He side-eyed me as he sipped his milk. “I don’t like mean people. That girl was mean. She wanted my attention. Okay, fine. I’m flattered. I don’t… date or anything. That’s not my style. I want to be with the one, right woman. I am really honored that there’s something about me she wanted to get to know better. But picking on you to get my attention? Screw that. Low form of communication. I just reacted.”
Oh. Well, I wasn’t really sure what to say about that. “I don’t think she was particularly picking on me. I mean, she’s not always kind or careful with what she says.”
“There would be the definition.” He grinned at me. “How are you so sweet? You shouldn’t be. You should be a raving bitch. But you’re so nice.”
I looked down at my feet. “I have a lot of things I need to work on about myself. I know… I’m sort of ridiculous.”
Jackson took my hand in his. “That was a compliment I just gave you. Not a critique.”
Okay. “I misunderstood.”
“I get it.” He leaned back on the bench.
I was glad he’d reminded me to grab my coat. It was cold out here. I could even see my breath. I’d never really liked extreme weather. Not too hot or too cold. Something in the middle. “Are there places where you’re not ever freezing or sweating?”
He let go of my hand to put his arm over the back of the bench behind me. “Yes, actually. I’ve been all over the galaxy, both sides. There are amazing planets where you can be comfortable all year. Some of those planets, you have to apply to live there. They have waiting lists.”
“Really?” I tried to picture it, and the idea made me beam. “I hate the weather here, but I never want to leave. I’d never get through an application process anywhere. The last name would stop me.”
He groaned. “So you either stay here or you change your last name.”
“Maybe I should change it anyway. We have to go through this whole explanation process every time new people join us. There are good Sandlers and bad Sandlers. These are the good Sandlers.”
Jackson was quiet for a second. “Fuck what people think. You radiate goodness. They just have to look, and if they can’t see that, then fuck them and their fucking people.” He paused again, then added, “Sorry. Sometimes I curse.”
“I like it.” I was being honest. “I bet people always know how you really feel.”
My statement rendered him silent again. Why did I keep doing that in front of him? Finally, he said, “My parents were traitors.”
“What?” Who had they betrayed?
“I’m from the other side of the galaxy. My mom, Tara, was a rebel with Melissa, Diana’s mother. They betrayed Melissa. I’m only alive because Nolan let my uncle run off with me. I hate traitors. When I was old enough, I stowed across the black holes with pirates. That isn’t who I am. That’s why people always know how I really feel.”
I would have squeezed his hand if I could have reached, but it was behind me on the bench. Instead, I patted his side. “Well, I’m a Sandler and you’re the son of a traitor. Everyone should run away from us.”
“They can run away. We’ll just stay here together.”
What did he mean? His tablet pinged, and he stared down at it. “Shit. I’ve got to go. Take a girl outside and get interrupted. It’s cold.” He rose and offered me his hand, which I took quickly. “Let’s get you back inside. And then, I’m going to go deal with this.”
“I can walk myself inside.”
He nodded. “I get it. I made that stupid remark about Rohan walking you across the room, so now you think I don’t know how I’m supposed to walk you inside or I don’t want to. I do. I walked you out yesterday, I’ll walk you inside today.”
No, he’d misunderstood me. “Jackson, maybe other people get walked around places, but I don’t.” We had already reached the doorway, so the whole conversation didn’t matter anymore. “But thank you.”
He nodded, slightly. “This is going to be the highlight of my day.” He held up his tablet and walked backward for a second. “Got to go. See you later, Waverly.”
I made my way toward the Med Bay. I had hours left in my shift and my lunch break was almost over. I didn’t know what had just happened with Jackson, but I felt like I had made a new friend. If we could occasionally eat like that together, minus the Shannon drama, I’d consider myself lucky. We certainly had a lot in common. Neither one of us could look back at our pasts with anything but pain. Few people would really understand what that was like.
My tablet dinged, reminding me I had five minutes until I was late. I hurried my steps.
