Relief washing over her, Anna relaxed, feeling the strain on her muscles slowly subside. “I cannot tell you how good it feels to hear you say that.” She nodded, seeing the delight on his face. “All my life I have challenged people to accept me the way I am, not the way they think I should be. And they never did.” She shook her head. “I never thought you would.” She chuckled. “I thought you were a pompous, arrogant man who cared about no one else but himself. But I was wrong.” Again she took his hands, needing to feel a physical connection to him. “I hope you don’t mind me telling you this, but you are not the typical man I thought you were. I know many people would probably see this as an insult, but believe me, it is a compliment.” He nodded, and she saw no displeasure over her words on his face. “I was surprised that you understood me the way you did, that you understood what pained me and that you did not only feel the need to help me but that you also did so in such a…such a caring way.” She looked deep into his eyes, feeling her own hands tremble as the words lodged in her throat. “I wanted to…I mean, I…” She took a deep breath. “Thank you for telling me you loved me, especially when you had no reason to believe that I would return your feelings.” She felt his hands tense and knew the uncertainty that lived within him. “That was incredibly brave, and it helped me see what I had in you.” She nodded her head, eyes looking into his, and the tension slowly left his hands. “I love you, too,” she whispered, feeling the warmth of his answering smile on her face. “I really do.”
Reaching out, he pulled her into his arms, holding her tight as though afraid she would vanish if he let go. He murmured her name, again and again, while Anna rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, savouring the moment. Never had she felt so at peace. With herself, and with the world.
***
“Tell me,” Anna said after he was finally able to release her from his embrace. “Tell me what you were afraid to tell me.” She took a deep breath. “How did my father blackmail Mr. Lloyd? How did he have such power over him?” Feeling her hands begin to tremble, Anna drew the robe tighter around her shoulders. As much as she wanted to know, she dreaded the pain she knew his revelation would bring.
Clearing his throat, Edmond sat up straight, eyes wandering around the room as he collected his thoughts. “All right, I will tell you. I just…I don’t know where to start.”
“Wherever you start will be fine,” Anna said with more bravado than she felt. “Nothing can cushion the blow.”
Nodding, Edmond sighed. “I’m afraid you’re right. Well then, the truth is,” he took a deep breath, “that Mr. Lloyd knew your mother, a long time ago, before she got married.”
Surprised about the direction of his narration, Anna leaned forward, wondering what he was trying to tell her. “He did?”
Edmond nodded. “In fact, they were in love.” Anna’s eyes opened wide. “He meant to propose but wanted to secure a good position first in order to provide for her and their family.”
Shaking her head, Anna stared at him. “Are you certain? My mother never told me that she knew him. And at the wedding, she…You introduced them. She acted as though she didn’t know him.”
“Well, there’s a reason,” Edmond said. “Mr. Lloyd applied for a position here at Brookestone, but he failed to inform your mother of his intentions. When he returned after finishing the construction of the house by the main gate that he wanted to present to her as their new home, he found her married to your father.”
“What?” Anna breathed, shaking her head, trying to make sense of what she had heard. “Maybe he had misunderstood her. Maybe she never loved him, and it was only one-sided.”
Edmond shook his head. “I do not believe so. From what he said, his departure led her to belief that he had no intentions of marrying her so that when Ambrose Hanford asked for her hand, at the encouragement of her parents, she agreed, knowing she could not marry the man she loved.”
“I cannot believe this,” Anna whispered, raking her mind. “I mean I never saw deep emotions between my parents but…” She stared at him, then slid off the bed. “I had no idea.” Pacing the floor, Anna drew her robe even tighter around her. “But how is this related to my father black-mailing Mr. Lloyd? Even if he knew about Mr. Lloyd’s intentions back then, it would not have given him grounds for blackmail.” Looking up at her husband, Anna shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
Pulling her toward him, he brushed a hand down her arm, then gestured for her to sit beside him on the bed. “Yes, to answer your question, your father did find out.” Anna drew in a sharp breath. “But what he found out was not simply that Mr. Lloyd intended to marry your mother.” He swallowed, and Anna felt an icy chill run down her back. As her shoulders began to tremble, Edmond wrapped the blanket around her. “After Mr. Lloyd found your mother married, he was desperate and he finally told her he loved her. Your mother was heart-broken because she felt the same way.” Fingers digging into the blanket, Anna swallowed the lump in her throat. “But they knew it was too late.”
