PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Angleberger, Tom.
Darth Paper strikes back: an Origami Yoda book / Tom Angleberger.
p. cm.
Summary: Harvey, upset when his Darth Paper finger puppet brings
humiliation, gets Dwight suspended, but Origami Yoda asks Tommy and Kellen,
now in seventh grade, to make a new casefile to persuade the School Board to
reinstate Dwight.
ISBN 978-1-4197-0027-9
[1. Yoda (Fictitious character : Lucas)—Fiction. 2. Finger
puppets—Fiction. 3. Origami—Fiction. 4. Eccentrics and
eccentricities—Fiction. 5. Interpersonal relations—Fiction.
6. Middle schools—Fiction. 7. Schools—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.A585Dar 2011
[Fic]—dc22
2011010388
Text copyright © 2011 Tom Angleberger
The cover and front matter illustrations are by Tom Angleberger and Jason
Rosenstock. All other illustrations are by the author. The cover illustration
and all other illustrations depicting Yoda, Darth Vader, and any and all other Star
Wars properties are copyright © 2011 Lucasfilm Ltd. Title and character
and place names protected by all applicable trademark laws. All rights
reserved. Used under authorization.
Book design by Melissa Arnst
Published in 2011 by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved.
No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. Amulet
Books and Amulet Paperbacks are registered trademarks of Harry N. Abrams, Inc.
Amulet Books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity
for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use.
Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact
[email protected] or the address below.
www.abramsbooks.com
DARTH PAPER STRIKES BACK!
BY TOMMY
It is a dark time at McQuarrie Middle School …
When did it start? I can tell you exactly when it started.
The first day of school. The very first day of seventh grade. We didn’t even get one good day. We got, like, five minutes.
It was kind of like that scene where Han and Leia think they’re going to breakfast with Lando. And they’re walking down the hall thinking, “I’d like some chocolate chip pancakes,” and then they get to the dining room and all of a sudden … there’s Vader. (And no chocolate chip pancakes.)
So on the first morning of seventh grade, we were all hanging around the library—me and Sara, Kellen and Rhondella, Lance and Amy. It just felt like everything was perfect and the whole year was going to be perfect. We were all saying hello, and Kellen was introducing us to this sixth-grader he knew named Murky, and they were telling us this crazy story about what happened to them at the skate park over the summer because of Origami Yoda.
Then all of a sudden … there’s Harvey.
“Paperwad Yoda? Sorry, this isn’t the year of Paperwad Yoda.”
And then he goes, “Bom bom bom bom-ba-bomb bom-ba-bomb.” Vader’s theme.
And he sticks out his hand and there it is: an origami Darth Vader, made out of black paper, with shiny silver eyes and a red paper lightsaber.
There are a lot of things that might have happened next. I was about to say, “That’s awesome,” because I did think it was awesome.
But before any of us guys could say anything like that, Rhondella says, “Aww, it’s so cute!”
And Sara says, “Yeah, it really is cute, Harvey.”
And Amy says, “He’s so teeeny!”
Harvey was furious, of course. His voice got loud and high-pitched, which is always a bad sign with Harvey.
“Darth Paper is not cute!” he yelled.
“I love his little lightsaber!” Sara squealed.
“Will you make me a pink one?” asked Rhondella.
“I should have known you people would act like this!” hollered Harvey.
I tried to calm him down a bit. “Harvey, ree-lax. They’re saying they like it. Here, let me get a good look at it.”
I reached out for it, but he yanked it away.
“Shove it, Tommy,” he snarled, and stomped off.
Then he turned around and held up Darth Paper and did a perfect Vader impression: “Do not underestimate the power of the Dark Side!”
Then he left.
“You guys are so weird,” said Rhondella.
“What did WE do?” asked Kellen. “Don’t blame us for—”
But Rhondella wasn’t listening anymore, because some other girls had shown up and they were all hugging and saying “I missed you” and “Where did you go this summer?” and all that kind of stuff. Then they all sat down at one table, and we all sat down at the other table, and the perfect morning was over … and so was the perfect year.
DARTH PAPER VS. ORIGAMI YODA
BY TOMMY
The good news is that Dwight showed up a little while later with Origami Yoda.
Last year, Origami Yoda did all kinds of stuff to make our lives better. Like, he got everyone to stop calling Quavondo “Cheeto Hog” and he got Mike to stop crying every time he struck out in P.E. And then there was the amazing miracle of making a school Fun Night actually fun. Origami Yoda helped me ask Sara to dance, and a bunch of us who have never danced before ended up doing this crazy move called the Twist.
The bad news is that this year Origami Yoda’s up against the destructive force of Darth Paper, and can’t seem to handle it.
It has all gone wrong since that first day. Now it’s October and Darth Paper has pretty much destroyed all the good Origami Yoda did last year. Now the girls don’t like us. The teachers don’t like us. Some of us don’t even like each other.