It turned out Shannon was right. The Farm was partying in celebration of Benjamin Sandler’s birth. I didn’t even know if Paloma and my brothers knew anything about it. They were ensconced in their rooms, well away from the festivities, with their new little baby. Someone had thrown a party in the recreation building, and from the sounds of it, the good times were just getting going. I understood the thinking behind the constant parties—the universe always seemed to be ending. People needed to have fun when they could.
I wasn’t there. I’d worked twelve hours today. Another nurse hadn’t come in; her baby and her husband both had colds, and I had covered her hours. My tablet had never dinged, and Jackson had plenty of time to fire me if he’d wanted to, earlier. I hadn’t even thought about it when I was with him. He certainly had a calming element to his personality.
I pushed away those thoughts.
I had no business spending extra time thinking about him. I was tired, but with the noise from the party, I wasn’t going to sleep anyway. I should go to the party. Except…
No one wants me there.
I’ll look foolish next to all of the women who will be gorgeous tonight.
I don’t have the right clothes. The clothing people didn’t make much that fit me, and what did wasn’t really party attire.
I never know what to say or what to do.
Everyone will make fun of how I look.
I shoved away those thoughts. They were old ones. When I did see people, I was the unwanted Sandler daughter. The one Garrison wished he hadn’t had. That didn’t mean I had to go my whole life without seeing people. My presence wasn’t personally offensive to the world.
I walked to my closet. Pants and a shirt. That was all I needed. I’d show up. And maybe someday there would be someone who was glad I’d arrived.
I used to daydream about how that would go. Maybe a single father who needed help with his baby would grow to love me despite my face. Or somehow I’d be on a ship that would crash land, and by the time we were rescued, the man on the ship would love me. I sighed. I had to put on clothes and stay positive. I was making a difference here.
And someday soon, I’d be helping with the time travel project. I still couldn’t really get my head around that…
I grabbed my black pants. They’d do.
Twenty minutes later, I wished I had stayed in my room. The party was hopping, and everyone was drunk. I got bumped into a lot, and I was trying to make my way back to the door when a hand reached out to grab me. I jumped, whirling around, prepared to holler and fight whoever had done so when I realized it was Jackson.
He gently tugged me out of the fray and toward the hallway.
“Sorry, did I scare you?”
“I…” I made my heart slow down. “I’m not used to being grabbed.” He moved his hand but only to place it on my lower back. Heat moved through me. “But I’m fine. That was crowded.”
He sighed. “My security guys are in place. It won’t get too out of hand. You don’t usually come to these things.”
I supposed he had to know that since he was basically in charge of keeping the peace. Who did what fell within his scope of responsibility. Of course, that negated the idea that he didn’t know Shannon’s name. “I feel like I need more of a social life. That being said, I don’t think this was what I had in mind.”
Somehow, the music seemed to have gotten louder. Jackson w
asn’t responding. Had I managed to wreck another interaction?
“I think I want to check on Paloma.” She and the baby were fine. They had a monitor in their rooms, so she’d get instant help if something went wrong. But I wanted to see them just the same. They were my family, and even though we were figuring out that relationship, she was also my closest friend. I used to go see her all the time. Maybe I could even help them settle in a little bit.
Jackson extended his hand. “Let’s go do that.”
He wanted to come? “Don’t you have to stay here?”
“Big obnoxious gatherings are more Nolan’s to control than mine. I take care of… other kinds of security issues. That being said, if they need me, they’ll ping me.”
I walked next to him down the corridor that would take us outside. My brothers and their wife lived in close proximity to Diana and Melissa. The only person with more tightly watched quarters was Makenna herself. Oh, and now the guys traveling through time lived with guards outside their rooms, too.
“I waited for you guys to ping me all night. I thought you were going to fire me.”
He stopped moving. “Why would you think that?”
“Because I got so awkward there at the end. You might want someone a little easier to have around.”
