parents told me that you went to his funeral on Christmas day.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Who did you go with?”
“Aaron.”
“Who’s Aaron?”
I sighed, annoyed. The questions she asked were so simple yet could go on forever. “He’s Eric’s cousin.”
“Ah, yes,” she said, leaning back on her chair. “I remember him, such a character.” Dr. Daniels always refers everyone to “characters” which pretty much gave away how she viewed people. It was like we were all just a character in a story to her. It made it easy to figure us out, like everyone could be understood when the plot of visible. She was quite cynical that way.
“How do you feel about Aaron?”
What? That’s what she’s asking now? “He’s okay, I guess.” I shrugged. I never thought about Aaron that much. I mean, he has been real sweet to me after his’s death. Of course, rather inconsiderate too, but he meant well. After all, I wouldn’t get over little minor details that reminded me of…Eric, if Aaron hadn’t pushed me to.
“What about Eric’s friends? Did they go?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “Of course.” I didn’t include the part where Shannon got drunk though. I pulled out my bag. “Aaron gave me something after the funeral. It belonged to Eric.”
“What is it?” She asked.
I took out the red notebook. I haven’t touched it since Aaron handed it to me because I didn’t know if I could handle it or not. I wanted to tell her because maybe she would know what I should do with it. “Eric wrote in it.” I pushed the notebook into her hands and nodded.
She opened it up to the first page, peering behind her glasses, expressing no indication on what she was feeling. After a minute, she flipped to the next page, and then flipped some more. I sat patiently waiting for the results. And then she finally closed it, looking up at me.
“Dottie,” she began slowly, “these letters are for you.”
So that’s what Aaron meant, I thought.
She skimmed it over a bit more and then handed it back to me, “I think it’d be best for you to read it. He obviously wanted to let you know about some things.”
I looked down to my feet, moving them back and forth silently.
“Dottie, I have come to a conclusion. I mean, you were really in love with him—”
“I know.” I said.
“Moreover to the point where you really did not care much about the whole situation. Am I correct?”
Hit the bull’s-eye. So I said, “Yes.”
“Your mind is your own—no one pushed you towards any one idea.”
Okay. “Where are you getting at?”
She put her head back, rubbing her temples. “I do not believe that you insane, in any way. There is nothing wrong with you in fact, I’m beginning to wonder why you’re mother sent you to me. You don’t seem to be much different from your normal self. I heard you are connecting with your family again, right?” She snapped her head back to me.
“Yes.”
“Then it’s just the average feeling of losing someone. Everyone who has ever lost anyone important in their life finds it hard to reconnect. They need to be alone, to think things over. And you have.”
“So then?”
“I know from another point of view, it can be the obvious case of Stockholm syndrome. Of course, people will still think that. But I know you think the opposite, and I agree with you—to a certain degree.”
“You still think it’s Stockholm syndrome?”
“Dottie, I believe that it somehow could be, but it’s not.”
I furrowed my brows. “You’re not making any sense.”
“I know.” She said, smiling.
I thought if over a second and then I smiled too.
I stared at that red notebook for a long time. I wanted to read it, so much, but I couldn’t bring myself to. It was absolutely impossible for me to grasp it in my hands and open it. It was like there was a barrier stopping me from being able to hold it.
I finally opened the notebook, reading the first page again. And then I flipped to the second page:
Dear Dorothy,
I see you here. You've really fallen for my dog, haven't you? I wish I could really say what I'm doing, but even I don't understand myself. I really tried to keep distance from everyone, but then you were there, just way too sweet. I don't like Kade, as you can see. I thought you deserved better.
That was the first entry. I skipped to more random entries.
Dear Dorothy,
I came home and heard you and Frankie asleep. I opened the closet quietly, but Frankie jumped up on me. You still slept, very peaceful in fact. I didn't want to wake you. Just watching you made me wonder how miserable you have it now. I'm gonna try to be nice, only if you'd cooperate some. Please?
Dear Dorothy,
I let you sleep on my bed because I realize how terrible it is to sleep on the floor. I'm sorry about that. I'm not going to lie, I overheard you and Robert talking (so did Shannon) about what is happening. I decided then and there that I must tell you why. I promise to. Even when I don't get it much myself either.
