“Then why do you say it?”
“It’s expected,” she said, and pointed. “There! That one. What do you think?”
Stanton popped a match with his thumbnail and lit a cigarette. His eyes never left Vanessa.
“I think we should go home.”
“Because you have a boyfriend no one else needs one? Please. Look at the tall one.”
“I know him,” Vanessa said.
“Good.” Morgan smiled. “That’s the one I want. Introduce me.”
Vanessa tried not to stare at Stanton, but she kept feeling her eyes drawn back to him.
A girl stood next to him. She had long maroon hair and wore a low-cut black dress. Something in her hand flashed dangerous silver. It was a razor blade. She lifted it to her chest and cut a jagged S, then looked up at Stanton with a coy smile.
She licked her lips and sliced a T into the pale white skin. Blood trickled down her breasts.
No one seemed alarmed. Vanessa felt sick. She barreled through the crowd and grabbed the girl’s wrist to stop her from cutting the A.
Stanton took the razor from the girl, his fingers unafraid of the slicing blade. “Cassandra’s into blood sports,” he drawled, and dropped the blade into his shirt pocket.
Cassandra seemed to hiss and draw back. She stared at Vanessa, then quickly looked away, but not before Vanessa saw the bottomless black deadness in her eyes.
“She’s a cutter,” Stanton whispered, his lips too close to Vanessa’s cheek. “She can’t feel, so she cuts herself to escape it.”
Cassandra smiled in a dreamy sort of way and patted at the blood with the tips of her fingers.
Morgan pulled Stanton away from Vanessa.
“I’m Morgan,” she said, hanging on his arm. “Vanessa’s best friend.”
Stanton smiled at Morgan, but his eyes returned to Vanessa.
“Let’s dance.” Morgan pulled him back into shadows, too much desire and desperation in her face. She held her hands over her head. Her hips moved sinuous and slow. Stanton placed his hands on her waist. She looked shyly into his eyes, then her hands entwined the back of his neck.
Another boy with shadows in his eyes hopped over to Vanessa. She was instantly afraid of him. He appeared to be like any boy her age, but there was something creepy about the way he looked at her.
“You’re Stanton’s friend?” he said. “I’m Karyl.” His eyes held frank sexual suggestion and kept returning to her see-through camisole. He brushed an uninvited hand down her arm. His skin felt dry and thin like lizard skin. He stared at her as if there was something Vanessa had that he wanted desperately.
She stepped away from him and bumped into another boy, tall with white-blond hair and black roots. He smiled at her, lips curved in a crooked sort of way. His nose hoops shimmered. The strobe light made his thin face look haunted. He put his arm around her waist, fingers digging into her side, craving.
She slapped his fingers.
He laughed. “Don’t you like me touching you?” He touched her again, his hand dangerously bold.
She pushed him away. “Stop it.”
He laughed again. So did Karyl.
She hated that they were making her feel so vulnerable.
“My friend Tymmie’s got a longing for something,” Karyl said. “I got it, too, a real bad hunger. Maybe a pretty girl like you can feed it.”
“And maybe not.” Vanessa started to walk away.
The boys circled around her, and then Cassandra joined them.
“Dance with me,” she said, her body slinking around Vanessa as tight as a cat.
“No.” Vanessa tore away from their hands. She barreled toward the dance floor where she had last seen Morgan dancing with Stanton. Karyl hurried beside her.
“You don’t want me to go hungry, do you?” he said. “That wouldn’t be nice. You seem like a nice girl.”
“Get away!” Vanessa ducked under his arm.
He laughed and jumped as if she had blown him a kiss.
She slammed through the throng of dancers.
Cassandra stepped in front of her. Inch-long fingernails cut into her skin.
“Ouch.” Vanessa jerked her arm away.
“Play nice.” Cassandra let her bloody fingers glide down Vanessa’s neck. “Karyl and Tymmie just want to play. So do I. Be our friend.”
