CHAPTER 6
I knew my end was nearing. Activities of my disciples were now shifted to our house. I used to preach while reclining with support. It was a Sunday, I was preaching, words were flowing as if some divine power was speaking through me. I was speaking on Bhagwad Gita and said, “Lord Krishna who was an avatar (incarnation) of that era, had only one goal in sight. Dharma (truth) was to be maintained at all costs. When all persuading efforts failed, the doctrine of Bhagvad Gita was the only remedy left with Lord Krishna. The doctrine of Bhagavad Gita was thus recited to Pandava King Arjuna in the battlefield.
Bhagvad Gita encompasses everything worth knowable in the whole Cosmos. There is nothing beyond Bhagwad Gita that is required to be learnt in life. This sacred document is so complex to understand, that even the best philosophers and scientists and learned saints have failed to decipher even a few shlokas (versus) of Bhagavad Gita.
Bhagvad Gita can only be understood by that serious seeker of spirituality who is willing to sacrifice everything in the name of God. Bhagavad Gita is one sacred text which cannot be understood by mere reading. When it is read again and again then also one feels lack of explanations, it is so complex.Similar sacred books like The Holy Bible and the Sacred Quran exist for other religions. The doctrine is very similar but the way they are analyzed differently by different readers. God is one, but seen in different forms at different man made places.
To decipher what has been stated in Bhagvad Gita, one needs initially to surrender his ego. Until we have full faith in the system of God, we shall not be able to follow the core teachings of Bhagwad Gita. Too many arguments and quarries will drift us further and further away from the real meaning.
Bhagvad Gita teaches us the core values of life. It is Bhagwad Gita which clarified to the humanity that our soul atman within us is the real crux of life. The body being only a garment for the soul (atman) within, it is our soul atman that has taken the body and not vice versa.
Once this concept, the subtle core of life, that our soul atman within the body is the real essence of life, becomes clear, we need to further understand that the body was taken by the soul atman to remove the impurities contained within. On its own, no soul atman can purify itself. Every soul atman needs a body to work out its karma and remove the dirt from within. All souls are pure and to retain the purity the karmas performed by the five sense organs of the body have to be pure, satvickaram.
As the metal within an ore cannot separate itself and requires the requisite mining machinery for it to be separated out from the impurities contained within the ore, likewise every soul atman requires a body to work out its karma.
All impurities contained within having been removed. Our soul atman liberates forever from the cycle of Birth and Death. As per Bhagvad Gita the cosmic end of life has been reached. The cause for further manifestations having ceased, this soul atman gains enlightenment and finally, salvation.
It was at this moment that I viewed the reflection of my mind and heart as in a mirror and pondered for a moment on my own feelings. “Why was I still attached to my family?Did I not know that God is there to take care of every one,andwhy will he not takecare of them? Every person has their own lines of destiny on the hands, which no one can alter. After being struck with so many blows of destiny, who knows better than me,how powerful fate can be. I will just pray that Lady Destiny will show a motherly softness to my family and never be harsh. After this I felt dizzy and exhausted.
I lost consciousness while preaching. I recovered my senses and found that my right side of body was paralysed. I was rushed to hospital a scan was ordered and it showed a clot. This time Nitu also came.For full five days she worked relentlessly to take care of me. She hardly slept. I was touched by her unselfish attitude. After the sudden shock of losing her son and husband in one stroke of cruel fate, she had let go of all the attachments. Without any schooling of spiritualism, she was the reflection of my real guru. I knew I had found a successor who was far ahead of me in true knowledge. When I was bed ridden she used to read a few shlokas of Geeta to me and explain the meaning in detail. It was here that I was moved by the depth of her knowledge on the subject. The sphere of spiritualism which took years and years for me to gain mastery had been fully grasped by her in a short span of time. She turned out to be a better student than me in the field of spiritualism.
Throughout my ailment my children had been with me .They neglected their families; probably they were compensating for the anguish they had seen me face after partition.
Hardly anyone knew that this is a lull before a storm. One fine morning I felt dizzy, I had a sinking sensations. I was examined by doctors who said this time it of no use to shift me to a hospital. I was put on oxygen, and drips were started at home only. I clearly remember having talked to my daughter, Reena, and asked her to come and meet me. She was well aware of my condition. She had always tried to boost my moral, but now I am very strong to face even death, but she may not be able to bear the sight of death come and engulf me.
