Read DIchotomies: Poetry From Bipolar Disorder Page 5
I shall not let the ringing echoes get me
I'll keep the loneliness at bay, you'll see
I'll let the sunshine in to brighten life
I shall not be bothered by all the strife
One day at a time is all I can do
Today is here and I'll live it too
For today I'll love life in all it's glory
I'll make sure it's not the end of the story
No more shall I try to bring an end to it all
When those thoughts come for help I shall call
When the pain is too much I won't sit alone
And never shall I sweat trying to atone
One day at a time is how I shall live
And each day I shall give it all I can give
One Single Black Grain
On a wave washed crystal white beach
Uncountable billions of grains of sand
Perfect beauty from the sun's own bleach
Shimmers of purity stretch across the land
Countless grains in harmonious alignment
A unity of purpose engenders a magical scene
An elusive sense of near perfect refinement
But for a singular blemish glaringly obscene
Forlorn and lost among endless white grains
One ugly black speck jarringly discordant
The artful wonder of this beach it stains
Amid the perfection a scar most mordant
No place on this beach will it ever belong
Among vast numbers of grains eternally alone
While glowing white grains make melodious song
A harsh dissonant shriek that ruins the tone
One Way Glass
Enveloped in one way glass
Allowing pain to enter inside
Yet outward none shall pass
Inner darkness the place to hide
No one looks, not one can see
Through cold impenetrable wall
The madness raging inside of me
Into the grave the voices e'er call
Pain Is Life
The world is black
The world is blue
There's nothing but pain
inside of you
The pain is back
It's here to stay
It'll never leave
No matter what you say
It's all there is
You should be grateful
It's something there
Emptiness is more hateful
So your life is empty
That is so true
You'd best get a life
And stop being so blue
The emptiness is you
and you are it
You'd better get control
before you get bit
You miss your life
The tears are flowing
The pain inside you
Just keeps growing
But pain is life
and life is pain
Stop those tears
That flow like rain
Be happy for the pain,
It confirms you're alive
Better then the emptiness
Against which you strive
You're numb today
The pain won't kill you
But it'll keep on hurting
No matter what you do
So embrace the pain
And know that you live
Let it run right through you
Like water through a sieve
Take that pain,
welcome it in your heart
It'll be there anyway
It's time for life to start
So you miss that life
The one that you knew
I'm sure it misses you
Much as you miss it too
But life goes on
This much I know
Because experience
Tells me so
No choice is a choice
That brings the default
It's the choice that you made
Now it's your fault
Live with the choice
Stop longing to die
Take on your life
And learn how to fly
Grow your wings
As you've been told you must
And leave this world
Alone in the dust
Poetry
Poetry, it washes clean
The heart of me
How it does that
I'll never see
When I am down
And so damn blue
It washes my soul
And my heart too
It weakens the night
And strengthens the light
Always does it
Restore my sight
When life is darkest
And I'm lost to the night
It restores my will
To keep up the fight
Thank God for poetry
Without it where would I be
I fear that I'd just
Lose every bit of me
Puffy White Cotton
Puffy white cotton way up in the sky
Upon a vast canvas of azure blue
Run, take wing, with them up high
Peace and serenity is there for you
Raindrops
Raindrops falling softly down
Pitter patter on the ground
Washing clean earth and sky
A gentle gift from on high
Feeding life to birth anew
Promise of better coming too
Let the drops roll over me
And tomorrow will better be
Reach Out And Grab A Star
Reach out and grab a star
Ride the light beams from afar
Not a clue to where it leads
To future mystery it proceeds
Shifting Rules
Someone is redefining all the rules
Not near what I learned in the schools
Friends and enemies blend into one
A twisting knot writhing in the sun
The ground shifting beneath my feet
Keeps knocking me down onto my seat
Not knowing what is up and what is down
Is spinning my head all round and round
Short Circuit
The circuit breaker popped
Severing all connections
Never again to reconnect
Unless the short circuit
In the protected heart
Can be repaired
Silence
Silence reverberates from the walls
Shreds heart and soul with it's claws
It's shrieks draw blood from my ears
Bloody cheeks bathed in hot tears
Echoes undampened by darkened void
Intensely pound until sanity's destroyed
Endless silent decibels tear peace asunder
Forever roaring louder than violent thunder
Sometimes You Just Need To Bleed
Sometimes you just need to bleed
To make the pain so real indeed
To turn it away from deep inside
Bring it out where it can't hide
Keep from eating your brain alive
Manifest reality so you survive
Bare it for the entire world to see
Prevent it eating all inside of thee
Loose the monster to rant and rave
In order for sanity you can save
Spring
Spring at long last is here!
Ushered in with resounding cheer!