“You guys are lost in the K hole,” Vanessa said with disgust. Planet Bang was strict about drug use, but kids took them in the parking lot. Stanton’s friends were on Ecstasy or worse, Special K, the drug from hell.
Then she saw Morgan kissing Stanton. She yanked free from Cassandra and grabbed Morgan. Her zipper had been pulled down to her silky pink push-up bra. Her eyes looked dreamy.
“Let’s get out of here,” Vanessa whispered fiercely. “I think they’re doing Special K. I don’t want to stay and see the rest.”
“You go on.” Morgan looked up at Stanton. “I’m staying.”
Vanessa couldn’t abandon Morgan. She had a strange feeling that bad things were going to happen.
“I’ve got to go,” Vanessa said again. “You coming with me, Morgan?” She didn’t wait for an answer. She yanked Morgan away from Stanton and rammed through the dancers, pulling Morgan behind her.
She rushed outside into the cool night air. The wind whirled around her.
“What’s your problem?” Morgan jerked away from her. “I never knew you were so jealous.”
“I’m not jealous! Did you meet his creepy friends?”
“So they’re druggies. He’s not.” Morgan shrugged and started back inside.
Vanessa seized her hand. “It’s not safe.”
She started to say more but something made her look behind Morgan. Stanton had stopped at the door. Now he gazed up at the night sky as if something in the black endless night was filling him with despair. Was it the moon that tormented him? She thought she saw his eyes flicker with a yellow light. It had to be her imagination.
Vanessa took a sharp breath. “Did you see?”
“Yes. He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” Morgan breathed. “What’s with you?”
A hand touched Vanessa’s shoulder. She turned quickly.
“Michael!” she jumped, surprised.
“You told me you were grounded,” he said, his hurt and confusion barely concealed in his tight smile.
“She is,” Morgan replied for her in a flirty way. “Isn’t it great she’s getting rid of her goodie-girl attitude?”
Michael ignored Morgan and looked at Vanessa. “I thought you didn’t want to go out tonight anyway, because you were too upset about Catty.”
“I didn’t.”
His eyes drifted to the entrance of Planet Bang. Stanton waved and smiled maliciously.
Michael glanced back at Vanessa, then back at Stanton.
“You could have told me the truth, Vanessa,” Michael said in anger. “I thought you were a good person . . . I guess I was wrong.” His words stunned her.
“I did tell you the truth.” Vanessa felt desperate. “Things just happened.”
“Why shouldn’t she party?” Morgan added defensively.
Michael glanced at Morgan, then back at Vanessa. “I guess I can see what happened.” He motioned with his head toward Stanton, then he turned and walked away.
“Michael!” She ran after him.
He stopped and the look on his face made fear cut through her like a jagged blade.
“I didn’t mean to come here tonight. I was going to stay home, but something happened that I couldn’t control.”
“Like Stanton came by,” he said grimly.
She turned to Morgan. “Tell him!”
“Tell him what?”
“Tell him I wasn’t with Stanton.”
Morgan cocked her head and smiled at Michael with her eyes lowered. “Why would I tell him that?” Her hand slid up Michael’s chest. “Did you come to dance with me, Michael?”
The music started again and Morgan swayed to the beat.
“Morgan!” Vanessa pleaded. “Tell him!”
“Oh, please.” Morgan jerked away from her. “Take care of your own problems. I’ve got to go.” She left, pushing through the crowd.
“Morgan is with Stanton.” Vanessa tried again. “I don’t know why she wouldn’t tell you.”
Michael shook his head. He didn’t hide the sadness in his voice. “Have fun, Vanessa.”
She hated the hurt she saw in his eyes. A fierce pain spread through her as she watched him disappear in the crowd, but this time she didn’t run after him. How could he think she had come here to be with Stanton? She glanced back at the entrance where Morgan stood with Stanton now. She flashed an arrogant smile at Vanessa before she took his hand and went back inside.
“Thanks, Morgan,” Vanessa said bitterly.
“Hey.” Jimena pushed through the crowd and ran up to her, breathless. “¿Qué onda?”
“We’ve been looking for you.” Serena was following after her.
