I hope my letter finds you enjoying your vacation. I know the elves are hard at work in the toy factory, building plenty of fun items for the good little girls and boys -- and some of us naughty ones as well.
I do appreciate the lingerie you gave me eleven months ago, and even more I appreciate the time you spent with me cuddled up in the sleeping bag. You gave me so much more than one can buy in a store, and for that, I thank you. The memory of those two hours entwined with you still gives me goosebumps.
I hope it hasn't caused any rifts between you and Mrs. Claus, even though you said it was an open marriage. I never knew she had such a thing for those elves!
Which brings me to a delicate point I feel I must bring up. I'm sure there are other women you give something "special" to every year -- no, I'm not jealous! -- but you really should stop by the North Pole Clinic to get a checkup. Actually, you should have the Mrs. and all of the elves tested as well.
It appears you've (accidentally) given me an unusual social disease. The doctors here don't know what to do about it, although they seem to be rather frightened. I hope this doesn't change my love for you or how you feel about me. Please, if you can, stop by my room at the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia. I'd love to see you again, and perhaps do more than seeing, if you're "up" for it.
Yours always,
Melinda
P.S. Instead of lingerie, I've had an almost uncontrollable urge for human brains. Can you bring some for me this year when you swing by? XOXOXOXO
6
November 30th
Dear Santa,
This is a hard letter to write since I am not feeling well. It is hard to concentrate with this terrible headache and flu that I seem to have come down with. Yesterday I fell asleep for a very long time and when I woke up I was still very sleepy. I could barely stand up and there is a big bruise on my arm that I cannot find a big enough band-aid for.
Yesterday daddy started acting a little weird. His best friend Ben, our next door neighbor, gave him a big hug and bit him! Daddy screamed and then fell down and then Ben gave mommy a hug and she did the same thing.
I remember running back into the house and later, when mommy and daddy came inside, they gave me a hug and bit me and I started feeling sick.
I am glad we made it to the mall to see you before I got sick. I hope you remember I asked for a new Taylor Swift CD and maybe, if you have time, you can find my dog, Chester, who ran away when daddy bit him too.
Oh, never mind, there he is…
Sally McGuire
Aged 9
7
Dear Santa,
My name is Catie and I am 7. My mom says you will only bring me a lump of coal if I’m not good. I hope that’s not true. I don’t want coal. Mommy told me if I want to be good I have to stop biting the kids at school. I try not to bite them but sometimes I can’t help it. Daddy says I have to or I’ll have to go away. I don’t want to go away. Last month I bit Tommy Carmichael but he didn’t taste so good. I overheard Mom and Dad saying it’s because he was sick with cancer. I don’t know what that is but it tastes gross. Now Maggie Loneg sits next to me and she smells so yummy it makes me drool. Sometimes the other kids make fun of me and it makes me sad. But Maggie is nice to me and I bet she’d taste better than Tommy. I would miss her after but she’d go to heaven because Fr. Dane says good people go to heaven and Maggie is good. Today I ate Gus, my neighbor’s cat, so I wouldn’t bite any kids. If I don’t bite any kids, will you bring me what I want? I hope so. I will be good from now on until Christmas. So please, Santa, please bring me what I want. Mom says there’s lots of kids in the world that no one wants but I want them. As long as they aren’t sick like Tommy. I won’t have to bite kids at school anymore if you bring me a bunch. And if no one wants them but me it’s ok. Maybe if I’m extra good and only eat mice and squirrels until Christmas, you can bring me a baby or two. Babies are sweet and I could have them for dessert. Mom and Dad don’t let me have dessert. I promise I will be good! You can leave them in my cellar. That’s where Daddy leaves the animals for me but they aren’t yummy like kids are. I hope you get this in time for Christmas, Santa, because I’m really hungry.
Merry Christmas!!
Catie
8
Dear Santa,
My name is Medusa, infamous Greek gorgon with a stare that turns men into statues. And in that lies my problem. With the mortal holiday Christmas not far off I long for the gift of a blind warrior who will fall victim to me instead of my stone gaze like so many men before him. Make him wise. A barbarically strong man with a heart as golden as King Midas' touch. Replace his absence of sight with the understanding that while I may be but a hideous monster, I, too, need love and affection! Allow him to see into my tormented heart, torn into pieces by loneliness and time. That is all I ask for.
As for my behavior this year, I have been very good. I even allowed a shipwrecked crew of Greek soldiers to go free instead of turning them to stone.
Santa, the one who’s mystic powers could rival that of Zeus, I long for the gift of a blind warrior who will fall victim to me instead of my stone gaze.