Chapter Eight
Desari glanced up at Julian's face. It looked as if it had been carved from stone, an implacable mask, unreadable and stony. She sighed softly. Integrating Julian into their family was not going to be easy. He was not one to follow another man's lead. He walked his own path. Darius and he were bound to clash at every turn. The other men in her family were certain to treat Julian with distrust, and that very well could be like lighting a match to dry timber. Julian carried himself with arrogance and had a wry sense of humor often bordering on contempt. His hand slid possessively up her arm, lingering for a moment on her soft skin before his seeking fingers twined themselves in the rich luxury of her hair. He bent down so that his mouth was close to her ear, his warm breath teasing her. "I can read your thoughts, cara mia, and you should have more faith in your lifemate. I can do no other than see to your happiness. If you wish us to live for a time, in peace, among your family," rather overrun with territorial males, "then I can do no other than offer my friendship to them. "
Desari burst out laughing. He had tried to sound sincere but had ended up sounding pained. In any case, she could read his thoughts as easily as he could hers. "'Territorial males? What does that mean? We do not have our own territory, unless you count the coast of Africa, where we lived for so long. "
"I spent some time in Africa, among the leopards," he said to get off the dangerous subject of her family.
Her eyes, so enormous and beautiful, sparkled at him. "You did? How incredible. We spent nearly two hundred years there, and we still sometimes return to visit. It would be funny if we were on the same continent at the same time and never met. Especially if you were running among our leopards. "
He shook his head. "I doubt that happened. I sensed your brother's power as he sensed mine the moment we were in proximity. It would not have escaped our notice if we had come close in Africa. More important, you and I, born lifemates, would have sensed each other's presence in some way. " But he did find it interesting that he had been inexplicably drawn to Africa, and the leopards there, in his search for other Carpathians. Perhaps some trace of Desari had called to him even then.
"Tell me more about your people," she said now.
"They are also your people. You have blood kin, Desari, still in existence. Your eldest brother is a great man among our people, very respected and equally feared. He is called Gregori, and Darius is much like him. " He grinned suddenly, transforming his harshly beautiful features to those of a mischievous boy. "They are very much alike. Gregori, the Dark One, is often used as a bogey man to keep the young children in line. The only other immortal as great as your blood kin is Mikhail.
Mikhail is the acknowledged Prince of our people, the one who has kept our race alive and hopeful these many centuries. Mikhail and Gregori are as close as brothers in their own strange way. Each is so powerful that no one would dare to challenge either of them for fear the other would retaliate. "
Desari nodded her head. "Like our family. "
Julian thought about that. "In a way, though few of the Carpathians left alive have family units such as this. "
"What of your family?" Desari asked innocently.
She saw him wince, and his golden gaze skittered away from hers. "I told you, I have a twin brother. Aidan. He resides in San Francisco. I have not spoken with him for many years, nor have I met his lifemate. "
Her eyebrows rose. There was something dark swirling close to the surface again. She sensed a deep pain in Julian and did not attempt to probe his thoughts in so sensitive an area. She chose her words carefully. "Were there harsh words between you?"
"There is blood between us, Desari. As your brother can track you, so it is that we can track one another. " Julian sighed and shoved a hand through his hair. "The majority of our males refuse to share blood with one another for the simple reason that each male knows it is inevitable, without a lifemate, that he must choose to end his life or lose his soul for all eternity and become the vampire. It is much easier to track those you have shared blood with, particularly for a hunter. "
Desari took a deep breath. Julian had some terrible secret he wouldn't share with her. "Have you shared your blood with others, Julian?" She asked.
Julian grinned at her, his white teeth gleaming. "You have only to search my mind for the answer, cara mia. "
He was tempting her, a blatant seduction to enter his mind and know him in the most intimate way. It bound them closer every time they merged. She could feel it, his mind becoming more familiar with each touch. Her mind craved the touch of his, the need growing inside her in the same way the need for sharing his body was growing. It was an ember smoldering, the flame spreading, a dark heat she knew she would be unable to resist. Yet somewhere in his mind, buried deep, was a shadow, too painful, that he refused to share.
