Just as I was about to tell her my plan, someone nearby called my name. All of us twisted around to see Keith hobbling toward us. Kenzie let out a small sigh, and she kind of looked like she wanted to hide. Or run. She hated being around Keith, hated speaking to him even more.
I straightened my stance as Keith approached, and Nikki instantly busied herself with my bike; she obviously didn’t want her boss to think she was slacking off. Keith shot Kenzie deadly daggers the entire time he strode our way. I found that really irritating. It was no secret that Keith didn’t like Kenzie. Not only was she the child of a man he hated, she was the spitting image of her dead mother, a woman Keith had supposedly loved. He’d lost her to Jordan at the end, and the animosity between the two men had instantly become fixed in stone. Keith didn’t need to take that bitter rivalry out on Kenzie though; none of that had been her fault, and as I’d told Kenzie once, their problems weren’t our problems.
Stopping in front of me, Keith gruffly said, “You get my message about the rider meeting? It’s in ten minutes. My office. Don’t be late. And don’t bring your little gal-pal.” His dark eyes shifted back to Kenzie, and the sneer on his face deepened. My momentary relief that he hadn’t mentioned the fact that he’d used Felicia as his delivery person faded. He shouldn’t look at Kenzie that way, and he shouldn’t call her my “gal-pal.” It reeked of contempt.
Before I could call him on it, he started speaking to Kenzie. “You still haven’t convinced your dad to sell his side to me, Mini-Cox. Every day he holds out is another slap in the face.” He pointed a pudgy finger at her. “You better fix this fast, or I’ll completely ban you from the track.”
Shock and anger competed for space inside me. He didn’t have the right to do that to her. The brief flicker of hope in Kenzie’s eyes—hope that I’d kindled—began to die at Keith’s statement. Stepping in front of her to refocus his attention on me, I firmly said, “No you won’t, Keith. If you want me to come in, then you’ll let her come in too. We’re a packaged deal.”
My plan worked, and Keith shifted his attention to me; his anger too. “Don’t threaten me, Hayes, and don’t underestimate what I will and won’t do to help my team win.” With a sleazy smile on his face, he lifted his free hand. “Now, I’m not saying I’d stoop to bike tampering like Jordan, but—”
His comment instantly enraged Kenzie, and she didn’t let him continue. “My father was not a part of that!”
Keith’s cool eyes looked back at her, and while he shrugged, it was clear he wasn’t swayed by her passionate words. “If you say so…”
“It wasn’t him!” she snapped. “It was—”
I could tell she was about to leak a secret that might bite all of us in the ass, so I snapped my gaze to her, and silently begged her to not say Hookup’s name.
Meeting my gaze and instantly understanding, Kenzie fumbled for different words to say. “It was someone else.”
“Whatever,” Keith blandly stated. “Just get your daddy to sell. Until you do, consider yourself trespassing the moment you pass through the gate.”
“Keith…” My voice came out both insistent and pleading at the same time. He couldn’t do this to us.
Keith’s eyes rolled my way, then he sighed. “Fine. She can go to the Cox side, and watch from there. You can briefly visit her when you’re not training.” I was so stunned, I could only stare at him in response. He shook his head. “Don’t look at me like that, Hayes. You can’t keep allowing non-employees into the garage. It’s not that kind of job.” He shuffled off to go tell others about the meeting, and once he was gone, I was surprised to find I was breathing heavier.
“Asshole,” Nikki murmured from her hiding place behind my bike; she cautiously looked around after she said it, to make sure only Kenzie and I had heard her. Goddamn Keith. After that conversation, I knew, without a doubt, that Keith would never agree to Kenzie and me training together. He’d rather see me fail than do anything that might help Kenzie.
Kenzie was pale but composed when I looked back at her. “I’ll talk to him, Kenzie, get him to come around.” How, I had no idea.
