He finally, with effort, tore his gaze from mine to sweep a glance over the blonde shivering next to me. “Kissed anyone yet?”
“No.” I looked at her.
“No,” she confirmed. “No kissing. Stephen warned me it would only make my hunger harder to deal with.”
“He should know,” I grumbled.
“Found two tonight so far who met my dagger. Out of control.” Bishop gave Carly another hard look. “Don’t kiss or you’ll be sorry.”
She mock-saluted. “Yes, sir.”
I cringed at her fearless sarcasm. I found that I was reaching forward to take Bishop’s hand in mine, but I faltered just before I touched him. He hadn’t asked me to do this. That was our deal—when he needed me to touch him, he’d ask me.
I met his eyes. Ask me to touch you right now.
His gaze sank into me, his dark brows drawn tightly together, but he didn’t say a word.
I crossed my arms over my chest and fought against the pull. “Do you have everything under control?”
He seemed to fight for clarity and to find his words. “We’re doing our best. For some reason, those with the most severe hunger come out only at night. It’ll be better when I find the Source.” He gazed past me at the club. “Have you met her yet?”
The truth froze on my tongue. Something stopped me from spilling everything. If Natalie had been an out-of-control monster who was forming an army and wanted to wreak havoc citywide and hurt people, I might tell him everything. But she wasn’t. And I needed more answers before I’d know for sure who to trust.
I didn’t know her. But I didn’t really know Bishop, either.
“No,” I said, forcing myself to look into his eyes again. Give me time, I thought. I might be able to find something out to help you.
Or to help myself.
Hopefully both.
I was book smart, but I had to be street smart now, too. I couldn’t give Bishop every ounce of my trust—not when he hadn’t been totally open with me in return.
Carly eyed Kraven with distaste. “Let me get this straight. You two run around town killing people?”
“Only the monsters.” Kraven gave her a dark grin. “Even if they have bouncy blond hair and pretty blue eyes. So you better stay on your new diet, honey.”
“Such a hero,” Carly said with disgust. “You think you’re doing the right thing? Like you’re some sort of savior to mankind stomping out anything that’s a little different?”
Kraven let out a humorless laugh. “Nah. I’m way more of an opportunist.” When Carly rolled her eyes, he said, “You think I’m lying?”
“Whatever. Come on, Sam. We’re out of here.” Carly grabbed my arm and started dragging me past them.
I looked over my shoulder at Bishop and my heart twisted. “Wait…I have to…”
“To what? These guys are trouble.” She glared back at Kraven. “Unless you’re going to try to stop us?”
He smiled, an expression that didn’t come close to touching his eyes. “Have a good evening, girls. And nice meeting you…Carly, right?”
Carly physically shoved me into the passenger seat of her car and got in, started it and pulled out of the parking spot. In the rearview mirror I saw Kraven and Bishop watch us drive away. Only then did I realize I was shaking.
“I know that Bishop guy gets to you big-time,” she said. “You started losing it there for a second. Thought you might ditch me again and run off with him.”
That almost made me laugh. “No, I—I’m not ditching you.” He did get to me, though. Even now I wanted to go back and touch him, help him, but I stayed firmly in my seat and forced myself not to ask her to turn around. I played with the edge of my skirt and tried to breathe normally. I had half a mind to go back into the club and warn Natalie that they were there, but she wasn’t stupid. She knew enough to be wary of Bishop. I had a funny feeling that if she didn’t want him to find her, he wouldn’t. Not easily, anyway.
“Not sure why you’re so crazy about him,” Carly continued. “I mean, he’s definitely gorgeous, but he seems like a complete wacko. And that other guy—he’s hot, but a total asshole, isn’t he? And you said they’re brothers?”
“Yeah.” I wanted to tell Carly everything, unburden myself of all my problems from the past few days. Tell her the truth about who and what Kraven and Bishop really were, beyond their confusing biological relationship. I mean, I trusted her. And now we were in this together, no matter what.
But I still kept my mouth shut.
She eyed me after a couple of minutes. “Feeling all right?”
“I’m fine.” Hungry and cold, but that was nothing new.
“Can I do anything to help?
“Yeah, you can give me a little bit of your self-confidence. Not sure why I didn’t get that gift with purchase when Stephen kissed me.” I actually managed a smile, remembering how she’d faced off with Kraven. “You’re kind of a force to be reckoned with now.”
She grinned. “I know, right? Fake it till you make it, isn’t that what they say? If I’d been all shy and demure, I think they might have given us a harder time.”
“You’re probably right.” I went quiet, lost in my thoughts, until she finally pulled into my driveway.