Desari glanced away from him toward the thick forest. Freedom was so close. Julian wasn't touching her, not even in her mind; he was simply standing there beside her. Tall. Muscular. Sinfully beautiful. With a pain in him buried so deep, he could only wonder if she could ever find it and eradicate it. His golden eyes blazed at her with hunger and need, drawing her to him. Her heart turned over, and she knew she was lost.
"I have shared blood on more than one occasion, little one, although, because I am a well-known hunter, my help has been often refused. Should the one receiving it turn, I could track him with ease to destroy him. " As he said the words aloud, he remembered anew, too, why few males with lifemates hunted the undead. To protect one's lifemate, the hunter could very well hesitate to go into a vicious battle that might destroy him and lead his lifemate, in inconsolable pain, to destroy herself.
An ideal hunter was one with longevity, knowledge, skill, ruthlessness, and power. Such a one had little hope of finding his mate, so the loss of his own life was not something to be feared. With a lifemate, if the male hunter were to be killed, his lifemate would likely choose to greet the dawn. And their race could not survive the loss of even one of their women. Julian had heard of only one case where a lifemate survived without the other. The female died, and the male became vampire, wreaking havoc in the Carpathian mountains, striking at everyone he held responsible, going so far as to murder his own son and attempt to murder his daughter's lifemate, knowing it would end her life as well, Desari put a gentle hand on his arm, finally touching his mind to find what thoughts had made him grow so still and distant. She saw the memory of Julian slowly approaching a handsome man. The man had haunted black eyes, eyes that had seen far too much. The eyes of a man who had been tortured beyond endurance. Brutally wounded, dripping precious blood, he had watched Julian's approach with wary, dangerous eyes. She watched as Julian spoke softly, easily extending his arm to the man that he might live with the blood of an ancient flowing in his veins.
Jacques. Mikhail's brother. Lifemate to one whose father had murdered her brother, betrayed their people to human assassins, tortured her husband, tried to kill her.
She caught that much before Julian wiped the memory from his mind and caught her chin with his strong fingers.
Her dark eyes immediately were held captive by his golden ones. "We will work this out to both our satisfactions, Desari," he promised softly. "Come with me. You need to feed this night before we leave this place with the others. And I need to feel your body, touch you, know you are really mine and not someone I dreamed up in desperation. "
There was such an intensity to his need, everything else was swept from Desari's mind. Heat sizzled and danced along her skin, arcing between them like white-hot lightning. Julian's hand slid around the nape of her neck, nestling her to him as he began to walk her away from the campsite. With every step they took together, their bodies brushed against one another.
Desari felt the burning need, too. But she also felt an inner peace, a completeness. She loved the way his body moved, rippling with power like a sleek jungle cat. The feel of his arm, so sure and strong, made her fe
el delicate and feminine despite the fact that she knew she was equally powerful in her own right. At the nape of her neck his fingers moved every now and then as they walked into the forest, away from the sounds of the others. She could feel him rubbing strands of her hair between his thumb and fingers as if he could never quite get enough of the feel of it. Then his fingers dropped casually to her neck, her collarbone, to move over her skin, stroking gently, almost absently, yet each caress sent liquid fire pulsing through her body.
How had she ever been happy without him? Before him her body had never been restless and hungry as it was now. She had loved her life, her singing, yet now she thought always of him, his strange, solitary life, his loneliness, and his terrible aching need only she could fill. And he seemed to fill her life as nothing had before. She was changed for all time, just as she had feared, yet now, as he walked so quietly beside her, she had no fear whatsoever.
