Joelle did not understand why, but Sheila had turned cold to her recently. She and Sheila and Liam had been a real team after Mara became ill, working together to get her the best care possible. Sheila would often call Joelle for her opinion of a particular doctor’s suggested treatment or of a nursing home’s skill level, and sometimes she’d simply call for consolation or to chat. Joelle had felt like a true member of the family. Although she couldn’t pinpoint the moment she’d noticed a change, Joelle no longer received phone calls from Sheila. As a matter of fact, Sheila barely even spoke to her when they bumped into one another, not even offering her a smile. Joelle had called her once, a couple of months ago, to ask if she had done something to offend her, and Sheila pretended she had no idea what Joelle was talking about. That left very little room for resolving the situation, and Joelle had given up.
Carlynn walked up the path toward her, using her cane, with only a hint of a limp in her gait. Joelle drew in a deep breath. Sorry if I’m making a big mistake, Mara. She stood up and led the older woman into the home.
Mara’s bed had been cranked up into a sitting position, and she looked exactly the way Joelle hated to see her look. She was asleep, her face slack, aging her fifteen years. Her mouth hung open a little, a rivulet of saliva trickling down her chin, and her short hair, which Joelle cut herself once a month, was disheveled from the pillow.
Joelle took Carlynn’s arm at the door of Mara’s room. “She’ll smile when she wakes up,” she whispered. “She’ll look as though she knows who I am, but I don’t believe she does.”
Carlynn nodded and followed Joelle into the room.
Joelle sat on the edge of Mara’s bed, while Carlynn stood off to one side.
“Mara.” Joelle touched the pale hand where it rested on the covers. “Mara? It’s Joelle, sweetie.”
Mara’s long, dark lashes fluttered open, and she smiled the instant she saw Joelle.
Joelle took a tissue from the box on the nightstand and wiped Mara’s chin with it. “Mara,” she said, “I’d like you to meet a friend of mine, Carlynn Shire.”
Mara didn’t shift her gaze from Joelle until Carlynn moved closer to the bed, stepping into her field of vision. She looked at Carlynn, that vacuous but eternally happy expression on her face. Carlynn had to be taken in by her beauty, Joelle thought, by the remarkable change in Mara’s face once she was awake and alert, if alert was the right word to use. Her black eyes were extraordinary, and even the messy haircut looked stylish on her.
“Hello, Mara.” Carlynn gently lifted one of Mara’s hands.
“Would you rather she be in her wheelchair?” Joelle asked, standing up from the edge of the bed.
“No,” Carlynn spoke to Mara, “let’s leave you in bed, where you’re probably more comfortable.”
Joelle sat in the chair near the night table, while Carlynn rested her cane against the table and took her place on the edge of Mara’s bed.
“My, you’re very beautiful,” Carlynn said. “I’ve spoken with Joelle, and she told me all about you. How deep your friendship is with her. How much she loves you. You are a much-loved person.”
Mara merely blinked her eyes. Joelle was certain she had no understanding of Carlynn’s words.
“Would you like to have a gentle massage of your hands?” Carlynn asked, but Mara’s expression didn’t change.
“I think she would,” Joelle said. “I’ve done that for her sometimes.” She realized as she spoke that it had been a long time since she’d given Mara a massage. She used to rub her all over with moisturizing lotion, and it had made her feel as though she was at least trying to help her friend. Sometime in the past year, she’d given up. Did Liam still do that, massage Mara, touch her that way, with gentleness? She hoped so.
Carlynn reached into her large handbag and brought out a bottle of lotion. Joelle craned her neck to see the label, expecting the lotion to contain special herbal ingredients or at least something out of the ordinary, but it was a plain pink bottle of baby lotion.
Carlynn poured some of the lotion onto her own palm, then gently lifted one of Mara’s limp hands and began a slow, tender massage. Joelle remained quiet, not even watching the two women after a while, just listening as Carlynn spoke to Mara in an even, almost hypnotic, tone.
