learned how to ask me for food when she needed it. Most people worry about food way too much.
Carl: With all the overweight people I know what yer sayin’.
Jesus: You don’t look too slim yourself?
Carl: Yeah, but I’m not like other people.
Jesus: No. None of you are the same. I made each one of you different.
Carl: That’s not what I meant.
Jesus: But it’s not what you understood either. Do you really want to rate your progress by comparing yourself to others?
Carl: If other people are more overweight than I am, I’d say I’m doing pretty good.
Jesus: I wouldn’t, your doctor ordered you to lay-off the French fries four months ago.
Carl: How did You know that?
Jesus: Who do you think gave him the idea? I want you healthy so you can do what I want you to do.
Carl: And what is that? I suppose You are going to lecture me on how I need to finish seminary and lead a Sunday school.
Jesus: Don’t you know what I want you to do?
Carl: Apparently not.
Jesus: What are you studying at seminary?
Carl: Spiritual Formation.
Jesus: Spirits don’t have a form—they kind of “float and drift around.” No one knows where they come from or where they are going.
Carl: Now I’m starting to think You are Jesus or something.
Jesus: See! Your faith is increasing.
Carl: I mean that You are talking in lofty platitudes that no one understands.
Jesus: You’ll understand once you get to know me. Anyhow, where were we in our conversation?
Carl: Our conversation was everywhere!
Jesus: No, I AM everywhere. Our conversation was right here. And I think I had just asked you about what you were studying at seminary.
Carl: And I told You “Spiritual Formation” and You went-off on spirits and how they don’t take a form.
Jesus: That’s right. So, what do you study in “Spiritual Formation” anyways?
Carl: We study how to help other people grow up in Christ.
Jesus: Well! Here I AM.
Carl: I know You are here. I’m here too.
Jesus: And we are both here—together. See, you are growing-up.
Carl: Now I just plain feel insulted.
Jesus: Why would you feel insulted by growing-up?
Carl: Because You don’t tell someone “See, now you are growing up.”
Jesus: I just did tell you.
Carl: But it’s rude.
Jesus: Didn’t you just say you were taking a class called “Spiritual Formation” where you help other people grow up in me?
Carl: Maybe not grow up in “you,” but in Christ.
Jesus: Well, here you are growing up, in me, doing the same thing you want other people to do. What’s wrong with doing what you want other people to do?
Carl: Now You’re just talking nonsense. I need to study for this class.
Jesus: Your “Spiritual Formation” class?
Carl: Yes! Now, please, let me be.
Jesus: How about I help you.
Carl: You can help be by leaving me alone.
Jesus: But if I leave, then you can’t get to know me, then it will be difficult to grow up in me, and then it will be extremely difficult to help others to grow up in me.
Carl: I don’t have time to get to know some guy I just met on the street. I have to study for ministry!
Jesus: Now you’re the one not making sense.
Carl: Why’s that? First You lecture me on how I need to finish seminary, then You tell me not to study, but to spend time with a crazy guy like You instead!
Jesus: No, I never lectured you on finishing seminary.
Carl: So You want me to drop-out?
Jesus: No, I didn’t say that either?
Carl: What did You say then?
Jesus: That’s the Spirit! The Spirit of love and sound mind.
Carl: Wait… that’s on my test… who said that?...
Jesus: Well, James wrote it, but I inspired him with the idea.
Carl: James! Yes, he said it! You know Your Bible well.
Jesus: Well…
Carl: Yes very well.
Jesus: Well, sure. I AM the WORD of God, after all. And you are getting to know me quite well.
Carl: Well…
Jesus: Yes, very well.
Carl: Look! If You aren’t going to tell me what You want me to know, then could You please leave? Do You want me to finish seminary or not?
Jesus: Now that you ask. Yes, I do want you to finish seminary, but that’s not the main thing I want you to do.
Carl: What’s the main thing then?
Jesus: The main thing is that you know me so you can do what I commanded you to do?
Carl: And what was that!!?? Please, just tell me.
Jesus: Don’t you know? It’s what I commanded all Christians to do.
Carl: Love You?
Jesus: That’s true, yes. But love is spiritual. There is an action I also commanded.
Carl: Love my neighbor?
Jesus: True, but that’s also love, an emotion. Those are the Two Greatest Commands. But remember, you asked me what I want you doing.
Carl: I’m lost.
