We got to school just as the last bell rang. We said goodbye until lunchtime and headed for our homerooms. Mine's on the second floor. Susan Minton was waiting at my desk. She's always hanging around me. She says a lot of people think we look alike. I can't see it at all but whatever way I wear my hair Susan wears hers. And today she had her shirt buttoned up the back, the way I wore mine last Friday.
"I can't wait for this afternoon, Deenie," Susan said, while I put my books in my desk. "Aren't you excited about tryouts?"
"Not especially," I said. I would never tell her the truth.
"Everybody thinks you're going to make the squad."
"That's silly," I said.
"But everybody thinks so anyway."
I can't stand Susan and the way she talks. One time I complained about her at home and Ma said it's just that Susan looks up to me and I should feel flattered. But I don't. She's such a pain! And I don't think it's a compliment that she's always copying me either. I wish she wasn't in my homeroom.
All morning I thought about cheerleading tryouts and I went over my cheers and jumps a thousand times in my mind, so I didn't hear Mr. Fabrini when he called on me in English and he said I should stop dreaming about what I was going to eat for lunch and start paying attention.
Some days I bring my lunch from home and other days I buy it. It all depends on what Ma's got in the refrigerator. Today there wasn't anything good so I stood on line to buy the school lunch.
Midge usually gets to the cafeteria before me and Janet so she saves us a place. She brings the same lunch every day—two hard-boiled eggs. But all she eats is the white part—the yolks wind up in the garbage.
Harvey Grabowsky always sits at one special table over in the corner. Nobody would dare sit there unless Harvey said it was okay. And he never waits on line for his lunch either. He's got a bunch of girls who do everything for him. Those girls are really stupid! I would never stand on line for the privilege of bringing Harvey Grabowsky his lunch. I wouldn't even do it for Buddy Brader, unless he asked me very nicely and had a good reason, like a broken leg or something.
When I carried my lunch over to where Midge and Janet were sitting I saw that Buddy and two of his friends were at the next table. As I sat down he called, "Hey Deenie … "
I said, "Oh, hi Buddy," and I shook my hair the way Deenie in the movie did when she talked to her Bud. Then I felt my face get hot so I looked away and started to eat. But it's hard to swallow when there's somebody staring at you and I'm pretty sure Buddy Brader was staring at me all through lunch.
Three
At three o'clock I ran for the Girls' Room and so did everybody else. It was mobbed with all the kids who were going to tryouts. I didn't bother forcing my way close to the mirror. I went downstairs and when I passed the Special Class they were lining up to leave so I looked the other way. They give me a creepy feeling. I'm always scared Gena Courtney will see me and say something and I won't know what to say back.I met Janet outside the auditorium. We waited a few minutes to make sure we wouldn't be the first ones going in. Then we walked down the aisle and found two seats in the middle of the fourth row.
The three judges were already there: Mrs. Rappoport, Mr. Delfone and Mrs. Anderson. Mrs. Rappoport is the girls' gym teacher. She really likes us—you can tell by the way she talks—she never raises her voice. And she doesn't make a big thing out of how clean our sneakers are either.
Mr. Delfone is the boys' gym teacher and Mrs. Anderson is the vice-principal of our school. As far as I know her only job is deciding what to do with kids who are discipline problems because if you make trouble you get sent to Mrs. Anderson's office and sometimes you have to sit on the bench outside for a long time.
At three-fifteen Mrs. Rappoport stood up and said, "We're ready to begin now. Remember, girls, we'd love to choose every one of you but we can only pick one seventh grader, two eighth graders and three girls from ninth grade, so if you don't make it, don't feel too badly. There are so many other activities at Adams Junior High."
Me and Janet squeezed hands. Hers felt cold and clammy. I pressed my legs tight together hoping I wouldn't get so nervous that I'd have to leave to go to the bathroom.
Mrs. Rappoport said, "We're going to call on you alphabetically and you can each do one cheer. After this round we'll decide on fifteen finalists."
I looked around the auditorium. That mean most of us wouldn't even make the finals.
The first girl called was Alice Applebaum, a ninth grader. She went up onto the stage and did the same cheer I was going to do, spelling out the school name, first very slow, then faster, and finally very fast, with a big jump and a Yea Team at the end. She was really good and I was sure she would make it.