Here I was l lay, evaluating my life. I could see tears in eyes of my children and my disciples. I realized that may be I had committed mistakes in my life. Since I was not highly educated I could not take care of my family, the way I should have. There was a generation gap .I could not interact with them. I wanted them to get highly educated without telling them what was right and what was wrong, probably at that period of time I was not aware of this fact that knowledge and education cannot be forced on to anyone. It is written in the lines of their destiny. Unfortunately the destiny script is a secret script, and unfolds itself in bits and pieces. In spite of all the hassles of life, my children attained a good education and became well placed in life. I had one thing to feel proud of; I had thought them all good values of life.
Life gave me little but snatched away much but I felt the consolation that in spite of all that had happened, this spiritualism helped me to absorb these shocks and I could help others who came to me in similar situations. I lived a life for which I was destined to live. I suffered for the karma’s of my previous life. I was literally gasping, but cursing fate for being so cruel to me at so many stages of life.“True bliss comes to me in the service of humanity. If death were knocking at my door today, I would beg the lord to let me remain here, so that I might serve a brother or sister in pain.”
How could it be so cruel to me at every step of life? Whenever happiness had knocked our door some catastrophe used to come like a big ocean tide and wash away all happiness. What was wrong in the dreams which we saw in Sindh, of getting married in a wealthy family and enjoy a comfortable life. This dream had just begun to be fulfilled. My elder daughter Kala went like a queen and returned after two years in a miserable shape. I was picked up like a dice of a chess board and placed on the open air harbour of Bombay. When all arrangements of Nitu’s marriage were done burglary was to take place and all my valuables stolen. It was a big tension for the whole family, but I was worst hit. Where was I wrong if I wanted my children to attain flourishing business and do well in life. I always desired to see them in the same grandeur that we had abandoned.
Why did life hurt me at every step and gave me nothing but pain. We had hardly overcome these jolts when the cruel hand of fate slapped me right on my face and snatched away Nitu’s husband and my beloved son. Then on top of all this, my beloved Ram, would leave me so soon. I picked up all my strength, and tried to unite the torn bits of my life, when I was struck with this deadly disease. If I was to come face to face with fate I would ask him directly, “After all what crimes had I committed in my previous births that you were so cruel to me at every step of life.” I paused for a moment and thought, “Why am I so selfish, what about the hard blows on my simple, pious, calm and poise husband? A person of his reputation and position at a very young age, left all his riches behind and struggled all his life. Shuttled from one place to another but could not even see a ray of happiness. On top of all this his beloved eldest daughter went through so many
miseries of life.Thetragedy of Kamal and prince took a heavy toll on him and devastated the family. There is no comparison of ill fated destiny.”
I have no regrets, I know the truth, Lord Krishna had said “Arjun, don’t think that this is the end of everything. The soul has been travelling for many centuries. It has been in so many bodies before, and it’s going to be in so many bodies afterwards.’ The theory of reincarnation has been accepted by many. It may not have been accepted by some. In certain civilizations, in certain walks of life in society, they don’t think so. They think that ‘when you die, that is the end of everything.’ If you understand reincarnation, then you will be able to understand the theory of karma.
Once you’ve understood the theory of karma, action; then you will understand why certain events are happening in your life. If you are to discard the theory of action, karma; and if this is the first and last reason why you are here, then we all must be perfect!
There comes a turning point in everybody’s life and it happened in my life too .My losses were stepping stones to my spiritual journey. After all who am I to take care of my family? I am leaving them to the mercy of god almighty, which will always be with them at every step of life. If God grants me even a single day I shall like to serve anyone who is in distress .I shall like to reduce his or her burden of misery.
A flash back came to that when I was a child a holy man had come; the whole family was engrossed in serving him .I was watching him in awe from a distance, when he looked at me and said to my father “this child has very bad planetary configuration and she shall suffer a lot in her life. She has brought all your luck, but is void of it herself.”
My father enquired that by just changing her name will her destiny change. He said, to some extent, effects of bad planets shall change. I was too small to understand all this. Now I realized what he meant, but he had not foreseen that I shall get a Guru who shall meld me to withstand onslaughts of destiny and I shall be able to guide hundreds of people who shall come to me in similar plight. May be this good happening in my life, getting a perfect guru to mould me and buffer me from all the shocks was because of the changed name.
Everything has become pitch dark .I feel as if I am in a dark tunnel which seems to have no end but I could see light at the extreme end of the tunnel .I am shedding this body but my soul is immortal. I shall come back in some form according to my karma’s .
I may get moksha (salvation), who knows; Omshanti, shanti, shanti.
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