Anna’s eyes narrowed. “What are you not telling me? I can read it on your face; this is not the end of the story. What happened?”
Drawing her hands into his, he met her eyes. “Your mother and Mr. Lloyd tried to move on, avoid each other wherever possible, but at some point they were unable to fight their feelings and…”
Anna’s mouth fell open. “You mean, they…?”
Edmond nodded.
“And my father knows?” Again Edmond nodded. “What? Did he threaten to divorce her?” Feeling her mind rush through the new information she had only just received, Anna tried to stay calm. “Is that why Mr. Lloyd betrayed you? To protect her? Does he still love her?”
“He does, yes,” Edmond said, holding on to her hands as though she was a kite, ready to fly away on the next breeze if he didn’t hold on to her. “He has always loved her, and he did what he did to protect her.” His hands squeezed hers. “And you.”
“Me?” Meeting his eyes, Anna could see that they were getting close to the real reason why he had intended to keep this from her. “Why me?”
Taking a deep breath, Edmond pulled her closer, his eyes almost burning into hers. “Because you’re his daughter.”
Anna stared. For a long time, Anna just stared, and Edmond waited.
“He is my father,” she whispered as the world came crashing down around her; and yet everything suddenly made sense. The memories that had so suddenly resurfaced. Her father’s triumphant sneer and Mr. Lloyd’s disheartened expression of absolute defeat. She remembered the horror on her mother’s face when her father had announced his intention to marry one of his daughters to the duke, even if his choice should fall on Judith; and following her mother’s determination to save her eldest daughter from marrying a man she didn’t love.
All of a sudden everything made sense, even her father’s wandering eyes that she had sometimes felt observing her. At the time she had assumed he was disappointed with her rebellious behaviour, but now she thought he might simply have wondered about her, knowing that she was not his daughter.
And yet one thing stood out. If Ambrose Hanford was not her father, then who had passed on this unyielding character streak to her? Both her mother as well as what she had seen of Mr. Lloyd exhibited no such traits. They were rather good-natured and peaceable people, who would never seek to enrich themselves by harming others. Neither were they ready to fight for what they wanted, instead they had resigned themselves to their fate. Even when her father had confronted Mr. Lloyd about his affair with his wife, Mr. Lloyd had simply accepted the proposal offered to him and agreed to betray a man he held in high esteem. How could they be her parents?
Deep down it had always been somewhat of a relief to Anna that her rebellious nature had come from her father. That she was not the only one to experience such emotions. That she was not the only one who could not be civil and amiable, but instead went her own way no matter what others thought. In a strange way, that had always giv
en her comfort.
Now, that comfort was gone.
“Talk to me, Anna.” Warm hands brushed up and down her arms, and when she lifted her head, worried eyes looked back into hers.
After swallowing the lump in her throat, Anna took a deep breath. “Are you certain I am his daughter? Could it not be Judith?”
Edmond nodded. “She was already born when your mother and Mr. Lloyd…”
“I see,” Anna mumbled, trying to collect her thoughts. “So, my…Mr. Hanford told my…Mr. Lloyd that he would divorce my mother? And he believed that?”
“He did,” Edmond said. “Believe me, I asked him the same question. But he was scared. You should have seen him. He was terrified at the thought of your mother and you suffering be-cause of him. He couldn’t think straight.”
Anna nodded. “My f…” She cursed under her breath. “Mr. Hanford would never have done that. If there is one thing I am certain of, it’s that his own position in life is what is dearest to him. He would never have hurt himself by revealing my mother’s indiscretion.”