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “It’s going to be okay. Seriously. Would I lie to you?”
“Thanks for being so cool about all of this.”
“We’ll get through this together like we always do.”
“Of course we will.” I shook my head, remembering my strange and confusing conversation with Natalie. Also that odd sense of familiarity I’d had with her. “It’s so weird. That girl—Natalie—she reminds me of somebody, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
“Yeah, she reminds me of somebody, too.”
I frowned at her. “Who?”
She adjusted her mirror so she could put on a little fresh lip gloss then gave me a sideways glance. “Really? You can’t see it?”
My breath sped up. “No, I can’t.”
“The hair, the eyes? I thought it was kind of obvious. A bit freaky, actually.”
“What?” I grabbed her arm. “What’s so freaky? Who does she look like?”
She turned to face me, her brows drawn together. “Well, she looks like you, of course. You two could totally be related.”
I blinked.
She was right. Natalie did look like me. Same hair color, same eye color. Even the shape of our faces was similar.
“Brown hair and brown eyes,” I said out loud, rationalizing it all. “Just like fifty percent of the population. I don’t have the most unique look, you know.”
She shrugged. “I mean, I’m not saying you are related, but it would kind of make sense that she was so interested in meeting you, right?”
Right. But it was just a coincidence. It had to be.
I reached for the door handle. “I—I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for the drive.”
“Do me a favor, Sam?”
I looked over my shoulder at her as I got out of the car. “What?”
“Stop worrying so much. It’s all going to be okay.”
I didn’t wait for her to pull out of the driveway before I made my way to the front door and let myself in. It was a little after nine-thirty and my mother was actually home, which was a surprise. She was watching one of her favorite TV shows, so I didn’t bother her. I went directly to the kitchen and started eating straight out of the fridge, hoping something might satisfy my current hunger.
Nothing did. Then again, I wasn’t really expecting it to.
* * *
Wednesday passed without incident.
I know; I could barely believe it myself.
Again, I considered staying home and hiding, but ended up forcing myself to go to school and try to act normal. Carly was there, too, and she was doing a much better job of it than I ever could.
I wasn’t sure if it had to do with her lacking a soul or not, but her confidence had blossome
d even more. Her extra twenty pounds became a nonissue and she had started dressing better. Sexier. She practically glowed.
I was able to observe how a gray is regarded by other people—especially guys. They checked her out behind her back, murmuring to each other about how hot Carly Kessler had recently become.
For the most part, they seemed to feel the same way about me. I saw it now, the appreciative looks I was getting, even though I wasn’t wearing a tight skirt and heels to school like Carly was. Even in my jeans I still received way more attention than I ever had before.
But there was a big difference between the two of us. I wasn’t filled with the confidence Carly now had. I felt exactly the same as ever before, apart from the hunger and constant chills, which didn’t seem to be going anywhere. Carly appeared to handle those problems way better than I did. Lucky her.
What Natalie told me about souls being fuel had definitely stayed with me. That seemed monumentally important. As if, if it was true, I’d just been told the secret of the universe.
It wasn’t a secret I wanted to know.
Colin tried to corner me again, but I managed to slip away before I let him get close enough that I’d become too drawn to his scent. Making the mistake of kissing him and finding out what happened if I actually gave in to my hunger wasn’t something I wanted to explore. Ever, if I could help it.
And I could. I had control over this.
No sign of Bishop or the others. No sign of Natalie or Stephen. I was either being ignored or I was being given time to process everything I’d been told.
Probably both.
So, really, in the grand scheme of things, Wednesday was kind of awesome. I could almost pretend that all was well with the world.
But then came Thursday.
It all started with a note left in my locker.
We’re squatting in an abandoned church on Wellesley. You can’t miss it. Looks like a place nobody sane would ever want to enter. Speaking of nobody sane, your boyfriend needs your very special touch. You might want to drop by for a visit before he totally loses it.
Bishop. My heart twisted at the news that he wasn’t doing well. There had been that edge of madness in his eyes Tuesday night, and two days had passed since then. He could only have gotten worse.
The note wasn’t signed, but I knew who it was from. Somehow Kraven had managed to find my locker and left me a handwritten note. I guess the demon didn’t know how to text. Not that my phone seemed to be working lately.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with my stupid phone,” I said to Carly before class, staring at the blank screen with annoyance. I’d charged the battery again, but it wouldn’t stay on for more than thirty seconds. It was practically a new phone, only three months old.
“Mine’s the same,” she said. “Stephen told me the other night when I was waiting for you that it’s like that for all of us.”
I looked at her with surprise. “What?”
