Chapter 5
Mikhail streamed through the forest-a white vapor trail concealed by the snow¨C staying high up in the trees as he tracked the wolf loping across the ground beneath him. Mikhail could see that, in spite of taking the form of the wolf, Dimitri was in trouble. The
wolf paused every now in then, shuddering in pain, the shaggy fur, usually so shiny with health and strength, dull and wet with sweat. In spite of the animal form, waves of grief poured off the man, and to Mikhail's horror, small beads of blood were left behind in the paw prints in the stark white snow.
Mikhail dropped down through the canopy to fall more gently with the drift of the snowflakes as he approached the Carpathian male cautiously. Dimitri had gone through hell in the forests of Russia with his beloved wolves. Hunted by vampire and mortals alike, pursued by poachers and superstitious people, he had faced endless centuries of protecting both humans and wolves alone without the comfort of his homeland-the soil-or its people.
The wolf stopped running and stood with sides heaving, head hanging and blood-red tears dripping into the snow. He suddenly threw his head back and howled his unrelenting sorrow to the heavens and whatever deities might hear him. As the mournful notes faded into the night, he resumed his own shape, the wolf falling away to reveal the man. Dimitri covered his face as he sank down onto a boulder.
"You are feeling her pain," Mikhail said softly. "It is both a miracle and a curse for you. "
Dimitri sprang up, whirling to face the prince, his fangs exposed in a snarl, his eyes glowing with red flickers of flame. He stood in a fighters stance, hands up, the air around them charged with electricity-with danger. "I had no idea I was not alone," Dimitri said. "I would not have displayed such emotion. "
"Allow me to summon Gregori to you," Mikhail offered. "He could help to ease this suffering. "
"No one eased it for her," Dimitri growled. "I knew when they laid their filthy hands on her and I knew when they hurt her, and beat her and cut her. I even knew when they burned her, but I never felt it. Not the pain, not the rage, not her despair. When I touched her, drew her into my arms and merged my spirit with hers, it was there, behind the wall Francesca and Gabriel built to distance her from it, but it was all there and this time-God help me, Mikhail-this time I felt it all. Every agony, every humiliation, every depravity. The rage and guilt and I heard her begging-pleading-for someone to save her. Where was I?"
"You were doing your duty, Dimitri, as all of us must. Skyler is strong and grows stronger every day. I do not pretend to understand why some men brutalize women and children, I will never be able to comprehend such a thing, but I do know it is common. She is safe now, and happy. Gabriel and Francesca are seeing to her education, and eventually they will bring her wholly into our world. "
Dimitri rubbed his hand over his face. "When I saw her, she looked an angel, Mikhail. I never knew what that meant when I heard the description, but there is purity there and goodness. I need her. The darkness is closing in on me and I fear my ability to do the honorable thing. "
"Every one of us has moments of weakness, Dimitri. Skyler is your lifemate and as such, you must do what is right for her. Survive and maintain until such time as she is able to come to you. Work with Gabriel and Francesca, not against them. Kidnapping her or binding her will only hurt you both in the end, and I think you know that. At least you have hope where so many others have nothing. "
"Hope? When she is a child and I must return to the emptiness of my existence? When I know if I stay I will claim her? When I can feel every brutality inflicted on her and am helpless to take it away?" Dimitri sank once more down onto the boulder and shook his head. "I am lost, Mikhail. "
Mikhail crouched down beside him. "You cannot be lost. She must live with what happened to her and as her lifemate, so must you. "
"Shamed for all eternity that I could not protect her?"
