Every night I said The Lord's prayer before I went to sleep. I never quite got used to it, had to remind myself to do it all the time. Whether it was in the bush, a hotel or any of my homes, I did it without fail. It kept me sane in all this madness, I doubt God cared to listen though, but I prayed anyway.
My mother always took me to church, I learned a lot about God and His son. I liked his son a lot. At least the son felt what it is like to be in this body and exist in this trouble sink. Some things did not make much sense to me but I obeyed for mama's sake.
She wanted me to be a good boy, grow up to be a descent gentleman. In all fairness, I gave it my best shot. I tried so hard to be the perfect poster boy. I went to church twice a week, got accepted into the alter service. Scored straight As, enlisted as a reservist and graduated top of my class. I even joined a college and got a job, a decent salary and a wife. May mama's soul rest in peace, she knows I tried.
For twenty four years my spirit battled my will. The real Lenno versus the fake Lenno curved out by everyone's expectations. I hated myself; I hated society but never my mother. Or maybe I hated her too. I had suppressed so many feelings for so long I had grown numb to many. All I knew is that I was two men in one body. One was wild and free, the other was guarded and cautious. The wild Lenno lost so many battles in the past but he always spoiled for a fight. The fight to take over my soul.
I guess that is how I became so out of touch. I have practically stood up my wife for a dinner date to go be with murderers. I doubt my old lady would be so pleased.
"Why are you so pensive?" That ever happy voice jolted me back to the chopper." Was just thinking about my mum Ricky" I answered as I slouched back on the bench. "Seems Lenno wants to suckle some more, guys."The funny man did what he did best. Just like all the previous instances he surely did not disappoint as he stuck his thumb in his mouth and made a baby face. The entire group burst out in laughter. We all knew we needed it and that is perhaps one of the main reasons everyone always wanted him to come along in these night missions.
The speaker a top suddenly crackled to life. "Boys, 30 seconds from ground zero, count down to ETA begins. Everyone get ready for the drop ". Khamali's all too familiar voice instructed in a heavy Arab accent. He always flew us whenever the boss needed us to go. A fine man, very dependable. He knew and understood all the ranges and parks in all the countries in the entire south-eastern block. The rivers, the distribution of fauna, security protocols and pretty much everything one would need to know in this business, however the most important was his knowledge of open areas the rangers did not have enough resources to patrol at such times. This single thing ensured he got fatter cheques than his peers in the airlines and army. I guess that was the reason we were flying at low altitude in total darkness. I put on my night vision goggles and prepared to jump out of an airplane into the dense forest with a bunch of men who would not hesitate to shoot me down if one thing went slightly wrong. It is greed, such a strong driver, only love and fear could conquer it.