“Sorry I kept you waiting,” I whispered.
“Me too,” he said, tucking his arms behind his head. “My balls are so damn blue by now, they are solely responsible for creating a new shade in the blue spectrum.”
I started to laugh, but caught myself. The last thing I wanted was to wake one of the four sleeping bodies in this apartment, because I could not handle a serving of delayed gratification tonight. If I had balls, I could guarantee mine would have been bluer than his.
“Let me make it up to you,” I said, shrugging out of my robe. Before it had dropped to the floor, Jude’s eyes had widened beyond their capacity.
“Consider yourself made up,” he said, his eyes running over me.
I tried to ignore what was rising in his boxers, but I couldn’t. I needed that inside me. I wanted it now.
I crawled across the mattress to him, holding myself above him to purposely drive him a little crazy. When my face was directly above his, I stopped. I smiled down at him, reveling in the power I so obviously had over him. “How’s it going down there?” I said, lowering my mouth so it was just above his. So close I could taste his breath coming from his lips.
His hands grabbed my hips as his hips flexed up to meet mine. “It’s going to be a lot better down there when I’m buried deep inside you.”
I wasn’t sure if the moan that escaped me was due to his words or the continued pressing of his hips against mine, but I’d place an equal bet on both.
Fresh out of willpower, I lowered myself onto him, letting all my weight curve against him. I felt his erection running from the bottom of my panties to the top of my belly button. I moved up and down against his body. His mouth was no longer gliding against mine; it was sucking and nipping.
When I slid up him a third time, I almost came right then. I was so ready it was dampening his boxers, but I didn’t want to before he was inside me. I lifted my hips to remove the temptation of friction, and tried to catch my breath.
Tried and failed.
“That’s a nice bra, Luce,” Jude said, sounding about as breathless as I felt. One hand left my hip and traveled up my stomach before cupping my breast. His thumb and finger caught my nipple and gave it a gentle tug. “I wonder what your nipples taste like through it.”
In one seamless move, Jude’s mouth took the place of his fingers. His tongue played with my nipple before he took it into his mouth. He started out gentle, but that changed. The harder he sucked, the closer I got to coming.
Leaning back, I freed myself from his mouth. I wasn’t going to come until he was moving inside me, and since it was obvious I couldn’t hold off much longer, I grabbed the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down.
“What?” Jude whispered, grinning at me. “All done with the foreplay?”
How could he not be? I felt like I was ready to explode if I had to wait another minute, and here he was, casually relaxed and reclining, seemingly happy to grind and suck the night away.
“I need you inside me, Jude,” I said, grabbing hold of him. That got a reaction from him. “Please.”
I was just lowering my hand down him when he lifted his hips, successfully rolling me off him. I was on my back and he was hovering over me before I knew how I’d gotten there.
“Say that again,” he whispered, before running his mouth down my neck.
“What?” I breathed.
“Beg me,” he said, right before his teeth sank into my neck. I flinched, but more from pleasure than from pain.
“Please,” I said, pressing my pelvic area against him. “Please, Jude.”
His mouth stayed on my neck, gently sucking at it. His hands skimmed down my waist, continuing on past my hips and gliding around the front of my panties. That thumb of his stopped over my clit and circled it.
“Yes.” I sighed, flexing against his touch. “Please, baby. Do me.”
His thumb came to a stop, right before he tore the lace away. “With pleasure,” he said, right before he thrust into me.
I practically screamed in relief before Jude’s hand covered my mouth.
“Shhh,” he whispered, his voice gravelly as he moved deeper inside me. “I’m going to make you come hard, Luce, but I need you to be quiet so we don’t wake the whole house.”
He slid out, and I wanted to cry.
“Can you be quiet?” he asked, waiting.
“When was the last time I was able to be quiet?” I said, trying to get him back inside. But he wasn’t having it. He wasn’t going to enter me again until I agreed.
“I’ll be quiet,” I said, as quickly as I’d ever said three words.
“Good,” he said, just barely entering me, “but just in case . . .” Grabbing the satin scarf I had tied in my hair, he slid it down over my face until it was covering my mouth.
That, with the smallest amount of him inside me, almost caused me to come yet again.
His mouth found my other nipple this time, and right as he took it deep inside, his hips flexed and he thrust even deeper inside me. I almost screamed out again, but my promise fresh on my mind, along with the scarf covering my mouth, served to keep it contained. His pace picked up until he was breathing as heavily as I was. I was proud of myself that I’d managed to hold my orgasm off, but when his mouth moved from my breast to just outside my ear and he started whispering words, I started to spiral out of control.
“That’s right, baby. That’s right,” he breathed, not only moving faster, but harder now. “I want to feel you come, Luce.”
My body lost all control, and I was powerless to hold it back any longer. I felt all my muscles tighten around him as he sank inside me one last time, finding his own release. My moans started seeping around the scarf, growing so loud Jude had to cover my mouth with his hand.
Jude’s body trembled over mine, while mine was shaking more violently. A sheen of sweat covered his face when he lifted it above mine. Even though he was breathing rapidly, he was still able to smile. He untied the scarf covering my mouth right before his lips took its place. The way he kissed me, with such patience and tenderness, didn’t help calm my shaking body.