Jackson shook his head and resumed walking. “No one in our little group is easy to be around. I can be a real asshole, Ari is problematic to say the least, Canyon communicates better with technology than people, and Rohan scares the shit out of those who don’t know him. If you’re a little hard on yourself, then you’ll fit right in. No one thought you were awkward, by the way. I think the better word might be adorable. Also, smart and capable. Hey,” Jackson called out to the guards outside of the housing complex we were entering. “We’re going to see Paloma Sandler.”
The guards jumped to their feet. My mind whirled. Did he say I was adorable? Like a pet was adorable? Or a… what? How was I adorable? I was…
Jackson’s hand on my back pushed me forward when I would have stopped to obsess, and I was in front of Paloma’s door with no more time to overthink his remark. I could do that later. I no sooner touched my knuckle to the metal than it swung open.
A very haggard looking Tommy stood in front of me. “Oh thank the universe. You’re fast. I just pinged Ari. He sent you?”
“No, I just came to see how you were all doing. What’s wrong?” I stepped inside. All thoughts of funny remarks fled. The sound of a baby crying echoed through the room. I winced. Benjamin had certainly discovered his lungs and knew how to use them. But babies cried. That didn’t mean something was wrong.
Tommy ran a hand through his hair. “I’m just not sure. I think he hates us.”
“He doesn’t hate you.” I touched my brother’s arm and squeezed it. “He doesn’t have the capacity to hate anything just yet, and it’ll never be you. He loves you. We’ll figure out why he’s crying and go from there.”
I walked past him toward Paloma. She paced back and forth in front of her window. “Waverly, oh I’m so sorry you’re missing the party.” The distant sounds of the music made it all the way out here. “Benjamin and I are having a hard first night.”
She sounded calm but the jerkiness of her body language spoke volumes. This was a woman who earlier that day had major surgery bringing life into the world. I picked up her medical tablet that was hooked up to both Benjamin and her. The baby was fine. He was hungry but that was it. Presumably, she’d tried to feed him. I scanned through her readings.
“Well, we have an answer.”
Quinn pointed at the tablet. “I am fucking brilliant, and I can’t make head nor tails of that.”
“Well, I guess that’s because you’re not a doctor or a nurse. Your milk’s being a little slow coming in. Maybe because of his early entry and all the stress Baby Benny is a little more awake, a little more hungry, than the average newborn.” I grinned at Clay, who stood in the corner, the palest of the bunch. “Or maybe he’s just a Sandler and has to do things his own way.”
Everybody laughed. Good, that was what I wanted. “So, let’s get your milk down, Paloma. It would probably be here tomorrow morning anyway. The replicator working?” As a rule, residents were encouraged not to use the replicator. It drew too much power. This, however, was Paloma Sandler. If she needed something, I doubted Makenna would object.
I walked over and entered the code. There were herbs on Sandler One that were great for getting a mother’s breast milk to start. Goats grazed on fields, ate certain plants, fertilized herbs… it was probably best if I didn’t mention the way this worked to the room. The point was that it did, and since we could synthesize them, I’d go ahead and do that.
The machine groaned then produced what I wanted. Pills in hand, I returned to Paloma. “Swallow these.”
I scooped up the baby so she could take the meds. He was soft and small, despite his wails. “I know, Benjamin. I know. Hunger hurts. Everyone take two minutes to breathe. Benjamin and I are going to hang out in the other room for a minute. Paloma, five minutes from now, big guy will be able to get what he needs from you. Aunt Waverly is going to make this all okay.”
I walked back into their living room. “Come on, Ben.” I whispered to him. “You can be okay for just a few, right? Give Mommy a few.” I swayed back and forth.
Jackson stood in the corner of the room, watching me. He’d been so quiet and hadn’t entered the bedroom. I hadn’t considered where he’d gone. My attention became one track when there was something medical going on.
“How do you know how to do that?”
Do what? Oh, Benjamin had stopped crying. His little dark head nestled into my shoulder. “My father wanted me trained as a nurse, but he wanted my interactions with people to be minimized. I went to school under the instruction of a teacher who only worked with me. She helped a lot of babies and mothers. I have a little more early baby training than a lot of other nurses.”
