CHAPTER XIX.
ENTERED FOR THE WAR.
One evening, I think before the end of April, I asked permission tospend the evening at Miss Cardigan's. I had on hand a piece of studyfor which I wanted to consult certain books which I knew were in herlibrary. Mlle. Genevieve gave me leave gladly.
"You do study too persevering, m'amie," she said. "Go, and stop tostudy for a little while. You are pale. I am afraid your doctor--cebon Monsieur le docteur--will scold us all by and by. Go, and do notstudy."
But I determined to have my play and my study too.
As I passed through Miss Cardigan's hall, the parlour door, standinghalf open let me see that a gentleman was with her. Not wishing tointerrupt any business that might be going on, and not caring also tobe bored with it myself, I passed by and went into the inner roomwhere the books were. I would study now, I thought, and take mypleasure with my dear old friend by and by, when she was at leisure. Ihad found my books, and had thrown myself down on the floor with one,when a laugh that came from the front room laid a spell upon my powersof study. The book fell from my hands; I sat bolt upright, every senseresolved into that of hearing. What, and who had that been? Ilistened. Another sound of a word spoken, another slight inarticulatesuggestion of laughter; and I knew with an assured knowledge that myfriend Cadet Thorold, and no other, was the gentleman in MissCardigan's parlour with whom she had business. I sat up and forgot mybooks. The first impulse was to go in immediately and show myself. Ican hardly tell what restrained me. I remembered that Miss Cardiganmust have business with him, and I had better not interrupt it. Butthose sounds of laughter had not been very business-like, either. Norwere they business words which came through the open door. I neverthought or knew I was listening. I only thought it was Thorold, andheld my breath to hear, or rather to feel. My ears seemed sharpenedbeyond all their usual faculty.
"And you haven't gone and fallen in love, callant, meanwhile, just tocomplicate affairs?" said the voice of Miss Cardigan.
"I shall never fall in love," said Thorold, with (I suppose) mockgravity. His voice sounded so.
"Why not?"
"I require too much."
"It's like your conceit!" said Miss Cardigan. "Now, what is it thatyou require? I would like to know; that is, if you know yourself. Itappears that you have thought about it."
"I have thought, till I have got it all by heart," said Thorold. "Theworst is, I shall never find it in this world."
"That's likely. Come, lad, paint your picture, and I'll tell you if_I_ know where to look," said Miss Cardigan.
"And then you'll search for me?"
"I dinna ken if you deserve it," said Miss Cardigan.
"I don't deserve it, of course," said Thorold. "Well--I have paintedthe likeness a good many times. The first thing is a pair of eyes asdeep and grey as our mountain lakes."
"I never heard that your Vermont lakes were _grey_," said MissCardigan.
"Oh, but they are! when the shadow of the mountains closes them in. Itis not cold grey, but purple and brown, the shadow of light, as itwere; the lake is in shadow. Only, if a bit of blue _does_ show itselfthere, it is the very heaven."
"I hope that it is not going to be in poetry?" said Miss Cardigan'svoice, sounding dry and amused. "What is the next thing? It is a verygood picture of eyes."
"The next thing is a mouth that makes you think of nothing but kissingit; the lines are so sweet, and so mobile, and at the same time socuriously subdued. A mouth that has learned to smile when things don'tgo right; and that has learned the lesson so well, you cannot helpthinking it must have often known things go wrong; to get the habit sowell, you know."
"Eh?--Why, boy!"--cried Miss Cardigan.
"Do you know anybody like it?" said Thorold, laughing. "If you do, youare bound to let me know where, you understand."
"What lies between the eyes and mouth?" said Miss Cardigan. "Theregoes more to a picture."
"Between the eyes and mouth," said Thorold, "there is sense anddignity, and delicacy, and refinement to a fastidious point; and aworld of strength of character in the little delicate chin."
"Character--_that_ shows in the mouth," said Miss Cardigan, slowly.
"I told you so," said Thorold. "That is what I told you. Truth, andlove, and gentleness, all sit within those little red lips; and agreat strength of will, which you cannot help thinking has bornesomething to try it. The brow is like one of our snowy mountain topswith the sun shining on it."
"And the lady's figure is like a pine-tree, isn't it? It sounds gay,as if you'd fallen in love with Nature, and so personified and imagedher in human likeness. Is it real humanity?"
Thorold laughed his gay laugh. "The pine-tree will do excellently,Aunt Catherine," he said. "No better embodiment of stately grace couldbe found."