"You are feeling rage-impotent rage-on your behalf, not hers. You should be able to extract vengeance, mete out justice, and because there is only the aftermath, the burden and scars of these terrible crimes, you rail to the heavens for your inability to protect her. She was a child and you were a thousand miles away. You did not know of her existence. You are a hunter of the vampire and you know duty and honor. Behave in an honorable manner. Court her as she deserves. Allow her to heal with Francesca and Gabriel that she might come to you wholly and of her own free will. That is the gift that you can give her-and it is much more than most of us have given our lifemates. "
Dimitri dragged in a deep breath. "I used to stare up at the stars each night and imagine that she was somewhere in the world looking at the same stars. I tried to picture her, to build an image in my head, but she was so elusive. And then I looked at her with her soft skin and her beautiful eyes and knew I could never have conjured her up, no matter how vivid my imagination. "
"Will you allow Gregori to aid you?" Mikhail repeated.
Dimitri ran both hands through his dark, sweat-damp hair. "I have to work this out in my own way, Mikhail. I have been alone many centuries now and it is difficult for me to interact with anyone-even my own people. I spend much time in the form of a wolf, running free with my pack. "
"There is danger in that-taking on the wild ways. "
Dimitri nodded. "If it becomes too big a burden, I will seek the Dark One. I cannot stay away from her while I am here. "
"Do not provoke Gabriel. "
"He should not provoke me. I am no longer the shy boy he thinks me. That boy is long gone from this world. " Dimitri spread out his hands and curled his fingers into two tight
fists. "I am a killer and damned for all time. She saw that in me, you know. She sensed the darkness and retreated. "
"You are a hunter. One of my best," Mikhail corrected. "Never think any different. Skyler is now your responsibility and she is tied to your fate. You cannot meet the dawn nor can you embrace evil. You must endure until she is old enough-and strong enough to accept your claim on her. " He straightened and looked up at the sky. "I am going to see Julian Savage. He was your boyhood friend. Perhaps you would care to accompany me?" His teeth flashed white, but the smile never reached his eyes. He could feel sorrow for Dimitri and try to aid him, but he could never forget that Dimitri was a danger and always would be until he had bound his lifemate to him. "I thought he, of all Carpathians, would most enjoy knowing I intend to see that Gregori wears the ridiculous red Santa Claus suit. "
"Julian always loved a good prank," Dimitri admitted, "but I will visit him later when I am in more control. Isn't his lifemate kin to Gregori?"
Mikhail nodded. "Desari is Gregori's younger sister. She's very talented. "
"Have you met the man who kept them all alive when we thought they were lost to us?" Dimitri asked. "He must be a powerful Carpathian. "
Mikhail nodded. "Ah, Darius. Elusive. Quiet. Says what he means. Few would ever think to cross him. He is much like his brothers. Confident in his abilities and powers. It is interesting to witness the Daratrazanoff brothers together. There is no jostling for leadership. Each is his own man, yet blends well with the others. It is a strong lineage. "
"I heard Dominic of the Dragonseekers had returned. "
"He was gravely injured in our last battle with the vampires and the mage, Razvan. Dominic still rests beneath the ground. Francesca and Gregori would very much like to have a healing session for him before she leaves for Paris. "
Dimitri stood up, squaring his shoulders. "Tell Julian I will see him later, at the party. I will patrol the forest and try to pick up the scent of our enemies. The wolves may have information for me. "
"Be very careful, Dimitri. They followed the trail of energy back to Skyler, but if blood is calling them, remember you also carry her scent as she does yours. You could be marked as well. "
Dimitri's mouth hardened into a cruel line. "I would welcome the chance at them. They will not find me as easy a target as they would find Sky
ler. "
Before Mikhail could respond, Dimitri turned and sprinted away, shifting on the run, going to all fours without breaking stride, the movement so seamless and fluid that Mikhail knew no one could have matched him. The ripple of power was breathtaking, and Mikhail stared at the spot where Dimitri had shifted, the tracks in the snow, one moment man, the
next wolf. The wonder of his species struck him as it did so often, but as always, on the heels of that wonder came the inevitable burden of responsibility.
My love. You are worried. Raven touched his mind with her warmth. At once the rush of love filled his mind bringing him comfort.
It is nothing. I will be with Julian and Desari. Would you like to join us?
I cannot. I do not like the look of this gravy. It is. . . lumpy.
