“I didn’t mean to do that.”
He finally loosened his grip on me and put some space between us. We’d exited the run-down area of town and entered a neighborhood with tall trees, manicured lawns and fashionable condos. Like night and day in the space of a couple of blocks.
“Right. You’re just an innocent teenager looking for love in all the wrong places.”
Kraven had a truly amazing talent for pissing me off. “You knew about this and you didn’t say anything before. You could have warned him.”
“It was just a hunch. He got the fuzzy end of the lollipop by being the one to enter the city without being shielded. The crazy easily could have come from that. What am I, psychic? That’s your job, sweetness.”
“Will he be all right?”
“From your first kiss? Yeah. He’ll recover. Pretty sure it would have taken a lot longer for you to suck the whole thing out. As for the future…I don’t know. He’s a survivor. Kind of like a cockroach. Just when you think he’s finally dead, he’ll pop right back up again and start flapping his wings.”
All I could do was concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. My arms were crossed tightly over my chest and I kept my eyes on the sidewalk stretching in front of me. My throat felt so thick it was nearly impossible to swallow. “So what about me?”
“Good question. What about you?”
“Are you really walking me home? Or are you walking me to my doom?”
He eyed me. “Your doom? Sweetness, you watch way too many movies.”
I let out a shuddery breath. “So what do I do now? What you said before? Stay home, close the blinds and hide from the world?”
“Nah. I’m sure you’d end up getting in trouble even there.” He grinned darkly at me. “Go to school like a good girl and keep an eye on that little friend of yours. Also, I’d suggest you stay away from Bishop until this is all over.”
That actually made me laugh sharply.
He frowned. “What’s so funny?”
“You sound like you might just give a crap about what happens to your brother. And here I thought you two hated each other way more than just angel/demon animosity.”
“I feel nothing for him.” His jaw tensed. “Whatever you might think about us is wrong. We had some biology in common once upon a time. That was a long time ago. There’s nothing between us except some bad memories.”
“So you don’t hate him?”
“Hate can be a useful emotion.”
That wasn’t really an answer, not that I was expecting one. I concentrated on him for a moment, surprised that his walls were down. “You do hate him. But not nearly as much as you hate yourself, right?”
I was sorry I said it as soon as the words left my mouth. Due to the lack of a snappy comeback, I thought I’d struck a nerve.
“You shouldn’t feel that way,” I said. “I mean, I don’t know what happened between the two of you when you were both human, but—”
“Just shut up, gray girl. Is that even remotely possible for you?”
I flinched. I took it back: he didn’t just hate himself down deep. He’d made plenty of room in there for me, too.
Twenty long minutes later, when we reached the end of my driveway, I finally chanced a look at him, but he’d already turned and started walking away.
I quickly let myself in the house. The only indication that my mother had been there earlier was the empty wineglass in the sink. As I stood in the dark kitchen, feeling utterly and completely alone in the universe, I noticed something important.
For the first time in nearly a week, I wasn’t hungry at all.
* * *
When my mother got home at a little after ten o’clock, she guessed that my bleak mood was due to the fact I’d finally learned I was adopted. She was so guilty about keeping it from me, it was hard for her to look me in the eye.
I was upset about that, but not as much as she might think. It had been a shock, but it had also helped many things start to make some sort of sense. I wondered what she might think if she found out who my biological parents were.
She wouldn’t believe it. And neither would I, if our positions were reversed. She might be my adoptive mother, but I’d always been a realist and a skeptic just like her.
I wish I could say I had a great plan to make everything turn out okay. I didn’t. And after another restless night when I doubted if I got more than a half hour’s sleep, I trudged to school once again. Happy Friday.
My thoughts weren’t clogged only with my own woes. No, I couldn’t stop thinking about Bishop.
It was torture thinking about him, thinking about what happened. And the look on his face when he learned he was really fallen. He immediately assumed that meant he couldn’t go back to Heaven—even if it was a mistake on their part. But this wasn’t his fault. He’d given up so much to lead this mission. There had to be a way.
The homeless man was fallen, too. That meant he also had a soul. My heart clenched thinking that could be Bishop’s future—full-time madness, wandering the streets alone. I drew in a ragged breath and tried not to break down in the school hallways.
I didn’t want Bishop to be hurt. I wanted him to get better, not worse.
He was so brave. He’d volunteered to lead a mission to help save the city from destruction—to help maintain the balance of the entire freaking universe. And now he might have to stay here forever. And go crazier by the day.
It was so desperately unfair.
I wanted to help him, to touch him and make the madness all go away, but Kraven didn’t want me anywhere near him again. But Bishop needed me—despite what had happened between us.
