"My life. You want to know what I've done with my life?" She folded her hands in her lap and conjured the courage from deep within.
"Well, let's see. After my father abandoned my mother and me, I was pretty much raised by my grandparents, so my mom could work two jobs to support us. Then, I would have grown up never learning the basics of sports, cars, hunting, fishing, or guys, but thank goodness my grandpa was around to teach me." Eddie watched with no expression, no surprise, as she continued describing her life without him.
"I went to church with my mom and grandparents every time the doors were open. Two days after my thirteenth birthday, I watched my grandpa shatter into a million pieces when my grandma died because they had the kind of love people only dream about. I witnessed just how strong my mother was as she picked up the pieces of her grieving father and took care of him, two jobs, her teenage daughter, and herself without once complaining." Caroline couldn't be sure, but she thought she caught a brief glimpse of despondency in Eddie's expression. She wondered how well he'd known her grandfather.
"I attended church camp that summer where I met my best friend, Kristy. Unlike my mother, I'm introverted and shy, so I didn't have much of a social life outside of my friendship with Kristy. She lived in Tennessee, but we kept in touch through the years. I worked my tail off to maintain a 3.9 grade point average so I could apply for a scholarship to the same college she chose. That's where I met Trevor. He's handsome, charming, and successful, and managed to fill the black hole left in my life by my estranged father so long ago. Plus, my mom adores him."
They had a short standoff as Caroline waited for some sort of reaction from him. Nothing. No anger, sadness, happiness. . .nothing. His apathy drove her crazy. Even more nervous now, she swallowed the remaining moisture in her mouth to soothe her burning throat. Emotion boiled her insides, and she knew if she didn't calm down she would lose it and start crying. But why wouldn't he say something? Address her allegations? Explain or at least defend himself!
"How is your mother?"
Caroline nearly choked on the tiny bit of saliva she'd conjured up and coughed in shock. He watched, intrigued, as she took another drink. "Seriously?" She dabbed her napkin against her watery eyes, the traitorous tears threatening to overflow, and mumbled, "Like you care."
Eddie's eyes narrowed slightly and he opened his mouth to speak, but Caroline's temper got the best of her again. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and stubbornly tilted her chin. "She's great. More than great, no thanks to you. Do you even know when my birthday is?"
His brow raised and shoulders squared. "Of course. You were born May thirteenth at eight-oh-four in the evening after your mother endured twenty-one hours of exhausting labor."
Speechless, Caroline honestly didn't know what to say. Her pounding heart was desperately trying to escape from her chest.
"So tell me about your fiancé. What does he do in Chicago?"
Whoa, talk about changing the subject. Caroline cleared her throat, hoping she didn't appear as flustered as she felt. "Um, he's an architect. He mostly does restoration designs for historical buildings so they don't lose their value and beauty, but still have all the modern conveniences."
Eddie nodded. "How does he feel about your major?"
What? We're back on that again? "He's fine with it. Trevor is very encouraging and supportive."
"Good. You deserve nothing less. Tell me, if nursing isn't really your passion, what is?" She cocked an eyebrow and shrugged hoping that would suffice, but he continued. "I'm simply curious. Trying to understand how someone so intelligent and beautiful could allow herself to be unhappy doing something she doesn't love."
"I'm good at it."
"I'm sure you are, but if you don't love it, you'll never be happy."
My happiness hasn't concerned him before, why does he care now? She pursed her lips and tried to think of a logical answer rather than what she really wanted to say.
"Happy. Hmm. Okay, well, I enjoy the more. . .artistic kinds of things. You know, like music, painting, movies—that kind of stuff. Unfortunately, I didn't realize it until my junior year, and by that point I had changed my major once already from marketing."
"You didn't want to change it again?"
"No way." She shook her head unsure if this was small talk or an inquisition. She should be the one asking the questions, right? Only, she couldn't think of what all she wanted to ask because he took over with the interrogation. "All my friends were already graduating a semester ahead of me. I didn't want to be stuck there a full year without them."
"You would still have Trevor." Caroline's annoyance had reached its peak. Why wouldn't he just drop it? "How long have y'all been together?"
"Two years. But we just got engaged in March."
"That's a fair amount of time to consider marriage. I'm thankful he made you come down here. You two happy?"
"Trevor didn't make me do anything. He asked me to do this, but it was my choice to follow through with it." Though I'm doubting that decision now. "We are very happy. Why would you ask that?"