My ears tingled. "Aunt Catherine?" _Aunt!_ Then Thorold must be herrelation, her nephew; then he was not come on business; then he wouldstay to tea. I might as well show myself. But, I thought, if Thoroldhad some other lady so much in his mind (for I was sure his picturemust be in a portrait), he would not care so very much about seeingme, as I had at first fancied he would. However, I could not go away;so I might as well go in; it would not do to wait longer. The eveninghad quite fallen now. It was April, as I said, but a cold, raw springday, and had been like that for several days. Houses were chill; andin Miss Cardigan's grate a fine fire of Kennal coals were blazing,making its red illumination all over the room and the two figures whosat in front of it. She had had a grate put in this winter. There wasno other light, only that soft red glow and gloom, under favour ofwhich I went in and stood almost beside them before they perceived me.I did not speak to Miss Cardigan. I remember my words were, "How doyou do, Mr. Thorold?"--in a very quiet kind of a voice; for I did notnow expect him to be very glad. But I was surprised at the change mywords made. He sprang up, his eyes flashing a sort of shower of sparksover me, gladness in every line of his face, and surprise, and a kindof inexpressible deference in his manner.
"Daisy!" he exclaimed. "Miss Randolph!"
"Daisy!" echoed Miss Cardigan. "My dear--do you two know each other?Where did you come from?"
I think I did not answer. I am sure Thorold did not. He was caring forme, placing his chair nearer his aunt, and putting me into it, beforehe let go the hand he had taken. Then, drawing up another chair on theother side of me, he sat down, looking at me (I thought afterwards, Ionly felt at the moment), as if I had been some precious wonder; theKoh-i-noor diamond, or anything of that sort.
"Where did you come from?" was his first question.
"I have been in the house a little while," I said. "I thought at firstMiss Cardigan had somebody with her on business, so I would not comein."
"It is quite true, Daisy," said Miss Cardigan; "it is somebody onbusiness."
"Nothing private about it, though," said Thorold, smiling at me. "Butwhere in the world did you and Aunt Catherine come together?"
"And what call have ye to search into it?" said Miss Cardigan'sgood-humoured voice. "I know a great many bodies, callant, that youknow not."
"I know this one, though," said Thorold. "Miss Randolph--won't youspeak? for Aunt Catherine is in no mood to tell me--have you two knowneach other long?"
"It seems long," I said. "It is not very long."
"Since last summer?"
"Certainly!"
"If that's the date of _your_ acquaintanceship," said Miss Cardigan,"we're auld friends to that. Is all well, Daisy?"
"All quite well, ma'am. I came to do a bit of study I wanted in yourbooks, and to have a nice time with you, besides."
"And here is this fellow in the way. But we cannot turn him out,Daisy; he is going fast enough; on what errand, do you think, is hebent?"
_I_ had not thought about it till that minute. Something, some threadof the serious, in Miss Cardigan's voice, made me look suddenly atThorold. He had turned his eyes from me and had bent them upon thefire, all merriment gone out of his face, too. It was thoroughlygrav
e.
"What are you going to do, Mr. Thorold?" I asked.
"Do you remember a talk we had down on Flirtation Walk one day lastsummer, when you asked me about possible political movements at theSouth, and I asked you what you would do?"
"Yes," I said, my heart sinking.
"The time has come," he said, facing round upon me.
"And you--?"
"I shall be on my way to Washington in a few days. Men are wantednow--all the men that have any knowledge to be useful. I may not bevery useful. But I am going to try."
"I thought"--it was not quite easy to speak, for I was struggling withsomething which threatened to roughen my voice--"I thought you did notgraduate till June?"
"Not regularly; not usually; but things are extraordinary this year.We graduate and go on to Washington at once."
I believe we were all silent a few minutes.
"Daisy," said Miss Cardigan, "you have nobody that is dear to _you_likely to be engaged in the fray--if there is one?"
"I don't know--" I said, rather faintly. I remember I said it; Icannot tell why, for I _did_ know. I knew that Preston and Ransom wereboth likely to be in the struggle, even if Ransom had been at themoment at the opposite side of the world. But then Thorold roused upand began to talk. He talked to divert us, I think. He told us ofthings that concerned himself and his class personally, giving detailsto which we listened eagerly; and he went on from them to things andpeople in the public line, of which and of whom neither Miss Cardigannor I had known the thousandth part so much before. We sat andlistened, Miss Cardigan often putting in a question, while the warmstill glow of the firelight shed over us and all the room itsassurance of peace and quiet, woven and compounded of life-longassociations. Thorold sat before us and talked, and we looked at himand listened in the fire-shine; and my thoughts made swift sidewayflights every now and then from this peace and glow of comfort, andfrom Thorold's talk, to the changes of the camp and the possiblecoming strife; spectres of war, guns and swords, exposure andwounds--and sickness--and the battlefield--what could I tell? and MissCardigan's servant put another lump of coal on the fire, and Thoroldpresently broke it, and the jet of illumination sprang forth, mockingand yet revealing in its sweet home glow my visions of terror. Theywere but momentary visions; I could not bear, of course, to looksteadily at them; they were spectres that came and went with a wave ofa hand, in a jet of flame, or the shadow of an opening door; but theywent and came; and I saw many things in Thorold's face that nightbesides the manly lines of determination and spirit, the look ofthought and power, and the hover of light in his eye when it turned tome. I don't know what Miss Cardigan saw; but several times in theevening I heard her sigh; a thing very unusual and notable with her.Again and again I heard it, a soft long breath.
