The thought of breaking and entering Nikki’s place made me think of Hayden, which restarted the vicious circle of despair. If only I could get the anger or numbness to come back. I’d do just about anything to keep from feeling the escalating grief. I’d lost it all…
Nikki’s smart car was still parked in her appointed stall when I got there, and I said a quick thank you for her being a procrastinator. I rang her doorbell after I stepped up to her door; I didn’t trust that I would be able to knock on her door without banging on it like I had at Dad’s. It took Nikki a few minutes to answer, and I could hear her inside, muttering and cursing to herself. Probably for being late. Even though she was frequently behind schedule, it bothered her.
When the wood in front of me finally opened to reveal her face, she looked frazzled. But oddly, her eyes widened in surprise at seeing me, and she started closing the door. “Hey, Nik?” I said, putting my hand up to stop the door from closing all the way.
Throwing it back open, she gave me a half-hearted smile. “Sorry, Kenzie. I’m just…super late. What’s up?”
Her eyes were darting everywhere but my face, and I instantly felt bad for adding to her stress. I needed her though. “I broke up with Hayden,” I muttered. Her mouth dropped open, and she finally focused on me. “I also quit Benneti and told my dad I never wanted to see him again. It’s been a busy morning…”
“Oh my God, come here.” She instantly pulled me into a rib-crushing hug. “I’m so sorry. What happened?” she asked, pulling back to look at my face.
I was crying again, but I didn’t care; I didn’t think I’d ever stop. “Can we go inside?”
Nikki instantly cursed at herself, and stepped back, letting me in. “Yeah, yeah, of course.” She no longer looked frazzled for time, but she looked…off. Eyes on my shoes, she pointed to the couch. “Have a seat.” I schlepped that way and sat down. She bit her lip while standing nervously in front of me. “Want anything? Coffee? Whiskey?”
I cracked a smile, but shook my head. Nikki was still standing there, fidgeting with her hands. “You okay?” I asked her.
She instantly relaxed and sat on the couch. “Yeah…I’m great. So…what happened?”
She was holding her hands so tightly her knuckles were white. Since my own problems were swirling out of control, I ignored her oddness and spilled my story. “Hayden was street racing for his friend again. With Felicia this time instead of me…” Admitting the betrayal made my stomach fill with acid. I thought I might be sick. Holding my gut, I told her, “He even had the nerve to tell me he was doing it for me, to raise enough money so I could race again…somehow.” I’d never let him fully explain how, but that didn’t really matter. He’d lied. Repeatedly.
Nikki’s faced morphed through a thousand emotions before settling on contemplation. “Do you think that’s what he was really trying to do? Get you racing again? Because…that’s kind of sweet.”
My gaze hardened into daggers. “Lying to me all the fucking time isn’t sweet, Nik. And I never asked him to get me racing again… I asked him to be honest. I asked him to be loyal. I’m pretty sure he failed at both.”
Nikki’s eyes shifted to the floor, and she started bouncing her toes up and down in an incessant pattern that was kind of driving me nuts. “Oh…so you guys are really over?”
Slamming my hand down on her knee, I bit out, “Yes, we’re done. And Dad and I are done, and Keith and I are done. I don’t have anyone…”
She immediately threw an arm around me. “You have me, Kenzie. Always.”
Smiling, I laid my head on her shoulder and removed my hand from her knee. She immediately started bouncing again, but I tried to ignore it. “I thought Hayden and I were this great, epic couple. I’d thought we were going to be the happy version of Romeo and Juliet. We were so good together, but he still…”
Emotion closed my throat, and I had to swallow before I could speak. Nikki filled the silence. “Sometimes people change. Sometimes they do things they never thought they would, because it seemed like a good idea at the time, and they were really lonely, and maybe it had been a while, and maybe there was alcohol and stuff…”
I pulled back from under her arm to stare at her. “What?”
Eyes wide, she immediately shook her head. “Nothing. Just a bad analogy, or metaphor…or whatever.”
Narrowing my eyes, I studied her. Chewing on her lip, her eyes darting everywhere, she was obviously nervous or anxious or something. And I didn’t think it was because she was late for work. “What’s going on with you?” I asked.
