A cool hand strokes my hair back from my face, and I don’t move, I don’t even look up.
I know it’s her.
“What did you do this time, kid?” she murmurs, dabbing at my mouth with a warm, wet cloth.
“I ran away,” I croak.
“You know you should never run away, your father doesn’t like running away.”
“I was afraid, Rebecca. The man was hurting me, and touching me ...”
Her hand pauses. “Touching you? A man was touching you?”
“Y-y-y-yes.”
“In the places I showed you no one should ever touch you?”
“Yes.”
She makes a strange sound, I’m not sure what it is, but I’ve never heard it before. It sounds a little sad, and maybe a little frustrated. “Then you should run away. You should always run away. Nobody should ever touch you if you don’t want to be touched.”
“But when I run away, Father hurts me.”
She wipes my face, the cloth cleaning up the blood and making it feel less yucky.
“Yes, but one day you’re going to grow big, which is why I always tell you to eat up. And when you’re big, you’ll be able to stand up to him, to make your own choices, to be free.”
“Father says I’ll never be free.”
“But you will, kid. One day, you will fight the monster back. Until then, you have to be strong. There is nothing else out there for you. Nothing but even more monsters.”
I turn and look up at her, my eyes are blurry. “There are more monsters out there?”
“So many more, some of them a lot worse than your father. Like I tell you, you fight the monster you know. Be strong. Be smart. Get bigger. Get smarter. And maybe, one day, you’ll get what you deserve.”
“What do I deserve?” I ask her, as she helps me up from the floor.
“Freedom.”
“Does that mean he won’t be here anymore?”
She nods, lifting my shirt and placing an ice pack on my ribs. I hold it there and slide my shirt back down over it. “That means he won’t be here anymore.”
“And what about you, will you be here?”
She glances around. “I’ll be here for as long as I can. But if I’m not, if I’m not here, you have to always remember what I told you.”
I nod, and the ice is burning my skin, but I know it’ll make it feel better. It always does.
“What is that?” she prompts, holding my eyes.
“That I have to get big.”
“And?”
“Strong.”
“And?”
“And fight the monster.”
“And what else?”
“And never let anyone touch me.”
“And the most important?”
“The most important,” I say softly. “The most important is that I never stop fighting. That I always find my way out, even if I think there is no way, even if I have a big wall in front of me. There is always a way out.”
“Even if you have to what?”
“Blow my way out.” I smile.
She smiles back.
“That’s right, kid. You’ll get past that wall, even if you have to blow your way out. Because on the other side is freedom.”
I nod.
Blow my way out.
Yes, blow my way out I will.
After I finish fighting the monster.
~*~*~*~
NOW – CHARLIE
“How come you never told us about your father?” Scarlett asks me, handing me another drink.
“No offense, but you and I had only just met; I wasn’t about to spill those kinds of details.”
“I know, I just figured after the hit came to light, you might explain more.”
I shake my head. “I don’t really like talking about it.”
“Understandably.” She nods. “I’m really sorry. That’s such a hard life to live. I don’t think I could be as strong as you.”
Strong.
It isn’t a word I’ve ever really used for myself.
Survivor? Sure.
But strong? No.
How am I strong when the monster I was supposed to fight is still out there, still chasing me, still trying to make me suffer?
I’m not strong.
I’m just running.
And hiding.
And doing the best I can, which sometimes I feel is not enough.
“I wouldn’t use those exact words,” I say, sipping my drink, liking that my head is feeling light already. “But thanks.”
“I’d use them,” Amalie says, smiling softly. “I have endured what I thought was a lot, but what you have lived through, that’s something of a whole new level. I could never have gotten through it the way you did. You’re incredible, Charlie. And strong, absolutely strong.”
I give her a grateful and warm smile, but my head is warm from the alcohol, my body fuzzy, and I really need some air. And, if I’m being honest, I don’t want to talk about my father anymore, or the life I lived, or the fact that everybody thinks I’m something I’m not. Because they do. They think I’m some sort of survivor, a warrior, someone who fought through the storms and came out the other side stronger.
But it isn’t exactly true.
I did bad things. I endured bad things. I only fought because I had to, not because I wanted to.
I think that defines strong, right?
“Thanks, Amalie,” I say, standing. “I need some air. This alcohol is going straight to my head tonight.”
They both give me concerned looks, like they feel like they’ve upset me.
“I’m not upset,” I say to them, giving them a big grin. “Honestly, I need fresh air. Or I’ll probably pass out. Thank you both for everything you’ve done for me, and for this cabin, Scarlett.”
“Always.” She smiles. “I’m going to crawl into bed after I rope in my man, anyway. I’m tired.”
“Me, too.” Amalie nods. “Goodnight, Charlie.”
“Night,” I say, waving and then walking through the cabin.
I pass Maverick, Malakai, and Koda sitting around a table in the kitchen. There are two cabins, Koda, Mason, Boston, and I are in one, and the other couples are in the other. I don’t know if they realized they put me with three single men, but they did. I don’t mind. I got my own room, Koda got his, and the other two just threw out some bedding in the living room. It isn’t for long. Most of the club will go back in a few days anyway.