I gave it no heed at the time. My eyes and thoughts were fixed on theother member of the party; and I was like one in a dream. I walked ina dream; till we went into the other room to tea, and I heard MissCardigan say, addressing her nephew--
"Sit there, Christian."
I was like one in a dream, or I should have known what this meant. Idid know two minutes afterwards. But at the moment, falling in withsome of my thoughts, the word made me start and look at Thorold. Icannot tell what was in my look; I know what was in my heart; thesurprised inquiry and the yearning wish. Thorold's face flushed. Hemet my eyes with an intense recognition and inquiry in his own, andthen, I am almost sure, his were dim. He set my chair for me at thetable, and took hold of me and put me in it with a very gentle touchthat seemed to thank me.
"That is my name, Miss Randolph," he said, "the name given me by myparents."
"You'll earn it yet, boy," said Miss Cardigan. "But the sooner thebetter."
There was after that a very deep gravity upon us all for the firstminutes at the table. I wondered to myself, how people can go on drinkingtea and eating bread and butter through everything; yet they must, andeven I was doing it at the moment, and not willing to forego theoccupation. By degrees the wonted course of things relieved our minds,which were upon too high a strain. It appeared that Thorold was veryhungry, having missed his dinner somehow; and his aunt ordered upeverything in the house for his comfort, in which I suppose she found herown. And then Thorold made me eat with him. I was sure I did not want it,but that made no difference. Things were prepared for me and put upon myplate, and a soft little command laid on me to do with them what I wasexpected to do. It was not like the way Dr. Sandford used to order me,nor in the least like Preston's imperiousness, which I could withstandwell enough; there was something in it which nullified all my power andeven will to resist, and I was as submissive as possible. Thorold grewvery bright again as the meal went on, and began to talk in a somewhatlivelier strain than he had been in before tea; and I believe he did wileboth his aunt and me out of the sad or grave thoughts we had beenindulging. I know that I was obliged to laugh, as I was obliged to eat.Thorold had his own way, and seemed to like it. Even his aunt was amusedand interested, and grew lively, like herself. With all that, through thewhole supper-time I had an odd feeling of her being on one side; itseemed to be only Thorold and I really there; and in all Thorold wasdoing and through all he was talking, I had a curious sense that he wasoccupied only with me. It was not that he said so much directly to me orlooked so much at me; I do not know how I got the feeling. There was MissCardigan at the head of the table busy and talking as usual, clever andkind; yet the air seemed to be breathed only by Thorold and me.
"And how soon, lad," Miss Cardigan broke out suddenly, when a moment'slull in the talk had given her a chance, "how soon will ye be off tothat region of disturbance whither ye are going?"
"Washington?" said Thorold. "Just as soon as our examination can bepushed through; in a very few days now."
"You'll come to me by the way, for another look at you, in yourofficer's uniform?"
"Uniform? nobody will have any uniform, I fancy," said Thorold;"nobody has any time to think of that. No, Aunt Catherine, and I shallnot see you, either. I expect we shall rush through without the lossof a train. I can't stop. I don't care what clothes I wear to getthere."
"How came you to be here now, if you are in such a hurry?"
"Nothing on earth would have brought me, but the thing that did bringme," said Thorold. "I was subpoenaed down, to give my evidence in atrial. I must get back again without loss of a minute; should havegone to-night, if there had been a train that stopped. I am very gladthere was no train that stopped!"
We were all silent for a minute; till the door-bell rang, and theservant came, announcing Mr. Bunsen, to see Miss Cardigan about thetenant houses. Miss Cardigan went off through the open doors that ledto the front parlour; and standing by the fire, I watched her figurediminishing in the long distance till it passed into Mr. Bunsen'spresence and disappeared. Mr. Thorold and I stood silently on eitherside of the hearth, looking into the fire, while the servant wasclearing the table. The cheerful, hospitable little table, round whichwe had been so cheerful at least for the moment, was dismantledalready, and the wonted cold gleam of the mahogany seemed to tell methat cheer was all over. The talk of the uniform had overset me. Allsorts of visions of what it signified, what it portended, where itwould go, what it would be doing, were knocking at the door of myheart, and putting their heads in. Before tea these visions had comeand vanished; often enough, to be sure; now they came and stayed. Iwas very quiet, I am certain of that; I was as certainly very sober,with a great and growing sadness at my heart. I think Thorold wasgrave, too, though I hardly looked at him. We did not speak to eachother all the time the servant was busy in the room. We stood silentbefore the fire. The study I had come to do had all passed away out ofmy mind, though the books were within three feet of me. I was growingsadder and sadder every minute.