“But Mr. Lloyd did not know that,” Edmond reminded her. “He did not know him as well as you do, and he just couldn’t risk it.”
“Does my mother know?”
Edmond shook his head. “He didn’t want to burden her with that. He thought if he did what your…what Mr. Hanford asked, then your mother and you would be safe.”
“Safe?” Anna echoed, feeling anger stir into life. “And what about…” She looked up at him with apologising eyes. “What about our match? Did you not say that he was the one suggesting you choose me? Why did he do that?” Gritting her teeth, she felt her body tense with the effort to remain calm. “Why is it that everybody believes that lying is the best course of action? That they know better what is right for me than I do myself?”
“Well,” Edmond began, the hint of a smile playing on his features. “He thought you and I would be a good match, not because of my title and your dowry, but because of who we are. He said that despite everything, he knew who we really were and wanted us to be happy. He thought we could have the kind of love that he had with your mother.”
As her hands began to shake, Anna pulled them from Edmond’s warm embrace and rose from the bed. Stepping back, she put some distance between them. “I…I need…I can’t.” Swallowing, she met his eyes. “I need to be alone right now.”
A hint of concern in his gaze, Edmond nodded, then stepped toward her, once again reaching for her hands. “I will go,” he said, lifting up her chin so she would look at him. “I will give you the room you need, but,” his eyes burned into hers, “I will not walk away and I will not let you push me away. Do you understand?” When she nodded, he released her chin and stepped away. Stopping at the door, he turned back to look at her. “Call me, and I’ll come.”
Chapter Forty-Four − To Protect is to Speak the Truth
Squinting her eyes against the sun, Anna looked out the carriage at the tall townhouse she had called home since the day she was born. Many wonderful memories clung to the stone walls. Memories of adventurous summers and cosy winters, her sister by her side, their parents a watchful eye on them. Never before had Anna felt the beauty of her childhood as she did now, in the moment when it was revealed to be a lie.
Remembering Judith’s innocent smile and glowing eyes, Anna was grateful that at least her sister’s love was genuine. Not a single fibre in her body doubted that Judith had not been privy to their parents’ secrets.
When the door to the carriage opened, Anna took a deep breath and climbed the steps to the front door, knowing that there was no turning back.
Ramson, the butler, informed her that fortunately both of her parents were currently at home. While her father sat over the books in his study, her mother had gone for a stroll in the gar-dens. Considering herself lucky, Anna exited through the terrace doors, eyes scanning the grounds for her mother’s golden curls.
When she spotted her sitting on the bench in the rose garden, Anna’s feet carried her for-ward, down the steps and across the lawn. As her mother saw her coming, she rose from her seat, hand raised in greeting. “Anna, how wonderful of you to visit! Come sit with me. Isn’t it a most beautiful day?” Taking her daughter’s arm, she drew her down onto the bench, the trees overhead shading them from the midday sun.
“It is, Mother,” Anna mumbled, anger over her parents’ betrayal struggling with the deep-seated desire to shield her mother from the ugly truth. Realising her own thoughts, Anna began to understand how difficult it sometimes was to be honest with those you loved if such honesty would bring them pain. Closing her eyes, she found Edmond’s brilliantly blue eyes looking down at her, concern drawing down his brows. Yes, it had not been easy for him either.
“Lost in thought?” her mother enquired, her hand coming to rest on Anna’s, soft and light like the touch of a feather. “Is something wrong?”
Anna drew a deep breath and met her mother’s eyes. Then she nodded, and her mother’s jaw tensed.
“What is it? Are you all right?” she breathed, and Anna could hear the tinge of fear in her voice.
Feeling the need to hold her mother’s hand as though a physical bond would ensure that the emotional one they shared could not be broken, Anna turned to face her. “I am fine.” A visible strain fell from her mother’s face. “But there is something we need to talk about. It is about Mr. Lloyd.” The hand resting in hers tensed.
Her mother cleared her throat, eyes shifting to the hem of her dress. “What about him? Has he been discovered?”