Sara, who I thought was practically my girlfriend, is going on a date with Tater Tot. That’s right! Sara and Tater Tot!
But it’s been even worse for Dwight. He’s been suspended from school, and the school board is going to decide if he should get sent to CREF—the Correctional and Remedial Education Facility—the school where they send the really, really bad kids, which Dwight isn’t. Amy’s older brother said the toughest, meanest, nastiest guy in his class was sent there … and got beat up! It’s kind of like Jabba’s palace, except without the alien rock band.
This would be the ultimate defeat for Origami Yoda! And we think that Darth Paper is behind it. I just find it hard to believe that even Darth Paper/Harvey could be so evil!
So with Dwight out of school for almost two weeks now, the rest of us have gone back to being losers. Because, obviously, if Dwight’s not here, Origami Yoda isn’t here either, since Dwight is the one who goes around with Origami Yoda on his finger and makes him give advice.
Last year we tried to figure out if Origami Yoda was real. If he was using the Force or if Dwight was somehow playing a trick on us. But if you want to know more about that, you can read the first case file. This case file is for a different reason.
This case file is to try to save Dwight and Origami Yoda from the school board. How is it going to
save them? I have no idea. But Origami Yoda said to do it, so we’re doing it.
That was the last piece of advice Origami Yoda was able to give us. Since then we’ve been on our own. Actually, it’s worse than that …
Instead of Dwight and Origami Yoda, we’re stuck with Harvey and Darth Paper!
on Booker T. Washington and run to the library and check out all the books about him. But then Origami Yoda would come up with a solution—like telling me that you can download Booker T. Washington’s autobiography for free.
Origami Yoda and Darth Paper spent the whole first month battling each other like that.
Then all of a sudden things got bad so fast, we could barely even figure out what was going on.
It started when Jen came over to our lunch table to ask Origami Yoda a question.
Jen is one of the people who never talked to us before Origami Yoda. And because she’s so popular, we figured she must be a real stuck-up. But actually, once we got to know her a little better, she didn’t seem so bad. And she took Origami Yoda pretty seriously, which was really surprising. It turns out that she is a huge Star Wars fan.
“Need some help from Darth Paper?” asked Harvey.
“Uh, no,” she answered. “I need some real Jedi Master advice. See, they’re going to let me try out for the JV cheerleading team at the high school. It’s usually just eighth- and ninth-graders. It’s super-hard for a seventh-grader to make it. I’m totally practicing all the time. Do you think Origami Yoda can give me any secret advice?”
Dwight was just sort of staring at his food. He’s been kind of depressed since Caroline, this girl he really liked, started going to this private school, Tippett Academy. So Dwight was moping around a lot, but he was still willing to let us ask Origami Yoda questions, which proves he’s a really nice guy. He raised a finger, and there was Origami Yoda, ready to go.
Instead, Dwight got this really, really weird look on his face. He stood up and moved toward Jen. He put Origami Yoda right in her face.
“Dude, you don’t have to be all weird about it,” Jen said, and took off. The look on her face made me figure that was the last time she was ever going to ask Origami Yoda a question.
“Man, that was totally disturbed,” said Harvey.
For once I couldn’t argue with him. The whole thing had seemed extremely Dark Side of the Force.
“I think you’d better go apologize to her,” I said to Dwight. “That was way too scary. She might think you meant it like a threat or something.”
“Yeah, Dwight, you could get in trouble for something like that,” said Kellen.
So far Dwight hadn’t said anything or even sat back down. But as soon as Kellen said the word “trouble,” Dwight sat down, put Origami Yoda in his pocket, and started pushing his thumb into his hamburger over and over really hard.
“Why do you say stuff like that, man?” Kellen asked.
“I didn’t say it,” Dwight mumbled. “Origami Yoda did.”
“Well, I’m going to give her another chance to listen to Darth Paper,” said Harvey, and he went off after Jen.
We thought that was going to be the end of it. Yes, Dwight was weirder than usual, but it didn’t seem like THAT big of a deal. I mean, we didn’t think he was going to get kicked out of school because of it. So we all just finished our lunch, the bell rang, and we went to class.
We don’t know exactly what happened next, because no one will tell us anything. Principal Rabbski says it isn’t our business, but I think it is.
Anyway, somewhere in there Jen must have told somebody—maybe Principal Rabbski—that Dwight had said something scary. Maybe she even said that it sounded like a threat.
Kellen was in class with Dwight when Dwight got called to the office. Dwight has gotten sent to the office about a bajillion times, so it wasn’t that big of a deal for him to get called out of class.
But then he didn’t come back. We heard he was in in-school suspension all day. Then in eighth period, Sara told us she had seen Dwight’s mom in the hall heading toward the office.
So when school was over, Kellen and I went down there to see if we could figure out what was going on.
We got there just in time.
We had, like, five seconds to talk to Dwight when he came out of the office. His mother was still inside talking to Principal Rabbski.
write it or what it should be about—when Kellen butted in.