Even as they walked together in perfect harmony, breathing in the fresh mountain air, listening to the forest creatures, the creak of the swaying branches, and a rushing stream nearby, Julian could think of only one thing. Before he went out of his mind, he had to bend down and find Desari's mouth with his. He wanted the taste of her lingering in his body for all time. He meant to be gentle with her - a caress, no more - but the moment he felt the softness of her perfect mouth, red-hot lava, molten and hungry, flared and consumed him. His muscles tightened to the point of pain. His arms, of their own accord, swept around her to pull her close. He imprinted his hard frame on her softer one, letting her feel his painful need, his body full and demanding, his mouth fastening on hers as if she were his very breath.
"You are my breath," he whispered into the softness of her mouth. "You are the only reason I am still living, Desari. I intended to greet the dawn after I had completed my errand and warned you of the impending danger to you. " His tongue explored the heated velvet of her mouth, then moved to the slim column of her neck. As he continued to feed the fire between them, he was moving them deeper into the shadows of the forest. His hands slipped beneath her blouse to rest on her narrow rib cage, taking in as much of her soft skin as he was able to. Julian closed his eyes for a moment, just savoring the feel of her, the rose-petal texture of her skin.
Desari circled his neck with one arm, brushing at the wild strands of golden hair falling around his face before she slowly unbuttoned the tiny pearl buttons down the front of her blouse. As each slipped from its resting place, the blouse parted, and she drew his head down to her bare skin. Only a fine film of lace covered her full, aching breasts. Her nipples were hard and pushing through the lace, her need every bit as great as his own.
He whispered something soft and sexy in Italian, but the sound of it was muffled as he blazed a trail of fire from her throat to the valley between her breasts. She heard her own gasp, a soft cry of need as she arched to meet his wandering mouth. His tongue lapped at her nipples right through the lace, a hot, moist caress that created a hot, moist response between her legs.
"I need you, Desari. I was empty without you. And that kind of emptiness eats away at you, consumes you until your soul is dark and ugly and all that matters is sating your hunger. But nothing fills the void. Nothing. Year after year you endure the emptiness until life itself is a curse hardly to be borne. And all the while the darkness, the beast in you whispers, an insidious whisper promising power from the kill, promises that wear away your belief in God, in all the things that are right and true and good. The monster inside you, so black and hungry for life, grows and grows until it has consumed everything you ever were. That is the curse borne by Carpathian males, Desari. "
Julian's arms tightened around her until their strength threatened to crack her bones, but Desari only held him closer, listening to the anguish in his voice. She cradled his head to her, protective, feminine, his refuge and salvation.
"We have lost so many. I have hunted boyhood friends, dared not become too close to anyone in case I was called upon to end his existence. " His hands moved over her skin, tracing each rib. The palms of his hands were hot as they moved to find her waist. Julian lifted his head to allow his eyes to drift slowly, possessively over her. His molten gaze ignited a firestorm of need in Desari. She loved the weight of his eyes on her, the hunger burning so intensely there.
She watched as he slowly lifted one hand, and stared at his perfect nails for a moment before one lengthened into a sharp talon. Very slowly he inserted it between her breasts, just touching the wisp of lace that hugged her body. One downward sweep sliced the material easily, spilling her breasts free.
Desari held her breath, afraid to move or speak, not wanting to shatter the moment, not wanting that look of hunger for her alone to ever leave his face. His hands moved upward, sliding over her skin to cup her breasts. His heated gaze went to her face, studying every detail, every expression, every emotion in her dark eyes.
"I will never deserve you, Desari, no matter how long we live, no matter how hard I try. I do not deserve a woman such as you. " He whispered the words, meaning every one of them.
She smiled, tilting her head to one side. "Perhaps not, Julian," she agreed. "But I am not the angel you think me. You have only to ask my brother the trouble you are letting yourself in for. But I promise you, I do plan on showing you. "
Her voice, soft and pure, straight from heaven, slipped over his body like the brush of her fingertips, touching him everywhere, teasing, stroking, promising the very things fantasies were made of. She wanted to end his suffering, take away the centuries of emptiness without hope, the terrible burden of the deaths he carried, forced to hunt his friends and end their lives in order to save mortals and immortals alike. She wanted to play and tease, be as mischievous as possible, teach him the meaning of her kind of "trouble. "
A sound intruded. The others were still far too close to them. The campsite was some distance away, but Carpathians had exceptionally acute hearing. Julian could hear them breaking camp, starting up vehicles. He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm the raging storm within. He would not subject the other men, all so close to turning, to the sounds of their lovemaking.