Mikhail found himself smiling at the annoyance in her voice. If the gravy didn't behave, Raven was going to throw it outside in the snow and use it for target practice. The woman had a bit of a temper, and apparently the cooking wasn't going very well.
I do not find your amusement in the least bit helpful.
Amusement? Mikhail took to the sky, his body reshaping into that of an owl. He winged his way over the forest toward the house where Julian was staying. I am certain I did not feel in the least amused over you muttering threats to human gravy you are not going to be consuming yourself.
There was a heartbeat of silence. Alarm spread through him. Raven? You are not going to attempt to eat human food, are you?
I'm considering whether or not it would add to the illusion that we are human. Some of the villagers will be there as well as a guest or two.
Mikhail drew in his breath, his wings beating ferociously as he dipped through the trees, the snowflakes on his feathers. You go too far with this silly feast of yours, woman.
Her retaliatory amusement washed over him, bringing a flood of warmth. Only Raven teased him like this-unexpectedly, lovingly-daring the wrath of the prince of the Carpathian people. He sent her an impression of bared fangs, but it didn't do much to intimidate her. She only laughed and went back to her lumpy gravy.
Below him, Mikhail spotted Julian Savage running in the snow, his long blond hair like his brother Aidan's-streaming behind him, something tucked under his arm, while a woman chased after him and another man raised his hand, calling out. Julian launched the object into the air and the man caught it, waving it triumphantly over his head. Mikhail landed on the railing of Julian's home and shifted back to his normal form.
"It isn't funny, Julian," the woman called out with a small sniff of disdain. "That's for the midnight dinner. " She glared at the other man. "Barack, you give that to me right this minute. "
"No one could eat it, sweetheart. " Julian circled around her, careful to keep out of reach. "Unless they plan on using it for shoe leather. "
Barack flashed a grin. "We could start a new fad with this stuff, Desari. You cook the roast and we'll make the soles of shoes and after they walk for a while, they'll never go hungry. "
"Eeeww! That's just sick, Barack. You've been around Julian way too long. "
"Seriously, honey, it is much better used as a football. "
"Don't you sweetheart and honey me, Julian," Desari protested. "I can't very well have people eating that roast after you've been throwing it around. " She glared at the two men, hands on hips.
"Go out for a pass," Barack directed Julian.
Julian took off running and Barack launched the roast high into the air. Julian sprang up and caught it, pulling it into his chest. Before he could land on the ground, Desari began to sing and the notes danced silver in the air around Julian, hooking together to form a net. He bounced as if on a trampoline and slid off onto the ground, landing hard in an inelegant sprawl.
Barack doubled over with laughter, but undeterred, Julian lifted the dried out roast over his head in triumph. "Touchdown!"
Desari sang a few more notes. The silver and gold notes danced and dipped, hooking around one another to form a noose that slipped over Julian's head. Mikhail's breath caught in his throat. In the darkness, with the snow falling, the musical notes were beautiful, shimmering and glowing with life and energy. All the while Desari's voice pulsed through his body, making his heart and mind glow with warmth, happiness and, most of all, the love she felt for her lifemate.
Desari suddenly turned her head to smile at Mikhail. She was beautiful, dazzling even, her voice fading into the night, a part of nature itself "I suppose I shouldn't strangle my lifemate in front of the prince, should I?" she asked. There was no embarrassment in her voice, only laughter and welcome.
Desari is a true Daratrazanoff. She exudes confidence. He shared with Raven the image of the Carpathian woman with her flowing hair, soft features and her musical voice and the dancing silver and gold notes casting a noose around her lifemate's neck.
And she is beautiful.
There was no edge to Raven's tone, but Mikhail smiled at her through their telepathic link. Perhaps you should come and join me and leave that gravy to insects-although poisoning any creature is never a good thing.
You are so funny, my prince.
Mikhail winced. Raven never referred to him as a prince unless he was skating the edge of trouble. He smiled at Desari. "I have always wanted to strangle Julian. "
"So has my brother, Darius," Desari said, walking over to him, her every movement graceful.