"Things have changed, since we talked so lightly last summer of whatmight be," Thorold said at last. And he said it in a meditative way,as if he were pondering something.
"Yes," I assented.
&nbs
p; "The North does not wish for war. The South have brought it uponthemselves."
"Yes," I said again, wondering a little what was coming.
"However disagreeable my duty may be, it is my duty; and there is noshirking it."
"No," I said. "Of course."
"And if your friends are on one side and I on the other,--it is not myfault, Miss Randolph."
"No," I said; "not at all."
"Then you do not blame me for taking the part I _must_ take?"
"No," I said. "You must take it."
"Are you sorry I take it?" said Thorold with a change of tone, andcoming a step nearer.
"Sorry?" I said, and I looked up for an instant. "No; how could I besorry? it is your duty. It is right." But as I looked down again I hadthe greatest difficulty not to burst into tears. I felt as though myheart would break in two with its burden of pain. It cost a greateffort to stand still and quiet, without showing anything.
"What is it, then?" said Thorold; and with the next words I knew hehad come close to my side and was stooping his head down to my face,while his voice dropped. "What is it, Daisy?--Is it--O Daisy, I loveyou better than anything else in the world, except my duty! Daisy, doyou love me?"
Nothing could have been more impossible to me, I think, than to answera word; but, indeed, Thorold did not seem to want it. As he questionedme, he had put his arm round me and drawn me nearer and nearer,stooping his face to me, till his lips took their own answer at mine;indeed, took answer after answer, and then, in a sort of passion ofmute joy, kissed my face all over. I could not forbid him; betweenexcitement and sorrow and happiness and shame, I could do nothing. Thebest I could do was to hide my face; but the breast of that grey coatwas a strange hiding-place for it. With that inconsistent mingling ofsmall things with great in one's perceptions, which everybody knows, Iremember the soft feel of the fine grey cloth along with the clasp ofThorold's arms and the touch of his cheek resting upon my hair. And westood so, quite still, for what seemed both a long and a short time,in which I think happiness got the upper hand with me, and pain forthe moment was bid into the background. At last Thorold raised hishead and bade me lift up mine.
"Look up, darling," he said; "look up, Daisy! let me see your face.Look up, Daisy--we have only a minute, and everything in the world tosay to each other. Daisy--I want to see you."
I think it was one of the most difficult little things I ever had inmy life to do, to raise my face and let him look at it; but I knew itmust be done, and I did it. One glance at his I ventured. He wassmiling at me; there was a flush upon his cheek; his eye had a lightin it, and with that a glow of tenderness which was different fromanything I had ever seen; and it was glittering, too, I think, withanother sort of suffusion. His hand came smoothing down my hair andthen touching my cheek while he looked at me.
"What are you going to do with yourself now?" he said softly.
"I am going on with my studies for another month or two."
"And you belong to me, Daisy?"
"Yes."
He bent his head and kissed my brow. There is an odd difference ofeffect between a kiss on the lips and on the forehead, or else it wasa difference in the manner. This seemed a sort of taking possession orsetting a seal; and it gave me a new feeling of something almost likeawe, which I had never associated with the grey coat or with itswearer before. Along with that came another impression that I supposemost women know, and know how sweet it is; the sense of an envelopingprotection. Not that I had not been protected all my life; but mymother's had been the protection of authority; my father's also, insome measure; Dr. Sandford's was emphatically that of a _guardian_; heguarded me a little too well. But this new thing that was stealinginto my heart, with its subtle delight, was the protection of achampion; of one who set me and mine above all other interests orclaims in the world, and who would guard me as if he were a part ofmyself, only stronger. Altogether Thorold seemed to me different fromwhat he had been the last summer; there was a gravity now in his faceand air at times that was new and even stern; the gravity of a mantaking stern life work upon him. I felt all this in a minute, whileThorold was smiling down into my face.
"And you will write to me?" he said.
"Yes."
"And I will write to you. And I belong to you, Daisy, and to no other.All I have is yours, and all that I am is yours--after my duty; youmay dispose of me, pretty one, just as you like. _You_ would not havethat put second, Daisy."
A great yearning came over me, so great and strong that it almost tookaway my breath. I fancy it spoke in my eyes, for Thorold's face grewvery grave, I remember, as he looked at me. But I must speak it moreplainly than so, at any costs, breath or no breath, and I must notwait.
"Christian," I whispered, "won't you earn your right to your name?"