Very tenderly he cupped the creamy fullness of Desari's breasts in the palms of his hands. His thumbs caressed her nipples into hard, beckoning peaks. "You are so beautiful, Desari, your skin so warm and soft. " He bent his head to trace the valley between her breasts with his tongue, lingering over the steady beat of her heart. "I want you so badly I feel I might go insane if I do not have you at this moment. "
She lay her head over his, rubbing his thick mane of golden hair with her chin. "But?"
Julian sighed softly. "I will have to be content with looking at you in adoration. " He reluctantly released her and stepped away. "I think I can manage to wait a short time. " His golden eyes glittered at her dangerously. "If you do something to distract me. "
Desari tilted her head, her long hair sliding like so much silk over her shoulder, partially covering her bare skin from his view. A small, feminine smile curved her soft mouth. Just the sight of it made him groan. "Distract you?" Her voice hummed with promise. "I can think of several interesting things we can try to distract you from thinking of my family. " Her smile was sexy, enticing, a promise.
"You are not helping me," he scolded, his body an unrelenting ache.
Desari had slowly merged her mind with his. She saw his terrible need of her, the images of them intertwined. She felt the fire rushing in his blood, the heaviness pooling between his legs. The monster roaring for release, inciting him to take his lifemate with heat and passion and damn the strangers he was trying to be considerate of.
It was a measure of her own raging passion that she had not considered the men, their hearing, their ability to smell. The wind would so easily carry to the others what went on in the forest. "You are far more deserving of me than you believe," she whispered softly, pride for him making her want to throw herself into his arms.
/> The fire of hunger and need was on her. She wanted his body crushed against hers, filling hers, his blood running in her own veins. She needed the closeness with him to take away her fear of being separated from him.
Julian shook his head, his hand curling around the nape of her neck. "You cannot look at me like that, piccola, or I am sure to go up in flames. "
Desari allowed her fingers to tangle in his golden mane. "Thank you for thinking of my family when I could not. " Her voice was a whisper of seduction, sliding over his hot skin. Just the sound of it made every muscle in his body clench.
Julian made another effort to breathe. Air. It was all around him, yet he couldn't seem to drag enough into his lungs. He took her hand in his and carried it to the warmth of his mouth. "We need to find a safe subject, cara mia, or I will not make it through these next few minutes. "
Desari's soft laughter was like music in the wind. She perched on a large tree trunk that lay across the forest floor. The breeze tugged at her long hair so that it shifted around her like a veil, one moment hiding the temptation of bare, gleaming skin, the next revealing it. "A safe subject," she mused aloud. "What would that be?"
The air slammed out of his lungs once again at the sight of her. She looked so much a part of her surroundings. Wild. Sexy. Provocative. "You might try closing your shirt. " His voice sounded hoarse and desperate even to his own ears.
Desari had made no attempt to button her blouse, and her breasts jutted toward him, a temptation he knew he would be unable to resist for long. Her button-fly jeans were partially undone, exposing her tiny waist and narrow rib cage. She continued to smile at him, a blatant seduction, while her fingers fiddled with the third button of her jeans.
His hot golden gaze touched her, then moved quickly away. "You are not helping me, Desari. " His voice was husky with his terrible need. Much more and he might truly go up in flames, spontaneous combustion.
The tip of her tongue darted out to moisten her lush mouth. "A subject that will keep our minds off other things. " She touched his chest gently, hardly more than a brush of her fingertips, but she felt him jump. "I am thinking, Julian," she said softly, innocently, her large dark eyes staring up at him. Her fingers slid the buttons of his shirt free so that the palms of her hands could find the heavy muscles of his chest.