A slow smile softened Mikhail's mouth. "I can well imagine if Darius is anything like Gregori. Julian used to drive Gregori right up the wall. Even as a boy, Julian had little fear in him. He went his own way and got into more trouble than most of our children could ever conceive of doing. "
Julian swept his arm around Desari's narrow waist. "Do not listen to him. I was not the bad boy of the Carpathians. Just independent-and for good reason. I had a vampire using my eyes to spy on our people. I could not very well stick around. "
"And you have since destroyed this vampire?" Mikhail asked.
Julian nodded. "I had built him up to be so powerful. As a child, to me, he seemed so, but like most monsters in our lives, once I became an adult, he was not nearly as powerful as I remembered. Looking back, I should have told an adult and perhaps they could have hunted and destroyed him, giving me back my childhood, but I thought he would harm our hunters. "
Mikhail shrugged his shoulders. "It is easy for us to look back and say what we should have done, but that is because later we have different information and, of course, knowledge always changes our decisions. "
Julian flashed a faint smile. "I would have wanted those years back with Aidan. He has been so good about it, but I know it hurt him to be separated. "
Desari reached for his hand in an offer of comfort. "We see him as often as possible now, Julian," she reminded him, and then jerked her hand away to rub her palm on her thigh. "You're all greasy. "
"The infamous roast," Julian said, presenting the large, dried up hunk of meat to her with a small courtly bow.
Mikhail covered his reaction with a small cough, turning his face away as Desari glared at her lifemate.
"It's all squishy, Julian, you ruined my roast. What am I going to do now? I have to provide something for tonight's dinner. "
"Ask Corrine to help," Barack suggested. "She told Dayan she cooked quite a bit before he claimed her. "
"There is nothing squishy about that roast," Julian protested. "It has turned to leather. "
Desari made a face at him and then down at the roast. "Disgusting stuff. I think I will ask Corrine to help me make something else. "
Barack held out his hands. "Throw it, Desari, we may as well finish our football game. "
Mikhail shook his head. "I wanted to let you all know that Alexandria and young Skyler ran into trouble a few minutes ago. We all need to be on alert and give added protection to our women and children. "
"Syndil was at the house, thinking she might prepare someth
ing for the party. I think I will check on her. If I reach out, she will simply say she is fine. " Barack sketched a small salute and immediately took to the sky.
The smile faded from Julian's face. He stepped closer to Desari. "What kind of trouble? Aidan did not send word that Alexandria was hurt. "
"She is fine now, but both she and Skyler felt the presence of a subtle flow of power, enhancing emotions to the point of irrationality. Even Gabriel was affected, losing his temper with Dimitri. "
"I knew Dimitri had arrived," Julian said. "I can feel the darkness in him growing by the hour. He is unstable and we have to find a way to keep him safe. Gregori gave me a task to keep me going when I thought to give up my existence, and perhaps if one was given to Dimitri. . . "Julian sighed. "He is alone, killing more often than a hunter should have to, and that is slowly destroying him. "
"Skyler is his lifemate," Mikhail stated.
Desari gasped. "Oh, dear, she's just a babe. Is he certain?"
"She restored colors and emotions. "
"That cannot be good," Julian said. "At best emotions can be difficult to deal with, and in this situation when she was so brutalized, he must be going through hell. I should go to him," he added, "see what I can do. Desari has amazing power with her voice. It might help him get through this. "
"He cannot bind her to him," Desari protested, her hand to her throat. "She is much, much too young and from what Francesca said, far too fragile. It takes both Gabriel and Francesca to distance her enough from her past to allow her to function normally. Do you know that she has no childhood memories in her mind they can bring out to aid her? It must be so difficult for Dimitri to suddenly feel all these things. For a time, he will be raw and wounded with her old scars. "
"It is a very dangerous situation," Mikhail agreed. "If Dimitri stays near her, he will continue to fight his need to claim her. If he chooses to return to Russia, the danger to both increases. " He rubbed his temples, suddenly feeling old. The weight of his responsibilities
was wearing on him far more these dark days.