I went to the very last entry. I didn’t think I could have read all of them, and I sure as hell didn’t want to read the last entry because it was the same day that we left to Janaki’s. But I had to, for him at least.
Dear Dorothy,
I seriously hate myself for doing this, but I have to. I realize that I have to turn myself in. I'm a mess and I'm taking you down with me, but I don't want to anymore. I want you to be free—you need to go back to your life. I needed you and you did everything you could. You helped me and I’m so grateful for that.
I'm in love with you, Dorothy Fane.
The last line made me stay up all night and cry.
“But I wanted to go to the ranch today!” Emily whined, crossing her arm while huffing and sighing to dramatically express her disappointment. We were in my car driving to Janaki’s house.
“We are going to the park Em,” I said, again. “Brian is coming and if you don’t shut up we may never go to the ranch again.”
“Humph.” She final left it at that.
I pulled into Janaki’s house, noticing Janaki, Jeremy, Autumn, and Brian gathered at the front porch. Way too many people for my car. Now what?
Janaki came to my side so I rolled down my window and started to tell her that I definitely didn’t have enough room, but she cut me off. “Hold that thought—my mom said it’s okay to take her SUV.”
“That’s a first,” I said, getting out of my car. I grabbed my purse and phone along the way. Emily unbuckled her seatbelt and followed my lead.
“I know, right. She’s like, ‘Oh, you’re going with Dottie? Just take my car then.’ It’s brilliant. I should use you as excuse to always get what I want.” She grinned. I laughed. Ever since the incident Mrs. Dutta made sure to keep me happy whenever I hung out with Janaki.
We got into the SUV and I offered to drive because I knew the park area quite well. Janaki sat in the passenger’s seat and leaned over to whisper something as everyone else piled in. “See the two lovers over there?” She didn’t point anywhere so I knew exactly whom she was talking about.
“Adorable,” I said, nodded to Jeremy and Autumn in my rearview mirror.
“Beautiful and sweet.” She agreed, then sighed longingly. “He’s like the sweetest boyfriend….” She trailed off.
Oh no. “Jana, don’t tell me—”
“I never really saw him like that.”
“Seriously? Now you notice him?”
Janaki glanced at me, confused. “What do you mean?”
I shook my head. “Just, don’t go off and do something stupid.”
“Janaki, Jeremy, and Autumn. Meet Shannon, Travis, Carter, and Aaron.” I took a long breath in. Boy, that was a lot to say.
Everyone exchanged nods and handshakes.
“So,” Janaki awkwardly began. “You’re the group of people that—”
/>
“Dottie’s been hanging out with, yes.” Shannon smiled, totally brushing over the whole ‘Eric’ thing. “And your Dottie’s friends that she failed to mention.” She turned her head to me, still keeping the smile.
“I—”
“Shannon, I’m pretty sure Dottie had friends.” Travis said, coming to my defense.
“Don’t feel so bad, she didn’t mention any of you either. Well besides Aaron.” Janaki said.
“This is totally not awkward or anything,” Jeremy said as Autumn gave him a dirty look.
They all looked at me. I just shrugged.
“Hmm….” Shannon tapped her index finger to her chin. “Let’s go through some rocks in the lake.”
Autumn’s eyes lit up. Brian and Emily cheered their agreement in unison.
We all waltzed down by the lake. I found the bench I sat with Shannon on the first day I came here. Aaron plopped himself next to me, and the others followed Shannon near the water.
“Your little sister is really cute,” he said.
I slowly turned to him, saying, “She is. But don’t go hitting on her now.”
He laughed, “I’m invading her brain now, Dottie.”
I shook my head slightly. “No. You’re right. She is cute.”
“So, how’ve you been?”
“Good. I think.”
Aaron fidgeted as he cleared his throat. “What are you going to do after high school?”
I let out a long sigh. I haven’t been thinking about college these days. My head was too wrapped up in my own personal grief to even care.
He nodded at my silent answer. “Well you should come to my college. It’s pretty awesome.”
“What? Home of the frat parties?”
He laughed. “That’s at every university.”
“Then