She shook her head as she studied me. “Don’t bother, Hayden. He’s right. I don’t belong here.” Looking around, she rubbed her arms, like she was feeling chilly eyes watching her every move. Keith wasn’t the only one who would love to see her gone, even I knew that. Things had been tricky for me at first, but the guys had come around eventually. They hadn’t with Kenzie. She was an ex-Cox racer and Jordan Cox’s daughter. If all they did was ignore her, I considered that a good day.
Hating the facts being ruthlessly shoved in my face, I softly whispered, “You do belong here, though. You belong wherever I am.”
She gave me a small one-sided grin that made me want to kiss her. “You should get to that meeting before Keith gets really mad.”
I sighed in defeat, then gave in to my desires, and lowered my lips to hers. The tender exchange was much too short for my taste, but she was right. I did have somewhere to be. After telling Kenzie I’d see her tonight, I trudged upstairs for that damn rider meeting.
The conference room that Keith used for meetings was on the far end of the building. It was empty when I got there, so I took a seat and waited. And waited. And waited. Just when I was about to call it quits, someone finally walked into the room, and, of course…it was Felicia. Nothing about my day was going to go right, apparently.
She closed the door behind her, and I immediately stood up. If there was going to be a meeting today, I’d come back when everyone else was here. I’d rather be late than stuck in a room with my ex.
Felicia’s dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She tilted her head, exposing her long neck. “You got my message?”
“I got Keith’s message,” I said in rebuttal. Looking around, I snapped, “Where is everyone?”
Felicia shrugged, then started walking around the long table toward me. “I don’t know. Did you keep it?”
I wanted to back up, but like my feet were glued to the carpet, I couldn’t. “Keep what?”
“My number,” she answered, her dark eyes warm and welcoming.
I felt like the room was heating as she approached, fire flared up my neck, roasting my face. Where the hell was Keith, Rodney, Maxwell…anyone would be great.
There was no way in hell I was going to confess that Felicia’s simple number was burned into my brain, so I said the only thing I could. “No, I didn’t.”
Determined to go around her, I turned and made my way to the other side of the table. Felicia changed her trajectory to block my exit. Great. So we were playing keep away now? “Move,” I told her, my voice hard.
“Listen,” she countered, her voice equally rough.
I sensed a fight coming, an epic fight four years in the making. Those fights had always ended in makeup sex before, but not this time. This time, there wouldn’t even be a fight. I would say my piece, then leave. Stopping where I was, I stared her down. “Once upon a time, I thought you were my destiny.”
Her face immediately brightened. “I am.”
My scowl deepened. “No…you ran.” She flinched, like I’d struck her. Ignoring the hurt I was inflicting, I continued spelling out my own pain. “You were always running, but you’d never run from me before. You’re not my destiny, because I don’t want to chase someone for the rest of my life. Not like that.”
“Hayden, I—”
Holding up my hand, I cut her off. “Did you know, I held out hope that you’d come back? That it was just another one of your disappearing acts? I kept telling myself you’d show up one day, acting like everything was fine, and things would go back to normal…so I put my life on hold and waited. Izzy was worried about me, Hookup thought I should be committed, but I didn’t care what they thought. I knew you’d come back to me. It took a year for me to realize you weren’t returning. A year, Felicia. It took me a solid year to give up on you. And what…it took you one evening alone to give up on me?”
/> With tears in her eyes, she shook her head. “Antonia was sick, I couldn’t deal, I just—”
“You couldn’t deal?” I asked, incredulous. “So you abandoned her? Like our parents abandoned us? She deserved better than that.” Contempt written all over my face, I snipped, “We’ve been friends since I was ten, lovers since I was fourteen. I thought I knew you…up until that day. We needed you, and you abandoned us. All of us.”
“Hayden,” she pleaded. “I just needed time.”
“Four years? No one needs four years. You ended us. You were done. And now, for some reason, you’re having second thoughts about that. Well, tough shit. You’re gonna have to deal with whatever it is you’re going through, because I’m done waiting for you. I’ve moved on, and I’m happier than ever.”