“I got a premonition when you left Maggie’s,” Jimena said. “I saw you at Planet Bang. Well, I didn’t see you exactly, I saw dust sliding down the side of the building, but I knew it was you.”
“I was just leaving.” Vanessa started to walk away from them.
“Wait,” Serena called. “As long as we’re here, let’s check out the guys.”
“I gotta get home.” Vanessa kept going.
“Not yet.” Jimena smiled. “You have not checked out guys until you’ve checked them out with Serena.”
Vanessa reluctantly stopped.
Jimena spread her hands through her hair. “Smile pretty.”
“Why?” Vanessa asked.
Jimena elbowed her playfully. “Just do it.”
Vanessa tried to smile, but her eyes kept scanning the crowd for Michael.
“That one.” Jimena pointed to a tall guy with a goatee, dressed in an edgy mix of swing and hip-hop.
“He thinks we’re hot,” Serena said slyly.
“Well, I could tell you that without reading his mind.” Jimena laughed. A song ended inside and the deejay started another. The new beat was quicker, louder, and vibrated through them.
“We gotta jump to this music.” Jimena started to move.
Serena leaned into Jimena, their hips moving together. People in the crowd stopped what they were doing and watched.
“Come on.” Serena grabbed Vanessa’s hand.
“I can’t.”
“Sure you can.” Jimena put her hands on Vanessa’s hips. “Just move with us. It’s like the bunny hop—”
“Yeah, bunny hop,” Serena squealed.
“But closer.”
“My hottie is looking again.” Jimena smiled wickedly. “What’s he thinking now?”
Serena laughed. It was infectious. “It’s X-rated. Definitely.”
“Take it up a notch,” Jimena said. “Come on, Vanessa, bend your knees. Low. Yeah, girl. Now you look like a nena pachanguera.”
“You can do it,” Serena whooped. “Feel the music.”
Vanessa felt embarrassed and stiff. She concentrated, trying to bend her knees and move her hips at the same time. It was different from dancing with guys. The muscles above her knees ached as they danced lower, then lower still. She glanced up. A crowd had gathered around them. She blushed.
She stopped dancing and pushed through the crowd. Serena and Jimena ran after her.
“We’re going to make a hot dance crew,” Jimena panted when she caught up to Vanessa.
“You get a premonition?” Serena asked.
“I don’t need magic to know that.” Jimena smiled again. “Any fool can see. We’re suave.”
Then they both looked at Vanessa with concern. “We better take Vanessa home,” Serena said.
“I’ll walk.” Vanessa spoke quickly, thinking of the last car ride with them.
“No, it’s safer if you go with us,” Jimena insisted.
Moonlight glittered through the twisted branches of the jacaranda trees as they drove Vanessa back to her house.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
SATURDAY MORNING the sun burned through the gauzy haze, and gray sunlight fell across Vanessa’s bed. She reached for the phone and punched in Catty’s number. When the answering machine clicked on she hung up and climbed out of bed. She trundled downstairs in her pajamas. Her mother was already at work in the kitchen. Plastic beads and sequins were spread across the table.
Vanessa poured a cup of coffee, grabbed a croissant, and stared at the pottery on the window ledge.
The doorbell rang.
“Who could it be this early?” her mother said.
But Vanessa was already at the front door, pulling it open and hoping to see Catty on the other side.
Michael stood on the porch.
“Michael!” She took a step back, feeling foolish in pink poodle pajamas; then she remembered last night. What was he doing here?
“I didn’t want to call,” he apologized. “I was afraid you wouldn’t talk to me on the phone, so I drove over.”
“What is it?” she asked, feeling her stomach clench. Was he going to continue their fight?
He smiled shyly. “I was driving away last night and I saw you dancing with your friends.”
She thought of the dancing she had done with Jimena and Serena and felt a blush rise to her cheeks.
He seemed to read her mind. “You looked good.”
“I looked silly, you mean.”
“No, really.” He paused. “I watched you leave with them and then I realized you weren’t there with Stanton.”