“This feels so good, doesn’t it, Mara?” Carlynn asked. “Yes, you like the way it feels. You like to be touched with caring, I think. You can tell the difference if someone cares or not. You are very wise that way.”
After a while, Carlynn stopped talking and Joelle looked up to see Mara’s gaze fastened on the older woman. There wasn’t a sound in the room, and Joelle looked at their hands. One of Mara’s hands lay limp in Carlynn’s, but the fingers of her right hand, her so-called “good” hand, were moving against Carlynn’s palm. She was massaging her! Could it possibly be? She didn’t dare stand up to see, but something was happening between Mara and the healer. Something Joelle was not a part of.
Mara’s eyes gradually fell shut and her breathing grew even, but Joelle felt certain that her face lacked the flaccid, droopy look of her usual sleep. Her facial muscles looked merely relaxed rather than limp and wasted.
Carlynn turned to smile at Joelle, then silently replaced the cap on the baby lotion. She was getting up from the bed when Liam walked into the room.
“Joelle!” he said, stopping short. He looked at Carlynn, then back at Joelle. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Of course he hadn’t. She had told him she was leaving work early to go to a doctor’s appointment.
“Liam, this is Carlynn Shire,” she said, motioning toward the older woman, hoping he wouldn’t recognize her name.
“Hello, Carlynn.” He reached out to shake her hand, then frowned. “Are you the Carlynn Shire of the Shire Mind and Body Center?” he asked.
“Yes.” Carlynn smiled warmly at him, reaching for her cane. “Although I’m retired now.”
Joelle saw his jaw muscles tighten beneath the skin of his cheeks and knew he was angry. He controlled himself, though, as he turned toward her.
“How is she today?” he asked, but there were a dozen other questions in his eyes.
“I think she’s doing very well,” Joelle said, wanting to get Carlynn and herself out of the room as quickly as she could. “Carlynn gave her a hand massage, and now we’re on our way out.”
Mara opened her eyes again, and when she saw Liam she let out the little squeal of childish joy that she seemed to save only for him. She raised her one good arm an inch or so off the bed, and he moved toward her, leaning over to kiss her unresponsive lips. Then he lifted one of her soft, baby-lotioned hands and held it tightly against his hip as he turned to Joelle.
“Could I speak with you a moment before you go?” he asked.
Damn. “Sure,” she said. “Carlynn, would you mind waiting in the hall for me?”
Liam waited until Carlynn had left the room.
“What’s going on?” Liam asked, the words coming out slowly and deliberately as he worked to keep his voice calm. Joelle knew he would not raise his voice around Mara.
“I…could we talk about this later?” she asked.
“You bet we can,” he said. “I’ll call you tonight.”
“All right.” She picked up her purse and left the room. She’d wanted to hear those words from him for over three months now. I’ll call you. This was one call, though, she was not looking forward to.
Both she and Carlynn were quiet for the first mile or so of the drive back to the mansion, and Joelle was barely aware of the older woman’s presence. Liam was furious with her, and rightly so. She should not have brought Carlynn to see Mara without his permission. She’d crossed some ethical boundary, perhaps, one she couldn’t identify but knew was there. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have hidden the visit from him.
Until Mara’s aneurysm, she had rarely, if ever, seen Liam angry. She’d certainly witnessed his frustration over some of the cases in the hospital, when he was he
lpless in the face of whatever fate had planned for a particular patient, or when he felt he could help someone but the policies of the hospital or some other bureaucracy got in his way. He felt the plight of his patients deeply, much as she did. They had learned together over the years how to walk the line between distance and overinvolvement with their patients, how to maintain enough objectivity to be able to help, without losing their humanity in the process. It was something they used to talk about often—the broad philosophical aspects of their work. She’d loved those talks, and their relationship had been strong enough to allow them to disagree with one another without breaking down. That, she knew, was no longer true.
They reached the Pacific Grove gate to the Seventeen Mile Drive. The man at the tollbooth waved them through, and once on the Drive, Carlynn finally spoke.
