sylvie,” Creed greeted, sounding alert but growly.
“I’m ready,” I whispered.
Silence.
Then, “I’ll be there in ten.”
Disconnect.
I flipped my phone shut.
Fuck.
Chapter Ten
My Sylvie
A warm, late summer day in Kentucky, twenty-two years earlier, Creed is seventeen, Sylvie is eleven, one day away from being twelve…
I got off my bike, leaned it against the wall, walked down the side of the building, pulled open the door, walked into the frozen milk stand and saw him right away.
Creed with his girlfriend, Natalie.
My stomach started hurting.
I began to turn around real quick but he was laughing, his head moved and he caught sight of me.
“Hey, Sylvie.”
I gave a stupid wave then turned around and walked out the door.
But I ran to my bike.
I pulled it from the wall and started to get on when I heard, “Hey! Yo! Wait!”
I looked up and saw Creed’s long legs were bringing him to me.
He was so beautiful.
As he got closer, my head went back, back until he stopped in front of me.
“You not gettin’ any ice cream?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No. I forgot. I gotta get home. The stepmonster is taking me shopping for my birthday.”
This wasn’t totally a lie. She was supposed to. She just hadn’t got out of bed yet.
“Right,” he muttered then grinned. “We on for the lake tomorrow?”
No way. He’d probably want to bring Natalie.
I shook my head. “Sorry, I should have… I forgot to tell you. I’m going over to my friend’s house tomorrow. All day slumber party.”
His head jerked to the side and his voice was quiet when he reminded me, “We always meet at the lake for your birthday, Sylvie.”
“I’ll meet you the day after but I can’t stay long.”
“Come in the mornin’, before you go to your friend’s, just real quick,” he urged.
“I… I can’t. I’m going over there early.”
“Then I’ll meet you earlier.”
“I –”
“Creed! You gonna buy me a cone or what?”
He twisted around to look behind him and I leaned to the side to look around him. I saw Natalie outside the door, one hand holding it open, one hand on her hitched hip. Her long, tanned legs on show in her short-shorts. Her big boobs making the material of her tight t-shirt stretch.
“In a second,” Creed called back.
I was so intent on my study of the beautiful, tall, brunette Natalie and wishing I had brown hair and long legs and big boobs that I didn’t notice him turn back to me.
“Hey,” he said softly and my eyes shot to him.
Then I quickly dropped my head and moved closer to my bike, mumbling, “Gotta go.”
“Hey,” he said it softly again and, slowly, my eyes lifted to him. When my eyes met his beautiful blue ones, he whispered, “You’ll always be my girl.”
He was just being nice.
I’d stopped being his girl a couple years ago. He had other ones now. Lots of them. Natalie was just the newest one.
I bit my lip and looked away, trying real hard not to cry.
“Hey,” he whispered and I didn’t want to, I could see the wet swimming in my eyes but I pulled in a breath and looked back at him to find him closer and leaning down toward me. “You’ll always be my Sylvie. Yeah?”
I sucked in a breath and nodded.
“Come to the lake. I’ll meet you early,” he ordered.
I nodded again.
He grinned, lifted a hand and touched the green stone hanging at my neck.
“Gotta give my Sylvie her necklace.”
“Okay, Creed,” I whispered.
He pulled only an inch away but stopped and whispered, “It’s always you and me.”
I nodded again and felt my lips quivering.
He kept whispering, “Always me and my Sylvie, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I whispered back.
He lifted a hand and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Careful ridin’ home.”
“’Kay, Creed.”
“See you tomorrow.”
“’Kay.”
“Later.”
“Bye.”
I got on my bike.
He strode back to the frozen milk stand.
I cried all the way home.
Chapter Eleven
We Win
Present day…
“Sylvie?”
I stood completely still, the roaring in my ears deafening, my eyes opened but blinded, every nerve in my body vibrating like I was receiving way too many volts but my lips moved.
“Stop talking.”
“Baby.” I felt two big hands settle gently on either side of my head.
“They didn’t do that to you,” I whispered.
“Sylvie –”
“Take it back.”
“Ba –”
My hands shot straight down in fists, my head jerked back so far pain pulled at my neck and the words carved jagged through my throat as I shrieked, “They did not do that to you!”
His arms folded around my head as he yanked me to his body.