Jesus: No, you’re not. You’re saved. I was there. It was all me.
Carl: That’s not what I meant.
Jesus: That’s what I meant.
Carl: I just don’t understand You.
Jesus: Now you are starting to get it.
Carl: Lost?
Jesus: Yes. I commanded you to save the lost.
Carl: To fulfill the Great Commission. Is that what You mean?
Jesus: Yes! Now you are remembering.
Carl: But I’ve known that since Sunday school. The question is how? How do we fulfill the Great Commission?
Jesus: First you need to have your priorities right. I told you to go to seminary, but I didn’t tell everyone to do that. I told everyone to fulfill the Great Commission.
Carl: So, You are saying we are like a team?
Jesus: Sure, and we are guaranteed to win.
Carl: Why bother playing if You know You will win?
Jesus: Why bother playing if you know you will loose?
Carl: That’s it! It’s about the uncertainty! That’s what motivates us.
Jesus: Love is what motivates us. The uncertainty isn’t about whether my team will win. The uncertainty is about you. And I AM not the one who’s uncertain.
Carl: Are You trying to de-motivate me?
Jesus: Nope.
Carl: So why are You telling me I’m uncertain?
Jesus: Aren’t you?
Carl: What do You mean?
Jesus: You’re the one who doesn’t have time to talk to “some guy” on the street because you are too busy studying for ministry.
Carl: Yes, but it’s about priorities.
Jesus: That’s why I’m visiting you today.
Carl: To talk to me about priorities?
Jesus: Exactly. Priorities determine who you will become.
Carl: I want to become a minister.
Jesus: You can be a minister today, if you would be willing to talk to a friendly guy on the street.
Carl: Not if it gets in the way of seminary.
Jesus: Does everyone need to go to seminary to be a minister?
Carl: Well, kind of. I mean, one could be a volunteer “minister” at a soup kitchen or something.
Jesus: Is a soup kitchen volunteer’s ministry less “ministerial.”
Carl: Well it isn’t professional.
Jesus: Does a professional get paid?
Carl: Yes. Yes, he does.
Jesus: So, since you are getting paid for your ministry on earth, the volunteer will have more reward in eternity?
Carl: That doesn’t make sense! The pastor should have the greater reward in eternity.
Jesus: Can you hear yourself?
Carl: Yes, I can hear both of
us. And I have almost heard enough from You!
Jesus: Apparently you haven’t heard enough from me or you wouldn’t say these things. If you can’t even hear yourself then how do you ever expect to hear me?
Carl: Okay. I’m not better than other people.
Jesus: So, what is a minister?
Carl: Someone who helps other people meet and grow closer to Jesus.
Jesus: Okay, if that’s your definition… can’t everyone be equal ministers then?
Carl: Well, I suppose. But, then…
Jesus: Then what?
Carl: Why bother going to seminary?
Jesus: Seminary may be part of the way I have you minister to people. Other people might minister by sweeping streets.
Carl: Streets? That doesn’t take talent.
Jesus: It doesn’t take talent to have a conversation with me.
Carl: Conversation with You actually is quite a skill.
Jesus: Ahh, and it’s a skill I AM teaching you quite well. With time you’ll get better and better.
Carl: Well…
Jesus: Now you’ve got it!
Carl: I’m actually more confused.
Jesus: And that is the beginning of understanding. You can’t learn anything until you first feel confused. Don’t they call that a “learning crisis” in your studies?
Carl: Yes, but I thought I stopped having that “learning crisis thing” when I was in school.
Jesus: You are in school. Isn’t seminary a school?
Carl: But it’s not the same.
Jesus: Is there a point where people ever stop learning and growing in me?
Carl: Sometimes I wish there was. You’re annoying me.
Jesus: That’s enough for today.
Carl: What do You mean?
Jesus: You want me to leave, don’t you? I’m a gentleman. I never force myself on anyone.
Carl: But You didn’t answer my question.
Jesus: Which question was that?
Carl: How do we do ministry?
Jesus: I answered that.
Carl: Fulfill the Great Commission. I know.
Jesus: So, what’s the question?
Carl: How do we do that?
Jesus: Listen to me. I’ll tell you everything you need to know.
Carl: Dah. I already know that! I mean… Christians are so divided against each other.
Jesus: I know. That’s part of why I visited you today: priorities.
Carl: What does Christian division have to do with “priorities?” They are divided over doctrine and theology, not