Julian gritted his teeth. "You are killing me, Desari. My heart cannot stand much more. "
"I am merely touching you," she pointed out demurely. Her nails slid lightly over his skin, tracing each well-defined muscle with exquisite care. "I like the way you feel. " She bent her head closer so that her long hair brushed his sensitized skin, and a sound escaped his throat. "I love the way you smell, too. Is that so bad?"
He captured her hands and held them tightly to him. "You are going to get yourself into trouble. "
"I wonder if you would be more comfortable if I just opened the front of your jeans. They seem a bit tight. " Desari slipped her hands out from under his, wickedly tracing the path of golden hair down to his flat belly. Her fingers were already at work, parting the material before he could think to stop her.
"You are a tease, Desari," he accused, groaning again when his body burst free from the restraint of the denim.
Her eyelashes swept up so that he was staring into her dark eyes. Sexy, mischievous, intriguing. "Mmm, nice," she whispered, staring at the evidence of his desire. "Very nice. "
He would be lost forever if he continued to look at her. He would never be able to stay in control. As if she could read his mind, her hands slipped even lower, brushing the strong columns of his thighs, moving up again slowly until he was once again unable to breathe. Then she cupped his heavy fullness in her hands, feeling the thickness of him, stroking the velvet tip with knowing fingers.
Julian couldn't help himself; his head went back as pleasure ripped through him, as fire raced through his veins. His teeth clenched. "What are you doing, woman? Trying to drive me insane?"
Desari's dark eyes trapped the moon and shone brightly. Her voice purred with innocence and laughter, silvery notes that danced over and caressed him. "I thought I was bringing you a measure of relief. "
Her hands followed the images in his head, became more skillful, more persuasive, teasing and gliding over and around him until he was tempted to beg for mercy. "Is my family gone yet?" she whispered, intrigued by his reactions. She moved her head to brush his stomach with her mouth. Her hair cascaded around her face, fluttering against his skin, until his body was raging for release.
A low growl escaped his throat. "They are just now beginning to move their vehicles," he said between his teeth.
"Really?" Desari said, distracted by his hot fullness. Her hands slipped around his hips as she dropped even lower, finding the carpet of vegetation with her knees. She heard him gasp and looked up at his face, etched with harsh lines of need. She smiled slowly and once more bent her head to him.
Julian had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. The trees swayed and dipped in the wind. Her face was white and flawless in the moonlight, her long lashes and dark eyes so mysterious, her mouth so erotic he wanted to hold this moment for eternity. Her blouse gaped open so that her breasts were bare and inviting. She looked like a pagan goddess of ancient times.
Then her warm breath effectively knocked out his ability to think. Her mouth, moist and warm, took away all self-control. As her soft lips slid over him, he grabbed two fistfuls of silky hair and pulled her close. His hips began thrusting almost helplessly into her. Her nails raked up and down his thighs gently, urging him closer still. Her mouth tightened until he wanted to scream with pleasure. Her hands moved over his buttocks, lovingly tracing them, then moved to cup him once again.
"Thank God they are away," Julian gasped, his body thrusting into her hot mouth. Then he clenched his teeth and began to pull her to her feet. Reluctantly Desari left her erotic exploration and allowed him to tug her up against his rock-hard frame. His mouth fastened itself to hers, devouring her, dominating her, possessing her. His arms threatened to crush her.
Desari reveled in the strength of his arms, in his desire for her, his need of her. He was kicking his jeans away in a frenzy, forgetting in the moment his ability to simply will them away. She loved his wild, uncontrollable need, the fire and hunger in him for her. Only for her. She felt complete, feminine, powerful. She was lost in his arms, giving herself up completely to be whatever he might need or want. She wanted him with the same savage fury and need. Her body was going up in flames. His kiss alone was causing her bones to melt. She allowed her blouse to float to the ground, and her arms slipped around his neck. She pressed herself even closer.