In the midst of the Christmas season, when he should have been feeling joy and hope, he felt tired and the beginnings of despair. How could he save them? Two or three children were not enough. Even if Shea gave birth to a female and the baby survived, it would be years before a male would be saved. Too long to wait in darkness. Too many males. One or two lifemates were not going to keep their species from extinction, especially as their enemies were banding together and becoming bolder and bolder in their attacks.
"We had the advantages for so long," he murmured aloud. "We could scan and know the thoughts of our enemies, but now they've found a way to block us. We could smell the evil stench of the vampire, sense the presence of such an abomination, yet now we can no longer trust our own senses to guide us. " He spread his arms out wide. "Before, they would never have come here after us, fearing our power, yet now they chip away at us on nearly a daily basis. Our enemies outnumber us and as we grow weaker-they grow stronger. "
Desari glanced at Julian. His amber eyes seemed to glow as he stepped forward to put his hand on the prince's shoulder. He looked very much a warrior, and she couldn't help that small rush of pride in him.
"We grow stronger too, Mikhail. Under your leadership, we have come together when before we were scattered and apart. You have worked tirelessly to get the word to any of our ancients, to continue to look for any lost as Desari and the others had been. "
"The women are reluctant to become pregnant and give birth," Mikhail pointed out, shaking his head. "Without children, Julian, no matter our longevity, our species will not survive. "
Desari smiled at him. "We will survive. This is the season of miracles, remember? I thought you were a believer, Mikhail. Where is your faith?"
There was a small silence. The hard lines in the prince's face softened. "Perhaps this celebration of Raven's is just the thing I need to restore my faith, Desari. " He rubbed the bridge of his nose thoughtfully. "Should Josef decide to give us his rendition of any carol, please do volunteer to sing. Is it possible your dancing notes can muzzle the boy?"
"Josef's reputation precedes him," Desari said with a laugh. "I understand he's quite a handful. "
"Let us just say I do not envy Byron and Antonietta trying to keep an eye on the boy. They say he is quite intelligent, but not very diligent when it comes to mastering any of our practices. I think he has been spoiled and allowed to mix so much with human children that he has forgotten his duty to our people. "
Julian flashed Desari a secret smile at the sternness in Mikhail's voice. As a child, he'd often heard that same edge to the adult male's tones. "He will grow to a fine man," Julian
assured him. "Perhaps not a hunter, but we need our society to return to progress once more. We need men who look to business and the arts and especially science. "
"I have no doubt Josef will succeed in anything he does," Mikhail said dryly. "But the rest of us may not survive his youth. "
"I seem to recall Gregori said the same thing about me-many times. " Julian grinned at him, his strange-colored eyes glinting like gold. "The man needs a sense of humor. Now, I am his brother-in-law. Fate has a way of playing little jokes. "
A slow answering smile lit Mikhail's face. "I must confess, Julian, I did not think of that at all. His brother-in-law. He is also my son-in-law and as I am Dear Old Dad, I think it is time the man performed some family duties. He will be perfect in the part of Santa Claus tonight. "
Julian's eyebrow shot up. "My prince. " He bowed low. "I acknowledge you as the master in this game we so often play with the Dark One. "
Desari looked from one man to the other. "I can't imagine you asking Gregori to be Santa, and if Julian is endorsing it, that's a bad thing. "
"I see she knows you well, Julian," Mikhail observed.
Desari rested her head on Julian's chest. "Was he the resident bad boy growing up? I can well imagine that he would have been. "
Mikhail shook his head. "Independent. A smart mouth. He loved knowledge and had little fear in him. But no. " He frowned. "There was a young man, a few years older than Julian, who Gregori had to stay on top of all the time. He was far worse than Josef could ever conceive of being. He questioned authority all the time. "
"I remember him," Julian said. "He was amazing with weapons even as young as he was. Tiberiu Bercovitz. I haven't heard or thought of him in centuries. Did he come to the celebration? He was good friends with Dimitri. "
There was no real inflection in Julian's voice, but Mikhail caught a flare of wariness in the hunter's eyes. The man shifted subtly, but protectively toward his lifemate.