He grinned and took a drink of his tea. Without looking at her he said, "Just wondering. Marriage is a pretty serious step. Both parties have to be fully committed and ready for the plunge."
Caroline felt her eyebrows twitch and knew her temper had its toes on the ledge. The stubborn bull within her had its nose in the crack ready to burst through the gate and unleash hell. "We are perfectly happy and committed, thank you very much. And I'm quite capable of making a decision of this caliber without unwarranted advice from someone who gave up his right to approve my boyfriends before I ever said my first word."
Without acknowledging her jab yet again, Eddie raised his glass to his lips. "Yes, quite. Where's your engagement ring?"
She glanced quickly at her left hand, moving it under the table once she realized she wasn't wearing it. She immediately regretted slipping it off in the car before she came in as it would come in very handy at this particular moment. While she subconsciously rubbed her naked ring finger beneath the table, a twinge of panic, or anger, settled in her gut causing her dinner to churn. She fidgeted, trying to appear calm and collected. Sure and unaffected by his challenging tone. Eddie was obviously more comfortable with this unscheduled get-together than she. "I have a ring. It's uh. . .it's in my purse. I didn't wear it while I was driving because my, um, my fingers swell and it gets. . .too tight." Stuttering. Wonderful. How convincing she must sound stumbling over her words.
Eddie replied without looking as he took another bite. "I believe you."
That was it. She'd had enough of this. She let out a frustrated huff and forcibly placed her palms on the table. "You know, I don't have to explain myself to you. You haven't bothered to be included in my life for twenty-three years, and clearly, judging by your apathy and unwillingness to explain yourself, you have no problem with your decision. Frankly, I don't appreciate your attitude and especially don't need your advice about my love life considering the source. You are hardly the example I wish to follow." She threw her napkin on the table and stood, fighting back the emotion with deep breaths and avoiding eye contact. She refused to cry in front of this man. "This was a huge mistake. I agreed to come meet you, I have, and now I'm leaving. Have a nice life, Eddie." She spun on her heel headed for the door.
He chased after her. "Sweetheart, wait. I'm still your dad."
She twirled around to face him, eyes blazing, tears welling, and finger pointing. "Don't you dare call me that. And you are not my dad. That is a position to be earned, not an entitlement simply because you knocked someone up during a teenage fling." Her quivering voice betrayed her control.
His jaw dropped, and he whispered, "That's what you think happened?"
Caroline tilted her head away from him, chest heaving and willing herself not to cry. She was so angry and still hadn't gotten any answers. She took a deep breath to gather her emotions before facing him head-on with her inquiry. She cleared her throat in a failed attempt
to speak clearly as she choked out her questions and demanded answers.
"Why did you leave us? How could you abandon my mother when she needed you most? You left your wife, the woman you vowed to love, honor, and cherish, to fend for herself, working two jobs and living with her parents until she could afford to support the baby you helped create! How 'bout that commitment, Eddie?"
"Caroline—"
"Why did you never attempt to contact me, or at least check on us? Were you never curious about me? About how I was doing? What I looked like? Didn't you miss us at all?" Rogue tears slipped down her cheeks and she angrily brushed them away. "Didn't you ever worry about how my mom was able to afford to live while supporting herself and a baby without your assistance?"
The spicy fish she'd consumed rebelled in her stomach. She felt sick. And Eddie, calm and collected, simply stared at her without uttering a single explanation. She let out a resigned sigh and swept a hand through her hair, certain she looked as awful as she felt. Eddie took a step toward her and extended his hand, but she stepped back just out of his reach, rejecting his affection. It was incredibly difficult to stay angry with him when he refused to fight back. He gave her no fuel to stoke the embers of her fury. She had to pull herself together or her defenses would crumble like they always did when she fought with Trevor. She never could stay mad at him.
"Caroline—"
"My mom said you saw me when I was two." His hand slowly dropped back to his side, his wounded expression twisting the knife in her heart. Like the coward she was, she broke eye contact and fidgeted with her key ring, gathering her thoughts and speaking slowly and calmly.
"I need to know if you ever thought of me after that, just once. Did I ever cross your mind? Did the desire to take responsibility for your actions ever occur to you in the past twenty-one years?"
"Are you finished?"
