Chapter Eleven
The moment Destiny entered Mary Ann's office, she felt the shuddering vibrations of evil in the air. Horrified, she paused with one hand to her throat, her mind racing. Standing just inside the door, Destiny scanned each of the three small rooms that made up Mary Ann's office.
Mary Ann sat calmly behind the desk, her usual serene smile of greeting in place as Destiny entered. "I was hoping you would come by this evening," Mary Ann said. Her dark eyes were soft and welcoming as she rose. "Come in, Destiny. " She waved toward a large, comfortable chair. "Have a seat and talk with me. "
Destiny's heart was pounding as she glanced carefully around the office, looking for hidden traps. At the same time she scanned Mary Ann's mind, hoping to find evidence that all was well. Instead she found blank spots in the woman's memory. Destiny's alarm grew. Mary Ann looked the same - sweet, gentle, compassionate.
The undead have found Mary Ann, Nicolae. One has been here, in her office. Why did you not sense it through your blood bond? There was accusation mingled with fear in her voice. More than that, she realized, wincing; there was a plea for help.
"I came by because I'm becoming one of those witless women who think they can't tie their shoes without a great big he-man to help them," Destiny announced with disgust, realizing that she was counting on Nicolae's help, when before she would never have thought to rely on anyone but herself.
The green fire flashing in Destiny's eyes fascinated Mary Ann. A slow smile spread across her face. "And here I thought I was in for a boring evening. Do sit down. I have never once thought you would find yourself unable to tie your shoes without a hunk to help. Who is he? Nicolae? Has he managed to interest you, after all?"
"Don't sound happy about it. " Destiny glided closer and perched on the edge of the desk, looking into Mary Ann's dark, expressive eyes. There were no shadows there, and no pinpricks or lacerations marred the smooth skin on her neck.
I feel his presence, although he has tried to hide it. He examined her and he has given her a command. Destiny sensed that Nicolae was close by.
"You don't want me to be happy when you've relieved me of a tedious evening catching up on paperwork? You don't do paperwork, do you?"
Destiny permitted a small grin to escape. "Well, no. Luckily, hunting vampires doesn't require that yet. "
"Not even a permit? In this day and age one would think you'd need a permit and a hunting license. "
Destiny's laughter bubbled over, humor keeping fear at bay. Nicolae was on his way, and he had much more experience than she did. He would know what to do to protect Mary Ann. "Actually, if word got out, it's more likely that vampires would be put on the endangered species list and we'd be forbidden to hunt them," Destiny pointed out.
The door opened without even the pretense of a knock and Nicolae sauntered in, looking so handsome it annoyed her all over again. "Speaking of devils. "
Nicolae leaned over and kissed the nape of Destiny's neck. "She is absolutely crazy about me," he assured Mary Ann.
Destiny rolled her eyes heavenward. "She is definitely not crazy about him," she denied. "She doesn't even like him. "
Nicolae pressed his body suggestively against Destiny. It was the briefest of contacts, but it sent a shiver feathering along her spine.
"Mary Ann, I couldn't stay away," he said, turning to the other woman. As she rose to greet him, he took her hand, bent gallantly over her fingers.
"See?" Destiny's eyebrows arced. "Is he full of crap or what?"
Mary Ann laughed softly. "I don't know, Destiny, I rather like his manners. " She withdrew her hand and looked up at Nicolae. "What brings you here to see me besides wanting to make Destiny crazier than usual?" She went very still, put a hand defensively to her throat. "Is something wrong?"
"Don't encourage him, Mary Ann. He's already puffed up beyond belief. " Destiny made a face, determined to keep the worry from her friend's face.
"I was wondering if you've had any visitors lately, Mary Ann," Nicolae said easily. "Destiny and I are looking into this business with John Paul and Martin. "
"Oh, that's good, Nicolae. I've been worried about them. " Mary Ann looked confused, rubbed her temples as if they were suddenly throbbing. "Somebody was here earlier, right before you came in, Destiny. A very nice gentleman. He asked me a lot of questions and seemed very interested in our sanctuary. "
Destiny exchanged a long look of alarm with Nicolae.