“I think I can help Mara,” she said. “There is still a great deal of energy and grace left in your friend. I think I can tap into that, but it will take time.”
Joelle thought back to what she had witnessed in the nursing home. “She was massaging your hand, wasn’t she?” she asked.
“It seemed that way to me.” Carlynn smiled.
Joelle knew she would never be able to bring Carlynn back to the nursing home now that Liam had seen her there and had reacted the way he did. But she didn’t want to address that with Carlynn just then.
“I honestly thought she looked better by the time we were ready to leave,” Joelle said.
“Well, of course, we’d both like to think that. Only time will tell if we’re fooling ourselves or not. It doesn’t always work, Joelle. You must understand that.”
Joelle laughed. “It’s harder for me to accept that it sometimes does work,” she said. She glanced at Carlynn. “Do I pay you per visit or…?”
“You don’t pay me at all,” she said. “I’m retired. I only work when I truly want to. And from what you’ve told me, Mara is worth my time and energy.”
“Thank you,” Joelle said.
They fell silent again as they drove past the entrance to the Spyglass Hill Golf Course. After another minute or two, Joelle pulled into the driveway of the Kling Mansion and started to press the buzzer on the stone pillar.
“3273,” Carlynn said.
“What?” Joelle asked.
“That’s the code. Just press 3273.”
Joelle did so, and the gate slid open. She pulled all the way up the driveway and stopped the car near the house.
Carlynn made no move to get out of the car. Instead, she looked at Joelle. She was no longer wearing her sunglasses, and her gaze was steady and, somehow, disquieting. “There’s much you haven’t told me, isn’t there?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” Joelle put the car in park and took her foot off the brake pedal.
“I mean, with Liam. With you and Liam, perhaps?”
Joelle thought back to the scene in Mara’s room, wondering what Carlynn had gathered in those few awkward moments. She was about to tell the older woman she was imagining things, but found herself nodding, instead.
“Yes,” she said.
“Come in.” Carlynn nodded toward the house. “Turn off your car, come inside, and let’s talk.”
Obediently, Joelle turned off the ignition, stepped out of the car and walked with Carlynn up to the front door of the mansion.
Mrs. McGowan, the housekeeper with the Irish accent, greeted them at the door and took Carlynn’s handbag from her.
“Have you two met?” Carlynn looked from the housekeeper to Joelle.
“Yes, indeed.” The housekeeper smiled. “She thought I was you at first.”
Carlynn laughed at that, and Joelle blushed.
“We’re going in the library for a little chat,” Carlynn said to Mrs. McGowan. “Please let Alan know we’d rather not be disturbed.”
“Would you like something to nibble while you’re there?” the housekeeper offered.
“Please, dear.” Carlynn then took Joelle’s elbow and walked slowly with her through the living room and into the library. A large room, though not nearly as big as the living room, the library had one wall of windows looking out on the sea and cypress, and three walls covered from floor to ceiling with books.
Joelle sat at one end of the leather sofa, while Carlynn sat at the other, turning to face her. Behind Carlynn’s head, Joelle could see the evening fog rolling in, pink-tinged from the falling sun.
“So, tell me,” Carlynn said, folding her hands in her lap once again. “Tell me what made you freeze up when Liam walked into the room.”
“Did I freeze up?” Joelle asked.
“You did, indeed.” Carlynn wore a small frown.
“I hadn’t told him I’d contacted you to see Mara,” Joelle said. “He’s even more skeptical about healers than I am, so I hadn’t really wanted him to know.”
Carlynn tipped her head to the side. “And what else?”
“What else is that…I’m in love with him.” She blurted out the words, but Carlynn did not look the least bit surprised.
“Yes,” the older woman said gently. “I know.”
“How could you possibly know?”
“Because it was written all over your face when he walked in and when you watched him kiss his wife,” she said. “I didn’t need to possess any special gift to see that.”
Joelle shut her eyes and covered one side of her face with her hand. She felt exposed. “It’s so complicated,” she said.
“Tell me.”
