She also explained to him how confused I was about the new information I had learned about my family. I just couldn’t believe my family was the head of the mafia, and even though I knew the truth now, every time Emilio and I would talk, I would ask him questions about my family and, as usual, he would avoid them. Then when I asked about the Heinrich family, all he would say was that he and my father had everything under control.
Like that helped the first time.
Violet gave me the space I needed, and eventually I started smiling and laughing again. She and I started venturing out more, and I started to heal mentally and physically. The last year’s events had wreaked havoc on me. I needed this getaway to symbolize a new start.
I spent many days and nights sitting by the beach watching the waves roll in and out. It was peaceful and beautiful. The breeze was always warm and inviting, and the sand, I found, was surprisingly comfortable.
All I had was time. I spent it thinking about my life, and how ignorant I was to the fact that my family was head of the Italian mafia. Why hadn’t anyone told me? How was it that I hadn’t figured it out myself? I didn’t even know how I felt about it. Most of my life I had been lied to, so how was I supposed to trust the people I was closest to if I didn’t know them entirely?
The only thing I knew about the mafia was what I had seen on the television and in movies, and the little bit I had read about in my American History class in high school. They were horrible people who did horrible things. My family wasn’t anything like those people.
As I sat on the beach looking at the full moon and listening to the waves crash onto the shore, I realized I had more questions than answers. The only way I was going to get them was to go home. I had avoided my family for long enough, and even though I was mad and confused, that didn’t mean I didn’t love them. And honestly, I missed them and Emilio like crazy.
I even missed working. The owners of the villa we had been renting were going to be in for a big surprise when they returned. Violet and I had done a complete make-over of the inside. It drove us crazy that we had been living in a place that had not been modernized. It was much needed, but most importantly it was a good distraction.
“Do you think it was a good idea to come back?” Violet asked as she brought me out of my memories.
“Definitely,” I said. “I need answers and I know you’re ready to be home with Dante.”
“I have missed him,” Violet said as she smiled.
We should have returned weeks ago. Emilio had called and let us know things were clear to return anytime we wanted. I had put it off for an entire month and a half and I would have stayed longer if it wasn’t for Violet. I noticed how sad she would get after every phone call with Dante. It wasn’t fair to her anymore.
“Speaking of answers,” Violet said as her tone changed to a more serious one. “I know you don’t want to talk about Lucas—”
“I don’t want to talk about him,” I cut her off. “How many times do I have to say it?”
Violet took a deep breath. “I know you don’t, but you need to at least listen to me for two seconds.” She paused as she waited for me to respond.
I looked at her and reluctantly nodded.
“Before you step off this plane, you need to know that Lucas isn’t a threat to you despite what you think. And as your nearest and dearest friend, I suggest when you aren’t so upset anymore that you allow him to explain himself.”
“We’ll see,” I said as I glared at her.
“Ladies,” the pilot said over the intercom, interrupting our conversation. “We should be landing in less than thirty minutes.”
Thirty minutes?
My heart started beating fast and I could feel myself starting to panic. Before Violet could see it on my face, I quickly got up and excused myself to the restroom.
I couldn’t get there and lock the door fast enough.
Hold it together.
My face felt like it was on fire, so I turned the water on, splashed some on my face, and hoped it would help cool me down. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing.
Slow deep breaths. Slow deep breaths.
I stood there for a few more minutes as I tried to gain control of myself. I thought I had been ready to come home and face everything. Enough time had passed and I could deal with it.
As I looked into the mirror, I was supposed to see a sun-kissed confident woman, but all I saw was a pale, panicked girl staring back at me. As I traced the scar on my left cheek, I saw the harsh reality of my now permanent reminder of that night, and I knew I wasn’t ready.
This was a mistake. I should never have come back here.
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