The door opened, and Ari strode in. He abruptly stopped, seeing Jackson and me standing there. “Is there a security issue?”
“Nope.” Jackson shook his head. “Just here with Waverly.”
A muscle ticked in Ari’s jaw. He strode over to me. “What’s going on with little guy? I got pinged.”
“Mom needs to hurry up with her milk. But he’s taking a break while the herbs work.”
Ari blinked. “You didn’t tell her where they came from, right?”
“No way.”
Jackson walked over to me. “Do I want to know?”
“No,” Ari said with a laugh. “You don’t.”
Jackson spoke again. “Waverly got the baby to stop crying just by holding him.”
They both stared at me, and I didn’t have a clue what anyone was thinking. I didn’t have long to wait. From the other room, Paloma yelped. Yes, her milk had just shown up. Ben knew it, too. He started to yowl. It was time for me to give him over. Aunt Waverly didn’t have what he needed right then.
Even if he was soft and smelled oh so new.
4
Rohan
Jackson walked me back to my room. Ari had wanted to stay behind to talk with Tommy about something important. That was all he’d said. Jackson had looked at Ari with a questioning glance, but no further information came. The music from the recreation hall blasted as I got to my door. I grimaced. Earplugs didn’t stay in my ears, and I couldn’t sleep with headphones on. I shook my head. Okay, I was in for a long night.
Jackson sighed. “That’s way too loud. People have families and there’s no way you’ll be able to sleep with that like that.”
I shrugged. “People need to let off steam. Life is scary, right? I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. The families are moved out of this section.”
“Clearly the people in charge haven’t lived close enough to here in too long.” He leaned against the wall. “I’m sorry you endure this, Waverly.”
I liked how he said my name. I liked how it sounded coming out of his m
outh. Jackson was crush-worthy, that was for sure. He took my hand in his and strung our fingers together. “You’ll be okay?”
“I’ll make do. It usually tapers off around two. I’ll read until then.” I had a book I liked a lot. It was about two people falling in love on one of the Dark Planets as they ran from pirates. Maybe I had become just a little bit obsessed with love.
He groaned. “You have to get up at six for your shift.” Jackson stared at me. At least two inches taller than me, I had to look up to see him. His dark eyes held secrets. That was for sure. I wondered if everyone else realized how kind he was beneath his usual scowl. In fact, I hadn’t seen him use that expression with me once. Shannon had earned the frown but not me, yet.
I forced my gaze down. People didn’t like when I stared at them too long. Our joined hands caught my attention. In the hall light, I could see the ink on the top of his hand. There was a red point just visible on his wrist. I couldn’t see the rest of it.
“What is your ink there?” I asked before I could stop myself, and then I wished I hadn’t. That was personal.
Waverly, why do you have to badger people with your questions? No one wants to hear your voice. My father had reminded me again and again. I just couldn’t seem to learn it, then or now.
Jackson pulled down his sleeve. “It’s a spade. From a traditional card deck.” A touch of a smile crossed his lips. “I guess you could say I’ve always got a card up my sleeve.”
I laughed and then covered my mouth to stop the loud sound. Still, delight lit up his eyes. He’d made me laugh, and he seemed to like having done so. “Sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for?” I didn’t know how to answer that. He gave me a small smile and then released my hand. “Get some sleep.”
I stepped back, opening the door, and he grabbed my arm to stop me. What did he want? Jackson nodded toward my room. “Mind if I do a walk through? Call it a habit from the job. I’ll make sure it’s safe. Stay here.”
I never got to answer him. He kind of just plowed right in after that. Was there something going on that I might not be safe? He was in my rooms—which consisted of a small living area that had a refrigerator and somewhere I could heat up food, a bedroom, and a bathroom plus one closet—the same layout as all rooms in this area—for a minute before he came back out. “It looks fine.”