She carries no visual memory of this man. She remembers the conversation, but not his appearance. He did not seem to ask questions about you or me.
Nicolae gave a barely perceptible shake of his head, warning her to remain silent as he turned the full power of his voice and gaze on Mary Ann. "Had you ever met this man before?"
A slight frown tugged at Mary Ann's mouth, put little lines around her eyes. "I don't think so, Nicolae. I can't remember - isn't that strange? But I keep notes. He must be in the notes. He wanted something. . . " She trailed off again, looking more bewildered than ever.
She has the classic signs of memory tampering. Every time she tries to picture him, she feels pain. Nicolae waved Mary Ann back to her chair, soothed her with his touch alone, trailing his fingers along the top of the desk so that she followed the hypnotic gesture.
"What did he want?" Nicolae sounded casually interested, but there was a hidden compulsion in the velvet tones of his voice.
Destiny scowled at him.
She can't remember him. It hurts her to think about him. Don't push her like that.
She thumped the desktop, her fingernails tapping out a rhythm of warning.
Nicolae reached out and gently laid his hand over Destiny's, stilling her nervous fingers.
You know this is necessary. I will protect her from pain, little one. I can just imagine you with our children. I would never dare to correct their behavior.
Destiny's heart thudded. Her eyes widened in shock.
No one said anything about children.
She hissed the words at him.
You never said a single word about children.
There was panic in her voice, in her eyes.
Mary Ann leaned back in her chair, but neither Carpathian looked at her. Their gazes were locked on each other.
That would be a natural progression, I would think. Nicolae pried Destiny's fingers from the desk and placed her palm over his heart.
I am beginning to realize that you have more fear of what is natural than you have of the undead.
Destiny didn't dare answer him. She didn't know how to answer him. He was in her mind, reading her every thought. He knew the idea of home and hearth and family was terrifying to her. Her eyes flashed at him, daring him to be amused.
Mary Ann saved him. "He was looking for someone. A woman with a special talent. He wanted me to call him if she happened to show up here. She was traced here, to Seattle, but she's disappeared. " Mary Ann opened a drawer and removed a business card to hand it to Nicolae.
He leaned close to Destiny so she could read it with him. So she could inhale his masculine scent and feel the brush of his skin against hers. Her tongue traced her suddenly dry lower lip, and the action immediately caught his attention. Destiny lowered her gaze from his sculpted lips to the card.
"The Morrison Center for Psychic Research. " She read the words out loud. "Have you ever heard of them, Nicolae? Mary Ann?" She turned the card over. "They have several addresses in several cities, none here in Seattle. Why would they be following a woman into a sanctuary for battered women? Did she run away from them?"
"Mary Ann," Nicolae said. "The gentleman asked you to call this number if the woman showed up here asking for help?"
Mary Ann smiled with the innocence of a child, nodding her head. "It was strange. Afterward I wondered why I hadn't thought of Destiny. She doesn't fit the description, but she is talented. I thought it strange that she didn't come to my mind. "
The protections held, Nicolae observed with some relief. There was a certain underlying arrogance in his tone. Destiny glanced warily at him, aware on some level that there were many things Nicolae was capable of that she was not. His hand slid down her arm, a gesture of camaraderie.
I am an ancient, my love, and your protector. There are many things I have learned over the centuries.
I'll just bet there are.
"Mary Ann, tell us something about the woman this man is seeking," Nicolae prompted.
Mary Ann frowned again. "He gave me a photograph of her, a reprint from a computer. That's how I knew it wasn't Destiny. " She rummaged through two drawers, confused that she couldn't remember where she had placed the picture. She found it in her notebook, pressed between two pages of writing. "This is the woman. Do you know her?" In spite of Nicolae's persuasive commands, Mary Ann handed the picture over almost reluctantly.