Caroline glanced up quickly, anger emanating from her. She ground her teeth as her eyes narrowed, ready to end this and be on her way. Eddie wasn't the monster she expected—he was worse. She was almost fooled by his persistence and genuine desire to know her, but when she cut to the chase and demanded answers, he couldn't hide his blatant detachment. Caroline saw right through his little act and she'd seen enough.
"Who do you think you are?"
"With your food, I mean. Are you finished eating?" His green eyes filled with concern and sincerity. She'd misunderstood, but that didn't change her desire to leave. Trevor could have his stupid ring back. She refused to suffer through any more of this nonsensical torture.
"Oh. Yes, I've had plenty. Thank you for dinner. It was delicious." She briskly walked to the front door and slipped her feet into her boots.
"Please, don't leave. I've been waiting for this moment for over twenty years, but I still wasn't prepared."
She finished with the lacing and faced him. Though he stood a good eight or ten inches taller than she, it didn't hinder her resolve.
"No preparations necessary. I've seen all I needed to see. Goodbye, Eddie." Caroline left her broken umbrella on the porch alongside her now broken, rather than nonexistent, relationship with her father, and, after her first step off the porch, she paused in shock—or fear, of the menacing darkness.
Had it been this dark out here when I arrived?
Not a sliver of moonlight to be found, and the once-flickering gas lamps seemed dim with sadness. She shuddered and sprinted through the rain to her Jeep. She slipped behind the wheel, slammed the door, and pounded the steering wheel. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she started the car, and her head throbbed in the center of her forehead. Ironically, the same place her head ached in the series of cryptic dreams she'd had leading up to this trip. This disaster.
The throbbing intensified like someone had whacked her with a heavy, wooden baseball bat. She turned the radio off and the air conditioning full blast to provide, though minuscule, a bit of relief while she wept in the sticky humidity.
Her curiosity had finally gotten the best of her, and, after only a couple of hours with the man she never thought she would face, she blew it. She resented Trevor now more than ever for making her do this. Was Eddie right? Had Trevor made her come down here? She shook her head. No, she could've easily said no. Right? Caroline groaned. She should've said no.
Her emotions were scattered all over the place, and she didn't know what to think or how to feel now. Caroline had imagined fifteen different possible outcomes of this task and strategized how she would handle his reaction. What she didn't take into account was her own reaction. She hadn't handled it well at all. She wanted so badly to leave this place with answers, a stronger-than-ever bond with her father, and great news to tell Trevor. Instead, she was leaving ready to shove Trevor's ring down his throat. Caroline feared she would arrive back in Chicago with neither a father nor a fiancé.
"Screw it. I'm getting as far away from this mistake as possible." She jerked the gearshift into reverse and floored it. But through the mixture of pitch darkness, rain, tears, blinding headache, and unfamiliar curvy driveway, she managed to veer off the solid path and sank both rear wheels into the soft ground. Frustrated, she continued pressing the accelerator begging the Jeep to regain traction, and cursing herself for not upgrading to the four-wheel drive model. Unfortunately, her spinning tires sank deeper and she was officially stuck.
Banging on the steering wheel again didn't relieve her extreme frustration, and when she looked up, Eddie stood in the rain illuminated by the high beams of her headlights. Caroline dropped her face into her hands and cried when the soft knocking on her window startled her.
"Go away!"
"Caroline, please come inside," he yelled, his voice muted through the closed window.
"No! I'll sleep in my car until a tow truck can come first thing in the morning and get me out of here."
"Please. I need to talk to you. You deserve answers, and I want you to stay. Please come inside."
She really didn't want to sleep in her car, and she did deserve some answers. And honestly, she wanted to like him. She didn't want this trip to be in vain. She'd come all this way and perhaps overreacted a little. She certainly hadn't been the example of the classy, respectful young woman her mother wanted Eddie to see. Nothing had gone the way she'd planned since she arrived. It all started when she stepped in the mud walking up to the door, and now here she was in the mud again. Realizing fate was against her, Caroline finally released her pride and killed the engine as Eddie tucked her under his umbrella and helped her to the house.
"I'll get your car out for you first thing tomorrow. I promise."
Promise. Caroline glanced back up at the dark, third story window where she'd seen her observer before, but this time it was empty. Much like her heart. She pressed her eyes closed for a moment and prayed for the strength to see this through. For the strength to forgive. When she opened them again, the rain had stopped and the darkness seemed lighter.
Four