He pressed his lips upon mine by way of answer first, and then gave mea quick and firm "Yes." I certainly thought he had found a mouth hewas talking of a little while ago. But at that instant the sound ofthe distant house door closing, and then of steps coming out from theparlour, made me know that Miss Cardigan's business was over, and thatshe was returning to us. I wanted to free myself from Thorold's arm,but he would not let me; on the contrary, held me closer, and halfturned to meet Miss Cardigan as she came in. Certainly men are verydifferent from women. There we stood, awaiting her; and I felt verymuch ashamed.
"Come on, Aunt Catherine," Thorold said, as she paused at thedoor,--"come in, come in, and kiss her--this little darling is mine."
Miss Cardigan came in slowly. I could not look up.
"Kiss her, Aunt Catherine," he repeated; "she is mine."
And to my great dismay he set her the example; but I think it waspartly to reassure me, and cover my confusion, which he saw.
"I have kissed Daisy very often before now," said Miss Cardigan. Ithought I discerned some concern in her voice.
"Then come, do it again," said Thorold, laughing. "You never kissedher as anything belonging to me, Aunt Catherine."
And he fairly laid me in Miss Cardigan's arms, till we kissed eachother as he desired. But Miss Cardigan's gravity roused me out of myconfusion. I was not ashamed before her; only before him.
"Now, Aunt Catherine," he said, pulling up a comfortable arm chair tothe corner of the hearth, "sit there. And Daisy--come here!"
He put me into the fellow chair; and then built up the wood in thefireplace till we had a regular illumination. Then drew himself upbefore the fire, and looked at his aunt.
"It's like you!" broke out Miss Cardigan. "Ever since you were born, Ithink, you did what you liked, and had what you liked; and threw overeverything to get at the best."
"On the contrary," said Thorold, "I was always of a very contenteddisposition."
"Contented with your own will, then," said his aunt. "And now, do youmean to tell me that you have got this prize--this prize--it's a firstclass, Christian--for good and for certain to yourself?"
I lifted my eyes one instant, to see the sparkles in Thorold's eyes;they were worth seeing.
"You don't think you deserve it?" Miss Cardigan went on.
"I do not think I deserve it," said Thorold. "But I think I will."
"I know what that means," said his aunt. "You will get worldlyglory--just a bit or two more of gold on your coat--to match you withone of the Lord's jewels, that are to be 'all glorious within'; andyou think that will fit you to own her."
"Aunt Catherine," said Thorold, "I do not precisely think that goldlace is glory. But I mean that I will do my duty. A man can do nomore."
"Some would have said 'a man can do no less,'" said Miss Cardigan,turning to me. "But you are right, lad; more than our duty we can noneof us do; where _all_ is owing, less will not be overpay. But whateverdo you think her father will say to you?"
"I will ask him when the time comes," said Thorold, contentedly. Histone was perfect, both modest and manly. Truth to say, I could notquite share his content in looking forward to the time he spoke of;but that was far ahead, and it wa
s impossible not to share hisconfidence. My father and my mother had been practically not myguardians during six and a half long years; I had got out of the habitof looking first to them.
"And what are you going to do now in Washington?" said his aunt. "Youmay as well sit down and tell us."
"I don't know. Probably I shall be put to drill new recruits. Allthese seventy-five thousand men that the President has called for,won't know how to handle a gun or do anything else."
"And what is he going to do with these seventy-five thousand men,Christian?"
"Put down treason, if he can. Don't you realize yet that we have acivil war on our hands, Aunt Catherine? The Southern States aremustering and sending their forces; we must meet them, or give up thewhole question; that is, give up the country."
"And what is it that _they_ will try to do?" said Miss Cardigan. "Itis a mystery to me what they want; but I suppose I know; only bad menare a mystery to me always."
"They will try to defy the laws," said Thorold. "We will try to seethem executed."
"They seem very fierce," said Miss Cardigan; "to judge by what theysay."
"And do," added Thorold. "I think there is a sort of madness inSouthern blood."
He spoke with a manner of disgustful emphasis. I looked up at him tosee an expression quite in keeping with his words. Miss Cardigan criedout--
"Hey, lad! ye're confident, surely, to venture your opinions soplainly and so soon!"
His face changed, as if sunlight had been suddenly poured over it. Hecame kneeling on one knee before me, taking my hand and kissing it,and laughing.
"And I see ye're not confident without reason!" added Miss Cardigan."Daisy'll just let ye say your mind, and no punish you for it."
"But it is _true_, Miss Cardigan," I said, turning to her. I wished Ihad held my tongue the next minute, for the words were taken off mylips, as it were. It is something quite different from eating your ownwords, which I have heard of as not being pleasant; mine seemed to bedevoured by somebody else.