“Headed out, darlin’?” Malakai asks when I quietly try to tiptoe past the table.
“Just getting some air. Is that okay?”
He nods. “Go for it, just don’t walk off.”
“Wasn’t planning on doing that.” I smile, eyes flicking to Koda and holding them for a second before I keep walking.
I move through the kitchen and out the back door onto the narrow, but cool patio that runs around the whole length of the cabin. I close the door and turn, running straight into a pair of legs. I squeak as I tumble forward and fall over a lap. Two big hands catch me, and for a second, both of us struggle to get me back on my feet. It’s dark out here, so I didn’t realize I wasn’t alone.
“Whoa there, darlin’.”
Mason.
Phew.
“I didn’t know anyone was out here,” I grunt out, pushing to my feet. “Sorry, Mason.”
He chuckles low. Very, very low. Almost non-existent. At times, I think Mason can look darker than Koda. He doesn’t say much, and when he does, it’s only because he has to. He’s a nice guy, super-hot, and completely mysterious. I wonder what happened to make him so quiet, or is he just that way in personality?
Isn’t it funny, how we do that?
Assume the quiet and mysterious ones have had a hard life or have a secret. Maybe, just maybe, that’s who they are.
And why wouldn’t that be okay?
Why shouldn’t it be?
“All good,” Mason says in the darkness, his hand still on my hip, supporting me but not really.
He could have let me go by now. My stomach does a little flip flop. Because, well, I have been craving being touched by a man. For a good long while.
And I’d be lying if I didn’t say imagining one night with Mason doesn’t make my skin hot.
And other places, too.
“Not every day a beautiful girl throws herself onto your lap,” he murmurs, and I can’t see him, but oh, I want to.
I’m drunk.
I know it, but I can’t really blame it for what I do next.
Honestly, it’s a blend of things.
Loneliness. Yes, pure, bitter loneliness.
The need for comfort.
The need for the touch of a man.
The dark desire inside me because I can’t have the man I really crave.
And, well, I’m horny.
Really, really horny.
So, I don’t step back, I say in a low, husky voice, “If I had known you wanted someone on your lap, I might have put myself there sooner.”
He’s silent for a moment, and I wonder if I’ve taken it too far. Hell, I don’t even know Mason. For all I know, he could have a girlfriend. I might have just come across as the easiest woman of all time. My cheeks burn, because I didn’t think before I opened my stupid mouth, and now he probably thinks I’m just like all the other girls in the club that they bring in for the men.
Easy.
Cheap.
No self-respect.
If only he knew it has been so long since I’ve been with a man or even thought of it.
But I trust the club and the men in it.
“That right?” he finally says, his voice low. His fingers bite into my hip, just a little, almost letting me know he hears me, and he feels me.
“Yeah,” I whisper into the darkness.
“Not sure Koda would appreciate my hands bein’ on you right now.”
“Koda is protecting me. That’s all he’s doing. If he wanted more, he would have said so. I’m a woman, Mason. A woman who knows exactly what she wants. And it has been a while since ...”
He makes a throaty sound. “Fuck. You know I shouldn’t, lady. You gotta know that.”
“Why? I don’t belong to anyone. I’m sure it’s my choice who I’m with, not the other way around.”
“You’re not makin’ it easy for me to say no.”
I turn, so I’m facing him. I can feel his knee pressing right into my pussy, right where the heat has flooded and it’s aching.
“I’m asking you not to say no. I’m not a slut, Mason. This isn’t something I do often. I have trust issues, which means I rarely give myself to anyone. But, as I said, I know what I want. I know what I need. And this is what I need. I trust everyone in this cabin, including you. So, as far as I’m concerned, there is no reason I shouldn’t be here.”
I step closer, pressing against him.
“Fuck me, keep pressin’ that pussy to my knee, Charlie, and I’m goin’ to have to do somethin’ about it.”
“That’s the whole point.”
He growls and his hand slips around to my ass. And I know, in that moment, he’s going to give me what I need. My body aches to be touched, to be comforted, to feel the hands of a man against my flesh, to feel him moving inside me. I need it, and maybe the alcohol isn’t helping right now, but I have no intentions of backing off. None whatsoever.
Mason’s fingers knead into my ass, massaging the flesh there. I don’t move, not for a second, I just listen to our deep panting in the darkness as both our bodies heat up, preparing for what we both know is going to come next.
Pure pleasure.
Finally, I move. I reach over and put my hands on his shoulders. He’s a big man, massive even, and his muscles are tight and perfectly formed. Flesh covering hard steel. He’s gorgeous. I slide my hands up the back of his neck to tangle in that thick, dark hair. He makes a guttural sound, pulling me closer so I’m forced to spread my legs and straddle him. His cock is right against my flesh, hard and thick. Oh, God.
Yes.
I lean forward, and my lips find his. He eagerly takes my kiss, our mouths moving together frantically at first, tongues dancing, his stubble scratching my skin, and then we slow it down, and we start kissing. Deep, long, and it feels good. It doesn’t spark my soul, not in the way having my hand on Koda did, but it makes me feel warm inside, safe and wanted.