"This is what our lives have become," Mikhail murmured aloud. "We can no longer trust our friends, men who have dedicated their lives to honor, to saving Carpathian and human alike. We treat our best hunters with suspicion. "
"It is the way we have always lived," Julian remarked.
Mikhail shook his head. "There was a time, Julian, long ago, when only nature balanced us. There was harmony and peace in our world and we held celebrations such as this one often. "
"And we are holding one this night," Desari pointed out. "A unique reunion with all Carpathians welcome to participate, celebrating strengthening our friendship with each other as well as our human friends. We have not done so in centuries. It sends a message to our people that we are once again united, and a message to our enemies that we are strong together, and will continue to grow stronger. It is a start, don't you think? You have given us that gift, Mikhail. "
A small smile teased at the curve of the prince's mouth. "Raven has given us that gift. Carpathians never celebrated Christmas before, but she used this time of year as an excuse to bring us all together. I thought she was wrong-but I see that I was. "
"We have the chance to get to know one another," Desari said. "My family, well, not the Daratrazanoffs or my lifemate Julian, I mean our band-the Dark T
roubadours-was not raised with other Carpathians, and this is truly a unique opportunity for us. We didn't even use the same common mental path as all of the rest of the Carpathians. "
"Your brother, Darius, is truly a miracle worker in that he kept so many young children alive when he was merely a babe himself. Shea and Gregori wanted to meet with him to discuss the various herbs and plants he used to keep so many of you alive. "
Desari nodded. "All three of them have been together until the early morning hours since we've arrived. I think it is only today that the others have taken a break from research to cook. I heard Shea was not feeling very well. She must be so frightened to be having a baby when our infant-mortality rate is so high. "
She flicked a quick glance at Julian, who tried to catch her eye, but she refused to meet his gaze. Julian reached out his hand and took hers, bringing her palm to his heart. If you choose not to get pregnant this night, so be it, Desari. I would never take away your choice.
Desari turned her head away from the prince, blinking back tears, rubbing her cheek along Julian's shoulder as she did so. I do not know if this year is special or if returning to our homeland has caused a leap in fertility, but many of the women have said they can get pregnant, though few wish to try.
Desari, we will have children when you are ready. If the miracle happens, and I believe it will, it is meant to be. If not. . . Julian shrugged his shoulders and sent her a wealth of love and reassurance. So be it. He was not a man to follow the path of others. If Desari didn't want to chance the heartbreak of losing children, he was not going to take her to task, or point out her duty to their people.
Desari smiled at him. She knew he would never pressure her, and she loved him all the more for his patience-for his complete faith in her.
"Julian, I ask again that you reach out to Dimitri," Mikhail said. "I am on my way to speak with Darius. I wish to question him more on how he kept you all alive. "
Julian nodded in agreement, and watched as Mikhail shimmered into transparency and streamed upward through the snow toward the house Darius had chosen to stay in. He dropped his arm around Desari's shoulders, sweeping her long hair away from her neck. "We are actually alone. "
A slow smile teased the curve of her mouth. "Really?" She quirked an eyebrow at him. "We may be alone, but since you ruined my contribution to tonights feast, I have to cook. Or better yet, you should do the cooking. "
His golden eyes gleamed at her. "I would very much like to oblige. " He swept her into his arms, tossing her over his shoulder as if she weighed no more than a feather, and sprinted for the house.
"Julian! You savage!" She gripped him around the waist as he vaulted over the railing and kicked open the front door. "Stop being a caveman. "
"Ha ha ha. " He brought his hand down on her squirming bottom as he strode through the house toward the bedroom. "As I recall, technically you are a Savage as well. "
She laughed and deliberately wrapped her arms around his waist, fingers sliding over the front of his jeans in a stroking caress. The action distracted him immediately so that he nearly stumbled, losing his long strides. Desari took the opportunity to dissolve, leaving him holding empty air as she streamed through the house, a comet of flashing colors. Her soft laughter teased his senses, while her fingers seemed to brush over his face and down his chest.