The woman could have been anywhere from twenty to her mid thirties. She had a lush, full figure and a mass of dark hair falling in a cascade of loose ringlets. She was looking back at the camera, and there was a hunted, anxious look in the depths of her eyes. Destiny felt an instant kinship with her. She knew what it was like to be alone and hunted. Whatever the woman was running from, a violent boyfriend or husband, she now had much bigger problems with a vampire tracking her.
"What is her talent?" Destiny asked.
"She can hold an object and know who has touched it and the past history associated with it. A wonderful gift, and very rare. "
He asked her if she knew of any other people with such a gift. Why is the vampire more interested in the talent than the woman with the talent?
Destiny could feel his confusion. The vampires were not acting in expected ways at all.
Mary Ann swept her hair from her face and smiled at them. "Velda can see people's auras. Did you know that? We don't talk about it, of course, because no one would believe us, but she knows about me and I know about her. "
"What about you, Mary Ann?" Destiny asked curiously. "What talent have you been gifted with?"
She smiled innocently, without any guile whatsoever, still completely under Nicolae's compulsion. There was no way to hide the radiance of her inner heart. "I have a small gift, one barely discernible to most people but useful when clients need help. I know when a woman is telling the truth. Like poor Helena. I know John Paul did attack her. And I know she loves him more than anything on earth. When women come here seeking refuge, I screen them. More than once, a woman has come for the wrong reasons. And worse, there have been a few who took money to act as a spy to find another woman already in a safe house. "
"This gentleman who came to see you, Mary Ann - what were his specific instructions?" Nicolae asked quietly.
Again she frowned slightly and rubbed her brow. "I am to call him at once if she comes here. A reasonable request. He wants to help her. The research center has money and counselors, and they are very willing to hide her from anyone wishing to harm her. He says her talent is valuable, and the center will do anything it can to help her. He believes she is trying to find an underground avenue to South America. "
She cannot tell us anything more. I cannot see even a hint of what this vampire looks like.
Pater? Could it be Pater? Destiny stared down at the face in the picture, the haunted eyes.
What are we to do for her?
She must be found and protected. There is no other choice. She will be found.
A terrible black stone weighed heavily on Destiny's chest. Jealousy. It rose, sharp and appalling and unexpected. She fought down the unfamiliar emotion, exerted control on herself, made certain she didn't meet Nicolae's sharp gaze.
I cannot leave you, Destiny. I would not leave you. Vikirnoff must find and protect this woman. She must be escorted to our homeland and placed under the protection of our Prince. Nicolae framed Destiny's face with his hands and bent his head to hers, kissing her thoroughly.
And then he was gone, leaving her to face Mary Ann, who sat behind her desk, one eyebrow raised and a faint smirk on her face. She fanned herself. "Well, well, well. " Free of Nicolae's compulsion to speak of the stranger, she was once more completely at ease. "What in the world were we talking about? The two of you were so darned hot, you fried my brain. "
"Not the two of us, Mary Ann," Destiny said with disgust. "He's like that. Impossible. " She began to pace back and forth like a caged tiger, prowling through Mary Ann's office, carefully skirting the comfortable chairs for clients. She moved with elegant grace, fluid, like an animal on the hunt rather than a human. Gliding. Her feet made no noise, her movements were a whisper in the still air of the office.
Leaning her chin into her hands, elbows on the desk, Mary Ann watched her solemnly, mesmerized by the beauty of Destiny's movements. "Are you just going to wear a hole in my carpet or are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
Destiny glared at her. "It's him. He's what's wrong. " She shoved a high-backed chair out of her way and made another circuit around the room.
Mary Ann nodded her head. "I see. I presume by him you mean Nicolae. "
Destiny whirled to face her, hands curled into tight fists. "Don't you dare laugh, Mary Ann, and don't use that tone. I know what you're thinking. I don't need you laughing at this; it isn't funny at all. "
Mary Ann kept her features carefully blank. "What exactly is it about Nicolae that is upsetting you, Destiny?"