She shrugged. “Apparently technology doesn’t like us. We give off some sort of supernatural vibe now that messes with the signal. Or whatever. I don’t really understand stuff like that, but it completely sucks.”
I felt myself pale. “That would explain it then.”
It had nothing to do with a faulty battery. It was a gray thing. Another reminder of what I now was and what it could mean if Bishop didn’t restore my soul.
Still, the thought of showing up at that church at the demon’s request didn’t sit well with me. The flippant tone of the note had left me with a bad taste in my mouth. If Bishop had asked me himself, I might feel differently.
I’d figure out what to do about him later, even though I knew it would be very hard to get him out of my mind so I could focus on my classes today.
“Crave again tonight,” Carly said as she shut her locker. “You’re in, right?”
I hesitated, stuffing the note from Kraven into the pocket of my jeans. “I don’t know.”
“Oh, come on. We’ll have fun. We can hang out after my date with Paul.”
I looked at her with surprise. “Paul? The guy who’s had a crush on you for two years? That Paul?”
She grinned. “Yup. But it’s not an official romantic date or anything. I know that’s not a good idea until I figure out how to deal with my hunger properly. I hope he’s okay with my current chicken-wing addiction and doesn’t think it’s too nasty. But we’re going to hang out and get to know each other better. No big deal.”
“I think it’s fantastic. Just…be careful, okay?” I felt a little surge of optimism over this. If Carly’s new self-confidence was helping her get over her Colin issues, then it was a very good thing. I’d always thought she and Paul would be perfect for each other, even if there was no kissing allowed until I figured out how to get our souls back and go back to our normally scheduled lives.
Even after my conversation with Natalie, I still hadn’t changed my mind about that.
The bell for first class rang and Carly clutched her binder to her chest. “See you later!”
“Yeah, see you.” I watched as she scurried down the hall. I really wished I could accept everything as easily as she could. It was as if missing her soul hadn’t fazed her one little bit.
I went to English and tried to focus on Mr. Saunders talking about themes in Macbeth—and tried to ignore Colin sending constant glances in my direction. I wished very hard that he would get interested in another girl. Soon.
The day dragged on. As I walked home after school, I pulled Kraven’s note out of my pocket and read it again. I wanted to be confident and strong, but just reading about how bad Bishop was getting made my heart ache. I didn’t want Bishop to get hurt—but now I didn’t want Natalie to get hurt, either.
I was stuck in the middle.
Both Bishop and Natalie had told me different sides of the same story. All I had from either of them at this point was words. Words, even though they weren’t daggers, were still dangerous if they turned out to be untrue. Both had their reasons for not being completely straight with me. Could Bishop be leaving important pieces of this puzzle out so I’d continue to help him?
Maybe these zombie grays Bishop told me about didn’t even exist—it was like the monster in the closet. Once you opened the door and shone a light into the darkness, you realized that there was nothing there in the first place except for your own fear of the unknown.
Seeing Bishop again would have to wait until I made some sense out of the confusing mess that my life had become. And I had a feeling that Natalie had more answers I needed right now. I just hoped she’d be there again tonight.
Without putting on quite as much eyeliner as Tuesday night, and foregoing the heels for flats, I got ready to leave the house at seven-thirty. My mother was in the kitchen, sitting at the dinette table, a glass of white wine in front of her.
“Hey.” I grabbed my bag from the edge of the chair where I’d left it earlier. “Didn’t hear you get home.”
Her blond hair was down around her shoulders tonight, rather than up in her usual perfect French twist. It was nicer like this, in my opinion.
“I’ve been working a lot lately, haven’t I?” she said before taking a sip from her glass.
That put it mildly. In fact, her flippant way of saying that she’d essentially abandoned me in favor of her beloved new career jabbed at my anger button. “You could say that.”
She removed her designer eyeglasses and placed them on the table next to the daily newspaper before rubbing her temples. She looked tired. “Honey, sit down. I want to talk to you.”
Between her serious tone and that extralarge glass of wine, I started to worry. We might have our mother/daughter problems, but I didn’t hate her. Seeing her so disturbed by whatever it was she wanted to discuss with me…well, it was disturbing.
“What’s wrong?” I fought the urge to reach across the table and squeeze her hand.
Her knuckles were white as she took another sip of her wine. Her slightly bloodshot eyes met
mine. It looked like she’d been crying. “You have a right to know this.”
“Know what?”
“I’d always planned to tell you the truth, but I put it off and put it off. I figured I’d wait till you turned eighteen, then you could do whatever you liked with the information.”
I think I stopped breathing. “What information?”
She paused for what felt like a very long time before she finally said it. “You are adopted.”