“We’re done for tonight,” he muttered into the top of my hair.
Oh
God.
That wasn’t it.
Oh God.
There was more.
My legs gave out under me but Creed caught me, lifting me up in his arms. I shoved my face in his neck as we moved through my house. Then we were in bed, Creed gathering me close, tucking me tight, curling over me so he was mostly on me. He was the only thing there was, the only thing I could see, the only thing I could feel.
“They didn’t do that to you,” I whispered into his throat but it was a ragged plea.
“Quiet, Sylvie.”
My body bucked violently as the sob tore through me.
Creed’s hold tightened.
My fingers fisted in his shirt.
“They didn’t do that to you. They didn’t do that to you. They didn’t do that to you. They didn’t do that to you. They didn’t do that to you. They didn’t do that to you.”
“Sh, baby.”
I shushed.
He held me.
My tears quieted.
He still held me.
“Creed?” I called.
“Sleep, baby.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Sleep.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“I don’t know.”
I sucked in a broken breath.
Then I whispered, “Right now, I don’t either.”
* * * * *
My eyes opened and I stared at the alarm clock.
Then I threw the covers back from the bed, jumped up, rushed out of my room, down the hall and through the living room. I smelled bacon cooking so instead of going right out the door, I ran into the dining room and stopped dead halfway in.
Creed was at my stove. He felt my presence and turned.
“Charlene,” I whispered.
“I went over. It’s all good. She’s cool. Helped with the kids.”
I spared at him and started trembling, head to toe shakes.
He didn’t miss it.
“Come here, Sylvie.”
“I need time.„
His haad jerked then his eyes locked on me.
Ca5tiously, he replied, “Honest to Chriqt, give you aNything. Anything, baby. But lost enough time. Can’t give you that. Space, maybe. Time. No.”
I shook my head. “No, I mean… I need time befora you tell me the rest.”
He closed his eyes. He did this slowl9.
Then he opened them and whispered, “That, I can give.”
I took off runnhng, right at him, direct. I hit kitchen tile, turned and launched myself through the air.
Creed caught me.
My legs wrapped around his hips and my mouth hit his hard.
He dropped to a knee then he dropped me to my back.
We fucked on the kitchen floor.
And burned the bacon.
* * * * *
My fingertips moved over the scar, my lips chasing them all the way across his cheekbone, his temple and through his hair.
His hands at my ass tightened, his fingers digging deep.
I dropped my lips to his ear.
“He’s dead.”
“You said.”
“No. I mean Daddy.”
His fingers dug in deeper. “Too bad.”
“Yeah.”
“He buried in Kentucky?” he asked.
“Yup,” I answered.
“Soon’s we see to Knight’s shit, road trip. We’re fucking on his grave.”
My head shot up and I looked down at him.
He grinned up at me.
My invisible sun’s rays warmed me straight to my soul.
Only sun ever that lay on his back in a bed.
God, God, I missed my sun.
“He deserves it, baby, and I’m adventurous but graveyard sex…” I paused. “I don’t think I have it in me.”
“Then we’re fucking on that fuckin’ golf course he loved so goddamned much.”
“That I can do.”
Creed gave me a smile.
“He told me his favorite hole was sixteen,” I shared. “He said it was tough but beautiful.”
“Right, on the green of sixteen, I’ll drill my favorite hole.”
He said this while smiling.
I burst out laughing.
* * * * *
I wandered into the back room with two fresh, cold ones. I got close to Creed sitting in one of the chairs, facing dusk. He ignored the beer I offered and hooked me around the waist, gave a rough yank and I landed in his lap. He curled his arm around me and lifted his long legs to rest his bare heels against the windowsill.
Only then did he take his beer.
He sucked some back. I sucked some back and my eyes moved over the detritus of the Chinese delivery we’d consumed that was spread across the low table. We ordered everything that struck our fancy, which meant we could have fed twelve.
Leftovers for days.
Right on.
I’d called Knight early, filled him in and told him we needed another day. He was down with that.
I knew he would be.
So all day it was Creed and me. His body. My body. Fucking. Drinking. Eating. Some talking. More fucking.
I had never had a boyfriend other than Tucker Creed. We’d made love once and he was taken away from me. So I didn’t know make up sex could be so fucking great.
Especially when you had sixteen years to make up for.