Lowering her hand from her face, Joelle leaned back against the cool leather of the sofa, letting out a sigh. “Well,” she said slowly, “I told you how I fixed them up, right?”
Carlynn nodded.
“At that time, I just liked Liam a great deal, and I loved Mara.”
“Yes, she was your closest friend,” Carlynn said. “Your confidante. A sister you never had.” It had been weeks since she’d last spoken to Carlynn about this, but the woman seemed to remember their conversation well.
“Right.” Joelle nodded. “And they were so very wonderful together. They were perfect. I had no bad feelings about it at all…well, except a bit of envy because I knew how good their marriage was and how lousy mine was. My ex-husband and I would go out with them from time to time, but Rusty, my ex, just didn’t fit in. He was very quiet. Into computers. Into working with machines instead of working with people, the way Liam, Mara and I were. After Rusty and I divorced, Mara and Liam were very good to me. They always included me in parties they had, and they asked me out with them now and then, even though I was single.” Other couples with whom she and Rusty had been friends had faded away, but not Mara and Liam. “Mara and I still had lunch together once a week or so, and we’d go hiking every once in a while. She never let her marriage cut into our…girl-time.” Joelle shook her head. “I miss her so much,” she said.
“I’m sure you do,” Carlynn said, and it suddenly occurred to Joelle that Carlynn had lost a flesh-and-blood sister, a twin. She probably understood completely what Joelle’s life was like now that Mara was no longer an active, contributing part of it.
There was a knock on the library door.
“Come in,” Carlynn said, looking past Joelle to the door.
The elderly man Joelle had previously seen working in the garden entered the room, bearing a tray of sandwiches and iced tea. He lowered it to the coffee table in front of them.
“Thanks, Quinn,” Carlynn said. “This is Joelle, by the way, a new friend of mine.” She motioned toward Joelle. “Joelle, this is Quinn.”
“Hello, Quinn.” Joelle nodded a greeting at the man.
“How do you do,” he said, then turned to Carlynn. “Do you need anything else?”
“No, thank you,” Carlynn said. “You’re a love.”
Quinn turned and started for the door, smiling at Joelle as he passed her, and she thought, although she was not certain, that he winked at her before shuffling away.
God, he seemed far too old to be working!
And Mrs. McGowan had to be near seventy. Joelle doubted there would be many people willing to hire such old-timers. It was kind of Carlynn to keep them on.
Carlynn picked up one of the small plates with its crustless white-bread sandwich and handed it to Joelle, who took it, although she was not hungry. The filling was chicken salad. She could smell it as she rested the plate in her lap.
“You were telling me about your relationship with Liam and Mara,” Carlynn prompted, handing her a glass of iced tea.
Joelle set the tea on top of a wooden coaster on the coffee table and looked out the window. “After Sam was born,” she said, “and Mara had the aneurysm, it was Liam and I who stayed by her bedside in the hospital. She was in a coma for a couple of weeks, and we sang to her. At least Liam did.” She remembered him bringing his guitar into his wife’s hospital room, singing some of the songs he and Mara had often performed together, while Joelle stroked her arm or combed her hair. “I read to her, or just talked to her. We took turns being with her, along with Mara’s mother, Sheila, and Liam and I really started leaning on each other. He included me in all the decisions he needed to make about her. Her rehab. What nursing home to put her in. I felt like I was part of the family.”
“You were,” Carlynn said, swallowing a bite of her sandwich.
“I helped him with Sam.” She broke into a smile at the thought of the little boy. “He’s a treasure, Carlynn. You’ve never seen a cuter child. I love him to pieces, and I don’t know what Liam would do without him.” She bit a small corner from her sandwich, then swallowed it before continuing. “I tried to help Liam deal with all the mixed emotions he was having. He’d essentially lost a wife and gained a son. But he’d been the one who’d wanted the son in the first place, not Mara, so of course he felt terribly guilty.” She lifted her sandwich toward her mouth again, then set it down without taking a bite. “Liam and I talked every single night on the phone. Every night.”