"But is it true they are coming to attack Washington?" Miss Cardiganwent on, when we had all done laughing. "I read it in the prints; andit seems to me I read every other thing there."
"I am afraid you read too many prints," said Thorold. "You arethinking of 'hear both sides,' Aunt Catherine? You must know there isbut one side to this matter. There never are two sides to treason."
"That's true," said Miss Cardigan. "But about Washington, lad? I sawan extract from a letter written from that city, by a lady, and shesaid the place was in a terror; she said the President sleeps with ahundred men, armed, in the east room, to protect him from the Southernarmy; and keeps a sentinel before his bedroom door; and often goesclean out of the White House and sleeps somewhere else, in his fear."
I had never seen Thorold laugh as he did then. And he asked his aunt"where she had seen that extract?"
"It was in one of the papers--it was in an extract itself, I'mthinking."
"From a Southern paper," said Thorold.
"Well, I believe it was."
"I have seen extracts, too," said Thorold. "They say, Alexander H.Stephens is counselling the rebels to lay hold on Washington."
"Well, sit down and tell us what you do know, and how to understandthings," said Miss Cardigan. "I don't talk to anybody, much, aboutpolitics."
So Thorold did as he was asked. He sat down on the other side of me,and with my hand in his, talked to us both. We went over the wholeground of the few months past, of the work then doing and preparing,of what might reasonably be looked for in both the South and theNorth. He said he was not very wise in the matter; but he wasinfinitely more informed than we; and we listened as to the mostabsorbing of all tales, till the night was far worn. A sense of thegravity and importance of the crisis; a consciousness that we wereembarked in a contest of the most stubborn character, the end of whichno man might foretell, pressed itself more and more on my mind as thenight and the talk grew deeper. If I may judge from the changes inMiss Cardigan's face, it was the same with her. The conclusion was,the North was gathering and concentrating all her forces to meet thetrial that was coming; and the young officers of the graduating classat the Military Academy had been ordered to the seat of war a littlebefore their time of study was out, their help being urgently needed.
"And where is Preston?" said I, speaking for the first time in a longwhile.
"Preston?" echoed Thorold.
"My Cousin Preston--Gary; your classmate Gary."
"Gary! Oh, he is going to Washington, like the rest of us."
"Which side will he take?"
"You should know, perhaps, better than I," said Thorold. "He always_has_ taken the Southern side, and very exclusively."
"_Has_ taken?" said I. "Do you mean that among the cadets there hasbeen a South and a North--until now, lately?"
"Aye, Daisy, always, since I have been in the Academy. The Southernclique and the Northern clique have been well defined; there is alwaysan assumption of superiority on the one side, and some resenting of iton the other side. It was on that ground Gary and I split."
"Split!" I repeated.
But Thorold laughed and kissed me, and would give me no satisfaction.I began to put things together, though. I saw from Christian's eyesthat _he_ had nothing to be ashamed of, in looking back; I rememberedPreston's virulence, and his sudden flush when somebody had repeatedthe word "coward," which he had applied to Thorold. I felt certainthat more had been between them than mere words, and that Prestonfound the recollection not flattering, whatever it was; and havingcome to this settlement of the matter, I looked up at Thorold.
"My gentle little Daisy!" he said. "I will never quarrel with himagain--if I can help it."
"You _must_ quarrel with him, if he is on the wrong side," I answered."And so must I."
"You say you must go immediately back to West Point," said MissCardigan. "Leave thanking Daisy's hand, and tell me _when_ you aregoing; for the night is far past, children."
"I am gone when I bid you good-night," said Thorold. "I must set outwith the dawn--to catch the train I must take."
"With the dawn!--_this_ morning!" cried Miss Cardigan.
"Certainly. I should be there this minute, if the colonel had notgiven me something to do here that kept me."
"And when will ye do it?"
"Do it! It is done," said Thorold; "before I came here. But I mustcatch the first train in the morning."
"And you'll want some breakfast before that," she said, rising.
"No, I shall not," said Thorold, catching hold of her. "I wantnothing. I _did_ want my supper. Sit down, Aunt Catherine, and bequiet. I want nothing, I tell you, but more time."
"We may as well sit up the rest of the night," I said; "it is so fargone now."
"Yes, and what will you be good for to-morrow?" said Miss Cardigan."You must lie down and take a bit of rest."
I felt no weariness; but I remember the grave, tender examination ofThorold's eyes, which seemed to touch me with their love, to find outwhether I--and himself--might be indulged or not. It was a bit of thethoughtful, watchful affection which always surrounded me when he wasnear. I never had it just so from anybody else.
"It won't do, Daisy," said he gaily. "You would not have me go incompany with self-reproaches all day to-morrow? You must lie down hereon the sofa; and, sleep or not, we'll all be still for two hours. AuntCatherine will thank me to stop talking for that length of time."
