I’m a wreck the whole day at school. Mrs Platkin has to tell me to concentrate four different times, and I still don’t get the equation she’s trying to explain. Tammy asks me what’s wrong at lunchtime, but I can’t tell her. I have no idea what to do. I can’t talk to Tammy because she wouldn’t understand. I’m not jealous of her, but she doesn’t know how lucky she is to have a mum and dad still together. What could she possibly know about your mother trying to upend your life?
Eventually, school lets out and I’m heading towards the mall. I know that I can’t tell Dad because he’ll flip out and make Mum mad, then she won’t let him come over for Christmas, and then everyone will know that I sneak around in the nights trying to eavesdrop. Okay, it was only the one time, I wasn’t really trying to eavesdrop exactly, but that’s what everyone will think. And even though I have two hours here with Dad, all I’m thinking about is how I have to go home and face Mum and Seth and somehow pretend that I don’t know what she’s thinking about doing.
Dad is in his office as usual when I get there, and I can’t fight the urge to march over and give him a huge hug.
“What was that for?” He asks when I pull back.
I shrug. The truth is that it was because if Mum goes through with this then I’m not going to be able to do that ever again.
“I love you, Kaity Kait,” Dad says.
“I love you too, Dad,” I reply around the lump in my throat. Trying to change the subject and stop myself crying, I say, “I don’t have any homework tonight.”
“They’re letting you off a bit easy, aren’t they?”
I shrug and try to smile.
“Santa was looking for you earlier. He said Blizzard wanted your opinion on something and wanted to know when you’d be here. You can go and find them if you want.”
I nod, just because being close to my dad is making me want to cry and never stop. How can Mum even think about making us leave?
It makes me feel good that either Santa or Blizzard want to see me though, so I leave the office, and stop outside the door for a moment just to feel. I look back at my dad through the glazed window in his office door, look around the mall below me, and I’m hit by the fact that Mum could take this all away and I have no idea what to do about it. The tears are threatening to come again so I walk away as I try to hold them back.
When I get to the main square of the mall, I see Santa in his grotto, crouched down on the floor, fiddling with a mini Christmas tree in the corner. I’m just about to greet him when he turns around and says “Good afternoon, Kaity,” like he had already seen me coming and was expecting me, even though his back was turned as I walked up.
“Hi Santa,” I say. I’m trying to sound cheerful but even I know that it doesn’t quite work. But Santa’s grotto is supposed to be a happy place and I don’t want to bring my doom and gloom here as well. Who knows, maybe I’m even worrying about nothing and Mum will see sense before anything happens. And maybe it’s the fact that she’d even consider it that hurts the most. I can’t believe she wouldn’t just say no. I can’t believe she’d even think about taking us away from our dad and our home and this place we love.
“Someone’s down today,” Santa says. He tries to sound jolly, but it’s like he knows. And how could he possibly know?
“I’m… okay,” I say eventually.
Santa stands up from what he was doing and turns to study me for a moment. He looks me straight in the eyes. “Don’t give up hope, Kaity.”
I stare at him. I have absolutely no idea what to say.
“Thanks,” is what I mumble eventually because I don’t know what to say when a man dressed as Santa Claus instantly makes you feel better than you have all day, and makes you feel like sitting on his lap and sobbing your eyes out at the same time.
“Dad said you were looking for me,” I say, swallowing around yet another lump in my throat.
“Blizzard wanted your opinion on the elf outfits,” Santa says. “She’s out the back somewhere, sorting out the delivery of chairs we just had for the Light Up fest on Friday. You can go and help her if you like, I just need to make this tree play Santa Claus Lane like it’s supposed to,” he adds seriously as he shoots the tree a glare, and now I know I’m losing the plot because I could swear I just saw the tree cower into the corner.
“Okay, thanks,” I say distractedly, worrying about my own sanity.
“Kaity?” Santa says as I go to walk away.
I turn back.
“Blizzard’s a really good listener,” he says kindly. “Maybe talking about it will help.”
I nod, stunned into silence once again. It’s like he knows. I don’t know how he could possibly know, but I feel like he does, but instead of creeping me out, it’s comforting in a way I can’t explain.
I stumble along until I find the back entrance, glancing at Rudolph as I pass, half expecting him to move, but his red nose just glows a bit brighter as I walk past and I figure it must be motion sensitive. Clever for a Christmas decoration.