"That's not nice, Desari," Julian objected, following the prism of colors at a more leisurely pace. "And definitely unfair. "
Back off big boy, she warned, trying to give the impression of a snarl, but instead it came out laughter. Can I help it if you re so susceptible to a little accidental touching?
"Accidental? I think not. " He raised his hands and wove a complicated pattern in the air. The streaming colors collided with a solid net, and immediately Desari's natural form landed on the floor. She sat at his feet laughing, blinking up at him, her dark hair spilling all around her making her look more alluring than ever.
Julian's heart clenched in his chest. The sensation was so strong that he pressed his palm over his aching heart, drawing in a deep breath. "Every single night I wake up thinking I cannot possibly love you more, Desari. And every single night, when you awaken and look at me, the love I have for you grows stronger-so much so that sometimes I think I cannot contain it. "
The bright laughter faded as she extended her hand to him, allowing him to pull her up, to pull her into the shelter of his arms. She framed his face with her hands. She was tall, but he was taller, forcing her to look up in order to meet his burning gaze. His eyes had gone
from amber to burnished gold, the hunger there taking her breath away. "You are my beloved, Julian, always my beloved. "
"I hold you like this, safe in my arms, your body fitting so perfectly into mine. " He turned his head away, ashamed of the welling emotion he could never control in spite of all his centuries of discipline. "And you sing to me as we lie together and there is no other peace in the world like the peace you bring to me. "
She took a deep breath, love shaking her with its strength. "Do you want a child, Julian? Do you want to try when we know the heartache that most likely lies ahead for us? Are you willing to take a chance that the greatest sorrow-losing our son or daughter-will take from us what we have?" She had to know the truth before making a decision. There was a part of her that wanted a child, a boy with bright blond hair and gold for eyes-a child who would play pranks on her and tease her, reminding her all too much of the man who was her other half. But the price was so high. So very high.
"Is that what you think, Desari? That if we lost our child, we would lose what we have between us?" He shook his head. "Never. It is impossible. "
"Our love is so strong, Julian, the emotions we feel so intense, the sorrow of losing a child would be devastating. " The lump in her throat threatened to choke her.
"Any parent knows losing a child is devastating," he replied gently. "The sorrow would be great, yes, but if you're asking me would the risk of that sorrow be worth the chance of having a son or daughter with your eyes and your smile-then I have to say it would be worth it to me. But the decision is yours to make. You are enough for my happiness. A child is a miracle, but I will always survive as long as I have you. "
"I'm not a coward, Julian," Desari said, her fingers tangling in his hair. She rested her body against his, laying her head over his heart, listening to the steady rhythm. "I'm not hesitating because I'm a coward. "
He stroked a caress down the length of shining black hair. "I could never, for one moment, think of you as a coward, honey. We will have a child when we're ready, not one second before. I have done my duty for my people-a thousand times over-and I will not have a child out of duty. Our child will be conceived in love and wanted more than any other by both of us. "
Her heart matched the rhythm of his. Her blood heated in her veins. She lifted her face to press kisses along the column of his neck, nipping gently, her tongue tasting his skin. "Well, then, since I would love to have a baby, I say let's go for it. Let's try, Julian, and enjoy every moment of conception and pregnancy and not let worry rule us. Our child will be our Christmas present to one another. "
His body was already stirring, his blood heating to match the fire in hers. "You're certain, Desari?"
Her mouth took his, pouring love into him along with her sweet, addicting taste. Every cell in his body responded. He lifted her into his arms without breaking the kiss. Christmas may really bring miracles.
Her loving laughter teased his senses. Don't think this will get you out of helping me come up with something else to cook for tonight's celebration.
Tonight's celebration is happening right now, he told her.