I closed my eyes as the image of him naked and wet in my tub popped up in my mind. “I'll see you tomorrow.”
I really did take a bath and then went to bed, but I didn't get much sleep. Along with all of the thoughts I'd tried to avoid all weekend, now I kept thinking about tomorrow. There was no way anyone at that party would think I belonged there with Rylan. When it was just the two of us, I could pretend that my appearance didn't matter. And this wouldn't just be a restaurant where we could ignore people who stared or muttered comments under their breath. This would be a party where Rylan would want to mingle. Mingle with an ex-girlfriend who my brain insisted was some tall, leggy blonde with a tiny waist and huge breasts.
I kept myself busy at work, but I could still feel him there. It was odd how the two of us being the only ones in the entire building could make me so aware of him. The tension grew enough throughout the day that when Rylan appeared at my office door, it was all I could do not to run over and kiss him.
“You're early,” I said.
“I think your boss won't mind if you cut out a little early.” He grinned, that easy smile that made my heart twist. “Especially if it meant you were going to change into that dress that showed off those gorgeous legs of yours.” His eyes flicked down to where my legs disappeared beneath my desk.
I rolled my eyes affectionately. “Give me ten minutes.”
To my relief, the awkwardness I'd felt the night before while on the phone was gone. I walked out of the bathroom and he was waiting in a tux. He held out his hand and I slid mine into it. As our fingers entwined, it felt like coming home. All of my previous concerns seemed petty.
We headed down to the front of the building where a car waiting and rode in a comfortable silence. I leaned my head against his shoulder and tried not to think of all the questions I had about the ex-girlfriend I'd meet tonight.
When we arrived at the location, I had to admit, I was a bit surprised. I'd expected some sort of big fancy house or something. Instead, we were in front of a small art gallery that looked like it was locally owned. The work hanging in the windows was superb.
He wrapped my arm through his as we headed into the building. About two dozen people were already there, every one of them nicely dressed and none of them looking entirely pleased to see me. Well, that wasn't entirely accurate. They looked at me more like I was someone who should be painting the abstract art rather than being there to enjoy it. Someone who should be part of the eccentric, creative world, not part of theirs.
“Rylan!”
I found my arm being pulled away as a short, curvy red-head threw herself at my boyfriend. I didn't need an introduction to know this was Lara. Her hair was that deep, dark red that wasn't brassy at all. When she pulled back, I saw jade eyes glittering in a beautiful face. Fuck. She was gorgeous.
“Lara.” He smiled at her and my stomach twisted. “I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Jenna.” He reached out and took my hand.
“Jenna, nice to meet you.” Lara turned towards me and held out her hand.
I shook it with my free hand and forced a smile. “It's nice to meet you too.”
“So, girlfriend, huh?” Lara turned back to Rylan and put her hand on his arm. “And here I worried I'd scared you away from relationships altogether.”
I resisted the urge to look up at Rylan, but I felt him stiffen.
“You must be one special girl,” Lara said, shooting me a smile. “Rylan's never been much of a one-girl guy.” She reached up and patted his cheek. “Broken a lot of hearts though.”
He rolled his eyes. “Lara, don't you have other guests?”
“Of course, but don't you two go rushing off.” She leaned against him, going on up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek as her breasts pressed against his arm. “I want to hear all about how the two of you met.”
Yeah, that wasn't going to happen. I risked a glance up at Rylan and he squeezed my hand, telling me without words that he understood what I was feeling. I appreciated the sentiment, but I had a bad feeling that tonight wasn't going to be as nice as I'd hoped. Or, more honestly, it would be as bad as I'd feared.
As it turned out, that wasn't entirely true. While most of the people at the gallery weren't exactly rude to me, they made it pretty clear that I wasn't in their class. Once Rylan started talking business, people warmed up a bit, but I assumed that was mostly because he introduced me as his top security tech. I couldn't exactly be annoyed since, in that context, it was the right thing to do, but I wished he'd made it a bit more clear where we stood, especially considering some of the looks he was getting from female guests.