I was not sleepy, but Miss Cardigan and Thorold would not be resisted.Thorold wheeled up the sofa, piled the cushions, and made me lie down,with the understanding that nobody should speak for the time he hadspecified. Miss Cardigan, on her part, soon lost herself in her easychair. Thorold walked perseveringly up and down the room. I closed myeyes and opened my eyes, and lay still and thought. It is all beforeme now. The firelight fading and brightening: Thorold took care of thefire; the gleam of the gaslight on the rows of books; Miss Cardigan'scomfortable figure gone to sleep in the corner of her chair; an
d thefigure which ever and anon came between me and the fire, piling orarranging the logs of wood, and then paced up and down just behind me.There was no sleep for my eyes, of course. How should there be? Iseemed to pass all my life in review, and as I took the bearings of mypresent position I became calm.
I rose up the moment the two hours were over, for I could bear thesilence no longer, nor the losing any more time. Thorold stopped hiswalk then, and we had along talk over the fire by ourselves, whileMiss Cardigan slept on. Trust her, though, for waking up when therewas anything to be done. Long before dawn she roused herself and wentto call her servants and order our breakfast.
"What are you going to do now, Daisy?" said Thorold, turning to mewith a weight of earnestness in his eyes, and a flash of that keeninspection which they sometimes gave me.
"You know," I said, "I am going to study as hard as I can for a monthor two more,--till my school closes."
"What then, Daisy? Perhaps you will find some way to come on and seeme at Washington--if the rebels don't take it first?"
It must be told.
"No--I cannot.--My father and mother wish me to go out to them as soonas I get a chance."
"Where?"
"In Switzerland."
"Switzerland! To stay how long?"
"I don't know--till the war is over, I suppose. I do not think theywould come back before."
"I shall come and fetch you then, Daisy."
But it seemed a long way off. And how much might be between. We wereboth silent.
"That is heavy for me," said Thorold at last. "Little Daisy, you donot know how heavy!"
He was caressing my hair, smoothing and stroking it as he spoke. Ilooked up and his eyes flashed fire instantly.
"Say that in words!" he exclaimed, taking me in his arms. "Say it,Daisy! say it. It will be worth so much to me."
But my lips had hardly a chance to speak.
"Say what?"
"Daisy, you _have_ said it. Put it in words, that is all."
But his eyes were so full of flashing triumph that I thought he hadgot enough for the time.
"Daisy, those eyes of yours are like mountain lakes, deep and still.But when I look quite down to the bottom of them--sometimes I seesomething--I thought I did then."
"What?" I asked, very much amused.
"I see it there now, Daisy!"
I was afraid he did, for _his_ eyes were like sunbeams, and I thoughtthey went through everything at that minute. I don't know what moved me,the consciousness of this inspection or the consciousness of what itdiscovered; but I know that floods of shyness seemed to flush my face andbrow, and even to the tips of my fingers. I would have escaped if Icould, but I could not; and I think Thorold rather liked what he saw.There was no hiding it, unless I hid it on his shoulder, and that I wasashamed to do. I felt that his lips knew just as well as his eyes whatstate my cheeks were in, and took their own advantage. Though presentlytheir tenderness soothed me too, and even nullified the soft little laughwith which he whispered, "Are you ashamed to show it to _me_, Daisy?"
"You know," said I, still keeping my eyes veiled, "you have me atadvantage. If you were not going--away--so soon, I would not do agreat many things."
"Daisy!" said he, laughing--"Daisy!"--And he touched my cheek as onewho meant to keep his advantage. Then his voice changed, and herepeated, with a deeper and deepening tone with each word--"Daisy! myDaisy!"
I had very nearly burst out into great sobs upon his breast, with themeeting of opposite tides of feeling. Sweet and bitter struggled forthe upper hand; struggled, while I was afraid he would feel thelaboured breath which went and came, straining me. And the sweetness,for the moment, got the better. I knew he must go, in an hour orlittle more, away from me. I knew it was for uncertain and maybedangerous duty. I knew it might at best be long before we could seeeach other again; and back of all, the thought of my father and motherwas not reassuring. But his arms were round me and my head was on hisshoulder; and that was but the outward symbol of the inward love andconfidence which filled all my heart with its satisfying content. Forthe moment happiness was uppermost. Not all the clouds on the horizoncould dim the brightness of that one sun ray which reached me.
I do not know what Thorold thought, but he was as still for a while asI was.
"Daisy," he said at last, "my Daisy, you need not grudge any of yourgoodness to me. Don't you know, you are to be my light and mywatchword in what lies before me?"
"Oh no!" I said, lifting my head; "Oh no, Christian!"
"Why no?" said he.
"I want you to have a better watchword and follow a better light. Notme. O Christian, won't you?"