Mason groans and rocks my hips with his hands, rubbing me up and down his cock. It feels incredible, and a moan escapes my lips. Mason’s hands leave my hips after I’ve got the rocking motion on my own, and they move to my tank, jerking it down so he can curl his big hands around my breasts. He kneads, the perfect movements, and my body aches for him.
I’m almost desperate.
“Knew you two were plannin’ on fuckin’ out here, I would have gone the other way for a smoke.”
Koda’s voice breaks through the darkness. And I can’t see him, but I know he’s close. I turn quickly, and I see the red light from the cigarette just off the porch. I didn’t hear him come around, I was so wrapped up in the moment. Guilt swarms my chest, an unfamiliar feeling. Considering I have nothing to be guilty about. So why the hell do I feel awful that Koda just caught me out here, trying to get into Mason’s pants?
Neither of us moves for a second, then Mason’s voice cuts through the air.
“Didn’t think it mattered to you what anyone else did,” he mutters, keeping his hands on me. “Made it clear what she means to you.”
That kind of hurts, even though I know Mason didn’t intend it to.
“Just figured you’d have some fuckin’ respect,” Koda grunts.
Is he angry? Because he has absolutely not right to be angry.
“Pretty sure,” I snap, “you fucked a woman on the couch the first night I was with you, and pretty sure that was disrespectful. Last time I checked, I could be with whoever I wanted!” Then I lower my voice and mutter, “Could have been you if you weren’t such a dick.”
“What did you say?” Koda growls, stepping closer, his boots rustling as he crunches the leaves into the ground.
“I said nothing. I owe you nothing, Dakoda. Fucking nothing. I am here with Mason, because this is what I need. If you’re so angry about it, perhaps you should have done the same thing, on the numerous times you had the chance. Now, if you don’t mind?”
For a moment, everyone is silent, including Mason. Then, Koda’s boots move and I feel him come up behind me. He must be leaning over the porch just a little, reaching up to us. There is no railing. His body presses against mine, and I wonder if he’s climbed up onto the low porch so he can push against me. I realize he has when his mouth goes to my ear and he whispers, “You want to be fucked, Charlie? Why didn’t you just say so?”
My heart is racing.
Every fantasy I’ve ever had suddenly flashes through my eyes as I’m surrounded by two very gorgeous, very powerful, very scary men.
“Considering you rarely let me say what I want ...”
I don’t get to finish, because he growls, “Mason and I, we’re not strangers to sharing a woman.”
It isn’t a question, or a statement.
It’s purely a fact.
And the very idea of them sharing a woman before, her small delicate body between theirs, their big hands roaming all over her, their cocks, their mouths, their bodies, makes me whimper. I don’t mean it to come out, but it does.
Now it’s Mason who speaks.
“From that whimper, I’d say she likes the idea, brother.”
Oh, God.
I should run.
But my body is on fire, and I can’t move.
Hell, if I’m being honest, I don’t want to move.
I want to stay here, between them, for as long as I possibly can.
“What do you say?” Koda growls into my ear, and he officially lights that spark inside me like a damned inferno. I want him, more than I’ve wanted anyone in my life. Add Mason to the mix, and it’s the perfect night. “You want to be fucked
? You want both of us inside that pretty fucking little body?”
I’m not going to lie.
So, I say the only thing I know I won’t regret tomorrow.
“Yes.”
Yes.
Indeed.
I do.
-14-
NOW – CHARLIE
I shouldn’t be doing this. I know I really, really, really shouldn’t be doing this. Not because, in society standards, it’s morally wrong, but because I don’t trust my body on a good day—it tends to lead me to places I don’t really need to be—and tonight, it’s leading me right into the arms of not one but two men.
Is that slutty?
Probably.
Gosh. Probably.
So, why can’t I stop? Why haven’t I pulled my head out of my ass, or in this case, it’s clearly clouded by my vagina, and just told them, “Sorry, but I can’t do this.” Well, I can do it. Maybe the correct word is I shouldn’t be doing it.
But who am I kidding?
I want it.
Hell, I need it.
After all, it’s only one night. And I’d be lying if I said one of my fantasies wasn’t two gorgeous men ravishing my body. I’m a woman, after all. The idea of being surrounded in masculine goodness is extremely appealing to me.
A warm hand cups my ass, and I look up to see Mason staring down at me. We’ve changed positions somewhat, and I’m now standing, squashed between them, Koda against my back, Mason in front of me. God. My throat is dry, my hands are shaking and my body is literally throbbing. The ache between my legs is almost unbearable.
“Let’s go to the bedroom.”
Yes.
Good idea.
Because the idea of having Scarlett, or Amalie, or hell even Maverick or Malakai come out and see me like this would be mortifying.
I swallow, and then I nod.
Mason takes my hand, and I glance over my shoulder at Koda as I’m led inside. Everyone has gone to bed, that much is clear. The cabin is empty, except for Boston passed out sleeping on the floor in the living area. We move quietly to my bedroom and shut the door, then I turn nervously and stare at the two men. If I think too much about this, I’m going to chicken out.