“He has,” Anna confirmed, and the hand began to tremble. “In fact, he confessed every-thing.”
The hand fell from hers, as her mother sat up sharply, eyes wide like a frightened deer.
Reaching out, Anna drew her mother’s cold hand back into hers. “I know what happened,” she whispered, holding her mother’s gaze as it searched her face. For a long moment, all that could be heard was the balmy breeze travelling through the leaves above mixing with the distance sound of hoof beats on cobblestone. The two women sat, eyes locked, a silent conversation passing between them.
Then her mother blinked and drew in a deep breath. “Did you speak to him?”
“No, Edmond did, but he told me everything.”
“I see,” her mother breathed. “Then why did you come here today?”
“To hear the truth from you,” Anna said, squeezing her mother’s hand. “For all I know Mr. Lloyd could have lied, and I am tired of being kept in the dark. I need to know, and I need to know from you.”
Her mother nodded, a single tear clinging to the corner of her eye. “He did not lie.”
Anna frowned. “You don’t even know what he said.”
A deep smile illuminated her face. “That does not matter. He doesn’t lie. He’s an honourable man.”
Seeing the light that had come to her mother’s eyes, Anna nodded. “You still love him, do you not?”
“I know I should not,” her mother whispered, shaking her head. “But I cannot stop. I’ve tried, but…”
“We cannot choose who we love,” Anna said, drawing her mother into her arms. “If we could, life would be a lot easier.”
Lifting her head, her mother sat back, sad eyes looking into hers. “I am so sorry, Anna. I never meant for you to find out. What did your husband say? Is he angry with us? Will he confront your fa…I mean, my husband?”
“He was furious, yes. First at Mr. Lloyd, and now,” Anna hesitated, suspecting that her mother did not know the whole truth, at least not about her husband, “at Father.”
Her mother frowned confirming Anna’s suspicion. “I feared that he would be. Please, you must speak to him. He is not at fault for he had no knowledge of the matter. He did not intentionally deceive him.”
Squeezing her mother’s hands, Anna looked into her eyes. “Yes, he did. Mother, he did know. He has known for years.” Her mother’s face turned ash-white. “And he has been blackmailing Mr. Lloyd for more th
an a decade, threatening to divorce you should he not do as he was told.”
“No!” her mother breathed, shaking her head in disbelief. “That cannot be so. He wouldn’t…I…” Desperate eyes turned to her, and for a moment Anna regretted telling her mother the whole truth.
“I am sorry, Mother. Maybe I should not have told you, but I thought it was my duty. Nothing good ever comes from deceiving the people you love.”
“No, Anna, you’re right,” her mother objected. Dabbing a handkerchief to the corner of her eyes, she cleared her throat, then reached out for her daughter’s hands once more. “All those years, I felt guilty for so many things. For not believing in Andrew…eh, Mr. Lloyd. For giving up on him. For marrying your father although I loved another. For cherishing that love although I knew it was wrong. For…betraying your father.” A slight blush came to her cheeks. “And sometimes even for loving you. But I do,” she pleaded, eyes imploring Anna to believe her. “Please, never doubt my love for you, sweet child. I love you just as I love Judith. The two of you have kept me sane, given my hope all those years.”
“I love you too, Mother,” Anna whispered, feeling the sting of tears but quickly blinking them away. “I did wonder, but I never really thought you didn’t…”
Drawing her into her arms, her mother hugged her, chasing away the last remnants of doubt.
“Listen, there is something else I have been meaning to talk to you about,” her mother began, sitting back up. “But there never seemed to be the right time, and before, you didn’t know so that I didn’t know how to explain.” Her mother swallowed. “I’m sorry, Anna, for what I did to you.” Anna frowned. “I’m sorry for pressuring you to marry the duke. I never should have. Please, believe me when I say that I did not intentionally put Judith’s happiness above yours. I just…When your father announced his intention of marrying one of you to the duke, and−”
“And you knew it was far more likely he would take a fancy to Judith,” Anna finished for her.