“Make sure Nelson behaves himself.”
She nodded and left the kitchen. When they were alone, Warren collapsed against the wash basin. He spread his palms out and took a breath.
“Okay, what the hell?”
“I’ve been thinking the same thing.” Todd turned to Chloe. “Do you… feel anything?”
She shook her head, her lips pressed together in a grimace.
“What does that mean? Feel anything?” Warren had started to sweat. He tried to remember if he’d taken his blood pressure medicine that morning.
“We thought…” Todd started and seemed to think about what he’d say next.
“We thought maybe I could be at peace here.”
“I don’t follow.”
“She’s a wandering spirit…”
“I gathered that much, I guess.”
“…and it’s said that spirits like hers can be put to rest if they… come home.”
“This is home to you?” Warren started to laugh. “My shitty dive of a bar is home?”
“We had some great times here,” Chloe said.
Todd nodded in agreement, but looked sick. Like he was the undead one.
“You had some good times here and you want to what, haunt my bar?”
They stood silently. Chloe looked down at her hands.
His disbelief gave way to genuinely romantic thoughts of the times when she’d been there. He remembered how she sang, her voice ethereal and throaty. When she died, he’d read about it in the paper. A long shift at the Black Horse had caused him to miss the funeral, but he’d been to the grave. For the first few years, he left flowers, tulips of various colors. These days he hardly thought of her, but she’d had an impact on him. It hurt to know that her soul had never been at peace all these years.
“How do you know if a place is... right?”
She shrugged.
“You just know that this place isn’t?”
She shook her head.
“Hell, what are you gonna do then?”
“I guess I’ll have to try somewhere else.”
She moved to embrace him and he froze. When he found that her arms were warm and not like dead flesh at all, he returned the hug. He saw them out. They said very little to each other. When they left, he told Nelson and Audrey that they were just some old friends.
He never saw Chloe or Todd again, except when he dreamed.
He never told anyone about the day he saw her ghost until the day he died.
~Todd~
They parked along Potter Way, where they’d made love after their first live performance together, where Todd remembered being touched by something otherworldly. Thick, lively trees lined the dirt-covered road. Around their stumps empty beer bottles glistened in the sunlight, surrounded by stomped out cigarette butts and discarded food wrappers. Todd remembered the path being less dirty back then, but maybe his nostalgia romanticized it.
What would happen if this were the right place? Would she vanish into thin air? Drop dead? Burst into flames? He got out of the car and watched her stride out into the road and glance around. A temperate breeze blew through the leaves, creating a sound like shuffling papers. The wind carried with it the dirty sweet aroma of fertilizer. Her bare feet struck the gravelly path at a tentative rhythm. She probably knew just as little about what would happen next than he did.
She faced him, her dark eyes wide and expectant. Back towards the road, a truck’s engine hummed, muffled by distance. A gnat buzzed around Todd’s face and tried to kamikaze into his eye. He blinked against it and swatted it away. He and Chloe stood nearly ten paces apart as if waiting for each other to draw a gun.
He sighed. “Nothing?”
His single-worded question struck a nerve and her expression changed from anticipatory to panicky. Even from where he stood, he could see the anxiety tightening her face. Worse case scenarios projected themselves from her widening eyes, her twitching lips, her jaw that locked and loosened. She turned toward the field and ran.
Like the night they'd first made love, she ran through the trees lining the road and into the green grass, casting beckoning glances at him over her shoulder. His legs locked into place as he watched her sprint into the sprawling meadow. He remembered the night so clearly, despite not thinking of it for some time. The way her dress had fallen to earth in one smooth motion. The way the moonlight bathed her pale figure in bluish twilight.
“Come on,” she said, calling to him now, as she had then with the promise of lovemaking.
He pushed his way through the trees and out into the field. The day had drifted away from them and the late-afternoon sun beat down from the western sky, making his skin impossibly hot under his work shirt. Still he strode through the grass, trying to catch up to her. She moved without grace, every step now uncertain, fearful.
“Chloe, what are you doing?”
She ignored him, showed no sign of slowing. He thought she’d long passed the spot where they’d been together, but it was hard to tell. The passage of time rendered his memory unreliable. The old barn that had once stood at the one end of the field was no longer there, bulldozed and replaced by nothing but prickly patches of weeds.
“Wait!”
She kept her pace, lurching frantically ahead. When she stopped and spun to face him, he was out of breath. He put his hand to his chest and felt his heart protesting beneath the breastbone. He continued to approach her, slowing his pace, gulping down precious air. He halted in front of her.
“What are you doing?”
She thrust her hands forward, grabbed the sides of his head, and kissed him. The force as she threw herself at him nearly knocked him on his ass. He steadied himself with his arms as her mouth worked on his. His heart beat harder. He tried to pull away, thinking of Anna, thinking that the woman kissing him had been dead.
She bit down on his lip and pulled her face away.
“Love me, please.”
