Chapter Twelve
After we got back from the flea market, Justin left me alone at the house for a couple of hours that afternoon while he went back into town. He still had some things he wanted to get, he said.
I tried to make myself useful while he was gone. I hung curtains and put away the silverware and things like that. I couldn’t unpack many of the boxes because I wasn’t sure where the stuff was supposed to go, but I did what I could.
After a while I went outside and wandered down by the lake to stand on the dock. You could tell it was old, but the wood was still solid. It ran out into the lake about thirty feet. The water was too dark and the day was too gray to tell how deep it was. There was no wind at all, and the surface was smooth as a big mirror, reflecting the bare gray limbs of the trees all along the bank.
It was peaceful, and I decided not to disturb it by throwing rocks in the water like I might usually have done.
The lake was small enough that you could see the other shore with no trouble. I guess there might have been houses and things all along the bank, hidden back behind the trees. You couldn’t see them, though. For all I could tell, I might have been the only person in the world who ever laid eyes on the place.
I liked that idea. It made me feel like an explorer in some new and unknown land. The dock under my feet sorta spoiled that illusion, but as long as I didn’t look down I could still pretend. Sometimes my imagination gets the better of me.
You could see a long way to the west, and I sat there for about an hour and watched the sun go down across the lake. I didn’t say anything, didn’t do anything, just watched. It was gold and crimson and orange, and it turned the water gold where the light touched.
I sat there until the sun slipped down below the edge of the world and everything started to turn gray. There was getting to be just a little bit of a chill in the air, so I got up and walked back home.
It’s strange, but I think watching that sunset from the dock is when I first started thinking of that house as home. Always up till then when I thought of home I thought of my mom and dad’s house in Tennessee, but after that, home was Justin’s place.
Why then? I honestly couldn’t tell you why, except that sometimes you just feel things. It’s sort of like when you’re waking up real slow in the morning and you finally know you’re awake and not dreaming anymore. It had been growing down deep for a long time, and that was when it finally broke the surface. I wish I could put it into words better.
When Justin got back he had bunches of presents with him, some for me and some for Eileen. They were already wrapped so there was no chance of sneaking a peek at what they were. Not that I would have done that anyway, you know; I’m just saying nobody could have done it even if they did want to.
A little bit later Eileen came over. I heard her pull up in the yard, but she didn’t come inside right away. Justin had me busy making popcorn, so I didn’t think much about it at the time, even though I was really curious to meet her.
I knew a little bit about her already. I knew she was a chemist for the same oil company where Justin worked, and they had to share lab space. I guess that’s probably how they first met, talking about oil and grease and all that other funky stuff they have to work with all the time.
But whatever it was they used to talk about, I knew here lately they’d been talking a lot about me. So Justin told me, and that made me even more curious about her than I would have been otherwise.
Eventually she did come in, carrying several more packages in her arms. I was disappointed to see that hers were already wrapped too. She was too much like Justin that way; she never missed a lick.
“So here’s the amazing Zach,” she said when she walked in, smiling at me.
It was the first time I’d ever seen her in person, and I have to admit she was prettier in real life than she was in those pictures. Maybe it’s because she didn’t stick her tongue out at me, but I think it’s because she was just really beautiful.
She set her packages down and kissed me on the cheek and said she was sure we’d get along just fine. I don’t even remember what I told her cause she made me turn red, but I liked her an awful lot.
Sometimes I wonder why Eileen kissing me made me turn red, when that lady who kissed me in the bus station in Fort Smith didn’t do that? A kiss is a kiss, isn’t it? Justin saw my face and thought it was hilarious, but then of course he would think it was funny.
“Looks like you two are gonna be really good friends,” he said, still laughing at me a little.
“Uh, yeah,” I said, or something like that. I was still a little tongue-tied.
He finally contained himself and let me off the hook by suggesting that we sing some Christmas carols.