And then there was Lara. She wasn't mean to me. In fact, she was polite and sweet. That just made it worse when she started flirting with Rylan. Little touches and smiles, laughing and pressing her body against his. The worst part was that, while he didn't encourage her, he didn't push her away either.
I tried not to let it bother me, tried to ignore the way jealousy crept up inside me. He loved me. He said he did. I had to trust that. But as the night wore on, it became harder and harder to not wonder if he was comparing me to her, wondering if he'd made a mistake breaking up with her and being with me. She was so vibrant and beautiful. Plus, I was pretty sure she didn't have half of the baggage I had. He probably didn't have to worry about her freaking out if he tied her hands too tight or ask if she was okay every time after they had sex.
They were perfect for each other.
And I knew everyone else could see it too. She was the kind of woman he was supposed to be with. I didn't doubt that his sister and friend would agree. I was sure there had been no uncomfortable lunches where her family and motives had been questioned. No dark secrets in her past that she would need to hide.
“Jenna, love, is everything okay?” Rylan's voice was low in my ear, his hand at the small of my back.
“Fine.” I gave him a tight smile. “Headache.” It wasn't exactly a lie. My head was hurting.
“We should go,” he said immediately.
I shook my head. “You should stay. Catch up with your friends.”
He frowned. “I don't care about them. I care about you.”
He reached for me and his frown deepened when I took a step back. I just couldn't take his touch right now. I couldn't think straight when he touched me and my mind was already a mess.
“Fine,” I said. “If you want to go, we'll go.”
He didn't try to touch me again, but his concern was nearly palpable. He quickly said good-bye to Lara, his dismissive attitude almost enough to make me feel better. Almost.
I didn't doubt his feelings, not really. What I doubted was whether or not I belonged in his life. And I knew, sooner or later, he'd figure it out.
Chapter 4
Rylan had been worried enough about me on the way home from the party that he'd suggested I go back to his house. When I declined, he'd offered to sleep on my couch. As much as every fiber of my being longed to tell him to take me home with him, to curl up in his arms, I told him no. I wanted to be alone.
I took some cold medicine since I knew it would knock me out and the last thing I needed was to spend the entire night running over every miserable detail of the evening. A part of me even held out some hope that if I got a better night's sleep than I'd gotten the night before, I'd think more clearly and things wouldn't be as bad as they seemed now.
When I woke up Wednesday morning after a deep and dreamless sleep, I found that I was partially right. Things weren't as bad as I thought the night before. I knew I was overreacting with my jealousy, but I wasn’t able to completely shake everything I'd been feeling, especially the thought that Lara was a better match for Rylan than I was.
As I got ready for work, a new thought occurred to me. What if my behavior last night made him reconsider being with me? Wasn't it just as easy to fall out of love with someone as it was to fall in love? Especially people like us who'd fallen in love under such strange circumstances. And he'd loved Lara once too. Wha
t if seeing her last night, comparing us had made him realize what he'd given up? I didn't doubt for a moment that she'd take him back.
Maybe that was for the best, I thought as I waited at the bus stop. I shivered as a swirl of snow blew inside. It hadn't snowed hard enough to stick yet, but the weatherman said it was coming. We'd have a white Christmas most likely. I tucked my hair more snuggly under my hat. As a kid, I once told my mom that I wanted a white Christmas. She'd pointed out that we lived in Florida. No chance of snow there. Aside from the mountains, the possibility of snow had been one of the reasons I wanted to come to Colorado. I'd gotten my white Christmas my first year here.
I could still remember it. The campus had been basically deserted. Only a few international students had been there and because the campus was so big, we hadn't really seen each other. I'd gone out at midnight, the moment it had officially become Christmas, and stood out in the courtyard between the dorms. I'd stared up at the sky, watching the snow coming down, and for a moment, I'd felt peace. Until I'd met Rylan, it had been the only time I'd ever felt that way.