“What, Chloe, no…”
She silenced him with another kiss. This time, with his mouth mid-protest, she slipped her tongue inside. The smoky sweet taste brought forth a storm within him, a storm that carried him backwards in time to the moment they’d first come to this field with her warm arms enveloping him in the summer wind.
He returned the kiss, moved to embrace her. She slumped to the ground, dragging him with her. Once upon the earth, she reached between them. Her fingers brushed his growing hardness as she started to lift her dress.
“Please.” Desperation filled her voice.
Logic came between him and his desire. This was wrong. She was undead. He was married. His marriage was falling apart, but this certainly wasn’t going to make things better. He couldn’t believe he was even considering this.
He pushed off of her. “I can’t.”
Her face hardened. “Why the fuck not?”
He sat down beside her, looked off into the distance at her father’s car parked on Potter Way. They’d come farther than he thought. Its midnight blue paint job glimmered in the distance.
“I just can’t.”
They sat in silence. Another car passed on the main road. Then another. Up above a large bird of prey circled the sky.
Chloe crossed her arms tightly across her midsection. “I just thought, maybe we could recreate the moment. Maybe that would help me somehow.”
“Did you really think that would work?”
“I don’t know. You have any other ideas?”
He wracked his brain, tried to ignore the persisting hardness in his pants. The carnal side of him most certainly did want her, and another part of him felt maybe if his music had called her back, loving her now was only right. However, the idea of doing it scared him. She had been dead for thirty years; she couldn't still be human. Even if he didn't worry that having sex with her would further complicate his relationship with Anna, he couldn't get past the fact that he was a little afraid of her.
He said, “What about your old house? Why haven’t we tried
there yet?”
“I don’t know, Todd. It’s not exactly the happiest place. I…died there, remember?”
He sat up straighter. “Yeah, but it was home, right? I mean, how long did you live there?”
“For most of my life, but…”
“So it’d be familiar, right?”
“After thirty years, the only thing that’s familiar to me is Hell.”
He fumbled for something else to say. His rejection had undoubtedly hurt her and he wanted to move beyond that as quickly as possible. She stared defiantly at him. Her dark eyes held a bright intensity that made him want her, despite how wrong it was. He looked away unable to stand her gaze another moment.
“Your house, it’s worth a try.”
“So was this.”
“Chloe, I just can’t. I told you I’d get you to safety and I’m going to do that. But we can’t be…together. I’m a different person now.”
The words coming out of his mouth sounded scripted and lifeless, the way he sounded whenever he told Anna that he loved her or the way he sounded delivering a sales pitch to a potential client. He hated himself in this moment, more than any other moment in his life.
“Fine.” She got up and stomped back towards the car.
~Anna~
Keith stood leaning against his driver’s side door, hands tucked into the pockets of his blue jeans, staring ahead like he was posing for a fashion magazine. She parked parallel to him in the lot of Marcus and Marcus and he greeted her with a smile. Even facing away from the sunlight, his whitened teeth glistened.
Unease stirred in her belly as she admired him from the safety of her car. Her confrontation with Katie hung fresh in her mind. Her daughter was tough and Anna had to give her credit. Their exchange had left Anna shaken and ridden with guilt for lying. Going behind her family’s backs was one thing. Telling lies to her daughter’s face was another. She flexed her hands on the wheel, took a stabilizing breath, and got out.
Keith greeted her with a hug. As she broke the embrace, he pulled her in for a kiss. In his passionate reverence her unease grew stronger. When their lips separated, he held her out at arm’s length and looked into her eyes.
“You okay?”
She nodded a bit more quickly than she wanted to, afraid it may look like she was overcompensating. He scanned her face.
“Are you sure?”
Damn him for knowing.
“Yes, Keith. I’m fine.” She kissed him again for reassurance. She kept it controlled, touching her tongue to his with gentle precision, squeezing him softly. It was important to show him that she was totally at peace with their transgression. She wanted to let go and enjoy their first time going away together. The unease lingered, but she vowed to take the ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ approach. She reiterated, as much for herself as for him, “I’m fine.”
He stroked her cheek and flashed his million dollar smile. “Okay, I believe you.”
“I’m just excited to get going, you know?”
His demeanor brightened, all concern whisked away by enthusiasm. “That makes two of us. Come on!”
He led her around to the other side of his car and opened the door for her. She grinned at him as she settled into the passenger seat. A danceable beat coupled with a dirty guitar on the car’s stereo system. The song reminded her of the indie rock that Katie listened to and her thoughts shifted again to their confrontation.
Cut the shit, Mom, Katie had said. She remembered the words and came face to face with the reality that if the truth ever came out, her daughter may end up hating her.
Stop it!
As they pulled away, she rolled the window down and let the wind blow against her face and through her hair. She imagined her reservations blowing away with it, carried into the oblivion of the late-afternoon sky.