Justin wanting to sing was nothing unusual, so that’s what we did. He and Eileen did, anyway. I didn’t really know all the words; I just sang the parts I remembered. They took turns picking the songs. I remember he wanted to sing Oh Come All Ye Faithful and she wanted to sing Silent Night, and there were some others I didn’t recognize. They wanted me to pick one too, but when I said I couldn’t think of anything they didn’t insist. After we got done singing then we opened all the presents.
That was something else a little unusual about Justin that I wasn’t used to, that he opened gifts on Christmas Eve night instead of Christmas morning. He said it was because it was more like when the wise men came to bring their gifts to Jesus, and that’s what Christmas was supposed to be about, not Santa Claus. I guess that’s true, but I never heard anybody say that before.
Justin and Eileen gave each other lots of things, I don’t remember what all. I remember she gave him a red and white Santa cap and he was silly enough to wear it all night. He gave her some diamond earrings and a pair of leather gloves, among other things.
Justin smiled when he opened the mug I gave him and passed out some of the butterscotch to everybody. He said it was perfect to go on his desk at work. As far as I know that’s where he still keeps it, to hold pencils and things.
Besides the kiss, Eileen gave me a pair of cowboy boots and a couple of games for the Xbox. Justin gave me some money and some more clothes, and a remote control monster truck. But then, he’d been buying me stuff all week too.
They both saved the best thing for last, though.
After everything was opened and the wrapping paper was piled up in snowdrifts all over the floor, I thought that was all of it. But then Justin stood up, looking all mysterious.
“I think maybe we forgot somethin’, didn’t we, babe?” he asked Eileen.
“Yeah, I think maybe we did,” she told him, smiling. They both looked at me.
“What is it?” I asked, cause I really didn’t have a clue what they were talking about.
“Go outside and see,” Eileen told me. I was game, so I got up and put on my jacket and went outside.
Tied up to a tree in the front yard next to Eileen’s truck was a brown and white horse, with all the leather and tack sitting on the ground beside him. I didn’t know what to say and just stood there with my mouth open for a minute.
“Go on, he’s yours all right. You have to take care of him though, cause he’s not a toy. I’ll teach you how to ride when it gets a little warmer outside in the spring,” Justin told me.
I didn’t say anything else. I just walked down the steps and went up to my horse and started to get friendly with him. Horses have a strong smell if you’re not used to them, or at least this one did. I wrinkled my nose a little bit, but I was more than willing to put up with that. I found out later that he was really a present from Justin and Eileen both. Her parents raise horses on a big ranch in Magnolia, and that’s where this one had come from.
Justin is a man who never overlooks anything, like I said earlier. He must have remembered me saying something about wanting a place where I could ride. Either that, or he just knew me that well already.
I got up on his back for a minute and they took some pictures
, then we went and put him in the pasture. We took some pictures out there too, of all three of us standing together in front of the gate, with Justin on one side and Eileen on the other and me in the middle. She has one of those cameras with a delay button so the person taking the photo has time to be in it too. I still have those pictures too, up on my bedroom wall.
Eileen went home not long after that, so she could get back to Magnolia before it got too late. She stood on the front porch kissing Justin for like ten minutes before she left, though. I knew that’s what they were doing even though I was back inside by then. I could see them through the front window. And no, I was not spying, but when they didn’t come in right away I peeked out through the blinds long enough to see what was keeping them so long.
I thought about razzing him for it when he came back in, but I finally decided not to. He probably would have just laughed and asked me if I was jealous, and that would have embarrassed me all over again. He stood out there and watched until her truck disappeared through the trees, then he came back inside with that silly Santa Claus cap still parked on his head.
“Well, bubba, did you have a nice Christmas this year?” he asked me after he shut the door.
“It was the best,” I told him.
“I’m glad, then,” he said.
We didn’t say much more, cause it was getting late and we were both sleepy. I put on some shorts and an old t-shirt and crawled up under the covers on my top bunk, and laid there for a little while looking at the ceiling not far above my head. It was white, with little whorls in the paint that made it look almost like clouds.
I heard Justin singing something to himself in the kitchen, but it was too low for me to tell what it was. In a minute he came in and climbed up the bunk ladder part way to make sure I was warm enough and to say goodnight. He always did that much, so it didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me a little was when he tucked the covers around my neck and then kissed me on the forehead before he climbed down to go to bed.
