Chapter Sixteen
Over the next two weeks, Annie stayed true to her word. My training did get much more intense, and it left me so exhausted that I just fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow. There was no time for nightmares that left me screaming in the middle of the night, and with the better sleep came better attention. My lessons progressed steadily, until I was capable of raising just a single creature, and not the entire morgue.
After lessons, Tanya would show me more of the compound. It was nestled in the woods and was backed up against a shallow cliff. There was a balcony on the first floor that overlooked the cliffs, and I leaned against the beautiful stone railing and just looked out into the distance. When Tanya found me after my latest lesson, I barely even registered her presence, because the view from the balcony was just so breathtaking and beautiful.
“This is my favorite spot in the compound,” she said softly. “It’s a little strange to think that a place so drab and boring could have something so beautiful, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Look at that sunset, all orange and yellow and red.”
Tanya smiled. “Are there any other views around here that you like?” She waggled her eyebrows. “I mean, you’ve been here for three weeks, and I haven’t seen you flirt with anyone yet. What’s your type? I mean, you do like boys, right? It’s cool if you don’t! I was just curious is all.”
I felt my cheeks begin to slowly burn and I ducked my head. “Sadly, I’ve always kind of had a thing for the jerk.” She laughed and I continued. “I think it might be because they’re so different from me, and I don’t consider myself date worthy, so my opposite has to be. That’s not exactly healthy though, is it?”
Tanya shook her head. “No, it’s really not. Jerks aren’t date worthy,” she said, looking at me. “They’re rude, they’re abrasive, and they’re just plain mean sometimes. Plus, I think they’re more likely to play a girl than other guys. Wait a minute.” She turned her gaze on me and skewered me with her turquoise-colored eyes. “If you go for the jerks, then…oh, my god. You have a think for Finn!” she nearly squealed.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. Finn was definitely attractive, more attractive than a lot of guys I’d ever seen, but he was so temperamental and judgmental. Ever since the day in the graveyard, he’d subtly changed his attitude towards me, and I couldn’t help but crushing on him just a little.
“Please tell me that’s not true.” I whirled around, nearly losing my balance, as Finn stepped onto the balcony from the shadows. “You don’t actually have a thing for me, do you?”
Flustered, I started to stutter like an idiot. “W-well, n-no. I m-mean, I don’t–”
“Have you seen the women I’ve been with?” he asked with a tight smile. Unfortunately, I had seen many of them, and they were about as far from me as possible. “I like them tall, beautiful, with great tits and low self-esteems. Only that last part describes you,” he said, looking me up and down with a sneer on his handsome face.
“Finn!” Tanya gasped. She quickly looked at me. “Ronnie, don’t listen to him. He’s wrong.”
“No, he’s not,” I said, looking away from both of them. I’d never really been called beautiful before, but I’d certainly never been called ugly, and that was pretty much what he just did. As his words sunk in, I couldn’t believe how badly it hurt. Each second that passed felt like there was a knife twisting in my gut, and a quiet sob escaped my locked lips.
Without a word, I turned and fled back into the compound, ignoring Tanya’s calls. Blindly, I made my way back to my small room and slammed the door shut behind me, locking it, before hurling myself down on the small bed. When I buried my face in my pillow, I just burst into tears, which just confused me even more.
I don’t even really like Finn. Sure, he’s handsome and he can be kind of nice when he tries, but we barely know each other. I’ve only been here for like three weeks! It’s not like I was in love with the guy, I thought angrily to myself. Why do I even like him?
It was his eyes. Back in the cemetery, when he stopped to make sure I was alright, he looked almost like he might actually care about what happened to me enough to take his job seriously. Aside from Alan and my mother, nobody had ever really cared about me before, but for just one second, I thought that he might. Of course, it was a stupid thing to think, since the two of barely knew each other–even now we didn’t know much about one another–but there was something there.
It was a longing in the pit of my stomach that I’d never felt before. Whenever he entered the room, there was a slow warmth that spread throughout my entire body, along with a feeling of acceptance and hope. I’d only had one boyfriend before, and we hadn’t done much more than light kissing, but this had felt so different, and so much more powerful than it was before.
He’s a jerk, but I’ve always had a thing for that kind of guy. I can’t help it; it’s just a feeling there inside of me that I can’t fight, and it just waits for the perfect opportunity to rear up and destroy my feelings. Maybe I’m just a glutton for depression and pain.
There was a knock on the door, and I heard Tanya’s worried voice. “Ronnie? Ronnie, please open the door. You can’t listen to anything that Finn says. He’s an asshole, and he always says the meanest thing he can possibly think of. That’s how he distances himself from others. He doesn’t want to get close to others, and that’s why he always pushes them away. Ronnie? Please open the door!”
“Go away!”
“Ronnie–”
“I said go away!” I nearly screamed. “I don’t wanna talk to you or to anybody. Just leave me alone!”
After a minute, her footsteps faded away until I was left alone with my own depressing, morbid thoughts and my confusion.