She tried smiling like she didn’t have a care in the world. She failed miserably. “Nothing…I’m just worried about you. And Hayden. That totally sucks.”
My annoyance at her avoidance actually helped curb the pain. Crossing my arms over my chest, I stared her down. “Tell me.”
She leapt off the couch and started pacing. “There’s nothing to tell except that I’m late for work, and Keith might kill me if I don’t get there soon.”
Guilt assaulted me, and I stood up with her. “Okay, I’m sorry. Do you mind if I crash here though? I don’t want to go home.” I really couldn’t handle Hayden showing up on my doorstep.
Nikki’s expression softened. “Of course, stay as long as you like.”
She gave me a quick hug, and, after we broke apart, I said to her, “Hey, let’s go up north this weekend and hang out with Myles. And maybe never come back.” I laughed on the end of that to show I was joking, but Nikki looked absolutely horrified by my suggestion.
“No!” She quickly added in a softer voice, “I mean, Myles is training…he’s busy.”
I had never in my life seen Nikki turn down an opportunity to hang out with Myles. Those two were peas in a pod, nearly inseparable. The only thing that ever got Nikki down was the fact that Myles was so far away from her now. Her refusing to see him—passionately refusing to see him—was shocking. “Are you guys fighting?” I asked. That was unheard of too. Sure, they bickered, but it was all in good fun.
Nikki’s expression was rigid as she stared at me; she looked marble she was so frozen. “Nope, we’re good.”
Obviously, they weren’t. God, I was sick and tired of people hiding things from me. “I really can’t deal with any more lies, Nikki. Tell me what happened. The truth.”
She melted like she was made of butter. Sinking onto the couch, she put her elbows on her knees and her face into her hands; she no longer looked like she needed to be anywhere but where she was. “Oh God, Kenzie…” She peered up at me with a desolate expression on her face. “Myles and I…we kind of did the deed.”
Not feeling any more enlightened, I sat down beside her and blankly asked, “What deed?”
Her face stiffened with annoyance. “The deed, Kenzie. We…slept together.”
“You guys sleep together all the…” My sentence trailed off as I was hit over the head with understanding. “Oh my God…you had sex with Myles? But he’s like your…brother.”
Her face morphed into a disgusted expression that I was sure matched mine. Shaking her head, she said, “Ew, no, he’s not my brother, he’s more like…like my best friend. Which is why things are so weird now. We messed up, Kenzie. Big time. And I don’t know what to do.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Myles and Nikki hooked up? It was like I was stuck in some alternate reality. Was this how Nikki had felt when I’d told her about Hayden and me? Probably. “Have you guys talked about this? How does he feel about it?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. We haven’t spoken since Monterey.”
“Monterey…” Again, understanding bashed me in the skull. “Holy shit! That wasn’t the TV I was hearing that night in Myles’s hotel room. That was you two…going at it…” I clutched my stomach, once more feeling sick.
Nikki looked equally horrified. “You heard us? Oh my God,” she said, letting her head drop into her hands. “Now everything is weird.”
Putting my hand on her back, I rubbed
soothing circles into her skin. Looking up at me, she murmured, “Want to know the worst part?”
“Sure,” I answered, not sure if I really wanted to know.
Straightening, she told me, “I can’t stop thinking about it. It was the best sex I’ve ever had. Just thinking about his hands on me gets me horny.” Her face shifted into a grimace. “But it’s Myles, Kenzie. Myles! I can’t get all hot and bothered about Myles!”
I had never wanted to be somewhere else more in all my life. While Myles was a best friend to her, he was a brother to me. And she was a sister. And the two of them “doing the deed” was not something I wanted to think about. “Well, I’m sure that will fade…just go have sex with someone else. But not Hayden.”
I knew right after I said that, I shouldn’t have. The thought of Nikki and Hayden together—of Hayden and anyone together—made bile rise in my throat. Nikki instantly understood the look of pain and disgust on my face. “God, Kenzie…I’m so sorry about you and Hayden. Want to watch sappy Lifetime movies all day with me?”