I guess everybody was handing out kisses that night.
After he left I touched my forehead with one hand. The skin still tingled a little where his stubbly goatee had scraped against it. It reminded me of something Daddy might have done a long time ago when I was little. It made me feel safe, like I always used to back then.
I went to sleep not long after that, happier than I’d been in a long time. You might say I had everything I ever wanted, and I knew I’d never have to worry about becoming a monster ever again. Justin and Eileen seemed to think the world of me, and what more could a kid ask for than that?
Well, there was one other thing, and I guess you probably know what it is before I even tell you. I had to let Mama and Daddy know I was all right. I didn’t want them to worry about me.
That took some careful thinking, cause I sure didn’t want to get Justin in trouble and I for double sure didn’t want Mama and Daddy to know where I was at. So that meant I couldn’t call, and I couldn’t send a letter, and I guess standing on top of the truck and yelling probably wouldn’t do much good either, would it?
I finally figured it out, even though it took me a few days to hit on the answer. That boy sitting across the aisle from me in the bus station in Fort Smith is what gave me the clue. I was thinking back over everything that had happened, like I did sometimes, and I remembered him using Yahoo Messenger that day.
As soon as I thought about it, I knew that was the answer to my problem. There was no way to trace an instant message as far as I knew, and Mama used Yahoo all the time. I could talk to her that way and she wouldn’t be able to tell where I was unless I slipped up and told her something. I hoped I was smarter than that.
So I got online and signed in to my old account that she set up for me last spring. I almost never remembered the password, but I got it right on the third try. Then I sent Mama a message. She wasn’t on right then, but I knew she’d get it when she did sign in. She never went more than a few days without talking to her friends.
I told her I was okay and I was in a good place where I’d be safe. I said I was happy and that I had to leave because I didn’t want to be a loup-garou. I told her to tell everybody I loved them and please not to look for me, but I’d come back to visit someday when I could.
I didn’t know what else to say, and it was harder than I thought it would be. But I read the message one last time, decided it was good enough, and clicked the send button.
Then I waited.
I checked my messages a lot over the next few weeks, and you know, I never did get an answer from her. I knew she would have gotten the message by that time, so at first I thought maybe she just didn’t know what to say. At least that’s what I told myself for a while.
It bothered me a little bit. I was expecting her to be mad at me, or to beg me to tell her where I was or to come home or something like that. I was ready for any of those reactions, and I thought I could handle them. But getting totally ignored left me confused and more than a little hurt. I wasn’t sure what to think. It might have bothered me more, if I hadn’t been thinking so much about something else those next few weeks.
Right after New Year’s, Justin put me back in school, but not the kind I was used to. He started me out in a little private Christian school not far from the house. I think he had to, since he didn’t have my birth certificate and all that other bull which a regular school always wants, and there was no way to get any of it right then. The owner of the school he picked for me was a friend of Eileen’s and so they were a little more laid back about stuff like that.
It was close enough that I could walk or ride The Beast if I wanted to, and on rainy or cold days Justin usually took me himself. There were only four other kids in my class, which was way smaller than I was used to. But other than that it wasn’t especially different than my old school. We studied math and history and science and all that good stuff just like I always had. We played football every day at lunchtime, and I made some good friends and got used to things soon enough.
Well. . . I have to admit there was one big difference between that place and my old school. We talked about God all the time, in every class. I learned more about that subject in a week than I’d ever heard before in my whole entire life, and that’s what it was that had me doing so much thinking right then.
When I first went there, I hadn’t made up my mind for sure if God even existed, much less what I thought he was like if he did exist. I can’t say I never wondered about it at all before, but it wasn’t something I’d spent tons of time thinking about, either. And it wasn’t that anybody pushed me about it even then. They just told me things, and if I asked a question they answered it, and then they left me to make up my own mind.