"What shall my watchword be?" said he, looking into my eyes. But I wasintent on something else then. I answered, "Whatsoever ye do, do allin the name of the Lord Jesus."
"A soldier, Daisy?"
"A soldier more than anybody," I said; "for He calls us to besoldiers, and you know what it means."
"But you forget," said he, not taking his eyes from my face--"in myservice I must obey as well as command: I am not my own masterexactly."
"Let Christ be your Master," I said.
"How then with this other service?"
"Why it is very plain," I said. "Command in the love of God and obeyin the fear of God; that covers all."
I did not see the natural sequence of what followed; for it was asuccession of kisses that left no chance for a word to get out of mymouth. Then Thorold rose up, and I saw Miss Cardigan enter.
"I will not forget, Daisy," he said, in a tone as if we had beentalking of business. I thought, neither should I. And then came MissCardigan, and the servant behind her bringing coffee and bread andeggs and marmalade--I don't know what beside--and we sat down again tothe table, knowing that the next move would be a move apart. But thewave of happiness was at the flood with me, and it bore me over allthe underlying roughness of the shore--for the time. I do not thinkanybody wanted to eat much; we played with cups of coffee and witheach other, and dallied with the minutes till the last one was spent.
And then came the parting. That was short.
THE END.
Transcriber's Notes
The following items were considered to be typographical errors andhave been changed. Other typographic, spelling, punctuation errors andparochial speech has been left as they appear in the book.
Page 17--Changed period into comma after the word "too" in thesentence--"But I think it is nice to know things too," said I.
Page 37--Corrected "awkward" from "awkard" in the sentence--They weregiggling and grinning, hopping on one foot, and going into otherawkward antics; not the less that most of them had their arms filledwith little black babies.
Page 40--Changed question mark to period and deleted quotation mark inthe sentence--I asked what they all were."
Page 51--Changed single quote to double quote after "light" in thesentence--"They must be very dark if they could not understand light,"said my governess.
Page 56--Removed superfluous "n" from governess in--Then I rememberedthat my governess probably did care for some fruit
Page 87--Corrected "string" to read "sting" in the sentence--It has asting of its own, for which there is neither salve nor remedy; and ithad the aggravation, in my case, of the sense of personal dishonour.
Page 91--Added apostrophe to "girls" in the sentence--I have arecollection of the girl's terrified face, but I heard nothing more.
Page 93--removed " from the start of the sentence--They had been gonehalf an hour, when Preston stole in and came to the side of my bed,between me and the firelight.
Page 97--Added " after Melbourne in the sentence--"We shall have tolet her do just as they did at Melbourne," said my aunt.
Page 110--Added " after the word "by" in the sentence--"Mass' Prestoncome last night," she went on; "so I reckon Miss Daisy'll want to wearit by and by."
Page 163--Changed period to ? in the sentence--"Will that distress youvery much?"
Page 178--Changed
Mr. to Dr. in the sentence--"But, Dr.Sandford," I said, "nobody can belong to anybody--in that way."
Page 193--Changed 'be' to 'he' in the sentence starting--I believe Ihalf wished be would make some objection;
Page 206--Added "le" to "aves" to make "leaves" in--"You wouldn't sayso, if you knew the work it is to set those leaves round," said themantua-maker.
Page 240--Changed "for" into "far" in--but I am afraid the rule of theGood Samaritan would put us far apart.
Page 249--Changed exclamation mark to question mark in--"Is there somuch trouble everywhere in the world?"
Page 250--Changed "I" to "It" in--It was a good photograph, and hadbeauty enough besides to hold my eyes.
Page 257--Capitalised "W" in--Is it Daisy Randolph? What have you doneto yourself?
Page 266--changed beside to bedside in--I heard no sound while I wasundressing, nor while I knelt, as usual now, by my bedside.
Page 283--Changed rapidily to rapidly in--I watched him rapidlywalking into the library;
Page 285--Added question mark instead of period to--"Are you tired?"
Page 316--Changed inmediately to immediately in--and placed himselfimmediately beside his summoner,
Page 349--Changed "not" to "nor" in--"I cannot help that. He isneither gentlemanly in his habits nor true in his speech."
Page 350--Added comma after "said" in--"You must not wear the samething twice running," she said, "not if you can help it."
Page 355--Changed period to question mark after "next" in--Who isnext? Major Banks? Take care, Daisy, or you'll do some mischief."
Page 374--Deleted comma after "see" in--Nevertheless, it was pleasantto see the firm, still attitude, the fine proportions, the militarynicety of all his dress, which I had before noticed on the paradeground.
Page 386--Changed subtance to substance in--men of business, men ofcharacter and some substance,
Page 407--Changed "weel" to "well" in--"You may as well sit down andtell us."
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