"Everything!" Destiny threw herself into one of the offending chairs and stretched out her legs, still glaring at Mary Ann. "You saw him. You saw the way he acts with me. Everything about him drives me crazy. "
There was a small silence. Mary Ann picked up a pen and began to trace patterns in her notebook. "Could you be a little more specific? Perhaps narrow it down for me?"
"Okay. " There was challenge in Destiny's voice. "He looks at me. " She lifted her chin belligerently, silently daring Mary Ann to laugh.
If Mary Ann's eyebrow could have risen any higher it would have reached her hairline. Her mouth twitched, and she hastily bit the end of her pen. "Oh, my. The bastard. "
Destiny steepled her fingers and looked pointedly at Mary Ann. "Could you try to be serious? You're supposed to be a professional. It's the way he looks at me. "
Mary Ann gestured with her hands. Beautiful hands, Destiny noted. Graceful. Perfect nails. The fingers weren't very long, but they were shapely, like Mary Ann. Destiny always found herself fascinated by Mary Ann's movements. By her innate goodness. "Please continue, Destiny. I'm certainly intrigued. "
"He looks all goofy at me," she elaborated reluctantly. "Like I'm beautiful. Like he thinks I'm incredibly beautiful and smart and everything he ever wanted. "
Mary Ann smiled at her. She leaned closer. "Is it possible that to Nicolae you are beautiful, and smart and everything he wants? Why is that so threatening to you?"
Swift impatience crossed her face. "I didn't say I was threatened. Did I say that? He's nuts to want me. I'm not normal. "
Mary Ann sat back in her chair, her gaze on Destiny's face. "Normal? What is normal, Destiny? Why should he settle for normal when he could have you? What is normal to you?"
"You know, normal. Not me. Not what I am. " Impatiently Destiny jumped to her feet and resumed pacing, quick, restless movements that revealed more than her short, snappy sentences.
"What do you think you are?" Mary Ann persisted.
"There you go again. You're using your counselor voice on me. You know very well what I am. I turn into vapor and fly on wings and run on four feet. Does that sound normal to you?"
Mary Ann smiled, a quick gleam of humor. "Actually, Destiny, it sounds very normal when we're talking about you. Or Nicolae. Isn't he the same as you?"
"Don't take his side. He's acting ridiculous. I'm trying to save the situation here, and the two of you and Velda and Inez have some idiotic idea of romance. Can you really picture me in the middle
of a romance?" Destiny waved her hands around in a kind of fury. "It's absolutely silly. I don't do that sort of thing. "
"I suppose it's true if you say so. You've never done that sort of thing, but that doesn't mean you can't. There's no reason not to try new experiences. " Mary Ann leaned her chin into her palm and tapped her pen on the desk. "I think of you as very adventurous, Destiny. Maybe you should view Nicolae as a new page in your life. "
Destiny stopped pacing, kept her back to Mary Ann. "Well, he isn't a new page in my life. He's been in my life nearly as long as I can remember. " She pushed a hand through her thick mass of hair, lifted the weight of it from her neck.
Mary Ann noticed the slight trembling and sat up straight. "How did you meet Nicolae?" Because that was what this was about. Something in the past was causing perfectly controlled Destiny to pace like a caged animal. Causing her hands to tremble and her soul to reject a wonderful partner.
Destiny's shoulders hunched slightly. A small signal, but Mary Ann noted it. She watched the younger woman examine a painting on the wall. The silence stretched between them until Mary Ann was certain Destiny wouldn't respond.
"He came to me when I was a child. " The voice, usually so beautiful, was strangled, a choked whisper of sound. "I might have been six. It's hard to remember. Time isn't the same for me anymore. It's endless and stretches out forever. "
"Is it difficult to remember because it was a painful time?"