I stormed past her, on a mission to get to the door. She didn’t try to stop me, but she turned her head as I passed, and I heard soft words escape her mouth. “Are you?”
Opening the door, I left the room without a response. Her question burned through my mind though. Yes, of course I’m happy. Then why had I already lied to Kenzie about who’d texted me? Why had I already broken my promise? I’d told Kenzie I wouldn’t engage in conversation with Felicia. But I had. And it had felt damn good getting all that off my chest. And the fact that doing anything with Felicia made me feel good, also made me feel incredibly guilty. Kenzie would be crushed if she knew I’d deceived her. So, I’d just make sure she never found out. It wasn’t like it was going to happen again anyway.
***
CHAPTER 4
~Kenzie~
Three months later
The phone shook in my hand as I carefully listened for the voice on the other end of the line to say something. They were either going to give me a chance to race for them, or they were going to completely destroy my dream. Even though I wanted to stay cool and detached, wanted to pretend this phone call wasn’t the most important phone call of my life, my heart was pounding a furious rhythm against my ribcage; each pulse struck harder than the beat before, and I was positive I was going to be bruised inside.
Ever since I was five years old, I’d known what I’d wanted to do for a living—follow in my father’s footsteps and race motorcycles. There was never another option, never a Plan B. I never doubted my decision or waffled on my career choice. I’d done what I’d had to do to make my goal a reality. And, for one glorious season, I’d lived that dream to the fullest. Then I’d let it go. I couldn’t deny that it had killed me to release it…but in the back of my mind, I’d never truly believed it was gone. Until now. Today was my last chance to get on a team before the new season started.
The air in my kitchen seemed to solidify, and every breath was a struggle. Jesus, just say something already. Then a weary exhale met my ear, and I knew my fate before he even said it; I’d heard that sigh before. “We do appreciate you reaching out to us, Ms. Cox, and we truly wish there was something we could do for you, but unfortunately, we can’t take on any more riders at this time. I know you understand how expensive this business can be, and we’re a small team to begin with. There’s just no room.”
Not wanting my last chance to slip away from me so easily, I quickly spat out, “I know, but I’m willing to work with you. I have my own bikes, I can buy my own—”
He cut me off with a curt, “I’m very sorry…but the answer is no.” From his tone, I knew debating with him would get me nowhere.
There was a tearing sensation in my chest as his rejection settled into my brain. It was like the pocket of my soul where hope was fervently held tight had just been tapped and drained; I felt lightheaded, faint. Then anger and grief rushed in to fill the void. The mixture was thick and heavy, weighing me down instead of lifting me up.
My mouth felt too dry to speak, but somehow, I managed to form words. “If you’ll only reconsider, I’m sure we could work out something—”
The other line disconnected before I could finish my futile attempt at persuasion. Feeling numb inside and out, I slowly lowered the phone to the counter. That was it. The very last racing team in the ARRC…and they’d turned me down. Full to the brim of stunned disbelief, I couldn’t even completely comprehend that it was over. My dream was done. What was I going to do now?
Pricks of pain swept over me as I contemplated a lifetime of being blocked from the sport I loved. How would I go on? Should I just let it go? Be content with the fact that at least I’d gotten the chance to live my dream for a short time? Many people never got that far in life, after all. But I’d done it. I’d tasted glory, felt the blood-pumping thrill of competition, reveled in the euphoric high of success. I’d touched the sun. And now all I was left with were memories, stories…and scars.
Dad was the reason no one would hire me. He was furious over the decision I’d made at the end of the racing season last year—to give up competing so I could stay near Hayden. In an effort to keep us apart, Dad had tried manipulating my life by making plans to ship me off to a racing team back east. When I’d refused, he’d given me an ultimatum—quit the boy or quit racing. I couldn’t say goodbye to Hayden, so I’d left racing behind, rejecting and hurting my father in the process. Quickly after that, Dad had contacted every team, and, using his remaining respect and influence, he’d blacklisted me. When Dad wanted to make a point, he made sure it stuck.