I sighed. I started to wish I'd taken the rest of the week off, but I knew I'd be alone on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as it was. I didn't think I could spend one more day than necessary in that apartment. At least there wasn’t anyone else at the office. Rylan was the only one I'd have to avoid.
It wasn't that I really wanted to avoid him. I simply didn't know how to deal with all of this. When the only examples you've ever had of relationships have been either totally fucked up or fictional – or both – it tended to make it more difficult to know what to do. Fortunately, I'd run into a glitch with a program I'd been working on and it demanded my full attention, giving me the chance to not think about personal things for a while.
My phone buzzed and drew me out of the zone. It was a text from Rylan asking if I wanted to go to lunch. I sighed. I wanted to go, wanted to see him, but I wasn't sure I could hide my feelings from him. I didn't think I'd gotten out of practice. He was just good at reading me. I sent back a quick reply saying I had to finish working out this problem.
I was just starting to get back into work again when my office phone rang. I almost didn't pick it up. I knew who it was. I didn't get outside calls. But he knew I was here so not answering would be a slap in the face and I didn't want to do that. Dammit! Not having feelings for anyone was certainly a lot simpler.
“Hello,” I answered the phone.
“Come to my office.”
I stared at the receiver. He'd hung up. While that short sentence hadn't exactly told me much, the tone had spoken volumes. He was pissed. Anxiety knotted my stomach. I'd seen Rylan mad before, but never directed at me. This was it then, the end. That had to be why he wanted me to come to the office. He'd planned on breaking up with me over lunch, but I'd thwarted that, so this was how it would be done.
I kept my shoulders back and my head up as I rode the elevator to his floor. Once he was finished, I'd tell him that I was going to take the rest of the week off. I'd find something to do. Maybe start looking for another apartment. The best thing about living in a college town was that there were always places for rent. With that plan firmly in mind, I walked into Rylan's office.
He was waiting by the conference tables rather than back at his desk, his eyes dark, his expression serious.
“You lied to me.”
My eyes widened. “There really is an issue with the–”
“Not about that.” He waved a dismissive hand and took a step towards me. “You were acting strange all day yesterday and even more so last night at the party. I kept asking what was wrong and accepting those bullshit excuses you gave me. I haven't been able to sleep the last two nights because I've worried about you.”
Guilt gnawed at my stomach, combining with the anxiety until I felt like I was going to throw up. He'd been worried about me?
He reached out and I flinched involuntarily. Pain flashed across his features and he dropped his hand.
“I did hurt you, didn't I?” he asked softly, a sick expression coming onto his face. “I never should've pushed you to try any of those things this weekend.” He raked his hand through his hair.
“No!” I blurted out the word. “You didn't hurt me.” Watching him beat himself up over something he hadn't done tore at me. I closed the distance between us and put my hand on his cheek. “I swear, Rylan. I enjoyed it all.”
“Then what happened?” he asked. He put his hand over mine. “What did I do wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said and sighed. “You didn't do anything wrong, and that's the problem.” He looked confused so I continued. As much as I hated baring my insecurities, I hated the thought of him thinking this was his fault more. “It's me.”
“Jenna, talk to me. Please.”
“Being at that party last night reminded me how much I don't belong in your world.” I took the easy way out.
“My world?” He rolled his eyes. “Jenna, that is so not my world. Just because I have money and my parents like to pretend they're high society doesn't mean I'm anywhere near that world. I wasn't poor growing up, but until my dad married Suzette's mom, we weren't rich. He's a doctor, but not some specialist or surgeon. My mom worked part-time too. Suzette's mom is the one who has the money. And even that's new money. Trust me, Lara's family didn't like me even after I made my first million.” His eyes narrowed and I watched it click. “That's what this is about really, isn't it? Lara.”