She felt a wave of relief wash through her.
“But then I still can’t understand why you went to Planet Bang without me. You told me you were grounded.”
Vanessa looked down. How could she explain to Michael what had happened? She desperately wanted to say the words that would make it right. She chewed on her bottom lip. Why did he keep staring at her?
“I was grounded. I never planned to go there.” She chanced a look into his brown eyes. “That’s just where I ended up.”
“Because you were still looking for Catty,” he said.
“Well . . .” she started, but before she could finish he interrupted.
“It’s okay. I understand. I should have figured it out last night. You and Catty were really close. But you should have told me. I would have understood.” He looked into her eyes and smiled again.
She hadn’t realized how bad she had felt about last night until this moment. Suddenly, she was happy again. Maybe things were going to work out. Her stomach muscles tightened in pleasure and she felt a distinct lightness in her chest and arms as her molecules swarmed in joy. How could he awaken so many feelings inside her?
“I thought maybe you’d want to drive around Hollywood this morning and see if we can find Catty. Lots of runaways hang out there.”
She heard her mother’s quick intake of breath. Had she been standing behind them the entire time, listening?
“Mo-ther!”
“Catty’s run away?” her mother said, shocked. “No wonder you’ve been acting so strange. Why didn’t you tell me? Oh, for goodness sake, Vanessa, you really should have. We’ll all go look for her.”
“We’d probably get a lot more area covered,” Michael offered, “if Vanessa and I take Hollywood Boulevard and you look on Sunset.”
“Good idea.” Her mother rummaged through her purse. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, Vanessa. Why didn’t Catty’s mother call me? Of course she didn’t call. What am I thinking? Does she even know Catty is gone?”
“Mom, please don’t start.” Vanessa rolled her eyes upward. “Please.”
“I’ll meet you at Musso and Frank’s at noon for lunch. You should have told me, Vanessa. I just can’t believe that Catty’s living like a street rat. You know she can always live with us.”
Then her mother was gone.
“I’ll change and be right back.” Vanessa hurried upstairs. How could she tel
l Michael or her mother that Catty was lost in time? They wouldn’t find her where they were looking. She slipped into a funnel-neck sweater and spandex pants and ran back downstairs.
She and Michael walked up and down the streets in Hollywood, threading through thick crowds of tourists, gutter punks, homeless kids, and runaways. They stopped by the homeless shelter on Hollywood Boulevard and checked the bulletin board, then went to a drop-in kitchen and back out to the street.
After they had walked a few blocks, Michael stopped in front of the lines of people waiting to go inside Mann’s Chinese Theater and turned Vanessa to face him.
“I’m sorry we can’t find Catty,” Michael said, and kissed the top of her head. His tenderness awakened a yearning inside her.
His arm circled her waist. When he finally kissed her lips, it felt electric. Her molecules swirled like a lazy whirlpool but when the quiver reached her bones the molecules bubbled up and out, faster and faster. She was dissolving. She opened her eyes. Already her hand was missing.
She yanked away from Michael’s arms and ran.
“Vanessa!”
What had he seen?
CHAPTER NINETEEN
VANESSA CROUCHED behind tourists placing hands and feet in the cement movie star imprints in front of the theater.
Michael pushed through the crowd after her. “Vanessa, what is it?” Michael reached for her hand. It wasn’t there.
She gasped and jumped behind the tourists taking pictures of Marilyn Monroe’s imprints. She focused on making her hand reappear. It didn’t.
“Vanessa?” Michael called, sounding worried. “Are you all right?” He caught up to her and tried to take her hand again, but she was afraid he’d discover it was missing. She took a quick step back.
Confusion gathered on his face. “What’s going on?”
“I just wanted to see Marilyn Monroe’s footprints,” she lied, and jumped into the cement prints. Maybe if he looked at her feet he wouldn’t see her missing hand. She risked looking in his eyes. Big mistake. She could feel her arm dissolving. What was it about him that made her molecules go so crazy?
He looked down. “Do they fit?” He reached for her hand again.