Destiny touched the painting, traced the outline of the child. "I prefer not to remember it. I closed the door on that part of my life. "
Mary Ann nodded. She laced her fingers and regarded Destiny over her hands. "That's a self-preservation technique that abused and traumatized children often have to employ to survive. They have compartments in their minds to safely put things away in so they can move on. " Her voice was without judgment. "Do you associate Nicolae with that time in your life?"
"Nicolae is. . . " Destiny hesitated, searching for the right word. "Magic. Not real. A dream that can't possibly be true. He's like a white knight. The hero in an action film, larger than life and only a figment of the imagination. "
"Destiny. " Mary Ann waited until the other woman turned to look at her. "What would happen if Nicolae was real and not a dream at all?"
Destiny lifted her hand to eye level, held it out for Mary Ann to see. They both watched it tremble uncontrollably. "He could take everything away from me. Everything I am, everything I've worked so hard to achieve, to become. He could rip me apart, and I would turn to ashes in the sun. "
"You're saying you're very vulnerable to him, and that frightens you. He is capable of hurting you if you let him in. "
"I'm saying he could destroy me. I've been destroyed once and I rebuilt my life into something. " Destiny ducked her head. Nicolae had given her back her life, had made her into what she was. And now he was asking her to change all over again.
"I think it is natural for anyone entering into a relationship, a partnership, to be frightened of being hurt, don't you, Destiny? When we allow ourselves to love, we're always vulnerable. Everyone is, Destiny. It wasn't that long ago that you were leery of having a simple friendship," Mary Ann pointed out.
"Because it would bring you into a dangerous world. It did bring you into that world. " Destiny sighed and took another turn around the office. "I could destroy him. "
There it was. Out in the open. The words had slipped out before she could stop them. Maybe she'd wanted to tell Mary Ann all along. Maybe that was why she had been drawn to this place of peace. To tell the truth to someone who mattered to her.
Mary Ann pushed back her chair and moved around the desk to lean her hip against the edge. "That's what you want to talk about, isn't it? You're worried about Nicolae. "
"You said you have a talent. That you can read women. What do you see in me?" Destiny lifted her chin almost belligerently, her gaze steady on Mary Ann's.
Mary Ann allowed her breath to escape her lungs in a rush. "Seeing things is not always comfortable. You're certain you want me to tell you?"
Destiny shrugged with studied casualness. "I could just as easily read your mind, Mary Ann. But I respect you and, unless it is for your own protection or the protection of others, I would never violate the trust between us by reading your mind without permission. "
"I know you are tied in some way that I can't understand to Nicolae. It is beyond the boundaries of the earth. And I know you were hideously abused and you fear that staying with him will somehow cause his destruction. Nicolae is a strong man. I've never encountered anyone with his sheer power. " Mary Ann tilted her head to one side, regarding Destiny carefully. "Why are you so certain you're not just what Nicolae needs? I think you are. I think you're exactly what he needs. I know you're what he wants. Every time he looks at you that longing is in his eyes. "
Destiny waved Mary Ann's remark aside. They had come full circle. She had already ranted about the way Nicolae looked at her, she didn't need Mary Ann to point it out to her. She knew he wanted her, that he needed her. She also knew the price might be more than either of them could afford. She swept her hair away from her eyes. "There aren't just a few small problems, Mary Ann. "
Mary Ann watched as Destiny threw herself carelessly into a chair, her legs stretched out in front of her. "I'm going to speak very plainly with you, Destiny. "
"Please do. " Destiny intended to speak plainly with Mary Ann.