“I want you to meet my kids.”
My head jerked so I could look at him even as my entire body tensed.
“What?” I whispered.
His eyes locked on mine. “I want you to meet my kids,” he repeated.
“What, like, now?”
He grinned. “No Sylvie, they’re an eighteen hour drive away so not now. Not tomorrow. After this job. After we’re cool. I’ll bring ‘em up.”
Oh shit.
“Creed –”
His arm gave me a squeeze.
“Sit on that. Don’t react. Just sit on it. Think about it. There’s time.”
“Okay.”
He held my gaze and didn’t let go of the subject.
“Not sure where you are but I’ll state clear where I am. I gave you up once. It killed me. It was figuratively but it still killed me. I’m not doin’ that shit again. I’m further than you on this. In a way, I’ve been with you for over a month. You haven’t even had a week. So you sit on knowin’ in your future you’ll meet and get to know my kids. But, just sayin’, in your future, you’ll meet and get to know my kids.”
“Well, you’re just sayin’ that, I’ll just say that sixteen years have passed so we should discuss that after, as you put it, we’re cool.”
“We’re cool,” he stated firmly. “We’ll just be… cooler.”
I grinned at him and muttered, “Right.”
He grinned and muttered back, “Righ4.”
I took a draw off my beer.
Creed wasn’t done laying down the law.
“They took yo5 from me, they took shit from yïu. They’re dead. Now I’m givin’ your shit back.”
My eyes went back to him and I asked, “What?”
“Yesterday, what I said?” he stated this as ! quEstion but stopped way before I knew wH!t the fuck he w`s on about.
“Uh… babe, yesterday you said a lot.”
‘In bed,” he added detail just not enough.
“You said a lot there, too.”
“Sylvie, think back. What’d I say I was going to cive you back?”
Oh that.
Shit.
“Creed –”
“Safe word’s Geronimo. Remember that. Then we play.”
How was he turning me on again? We’d been through at least six condoms and that was just him. He didn’t have the capacity to orgasm as much as I did, unlucky for him. I’d had twice that.
“Creed –”
His hand dropped so he could put his beer on the floor then it drove into the side of my hair, curled around the back and pulled my face close to his.
/> “You like sex, a lot. Far’s I can see the only hang-ups you got, that animal gave you. You find, as we play, you got more, that’s cool. Those’re yours. I’ll have a mind to that but you do not fear what he taught you to fear. You and me work so you live easy. We work that shit out, we take it slow. I mean all of it. You find you can’t work past it, that’s okay with me but we try. We try to get rid of that, of him. So it’s just you and me and when we fuck, the two of us are the only ones there and it’s all sweet and easy.”
“I’m thinking,” I said gently, “this is just as much about you as it is about me.”
“Fuck yeah,” he agreed. “Straight up, I like adventure. I like control. I like ass play. We try it, you don’t like it, we’ll find what we like but not him taking it from us. You with me?”
I was. Kind of.
Before I could tell him that, he went on, “Chelle didn’t like any of that shit. She couldn’t relax.”
Oh no. We were hitting a danger zone.
“Uh… we’re doing good here, Creed,” I started. “I think we should maybe put the brakes on and coast the rest of the night on that goodness before we share deeper.”
He lifted his chin but said softly, “My point, baby, is she couldn’t relax and that was on me. That was on me because you were in the room. She didn’t get it fully until I gave it to her fully but she’s not a dumb woman. She understood. And she was fuckin’ a man who had another woman’s name inked in his skin. She didn’t miss that and not only because it’s hard to miss. I don’t want him in the room with you and me. Now, do you understand me?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“Good,” he whispered back.
I sucked back more beer. He grabbed his from the floor and did the same.
I trained my eyes to the dusk.
Then I asked it, “Just, you know, for the future, do you get along with her?”
“She puts up with me for the kids,” he replied instantly. “Other than that, she avoids me. She’s got another man’s ring on her finger now. After they got married, she came over to my place, drunk off her ass, and gave it to me. Now I’m the one in the room. He knows it, her man. Loves her, puts up with that shit. Sucks. She’s a good woman, probably not her intention, but she paid me back all the same. I live with that, what I did to her, to him, to them. Guilt lies heavy. I dicked her around, she lives with the pain of that every day. I live with the guilt of it every day.”