I could feel the tears building again, even as I nodded. “I thought you had to go, though. I thought Keith would kill you if you were too late?”
As a tear dropped down my cheek, Nikki gave me a sheepish smile. “No, I just didn’t want to tell you about Myles. I’ll call in sick…it’ll be fine.”
I lightly slugged her in the shoulder, then hugged her, then thanked her. Because I knew I’d never get through today without her.
***
CHAPTER 18
~Hayden~
I had trouble falling asleep after Felicia left my apartment. Not because of our conversation, or because I’d finally given her the engagement ring I’d been holding onto forever. No, I’d had trouble silencing my mind because I’d been brainstorming ways to get Kenzie back.
I’d finally closed the door on my confusing, unfinished feelings about Felicia. That part of my brain was blissfully silent, and I could now spend all my efforts focusing on Kenzie, like she deserved. But how in the world could I convince her that I didn’t have feelings for my ex? I’d seriously messed up by lying for so long about the street racing, and Felicia being a part of that world only made things a hundred times worse. I really wasn’t sure what I could do to fix it.
By the time I passed out from mental exhaustion, it was almost light out. When I finally woke up, it was almost noon. Goddamn it. Kenzie was slipping from me more and more with every passing second. Time was of the essence, and I couldn’t afford to waste a single moment, not even with necessary sleep.
The first thing I did when I hopped out of bed was check my phone to see if Kenzie had called or texted. She hadn’t, but there were missed phone calls from Keith and Izzy, and a couple of voicemails too. Hoping against all hope that the voicemails were somehow from Kenzie, I checked my messages.
The one from Izzy let me know that Antonia was out of surgery, but there were complications and she didn’t know if Antonia was out of the woods yet. My chest squeezed so hard, I felt like I was having a heart attack. She had to be okay, she just had to be. Antonia was the closest thing I would probably ever have to a daughter, and I couldn’t imagine losing her. I made a mental note to drive down there today and see her.
The second message was from Keith…not Kenzie. It was mainly a lot of incoherent yelling. Something about me having to answer for something, and I better get my ass to the track ASAP. The message was from two hours ago. Great. Knowing my ass would be grass if I waited any longer to leave—and I had a few things to say to Keith as well—I got dressed and made my way down to the track.
I was so late that everyone was there already. Everyone except Nikki. I didn’t see her little car anywhere. Damn. I’d really been hoping to talk to her about Kenzie. If anyone could help direct me toward the right path, it would be her. I’d have to grab her as soon as she came in; hopefully I could talk to her before Kenzie did. Convincing Nikki to help me after she’d already been influenced by Kenzie’s side of the story would make things so much more difficult.
Driving past Keith’s sporty car, I drove my bike through the inner gate and headed for the garages. Almost everyone was outside for some reason—some practicing, some just walking around aimlessly. Rodney was standing where I usually parked my bike, leaning against the garage wall. When he saw me, he raised an eyebrow and said, “Hey, man, be on your toes if you’re goin’ in there. Keith’s on a rampage, yelling at everybody.”
I wanted to ask why, but something told me I should just go see Keith and ask him myself. And I might do my own yelling if what Felicia told me was true; Keith had no right to interfere in my personal life.
The garage was empty, so I stomped upstairs to look for Keith. I found him pacing the hallway in front of his office. He pointed his crutch at me when he saw me. “You! You’re the reason she quit. What the hell did you do!”
Confusion trumped my anger. “Who quit? Kenzie? Was Kenzie here this morning? Did she look okay?” I asked, my voice a little frantic.
Resting his crutch back onto the ground, Keith scrunched his face in confusion. “Kenzie?” He instantly brushed aside my concern with his hand. “Yes, the little Cox bitch quit, but I don’t give a shit about that. Felicia quit! Felicia! One of my best riders, and the other half of…” Looking flustered, he shook his head. “She mattered to the team, not your little gal-pal. And she quit, because of you!”
Surprise choked my response from me. When I could speak, I stuttered on the name. “Ken…Kenzie quit? This morning?”