"Women who have been raped or sexually abused as children have problems with intimacy. Those problems don't just go away. And even when you think you've beaten the past, it will suddenly be there, between you. That's a normal reaction, Destiny, and one to be expected. "
"I do expect it. Well, the chemistry between Nicolae and me is much more explosive than I had counted on. I had no idea it could be so strong. I also realize I don't want to surrender control in any way. I'm honest enough with myself and with Nicolae to admit that. "
Mary Ann looked pleased. "As long as you understand that, you should be fine. Nicolae seems man enough to give you the space you need when you need it. You should be able to work out that aspect of your relationship. "
"You would think so. " Destiny sighed heavily. "But our attraction to one another is far more than just physical. We need to be together. We need to come together, physically as well as mentally. It's part of what we are. I can't explain it other than to say it's intense and sometimes uncomfortable. "
"You find it uncomfortable?"
Destiny nodded, her small white teeth tugging at her lower lip. "He takes everything in stride. I'm the mess. It's just so intense. There's no other word. When I'm with him, I feel so out of control. It's so frightening to be like that, to want someone so much you don't care about anything but being with him. "
Mary Ann laughed softly. "Destiny, you don't know yourself at all. You obviously care a great deal about this man or you wouldn't be so worried that you're in some way going to harm him. Do you think loving him or wanting him so intensely is going to hurt him?"
"My blood is tainted. " Destiny blurted it out, leaping to her feet to pace around the room again. Movement enabled her to avoid Mary Ann's eyes.
There was a small silence. "Would you mind elaborating?"
Destiny gestured rather helplessly with her hands. "The vampire converted me. His blood was tainted and he tainted my blood. Sort of like a disease. "
Mary Ann frowned. "Sit down, Destiny. You're making me nervous with your pacing. This is important and out of my realm of knowledge. Is the tainted blood dangerous to you?"
"To Nicolae. " There was only acceptance and the need to understand in Mary Ann's voice; the terrible knot in Destiny's stomach relaxed. She returned to the chair. "I don't know all that much about Carpathians, but there is a darkness in the males, from what Nicolae tells me. That darkness is what allows them to turn vampire. They fight it, of course. Nicolae has been fighting for a long time. "
Mary Ann hitched her chair closer. "And your blood somehow makes it more difficult for him? What are you saying?"
"I don't know what will happen if he takes my blood. When we make love, it's difficult, nearly impossible not to" - she hesitated, searching for the right word - "indulge that side of our craving too. It becomes erotic. Nicolae's need is very strong. I don't think there's a cure for me. If we're together, we aren't going to be able to resist the lure of that side of our hunger. " She passed a hand over her face. "I couldn't bear to be his destruction, Mary Ann. I wanted to walk away from him, but it's too late for that. "
Mary Ann immediately rose to wrap a comforting arm around Destiny's shoulders. "Have you discussed your fears with Nicolae?"
Destiny touched Mary Ann's mind, afraid of what she must be thinking of her revelations, but Mary Ann was as centered as always. She accepted the things Destiny told her with her usual equilibrium and was struggling to understand.
"We talked about it. He doesn't worry about himself; he only thinks about me. " It set her teeth on edge, his total commitment to her. Destiny wasn't comfortable with devotion. Or love.
"People search their entire lives looking for what you have, Destiny. Don't be afraid of it. "
Destiny glared at Mary Ann in disgust. "You sound just like Father Mulligan. I ask him a question and he gives me some sort of philosophical Zen answer. What kind of advice is 'have courage'? What does that mean? Have courage to do what? Isn't a priest supposed to give spiritual advice? You know, Mary Ann, I'm beginning to think you make it up as you go along, you and Father Mulligan. "
Mary Ann's eyebrow shot up. "Are we supposed to have the answers? You don't have the answers - how would we? You can only keep moving ahead, Destiny. You keep your eyes open and with luck you see the pitfalls before you step into them, but you embrace life and live it as best you can. "
"Tell me something, Mary Ann. Do you think your life has been changed, knowing there are such evil creatures in the world as vampires?"