Julian ripped at her jeans, jerking them in strips away from her legs. He lifted her in his arms so that she could wrap her legs tightly around his waist. She buried her face on his shoulder, breathing in his wild scent, gasping as he lowered her over him, filling her completely. It was a miracle to her the way her body stretched to accommodate his invasion, the way her muscles welcomed him in. The pounding of his pulse caught her attention, and instantly her hunger surged. She needed him flowing into her, his mind merging with hers, his blood flowing into her veins, his body taking hers with wild abandon.
Her tongue stroked his neck. Once. Twice. She felt his heart leap against her breasts. His hips thrust forward, burying himself inside her. Her teeth scraped back and forth over his skin, lightly, gently, in teasing bites until his hips moved in a savage frenzy and he growled a warning, his hands tightening on her bottom, urging her into a fiery, turbulent ride. Her teeth sank deep, and he cried out with ecstasy, somewhere between heaven and hell. She could feel what he felt, his mind a haze of heat and passion.
Julian moved closer to the fallen log so that he could lean Desari against it. The angle gave him the ability to deepen his stroke so that her body was forced to take all of him. He moved aggressively, hard and fast, burying himself in her over and over while l
ightning blazed through and around them. He wanted to make it last for eternity. She took away his terrible loneliness, the darkness crouching within him; she held it at bay with her velvet fire.
The wind rose around them, gusting at the branches overhead. She closed the tiny pinpricks at his throat with a sweep of her tongue. Very slowly she began to lie back against the tree, her breasts thrusting upward toward the sky, her hips filling his palms as he drove into her. As he stared down at her, he saw the triangle of silky black curls that met his golden down. He was mesmerized by the beauty of their bodies coming together.
Her muscles clenched, her moist sheath tightening and releasing him until the friction between them was so hot he felt flames dancing over his skin, her skin. He was swelling, growing, thick and hard, and still he wanted to go on.
Julian.
It was the softest of pleas, Desari's beautiful, haunting voice shimmering for release in his mind. It sent him hurtling over the edge, taking her with him so that they clung together as the earth shook and the skies exploded.
Julian nearly collapsed on top of her, his great strength drained for a moment. His body gleamed in the night air, his golden mane wild around his face. Desari touched his mouth with the tip of her finger in wonder. "How can this be, Julian? How could it be that all these long, lonely centuries, I did not know of this? Why did I not hunger for such a thing?"
His eyes glittered at her, a warning menace, the ice cold of death itself. "You were made for me, Desari, only me. There was no need for you to seek another. "
She refused to feel intimidated. His face was harsh, a hint of cruelty around his mouth. "Not now. But I have lived long. Why did my body not hunger for this? I read books, heard of things while among humans. Syndil and I talked of such longings, but I have never felt such a need. I have gone centuries without ever knowing the beauty of this. What if you had never found me?"
Julian's hands tangled in her ebony hair. "You are mine, cara mia, only mine. There is no other who could make your body feel the things I can. And if you tried to experiment, I would have to kill him. Make no mistake, Desari, knowledge is a good thing to acquire, but there is no need for you to go to any other. If you wish to try something new, I will oblige you, but I will not tolerate another male near you. "
She shoved at the solid wall of his chest with her palms, glaring at him. "Oh, shut up. I was not contemplating running around with every male I saw. I was just wondering why I had to wait so long. "
Julian refused to move an inch, his heavier frame pinning her beneath him, his body still firmly buried in hers.
"You waited for me, as you should have. For us there is only one. "
Her eyebrows arched. "Oh really? Then why did Barack use human women in this way? Have you? Be warned, I will not accept a double standard. "
Julian swept back the fall of hair from her forehead, the gesture tender as he bent to brush a kiss on her eyebrow. "Men feel for two hundred years or so, piccola.