I needed to find him again. I needed to be close to him, to hold him…to kiss him…
Damn it, Samantha, don’t think about that. I rubbed my forehead so hard it felt raw.
But that kiss—it wasn’t just a kiss. It was a free sample of crack cocaine given to an addict. I desperately needed more. I needed him. I wanted him. Now. Tomorrow. Forever.
But I couldn’t have him. And that thought felt like a sharp golden dagger slowly slicing deep into my chest.
My running shoes squeaked on the linoleum as I made my dazed way through the busy halls toward my locker. My leather bag felt heavy on my shoulder today, even though I hadn’t taken any books home this week. Hadn’t done any homework at all—it was the last thing on my mind.
I twirled the lock on my locker to open it up and stared inside. I couldn’t do this. Why was I even here today?
To keep an eye on Carly.
I peeked past the edge of my locker to see her headed straight for me. For a moment, I thought she might look guilty, but, no, she didn’t. In fact, she looked extremely happy.
The Carly I knew might like to stick her hands into beehives, but she definitely felt the sting. This wasn’t her. Not really.
“Hey.” She greeted me with a big smile. “How’s it going?”
Hazardous question. I was afraid to answer it with the truth. Everybody had been lying to me, so I suppose it was only fair for me to join in.
I pushed a smile onto my face. “Pretty good. You?”
“Great.”
“And you and Paul…?”
“Oh, my God.” She beamed. “He’s so amazing. I can’t believe I never gave him a chance before.”
“Yeah, me, too. But—” how could I approach this in a way that wouldn’t do more damage? “—you kissed him.”
She dug in her locker and pulled out some supplies for her art class before closing it and leaning her shoulder against it. “I know you’re mad at me for that.”
“I’m not mad, I’m…concerned.”
“He’s fine. You saw it yourself. And I feel fine. Let’s not make this a big deal, okay?”
“Why did it happen? And…has it ever happened before?”
A little of the happiness disappeared from her face. “That was the first time. I couldn’t help it. He smelled so unbelievably good, I couldn’t
stop myself. And he wanted to kiss me. I didn’t force him or anything.” Instead of looking guilty, she looked wistful. “He was so delicious, I can’t even explain it.”
It made me cringe at the reminder of my kiss with Bishop, which had been both amazing and horrible for different reasons. “You need to promise me that won’t ever happen again.”
Her smile faded. “I don’t know if I can promise that.”
“Carly—”
“Look.” Her voice went from bubbly to sharp in two seconds flat. “I have it under control. I got the warnings—don’t feed too much or I could totally lose control. I won’t feed too much. But I can’t not feed at all. Not anymore. So just get off my back about this, okay?”
I faltered. “I’m just worried about you.”
“Don’t be. Paul’s fine. I already saw him this morning. He’s fine. So stop trying to make me feel guilty, because it’s not going to work. Maybe you should focus a little more on yourself rather than me. You’re the one with the problem.”
“I am?”
“Yeah. Two of them. Around six-two, gorgeous, dangerous as hell?”
Well, one of them was. The other was just six-two, gorgeous and dangerous.
My stomach sank further the longer this conversation went on. Carly seemed different today. She didn’t see that what she’d done was that bad. I had a feeling that if I kept pushing her, it wouldn’t get her to promise me not to kiss Paul—or anyone else—again. It would only make her angry with me.
“Let’s forget about all of this,” I said. “I trust you.”
“Good to hear.” Her smile immediately returned in full, shining force. “We need to go back to Crave again tonight. Just because I’m seeing Paul doesn’t mean I have to be exclusive. I swear, not to sound full of myself, but guys are flocking to me now. Flocking. I’ve never felt this good about myself in my life.”
I wanted to cry. The old Carly would see there was a problem here. A big problem. This Carly, the one missing her soul—she’d changed. I’m so sorry. I’ll do everything I can to fix this. Fix you. I promise.
“Crave, tonight,” I said, nodding enthusiastically. “That sounds great.”
“Oh! I almost forgot. I have a note for you from Natalie.” She dug into her purse and pulled out a sealed envelope.
My shoulders stiffened. “That’s from Natalie?”
“Yup.” She handed it to me. “We’ll talk more at lunch, okay?”
“Yeah, sure. Okay.”
She took off down the hall and I stared at the envelope for a long moment before I finally opened it up and read the handwritten note inside.
Samantha,
There’s not much time left. I need the dagger and I need it tonight. Bring it to me at Crave as soon as you can. I trust you to do the right thing.
—Natalie
Sure. No pressure there.