There’s no specific moment I can lay my finger on and say that’s when I decided to believe, but I know when the day was. I was sitting on the dock by the lake, fishing with Eileen one Sunday afternoon during Spring Break. It was warm and sunny that day, with a little breeze making ripples across the water. I can’t remember where Justin was that day, but me and Eileen were pretty tight by then. I found out she’s a good fisherman. She could sweet-talk a bass out of the water on days when nobody else could have done it.
Anyway, if you had asked me that morning what I thought about Jesus, I would still have said I wasn’t sure. But when I came back from the lake, if you’d asked me the same question, then I would have called him savior and King.
I’m not sure why particularly then. I wasn’t thinking much about it while we were fishing. I was thinking more about the warm sun and the cool water on my bare feet, and talking to Eileen about horses and stuff, and watching the breeze blow her hair back. I remember she forgot to bring a pony tail holder that day, and her long hair kept tickling my face when the wind blew it that way.
Sometimes something grows and grows in your heart like a drop of water getting bigger and bigger on the lip of a faucet, and finally it gets big enough to fall. That’s the best way I can descri
be how it happened.
However it was, I’m thankful.
Epilogue
All that was six months ago, and now I’m sitting here on my porch in Arkansas, looking out over the lake and fixing to go feed and water Buster and maybe brush him down. I can ride well enough not to fall off anymore, even though it took a few weeks of being really sore to learn how.
When Justin gets home in a little while, we might go riding around the lake before it gets dark, and I think Eileen might come over tonight and make us a shepherd’s pie for supper, if I ask her just right. She’s a really good cook when she has time to be.
Justin tells me they’re getting married this fall, and then she’ll come live here with us all the time. And I say the sooner the better. Anybody who can run a kitchen like that girl can, she definitely gets my vote.
There are times when I still want to chew on the past like a dog with an old bone, going over it in my mind again and again till I’m sick of it. I’m not sure it even helps much, but it’s been hard sorting out how I feel about everything.
Justin was the one who said I should write down this whole story of what happened from the very beginning, and if I did then maybe I’d understand things better and have an easier time letting go. I didn’t believe him at first, but I decided it was worth a try. It took longer than I thought it would and I found out you have to think about things in a different way when you’re telling a story to somebody else than when you’re just brooding about it. That by itself helped a lot.
He also told me awhile back that everything happens for a reason, and read me a verse from the Bible about how all things work together for good to those who love the Lord, even the really bad things. Then he said he was sorry about me having to run away, but he loved me and he was glad God brought me to live with him.
That was something I really needed to hear, and it probably did more good than anything else he could have said. I’m sure he knew that when he said it. He understands me so well.
Eileen tells me things like that too, but she has a little bit different personality than he does. Justin loves me like the sun loves the green grass; warm hearted and kind as springtime, always ready to play or listen to how I feel. Eileen is more like the ground under my feet, steady and sure, more practical and not quite so much of a dreamer.
You might say he’s the one who builds castles in the sky and she’s the one who puts the foundations under them. If you want to figure out how you feel and what you want and the things that will make you happy, then you go to Justin. If you want to figure out how to make those things happen in the real world, then it’s better to ask Eileen.
I love them both so much.
I wonder sometimes about Lola, and what will happen to her when she gets older. I guess she’ll have to make her own choices then about what she wants to do. Maybe by the time she’s ten or twelve she’ll be curious enough to want to find me and ask me why I left, and maybe by then I’ll know the right words to tell her. I pray about that an awful lot.
I still haven’t heard anything from mom and dad, even though I sent them several more messages. I guess they don’t want to talk to me anymore or have anything to do with me since I don’t want to be a monster.
I think I always sorta knew that’s how it would be, deep down. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself for a long time. I won’t pretend it doesn’t still hurt me sometimes. I cried a lot at first, till I learned to accept it.
But Justin loves me just the way I am, and so does Eileen, and so does God, and that’s all I need to know.
End of Book One
Free sample of Book Two is below!
Behind Blue Eyes
The Last Werewolf Hunter, Book Two
All things work together for good to those who love God,
Who are called according to His purpose.
-Romans 8:28