“Marry me,” he said in the space between our mouths.
Thanks to the ecstasy I was still swimming in, this question didn’t put me on edge like it normally did. “Soon,” I answered him.
He ran his fingers through my hair and gave me one last kiss. “I’ll take that,” he said, gathering me in his arms as he got comfortable. “That’s an improvement over ‘someday.’”
I didn’t know if soon meant tomorrow, or next month, or next year, but . . .
“Damn, you two. That was freakin’ hot.”
Jude and I tensed at the same time.
“How’s a girl supposed to get to sleep after that?” India continued.
I would have been embarrassed if I wasn’t still in my postsex stupor.
“Sweet dreams once you do,” I replied.
Jude chuckled into the back of my neck, and, with his arms around me, I was asleep before I even knew I was falling.
SEVENTEEN
I’d blinked my eyes and when I’d next opened them, summer had passed me by.
It was the first day of class my senior year. Between working forty-plus hours a week, watching LJ another forty hours a week, taking a couple more flights to visit Jude, hosting Friday-night dinner and movie nights, and trying to squeeze in a couple precious hours of dance every morning, I felt like I had a severe case of mono.
After that Friday night featuring fireworks by Jude and Anton, Anton showed up only when Jude was in San Diego. It was a smart move. Overall, Anton was a good guy, and when he followed my rule and didn’t bring Jude up, we managed to get along most days. Thanks to the job he’d given me, I’d been able to build a decent rainy-day fund, and we’d even figured out a way for me to sneak in a few hours during the school year. Jude wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but he knew better than to push me on the issue. Anton was my boss, my good friend’s brother, a friendly a
cquaintance. Nothing more.
After some creative schedule juggling, I was still able to help Holly out with LJ, and Thomas was able to fill in on Wednesdays, when I had a night class. Thomas and Holly had been an item, a hot item, since that night they figured out Thomas was indeed straight, and were ready to admit they were attached to each other. Thomas had become a permanent fixture at the apartment. I was about to invite him to move in, but was worried about the problems that would arise from sharing one bathroom among four people who each liked to take long showers.
My last class of the day had finished early, and since I had some time before I had to be back to watch LJ, I headed to the dance studio in White Plains. I hadn’t gotten in near as much dance time as I’d wanted to this summer. What with the circus my life had become, it seemed that somewhere along the way, my priorities had started to shift. Not necessarily change, but realign. I was starting to get a better grasp on the concept that the world doesn’t revolve around Lucy Larson.
A concept I was still trying to work out in my mind.
The studio was empty, and I took a moment to enjoy it. Moments of quiet and alone time were so rare now, I savored them. It was ironic how a few months back, all I’d felt was lonely, and now I craved a few minutes of lonely.
I tied on my pointes and took my time stretching. I was in the middle of a quad stretch when my stomach turned. Followed by a clench and a rumble.
I grabbed my stomach, hoping it would pass.
When the whole turn, clench, and rumble repeated itself, I hurried off the stage and headed for the backstage bathroom. I hadn’t thrown up in years, but I don’t think a person ever forgets the queasy way she feels before she throws up. That was an unpleasant series of events that was forever branded into my mind.
I could taste the bile crawling up my throat as I raced inside the bathroom. There wasn’t a second to spare before my stomach tightened one last time as I heaved into the toilet. I coughed and hovered there, just in case. After a minute had passed and I was fairly certain there wouldn’t be any aftershocks, I flushed before heading to the sink to turn the faucet on. I rinsed my mouth and doused my face with cold water.
I was already feeling better by the time I dried my face, but I wasn’t going to chance it. If I was catching something I wanted to nip it in the bud before it got worse. I exchanged my pointes for my flats, slipped my sweater over my cami, and headed back to the Mazda. I was going to be watching LJ all night, and was hoping to take a quick nap before I started going sixty miles per hour until bedtime.
As I climbed the stairs to the apartment, that stomach-churning feeling was returning. By the time I was unlocking the door, it had returned with a vengeance. After another sprint to the bathroom, I barely made it in time to throw up for the second time in an hour. Thankfully I’d skipped lunch, or else this would have been an even more unpleasant ordeal.
“Lucy?” Holly knocked on the door, sounding concerned. “You okay in there?”
I groaned as my stomach churned again. This time it had mercy on me.
“I’m okay if you consider dying okay,” I said, wondering why the sink felt so far away.
The door opened and Holly slipped inside.
“Where’s LJ?” I asked, not wanting the little man to witness this. The kid would never be the same.
“Passed out under the table,” she said, looking concerned. “You got sick?”
“What gave that away?” I said, glad I’d just cleaned the toilet yesterday, since my cheek was resting on the seat.
She glanced at the toilet, her nose wrinkled.
“Oh, shoot. Sorry,” I said, flushing.
Holly grabbed a washcloth and ran some water over it. She knelt beside me and wrapped it around my neck. It was cool and made me feel better right away.
“I must have eaten something bad,” I guessed. My stomach was seriously pissed at me and revolting.