Damn him and his ability to read me. “She's gorgeous,” I said.
“I would agree with you, but I think that's probably not a good idea.” He tilted his head. “Are you jealous?” He didn't sound like the idea bothered him much. If anything, he almost sounded pleased.
I dropped my hand and looked down, heat flooding my cheeks. “She seems like she's a much better match for you. She's beautiful, sophisticated, moves in all the right circles. No one looks at her like she's a freak.” My eyes burned, but I refused to let the tears spill over. As much as I loved him, I hated that he could do this to me. “And there's no way she has as much baggage as me. She's so much better for you.”
His arms wrapped around me, but I didn't look at him.
“I figured you'd see it last night. That you'd regret breaking up with her and want her back.”
His laughter stopped me. It was a low rumble, gentle and without a trace of mocking. “Jenna, look at me.” The words were quiet, but I heard the command in them. “Look at me.”
I raised my head. Despite his laughter, his expression was serious.
“Lara and I started dating when I was twenty-two and she was eighteen. We were together for two years. She's the only woman I'd had a serious relationship with. I thought I was going to marry her.”
I didn't want to hear this. I wanted to leave, to run out of the building and never come back. As if he could hear my thoughts, his arms tightened, holding me where I was.
“I went to our apartment one night, excited to tell her about this big, beautiful house I wanted to buy. I just knew that was where I would raise my family. Then I walked into the bedroom and saw her with our neighbor...Cassandra.”
I frowned, sure I had to have misheard or misunderstood.
“Lara broke up with me, Jenna. Because she's a lesbian. She'd thought she could make it work because she really did love me, but she realized she couldn't pretend anymore. Not for her family and not even for me. She broke my heart, and I was angry with her for a while. About a year ago, we saw each other at a party and got to talking. We're friends, but it'll never be anything else.” He kept one arm around my waist as he raised his hand to twist a chunk of hair between his fingers. “And I don't want it to be anything else. You're the only one I want.”
Relief flooded through me, so intense I had to close my eyes. He didn't want Lara, even if he could've had her. I felt his lips on my forehead and I put my hands on his chest. Even through his shirt I could feel the heat of his skin.
“Now.” The to
ne of his voice shifted and I felt my body respond. “We both spent a lot of unnecessary time being upset. I think you need to be punished for not talking to me about this earlier.”
I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He was definitely in Dom mode. A thrill went through me.
“I think I should spank you.”
Well, damn. This was not how I saw this conversation going.
I knew he was waiting for a response. We'd done a bit of pain play with nipple clamps, but he'd never broached the subject of any sort of spanking, flogging or any of those types of things. His collection in his play room told me that he was into that sort of thing, but it was an area we hadn't ventured into yet. I hadn't been sure how I'd react when he did finally bring it up. I'd been forced to act out plenty of 'naughty schoolgirl' or 'punished by daddy' scenarios that the idea of spanking was definitely a trigger for me.
But so was being tied up.
I let out a slow breath. “Okay, but this is yellow territory.” Yellow was our safe word for taking things slow.
He nodded. “Set the boundaries.”
“No bending over the knee or saying I was a bad or naughty girl,” I said.
“Understood,” he released me. “And you say 'red' if it's too much.”
“I will,” I promised. I took a step as my pulse began to race. “Tell me what to do.”
Chapter 5
“Bend over the table.”
I did as I'd been told. I put my palms flat on the table and waited.
“I'm going to pull down your pants and your panties,” he said. “So I can feel the heat of your skin against my palm.”
I loved how he did this, told me what he was going to do. He didn't make it a question, but it let me know what to expect so I could stop him if I needed to.
His hands slid around my waist, fingers teasing at the skin just above my waistband. His hands moved under my shirt, across my stomach and up to cup my breasts over my bra. I'd gone with simple today, just black cotton, but he didn't seem to care.
“Let's get those free.” He made short work of the front clasp and then his hands were on my bare flesh.