Not much time left? What did that mean? The angel who’d sabotaged Bishop’s entry into Trinity had wanted to destroy the entire city to squash the threat of the grays. He saw grays like a virus and the barrier was acting like a quarantine tent so no one infected could get out. Did more angels feel the same way? Demons, too?
Or did she mean that Bishop had nearly found her? I knew he’d seen her but hadn’t approached yet. She feared for her life—that must be it.
My loyalties were still torn. She was my aunt—I believed it. I didn’t want her to die. She was the only way I could find my real father.
Bishop claimed that he could help her, if she wanted his help.
This could still be okay in the end. Nobody had to die. Not if I had any say in the matter.
So what was my immediate plan?
English class. Yes, that seemed like a good idea. Listening to Mr. Saunders drone on about Shakespeare sounded better than anything else I needed to face right now. In English, I could zone out, recharge, and figure out my next move in peace.
“If I may have your attention,” Mr. Saunders said. He adjusted his round glasses as I sat down behind my desk.
He wrote something on the blackboard. It took me a second to clue in to what it said and what it meant.
SURPRISE QUIZ.
Oh, crap. There went my chance to zone out.
Mr. Saunders looked evil with delight at the groans that rippled through the class. Nobody did surprise tests anymore. It was so unfair, especially considering how little I’d paid attention this week. Even though my life had fallen apart and I didn’t know how to put it all back together again. I didn’t want to jeopardize my good grades. I’d worked damn hard for them and they represented a potential scholarship to get me into my college of choice. And the chance to get out of this city for the first time in my life. To my…future.
Out of this city, even though there was a barrier around it keeping in all supernatural beings—including yours truly.
Mr. Saunders placed the multiple choice quiz in front of me as a million questions sped through my mind, none of which were about Macbeth and could fit neatly into an (a) through (d) choice.
I scanned the questions, but didn’t really read them. Time ticked by, but my mind was elsewhere.
If Natalie managed to leave the city—with or without my help—she could eventually infect the whole world. No more souls. Which was why Heaven and Hell had stepped in as soon as they realized Natalie was in town.
If Bishop and the others failed, then there were those who wanted to destroy this city just like I’d seen in my vision. To them, a million people were expendable, but six billion weren’t. After all, they’d still get the souls of the dead either way.
To me, even one person lost was too many.
I longed to talk to Bishop. He could say something that might help me figure out what to do next. And it wasn’t just advice I wanted. I ached to see him again. I needed him. I missed him. Without him, I felt like I didn’t know what to—
Snap!
A vision slammed into me, making me gasp and clutch at the sides of my desk. My eyes went wide as the blackboard and the rest of the classroom before me flicked to a totally different image.
It was…the church. The abandoned church.
Kraven and Zach were both staring at me. Roth sat off to the left in a wooden pew inspecting his fingernails. Connor paced back and forth behind the pulpit. Light streamed in through the stained-glass window behind him. In the daylight I realized it was a depiction of Noah’s Ark.
“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself,” Kraven snapped.
“Who me?” I asked, confused.
“I’m not feeling sorry for myself,” Bishop growled back at him. It was his voice, but I couldn’t see him anywhere.
Kraven rolled his eyes. “You are. Just like old times, bro. It’s really pathetic.”
“Go to hell.”
“Been there, done that.”
A pair of hands moved over my eyes—Bishop’s hands, as if he was trying to block out the world, and then—
Snap!—I was back in my classroom.
That was Bishop. I’d just seen through Bishop’s eyes.
What the hell?
Suddenly I realized everyone was staring at me. A few looked back at me as they handed their finished quizzes in to Mr. Saunders at the front of class. What had I said or done just now to draw this much attention to myself?
Class was almost over. A glance at the clock told me there were only five minutes left.
“Ms. Day,” Mr. Saunders said with a frown. “Are you all right?”
“I—I don’t think so.”
I thought he was going to get mad at me for interrupting the end of the test, but instead he looked concerned. “Do you need to leave?”
I just nodded, scrambled to get my things and bolted from class as if I was being chased. It kind of felt like I was.
Chapter 20
When I got to my locker, I collapsed to the floor and clutched my binder to my chest.
I’d just seen through Bishop’s eyes. And I had no idea if it was a vision o
f the future or something that was happening right now.
I could read the others’ minds if they weren’t trying to block me out, but not Bishop’s. I’d tried and it hadn’t worked. But this—it wasn’t like reading his mind at all. I couldn’t sense any emotions or thoughts from him, I’d just seen and heard exactly what he had.
And it had given me a major headache in return. I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temples while I tried to breathe. When I opened my eyes again, Colin was kneeling next to me. I stifled a shriek.