Days bathed in warm sunlight
Banish threatening night
The cycle of life begins anew
Bight colors in endless hue
A promise of beauty to come
No more darkness to succumb
Hope and dreams forever more
Soaring over an eternal shore
Life's phoenix arising fro
m dead
Celebrate life's eternal thread
Life's beauty has begun anew
For each one of us, me and you
Swirling Mists Of Illusion
Swirling mists of illusion
The self is but a delusion
Trapped within winds of time
Reality is a twisted mime
Nothing matters, nothing real
Comes the next turn of the wheel
That molds the next deception
Creates the false perception
That anything at all exists
Lost inside the swirling mists
Take Me Away, Way Over The Moon
Take me away, way over the moon
Away to that land that's ever so far
Over the horizon, out there somewhere
Somewhere you don't need a car
Let me ride the moonbeams in the sky
Ride them to heaven above somewhere
Up above in the sky that is so dark
Ride them to there, I don't care where
Gliding along over the beams from the moon
Going there, where I'll have not a care
Somewhere out there is the land of my dreams
Where I'll be free of all pain and despair
When I get there I'll be full of such joy
The earth shall not have me nor shall mankind
I'll stroll through fields of grass and flowers
I will be possessed of such peace of mind
But that place lives in only my mind
Oh how I long for that land of my dreams
A land of magic and beauty and peace
I wish I could dwell there forever it seems
Tears Of Joy
Tear drops fall like rain
Across the planes of my face
Tears of joy and hope
Falling all over the place
They neither burn nor sting
As downward they flow
They meet my smiling lips
My face is aglow
Joy is in my heart for now
And peace is in my soul
Hope blossoms within my head
For me it's a new role
Love for life swells up
Contentment seeps within
For all the times I've lost
I've now begun to win
I've secrets that I guard
That both help and do me harm
But helping is the stronger
So it doesn't me alarm
I'm stable now you see
And I am totally sane
No swinging back and forth
No more ungodly pain
I'm free of the insanity
And normality rules
So the tears that fall downward
Are joy's diamond jewels
Thank You God For This Day
Thank you God for this day
With family and friends it was filled
I'd have it no other way
Now at it's close I am thrilled
All was filled with magic and wonder
Slow, mild cycles were the day's order
Not once I did I have to tear it asunder
Never did I go over the border
My kids showed love for each other
Brother and sisters they were for the day
Not a single fight, they didn't even bother
With love and peace they passed it away
Even the grandkids were well behaved
Painting and playing with all of their toys
While their mothers over the stove slaved
This brought to my heart so many joys
This day was filled with much love and joy
With peace and contentment we were all filled
Santa was good to me though he brought me no toy
He brought me better, one and all were good willed
Thank You Lord For These Days
Better days are here today
I hope that they
are here to stay
If I stay on my pills
I hope that I
Won't have ills
The world was black
And now it's white
The LIGHT is back!
The sun is shining In my heart
And I am not pining
Now that is a good start
It is held at the bay
I hope that peace
Is here to stay
The war that waged in my heart
Was ever so violent
I was caged from the start
Now it's all peace and calm
The peace I'm feeling
Is ever a balm
Thank you Lord for these days
Good and bad, they are mine
In many different ways
I will live them the best I can
The Battle Rages Within
The land has grown dim
The battle rages within
It's fought for my soul
A most terrible toll
In silence it passes
The light it surpasses
My sanity the prize
Of these darkened skies
A prize that's so dear
I'll lose it I fear
Hopeless it seems
It's taken my dreams
Onward it wages
Evermore it rages
The battle may end
My heart it will rend
But the war goes on
Ever on and on
Victory so dear
I'm losing I fear
Insanity ahead
I should stay in bed
Winning is out
I want to shout
But a draw maybe
It's all I can see
The fight never ends
No matter what it sends
The battle rages within
The Beast
I cackle with glee
At your misery
Blood drips from claws
I defy humanity's laws
As I shred your heart
Bloody tear it apart
And desecrate your soul
I merely play at my role
As I revel in your pain
You doubt you are sane
Not knowing I am real
Making the agony you feel
Your screams I desire
Roast soul in hell fire
The madness I drive
You're no longer alive
On your screams I feast
So call me the beast
The Beast And The Heart
The beast:
Fly away quickly, fly far away
Listen closely to me as I say
You don't belong in this world
Hide in the dark corner curled
Pay attention, I tell you true
No one wants to deal with you
Run away lest they be made to pay
For caring at all on any day
Self pity and madness all are you
Push them away 'fore they suffer too
What? You won't? Is that what you say?
You'd risk their pain and not keep away?
You fool, so selfish and headstrong
Don't you see that you do them wrong?
The heart:
But hearts are not made to be alone
These are the best I have ever known
More than friends, family they are
How can I love them all from afar?
Before their pain I willingly bleed
Run away? Oh what a traitorous deed
As a rejection is how it will seem
Down my cheeks hot tears will teem
They've done naught to deserve such
Running away has got to be too much
To dare trade one hurt for the other
A devil's choice, oh dear, oh brother
Enough. Hush up you devilish beast
I'll hear no more be
fore I am fleeced
The choice is not mine, never was it
It is theirs to choose, mine to submit
The Beast He Is Me
Now I understand so more of where I've been
I wish those others could only have seen
It wasn't me that said all those things
The mind wasn't mine, it was a bird on wings
Flitting about, all those thoughts so wild
Spinning around, they couldn't be filed
Never resting, ever racing, never still
So out of control, it was not my will
Paranoia so strong, it was not my fault
My wounds all feel they're filled with salt
Psychosis it was, it comes from the beast
This much I know at the very least
I've researched it, this is what I've found
The beast it was, that truth does abound
It's cost was so dear I'll never recover
The pain over me always will hover
I've thrown away love, tossed away friends
The folly I'm guilty of knows no ends
I've given it all over to this beast
Of my emotions he has made a feast