~Katie~
Neither Anna nor Keith noticed the black Corolla parked at the opposite end of the lot. The aggressive music of the New Bomb Turks assaulted Katie’s sound system and her thoughts raced along to the music. She contemplated following them, though she knew she wouldn’t have to in order to know what was going on. She’d seen the kisses.
She killed the music and threw her head back. “Fuck.”
The cramped car and the sprawling parking lot suddenly felt very lonely. She stared into the rearview, acknowledged to herself that her family was royally fucked up, but admitting it didn’t make the fact any easier to swallow. Instead it fed her neediness, made her feel suddenly cold and vulnerable in spite of the warm day. She crossed her arms and curled her knees up to her chest. She remained that way for a full minute, then gave a grim sigh and dug into her purse for her cell phone. She dialed Jake’s number and prayed he’d answer.
~Chloe~
While in front of her old house, memories played like a fast-moving film reel through Chloe’s head. She recalled moments like parking her bike on the cement driveway as her father called her in for dinner, sitting on her back deck with her girlfriends watching the sunset, and swimming in the backyard pool. Though still out of reach, they seemed closer now than when she’d been in the world below. A ghost of hope rose within her, but it drowned under a wave of sadness. First, because her freedom had come at the sacrifice of her father. Now, something else she hadn't expected. She and Todd, reunited ever so briefly, would also have to part ways.
“If this works I guess you can go back to your life and forget about me.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came. His eyes examined every inch of her, as if wanting to capture a permanent image. She touched his face, fully expecting the rejection he’d shown in the field. Instead he reached up and held her hand there. Their eyes met and embraced. She froze, knowing all too well that whatever she did next would forever alter the course of her existence. A crazy part of her wanted to stay. She didn’t care that she’d always be looking over her shoulder, so long as she could be here, in this real world where people lived, laughed, suffered, recovered, and loved.
“God, I’ve missed you… this… everything,” she said.
“You can’t stay, can you?”
She hadn’t expected him to say that. They hadn’t spoken since the encounter in the field and she thought maybe he was upset with her for trying to seduce him. Now it seemed he regretted rejecting her. She thought about trying again, but knew there was little time.
“I have to go.”
He stared ahead, zoning out into the distance, and nodded absently.
She’d have given anything to know what he was thinking.
“What about the people who live there now?”
She looked towards the house. The lawn was well-kept, a set of glistening wind chimes dangled beside the front door, and inside the kitchen window several appliances were set up. Someone definitely lived here.
“You gonna haunt them?”
She shrugged. “I guess so.”
He laughed, but it was lifeless.
“Wait out here for a bit, in case it, you know, doesn’t work.”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks for all you’ve done today. I don’t know if I could’ve gotten out of this without you.”
“Don’t celebrate yet. We have to make sure it’s right first.”
She nodded, took his hand, and squeezed it. She kissed him, this time without the urgency she’d shown in the field. Instead it was a light touch, a show of friendly gratitude.
He watched as she pulled away, pushed the car door open, and climbed out of her seat and out of his life again.
The pavement stung Chloe’s feet and she winced. She focused on the house ahead and reminded herself that the pain would only be temporary. For being a passage to something as wonderful as freedom from oppression, rest for the weary, the front door looked rather plain. It was just over six and a half feet tall, off-white, and decorated by three square windows across the top. Her heart palpitated as she walked toward it.
This had to work.
She crossed the yard tentat
ively. If this did work, thirty years of suffering would come to an end. Thirty years? It dawned on her that her suffering had endured for much longer. It had dominated both her mortal and immortal lives. Part of it, she knew, was her doing, but what about the rest of it? The pain had started here. It had started at home. Maybe even before that.
A chill raced up her spine as she thought of Samael’s insistence that she wasn’t who she thought she was. That she was someone that had been promised to him long ago. If that were true, would she ever be free?
Her bare feet curled and she squeezed clumps of grass between her toes. She shut her eyes. A tear rolled down across her face. She took a breath and moved forward. The brass doorknob turned in her grip. There was a click of its latch, followed by a subtle creak of its hinges as she pushed it open.
Samael stood in the entryway, waiting for her. Fresh blood dripped from his hands and she looked past him to see two crumpled corpses, a man and woman. Their bodies were twisted in macabre poses and their chests were open, leaking viscera and blood onto the hardwood floor. Samael licked his lips.
~Anna~
Anna watched the front of Keith’s car swallow up the road ahead. Bass notes vibrated through the interior. She felt them in her chest and nervously twirled her fingers in her lap, only half aware she was doing it. Occasionally Keith sang a line of the song and squeezed her knee. Cold air blew from the vents, raising gooseflesh on her arms.
“Do you ever worry about this?” She asked it without taking her eyes off the winding road.
He turned down the stereo and the throbbing bass became a muffled knock. “What do you mean?”
“What we’re doing. Do you ever have second thoughts about it?”
“I worry about how long it can last sometimes. You’ve got your family and I have … well, nothing really holds me back.”