“You had Kashi cereal for dinner last night and your standard apple for breakfast,” she said, pulling my hair back and braiding it. “I don’t think it’s anything you ate.”
“Then it must be some kind of flu bug,” I said, starting to feel better. For how long, I wasn’t sure.
“It’s early September, Lucy. This isn’t flu season.” She wrapped a tie around the end of my hair before sliding the braid under my sweater.
“Then I must be one of the fortunate few who catches that rare summertime bug,” I said, not wanting to talk about why I was sick, but rather how I could get better. Fast.
Holly sighed and scooted around until she was looking at me. “When was the last time you had your period?”
I was startled at first by her question, which was as abrupt as it was random. Two seconds later I understood what she was getting at.
“You think I could be pregnant?” Now, in addition to feeling sick to my stomach, I felt a little faint, too.
“Well, it’s not like you’re exactly abstinent, Lucy,” she said.
“I’m on the pill,” I replied, feeling like I was trying to convince her as much as I was myself. I’d missed a pill here and there, but was usually so careful.
“Yeah, but did you miss the part where it says the pill is only ninety-nine percent effective in preventing pregnancy?” Her voice was as soft as Holly’s had ever been. She wasn’t saying this to upset me, but upset was just the way I felt.
“But sometimes we use a condom, too.” Though not often.
“So that means sometimes you don’t,” she said, grabbing my hand. “I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure ‘sometimes’ isn’t a guarantee that you won’t get knocked up.”
I was starting to panic now. I was breaking out in a clammy sweat, and my hands were trembling, because I knew what Holly was saying could be a possibility. I was on the pill, and we used a condom during the times I was supposed to be at my most prime for getting pregnant, but she was right: I wasn’t abstinent, so I couldn’t rule pregnancy out 100 percent, given the way I was feeling today. As much as I wanted to.
“When was your last period?” she asked again.
I couldn’t think. I could barely breathe, so it took me a while to answer her. “Um . . . a couple of months ago. I think.” This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. “But I don’t get my period every month. It’s irregular.” It was a common thing for dancers to have sporadic periods, or even for them to stop completely. The lifestyle, paired with the low body fat, really messed with our cycles.
“Yeah, but you still get your period, so you could be pregnant.” Holly scooted toward the sink and pulled out one of the drawers. Shuffling inside it, she pulled out a pink-and-white cardboard box. “There’s only one way to know for sure.”
This whole thing got even more surreal as Holly waved the pregnancy kit in front of me.
I shook my head. “I don’t think I can do it.” One part of me already knew Holly was probably right, and I wasn’t ready for that to be confirmed. I wasn’t ready to think of how my life would change in a total and forever kind of way.
She opened the box and pulled out a white stick. “I’ll help you.”
I don’t know how long I stared at that white stick, but Holly had to help me up, because I wasn’t capable of moving. After telling me what to do, she waited with me while I peed on the test. A test that felt like it was holding my whole life in the balance. Like all my dreams, and hopes, and my future rested on the outcome of one or two pink lines.
After capping it, Holly set it down on the sink. “We have to wait two minutes.”
Two minutes might as well have been two decades. I wanted to sneak a peek just as much as I didn’t. Holly hugged me the whole time, rubbing the back of my neck and patting my back. It was moments like these when you were most thankful for your friends, because there was no way I could have made it through this without her.
“Okay, I think it’s time,” she said, giving my braid one gentle tug.
“Just tell me,” I said, closing my eyes. “I can’t look.”
“All right, Lucy,” she said. I heard her pick the stick up from the counter. She barely gasped, but it went off like a foghorn in my ears. “Lucy . . . you’re . . .”
I opened my eyes at the last minute. Two pink lines.
“Pregnant.”
And then I passed out.
The voices around me sounded like they were coming through a tunnel. They were all echoes. I wanted to open my eyes, but I couldn’t. Not because they felt heavy, but more because they felt like they’d been taped closed. I wanted to escape the darkness, but I couldn’t.
And then I heard a name. That was all I needed to kick through the darkness.
“We’ve got to call Jude,” a familiar male voice said.
“Yeah. Yeah, okay. I’ll get my phone.”
This was the final push I needed to open my eyes.
“No,” I said, my voice breaking. “Don’t call him. I’m all right.” I was laid out on the couch, and my head was propped up by a couple of pillows.
Holly and Thomas hovered above me, looking down at me like you’d imagine someone would look at a corpse.
“When did you get here, Thomas?” I tried sitting up, but my body wasn’t having any of it.
“Just a couple of minutes ago. I was planning on walking Holly to work,” he said, kneeling in front of me. “But it’s a good thing I was early and I’m used to carrying you around, or else you’d be waking up on the cold bathroom floor right about now.” A small smile formed, but it didn’t touch his eyes.
“Do you know?” I whispered. I couldn’t say the word. I wouldn’t even let myself think it, but I could feel the word winding its way through my mind. That was all I saw when I thought about my future.
“Yeah, Lucy,” he said, grabbing my hand. “I know. Holly didn’t say anything, but it was kind of hard to ignore the positive pregnancy test on the sink.”
I bit my lip, hard, hoping it would keep the tears contained. My tried-and-true method was failing me.