"Of course my life has changed. But am I going to live it in fear? I hope not. I hope I face each day with courage and dignity. You do that. I wouldn't mind being like you. "
The shock of those words was tremendous, shaking Destiny to the very core of her existence. She found herself gaping at Mary Ann, nearly choking on her protest. Mary Ann was everything Destiny had ever wanted to be. "Are you crazy? I'm a mess. "
Mary Ann patted her arm. "That's normal, Destiny. We're all a mess in our minds. Welcome to the world of human reality. "
A faint smile lit Destiny's eyes. "Well, I guess we didn't solve the world's problems, but I sat in a chair and talked for the first time in years without feeling like I couldn't breathe. " The moment she said the words, her smile faded.
It was you, Nicolae. You are helping me to be able to be inside this structure, conversing with her, aren't you? I've never been able to do this.
There was an impression of warmth surrounding her like strong arms. Destiny leapt out of the chair as if it were a viper threatening to bite her. Her eyes darkened to a brilliant green. "That man is a total jerk! Why did I ever think I might want a relationship with him?" Her hand flew defensively to her throat. She could feel his lips brushing just there over her pulse. At once her skin throbbed and her body burned.
You aren't helping your silly courtship. I am not a baby to be aided without my consent or knowledge. I don't want your help, and I don't need it!
You are just angry because you did not sense my touch. There was smug male amusement in his tone.
I am merely keeping you on your toes. We have something taking place here we do not understand, and we both should be vigilant.
Destiny snarled. "Nicolae is the most annoying man on the face of the earth. Why would I want a smug, arrogant, pain-in-the-butt male creature like him in my life? Answer me that, Mary Ann!"
I am always vigilant!
"Sex. " Mary Ann answered succinctly. "It's sex, Destiny. He reeks of sex. I take it he's telepathic. "
"He's annoying, that's what he is. "
There is nothing sexy about you. I know you're all puffed up and smirking but I don't think you're the least bit sexy.
I had no idea you were such a little liar, Destiny. You think I'm sexy.
"I do think he's sexy," she admitted, wrenching open the door to Mary Ann's office, "but I don't like him very much. "
"Destiny," Mary Ann said quietly, halting her flight. "Everyone needs help now and then. "
Destiny turned her back on Mary Ann, on Nicolae and all relationships. She didn't want help, she decided as she fled the office. She would work things out her own way. And there was that little nagging question that kept popping up. She kept pushing it down, not wanting to face it, but there were all those little things that she couldn't ignore forever. Why could he find her at will when he had never taken her blood? And how was he able to be in her mind, actively aiding her, yet she felt no surge of power? No push? Why was she unable or unwilling to fight the compulsion to obey him, even when she knew it was a compulsion.
How powerful are you? There was accusation in her voice rather than admiration. She slammed her mind closed to him and took to the skies. It was the only place she felt absolutely free. She soared through the clouds, reveling in her ability to do so. She didn't want to know how powerful he was. She didn't want to think too much about what she had done with him.
Nicolae hadn't pressured her. She couldn't even blame him. She had insisted on the words. He would never have made love to her except that she had insisted on that too. The wind rushed at her, cooled her skin and soothed the chaos in her mind. Nicolae. He belonged to her, and she had no idea what to do with him.
It was so easy for the priest to tell her to have courage. He didn't have nightmare images walking through his mind every waking minute. He didn't have scars on his body and etched into his soul. He didn't have poison in his blood that could corrupt and twist something good into evil.
"I am so lost. " She murmured the words aloud, listened to the wind carry them away from her, wishing it could take her pain so easily.
I can take away your pain.
There he was again. Just as if she had summoned him. He was always with her when her world was in turmoil. The wind tore tears from her eyes as she streaked across the sky.
And what must I do in return for you?
There was despair in her heart when she wanted to show him joy. She wanted to be different. She wished she could go to him clean, without distress, without scars. Without the terrible weight and sin of what she was. What she couldn't change. She hated feeling sorry for herself; she didn't want his pity.
You exist. You love me. You are beginning to surrender yourself into my keeping. It is enough. He was calm even when he was tearing out her heart.
It wasn't enough, and they both knew it. Her cry of sorrow echoed across the skies.