Keith removed his glasses and gave me a hard stare. “And Felicia. You seem to be ignoring the most important part. What the hell did you do to your teammate!”
With a frustrated grunt, I ran my hands through my hair. Kenzie quit, then Felicia quit. I understood why Kenzie had given up her job, since she hated everything about it, but I didn’t understand why Felicia had left—Keith was right when he said she was one of Benneti’s top riders; she was the top female in the league right now. But then, of course, it wasn’t all that surprising. Felicia bolting from a difficult situation was nothing new. Guess she hadn’t changed after all.
Leaving was her decision, though, and if that was what she wanted, then that was fine. It wasn’t my problem. Not anymore. “I didn’t do anything to Felicia, okay? I just…told her she wasn’t the one for me. Now what did Kenzie say when she quit?”
Keith’s face skewed in anger. “You told her…? I had plans for the two of you, things that were going to cause a major buzz. Once that Cox girl was gone, the road was going to be wide open for you and Felicia. I was going to televise your fucking marriage for fuck’s sake!”
Like the blazing sun eating away at the morning fog, the shock was wearing off and the anger was returning. “You had plans for us? And what about our plans? Yours and mine? You know, the plan for me to get the track from Jordan and give it to you…and in return you would give Kenzie a racing job. Do you remember that agreement? Or was it even an agreement? Was it ever really going to happen? Or were you going to screw me over? The way you screwed over Jordan by sleeping with his wife?”
Surprising the hell out of me, Keith lunged and tried to land a punch. He stumbled on his bad leg though, and I easily dodged the blow. Huffing, Keith spat out, “You ungrateful son of a bitch! I found you on the street! You live in my house, ride my equipment. You have no right to talk to me like that!”
Stepping up to him, I pressed my finger into his chest. “No, you don’t have the right to butt into my life. You’re my boss, not my father.” I started to turn away, then stopped. “And you know what, you’re not even that anymore. I quit.”
Keith’s jaw popped open and his sunglasses fell from his hands and clattered to the ground. “You can’t…” His jaw snapped shut, and his expression hardened. “Get your shit, and get out of my house. But give me the key to your bike before you go. You’re not welcome to ride it anymore.” He uncurled his fingers slowly, like it was painful for him.
I de
bated telling him to piss off, I wasn’t walking home, but he would just call the cops and have me arrested for theft. Digging into my jeans, I wrapped my fingers around the keys, dragged them from my pocket, and separated the bike key from the apartment key. Surely I could keep that one until after I’d cleaned out my shit. I handed the bike key to him without saying a word.
Hand still extended, Keith spit out, “Your key card to the track too. You’re no longer welcome on the property.”
Gritting my teeth, I took out my wallet, grabbed the key card and placed it in his open palm. Then I turned and left.
Fuck. In twenty-four hours I’d managed to lose my girlfriend, my apartment, my fucking job and my fucking bike. That had to be some kind of record. Stepping outside, I kicked a tire that was propped near the open garage door, making it fly toward the track. Fucking everything was going fucking wrong.
“Problem?” Rodney asked, still leaning where I’d left him.
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Keith kicked me out of his house. And he took back his bike, so now I’ve got to walk home and gather all my shit before he tosses it.” I couldn’t believe I was telling Rodney all my problems, but I was still reeling. And pissed.
Rodney let out a low, long whistle. “I told you to watch out, man. Need a ride?”
I cocked an eyebrow at him, surprised. “You’d do that?” He’d been one of the biggest assholes to me last year. Sure, he’d mellowed some around me, but I wouldn’t say we were friends or anything.
Shrugging, he said, “Beats hanging around here, waiting to get yelled at.” He pushed himself away from the wall. “Keith’s place, right?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
We walked past my bike as we headed for the parking lot, and a forlorn sigh escaped me. I’d really loved that bike. And sure, I could buy another one with my earnings from street racing, but I was saving that money for Kenzie. At least now I had a genuine excuse to stop racing for Hookup. Couldn’t race without a bike, and, unlike Keith, Hookup didn’t provide equipment.