Some act on their urges, although they are a poor imitation of what we feel for our true mate. True sexual heat comes with the finding of our lifemate. It is more than infatuation or chemistry. It is stronger than love or sex. It is a combination of mind, heart, soul, and body. The emotion is so strong, one must always be in proximity to the other. "
Desari was silent for a moment, suddenly aware of how vulnerable she felt. It wasn't just her body so open to his, or the depth of her desire, it was the emotions he evoked in her. Her long lashes swept down to conceal her sudden doubt.
At once, Julian's hands tightened in her hair. "
Cara mia, do not fear our union so much. I will see to your happiness. I could never hurt you. Do you not understand yet?" He captured her hand, brought it to his mouth, and kept it pressed against his finely chiseled lips. "Even if you chose to be with another male, I would never harm you. It would not be possible for me to do such a thing. But I am being honest with you when I tell you I would kill the man. I am a predator. Nothing, not even your light, can change completely what I am. I will allow no one to take you from my side. "
"Does it not scare you, Julian, the intensity of our feelings?" she whispered, her dark eyes clouded. "It frightens me more than anything I have ever encountered. I could not bear to be the cause of another's death.
I see you struggling with your emotions, those that I have brought to you. It is a battle within you that you cannot hide from me. And there is something else, something you struggle to hide even from yourself. "
His teeth scraped the knuckles of her hand lovingly. "Yes, the emotions are new and strange, unknown to me these many centuries. And yes, they are difficult to learn to deal with, as they are intense and violent. " The "something else" he could not yet share with her, could not yet face. "But we have centuries for the learning," he concluded. Reluctantly he eased his body from hers. "I feel your discomfort, piccola.
Come here to me. " He was already drawing her up so that he could examine her body for marks.
"I am perfectly fine, Julian. " For some reason it embarrassed her that he was searching her fair skin for telltale bruises his passion might have left on her. "Explain to me why Syndil has experienced sexual feelings while I did not before you. Am I so different? Not feminine?"
Julian's head came up, his amber eyes heating. "How can you not know how desirable you are, Desari? Surely you see the effect you have on males, mortal and immortal alike. "
Her fingers clung to his. "You are the first immortal I have ever encountered outside of my family. And just because human males find me desirable does not mean I am. Our race often has that effect on mortals. It is not me. Besides, I felt nothing in return. "
"For which I am eternally grateful. Why Syndil has felt these urges, I do not know. Perhaps she has sensed her lifemate near but without recognition of him. " There was a faint frown on Julian's granite features. "It is possible some women are able to have sexual affairs with men other than their true lifemate prior to their claiming. But I cannot see how, given how closely our women are guarded. I cannot see Darius allowing males near you or Syndil, even though he was not raised in the traditions of our people. "
"That is true. Darius would never have allowed either of us to carry on with a male. Neither would Dayan or Barack. They watch us all the time. Since Savon's treacherous behavior, they watch one another just as closely," she added sadly.
"It is only Darius who fights the darkness so desperately," Julian answered grimly. "He has been drawn deep within the shadows because he has had to kill to protect you all. The others can hang on longer if they wish it. Darius's battle is a difficult one. "
Tears swam in Desari's dark eyes. "I cannot leave him, Julian. He cannot think we can do without his protection. I have seen the same thing in him, and I fear for him constantly. More and more he keeps to himself. He rarely shares his thoughts with me. He is a great man, and I do not want to lose him. "
Julian bent his head to brush each of her eyelids with the soothing touch of his mouth. "Then we can do other than see to it he remains with us. "
Desari lifted her face to his, smiling up at him as if he had given her the moon. "Thank you, Julian, for understanding. If you only knew Darius, you would see how important it is. "
"I have been in your mind many times, cara.
I can see him as you do. I have also seen the iron will in him that allowed all of you to survive impossible odds. He is one truly worth saving. " Then his golden gaze was sweeping the length of her body, and once again there was a hungry gleam in the depths of his eyes.