Dwight’s mother was all worked up. Crying and sniffling.
“Oh, Dwight, please! Put your origami away,” she pleaded. “We’ve got to go.”
Principal Rabbski glared at us. “Tommy and Kellen, I really don’t think Dwight needs any more encouragement from you two right now.”
As Dwight and his mother left, Rabbski started a little lecture about how we had “contributed” to Dwight’s problems. Kellen and I tried to ask her what was going on, but she said that disciplinary matters are private and she wouldn’t talk to us.
As soon as I got home from school, I e-mailed Dwight. Here’s his reply:
What are they having for lunch tomorrow? Origami Yoda thinks a Rib-B-Q sandwich it is. If so, will you buy one for me and get Sara to bring it home with her and then give it to me?
That told me absolutely nothing (although it turned out he was right about the Rib-B-Q)! However, the e-mail had an attachment, and it was a jpeg of a scanned-in letter from Principal Rabbski!
I couldn’t believe it. A “history of violent behavior”? Yes, Dwight got suspended last year after his fight with Zack. But since when is standing up to a bully a “history of violent behavior”? Zack’s the one who should get sent to CREF, I thought. Dwight would never hurt anybody. He says stuff like “Zero Hour comes” all the time. It’s not a threat, it’s just Dwight.
* * *
LUCAS COUNTY BOARD OF EDUCATION REQUEST FOR CREF REFERRAL
SCHOOL: McQuarrie Middle
PRINCIPAL: L. Rabbski
STUDENT: Dwight Tharp
STUDENT ID#: 69735-D-43
GRADE: 7
REASON: Students have come to me with concerns about threatening speech/bullying. In addition to violating our zero-tolerance policy on bullying, this is an especial concern because of Dwight’s history of violent behavior—behavior for which he was suspended last year.
Additionally, Dwight has shown a pattern of disrespect for authority and is a continual disruption to the learning environment. We have used every disciplinary tool available to us to stop his many unacceptable behaviors—which include frequent use of a finger puppet—but have not succeeded. We believe Dwight would best be served by the special attention available at CREF.
Recommendation: I have no choice but to ask the Board to place Dwight Tharp at CREF for at least the remainder of the semester.
To be presented at the Oct. 28 Board of Education meeting.
* * *
I realized then that the new case file Origami Yoda asked for must be for us to show the school board at that meeting on October 28. If they just listen to Rabbski, they’ll think Dwight is some kind of nut.
Well, I mean, he is a nut, I guess. But he’s a good kind of nut. And that’s what we have to tell the school board.
So I’ve decided that we need to collect stories that show that Dwight and Origami Yoda are good and good to have at school. (Come on, people—Yoda would never be a bad guy! That’s just dumb.) We have to prove that Dwight doesn’t belong with the bad kids.
By the way, when I say “we,” I mean me and Kellen (and various other people too), but I do not mean Harvey.
Did you notice that Mrs. Rabbski said that “students” came to her with concerns? So it wasn’t just Jen; it was Jen plus somebody else. I don’t have any proof, but I bet I know who … Harvey. That’s one of the things I’m hoping to figure out. Part of the “truth” Origami Yoda wants us to find.
Harvey’s Comment
Don’t blame me! I tried and tried to get Dwight to throw that Paperwad Yoda away, and he wouldn’t
do it. And who was it that got Dwight in trouble? Paperwad Yoda, that’s who.
My Comment: Yeah, right.
Anyway, here are the stories we’ve collected to defend Dwight. Some show that he’s a nice guy. Some show that Harvey’s a jerk. Hopefully, when we put them all together, they’ll show the school board that Dwight and Origami Yoda are not dangerous or a disruption or anything like that. I sure hope they work …
IN DEFENSE OF DWIGHT AND ORIGAMI YODA
BY TOMMY AND KELLEN
Dear School Board Members,
You have GOT to let Dwight come back to school.
For one thing, he is our friend, and we miss having him around—even if he does embarrass us sometimes.
For another thing, we need him. He’s a good guy and helps us with our problems.
Now, you may think it’s strange that he helps us by letting us talk to the Yoda finger puppet he made. So what? He still helps us.
Back in the sixth grade, he did all kinds of stuff for us—mostly keeping us from making fools of ourselves. But he also got Sara and Rhondella to dance with us at a Fun Night.
So we thought we were going to start a new year with girlfriends—or almost girlfriends—and with perfect advice for any problem we had. It was going to be awesome.
We know it may sound weird to you all, but we had gotten to the point where we had started to think that talking to a finger puppet was pretty normal.
So what you are wondering is: If Dwight is such a good guy, why is he in trouble?
Well, we blame this kid named Harvey. You’ll be hearing a lot about him. If you decided to send HIM to CREF, it would be fine with us.
He has always hated Origami Yoda, especially after Yoda made a fool of him at that Fun Night last year. So this year he made an origami Darth Vader to fight with Yoda.