The entire ordeal was gut-wrenching for me. Despite our differences, my father and I had always had a good relationship before this; his approval, guidance and support had been the cornerstone of my career. The Hayden-sized wedge between us was a razor-sharp slice across my heart that wouldn’t properly heal. Knowing Dad was hurt, angry, disappointed…it killed me, but I loved Hayden—with everything inside me—and giving him up just wasn’t an option. But I truly believed that if Hayden and I stayed tight and true, one day Dad would accept him and forgive me. He had to…we were family.
But, in the meantime, none of my family members were making things easy. Dad was still completely ignoring me. I called, left messages, and texted all the time, but I never received any response. He probably thought I’d break down and cave if he froze me out of his life. Theresa and Daphne were still angry; every conversation I tried to start with them ended in a fight. It sucked. I wanted my family and my career and my boyfriend. I shouldn’t have to choose. And I wasn’t going to. The cost was high though. Bonds were breaking that could never truly be repaired. I hoped Dad realized just what he was risking by freezing me out, because the more time that went on, the more I could feel our family fraying.
Between the loss of my family and the loss of my career, my soul was bleeding out. There was one good thing that hadn’t been taken away though. No, one amazing thing: Hayden. And I took a great deal of comfort in the fact that he and I were still going strong, despite everything that seemed to be trying to come between us.
Since I still wasn’t welcome at the Benneti garages, Hayden and I spent as much time together as we could outside of his practice schedule. He stayed at my place most nights, and while I loved having him there, it could be challenging at times. Hayden was many things—sexy as hell, brave, fearless—but he was also kind of a slob. At least, compared to me.
I liked things to be a certain way—a place for everything and everything in its place. I preferred order, tidiness, simple lines, clean curves and absolutely no clutter. Hayden just dropped whatever he had on him wherever he happened to be, and he only picked his crap up again when he needed it. It drove me insane, but I really liked having him around…so I was trying to not let the little things bother me. I had enough on my plate.
Like right now, when my world felt like it was imploding. I could feel defeat bubbling inside me, feel pockets of despair bursting open, coating me. My dream is over. Trying to hold in the tears stinging my eyelids, I stared at the island counter. It used to be completely bare, but Hayden frequently used it as his dumping area. Currently, it was overrun with papers, receipts, pens, small tools, and handfuls of candy; the
boy had a soft spot for sweets.
We’d made love on this counter once, but now there was no room for that to even be a consideration. The urge to clean up something in my life had me itching to grab a large garbage bag and sweep all his crud into it. I could toss the bag in the garage and it wouldn’t really make it any harder for him to find things. A system had to be better than no system at all, and less junk would certainly help my sanity. For a little while.
Having convinced myself that project One Bag was a great idea, I headed to the sink to retrieve the lucky garbage sack that was about to store all of Hayden’s treasures. That was when Hayden strolled into the kitchen, wearing frayed jeans, a plain white T-shirt, and his black leather Benneti Racing jacket.
Running a hand through his shaggy blond hair, he gave me a warm smile. Then, like he knew exactly what I was thinking, he pointed a finger at me and stated, “Don’t you dare touch that. I’ll clean it later.” I raised an eyebrow at that, since I’d heard it before, and Hayden did a quick X over his heart. “Promise.”
My thwarted plan to clean something made me want to sigh in frustration, but at the sight of Hayden’s crooked smile, the sound came out wistful and airy; just seeing him could lift my mood sometimes. He was so damn good looking, like a mad scientist had artfully combined the DNA of David Beckham, Scott Eastwood, and Chris Hemsworth to create the perfect male specimen; the result was just as amazing as it sounded. Sometimes it was hard to believe that Hayden wasn’t a model selling underwear for a living, or some famous movie star’s son. He was just another professional road racer, like me. Or like I used to be, at any rate.
His green eyes sparkled, reminding me just how in love he was, but then his expression fell. Glancing at my cell phone on the end of the cluttered counter, he quietly said, “You heard from the last team, didn’t you?”