Four other girls went before Mrs. Rappoport called, "Wilmadeene Fenner." I stood up thinking this was almost as bad as at the modeling agency. Janet whispered, "Good luck, Deenie," and we squeezed hands again.
I ran to the front of the auditorium because that's what Alice Applebaum did and I figured she knew the ropes. I went up the stairs and out onto the stage. I didn't look at the judges or the other girls because I knew if I did I'd never be able to go through with it. I just stood there clearing my throat like an idiot and then I began.
A … D … A … M … S
A. D. A. M. S
ADAMS
Adams Adams
Junior High
Yea Team!
I jumped as high as I could but my head didn't come close to touching my feet like Alice Applebaum's did. Still, I thought I'd done okay and when I passed Susan Minton on the way back to my seat she whispered, "You were great, Deenie." For once I was glad she thought so.
About forty minutes later Mrs. Rappoport announced the fifteen finalists and Janet made it but I didn't. I pretended I was really happy for her. We hugged and everything before she said, "I was sure it would be you, Deenie."
I couldn't even answer her because I knew if I did I'd start crying so I just shook my head and tried to smile. I sat there all through the finals, not wanting to, but what would Janet think if I walked out on her?
I was hoping that Janet wouldn't make it. I wanted the other seventh grader who made the finals to win. Then me and Janet could be unhappy together.
But when Mrs. Rappoport announced the judges' decision Janet was the seventh grader they picked and I had to act like I was really happy for her all over again.
She said, "I have to call my mother right away. Oh Deenie … I'm so excited! I wish we both could have made it."
I managed to say, "Sure."
Janet went to the phone booth outside the auditorium and while she was telling her mother the good news I knocked on the door and said I couldn't wait because I had to meet Helen at my father's gas station which was a big lie, but I couldn't face riding home on the bus with Janet.
Four
I took the bus to Daddy's gas station, knowing that Helen wouldn't be there because on Mondays and Wednesdays she works at the library after school. Daddy wasn't out front so I dumped my books on the counter inside and looked in the garage. He was working away underneath a station wagon. The second I saw him I started to cry. I knew I would. I'd been holding it in so long it felt good. I ran to him sobbing, "Oh Daddy … "He slid out from under the wagon and said, "Deenie … what is it?" When he stood up I grabbed hold of him and buried my face in his uniform. It smelled nice, like gasoline. I cried hard.
After a minute Daddy held me away. "Deenie, what's wrong?"
"I didn't make the cheerleading squad." I could hardly get the words out.
Daddy sighed and said, "Is that why you're so upset?"
I nodded. "They chose Janet instead of me."
Daddy smoothed my hair. "Well, there'll be other times for you to try."
"No there won't. This is it!"
"So you'll find another activity."
He sounded like Mrs. Rappoport. When I was all cried out Daddy gave me the key to the Ladies' Room and told me to wash my face and he'd
drive me home.
"Please don't tell Ma I was trying out. She'd probably kill me."
"I won't say a word to anyone," Daddy said. "Now go and fix yourself up."
I walked outside and around the back to the Ladies' Room. I splashed some water on my face.
"That's much better," Daddy said, when I came back. I hung the key on the wall and grabbed my books off the counter. Daddy and I walked outside together.
"I have to tell Joe to close up for me," Daddy said, unlocking our car.
"I'll wait here. " I got in and slouched way down in my seat. I didn't want Joe to see that I'd been crying. Joe Roscow has worked for Daddy since June when he finished high school, and from the first day Helen met him she's been hanging around the gas station. He's only going to be here for one year because he's saving his money to go to Forest Ranger School in Oregon. I don't know what Helen sees in him except that he's friendly and he wipes everybody's windshield without them having to ask, which Daddy says makes for good business.
When we got home Ma and Aunt Rae were in the kitchen. Aunt Rae's not my real aunt. We just call her that because she and Ma have been best friends for years. Her kids are all grown and married and it makes me feel funny to think that Daddy and Ma could have kids that old too. Ma says she and Daddy wanted babies in the worst way but it took fourteen years for God to bless them.
Ma was surprised to see Daddy home so early. She said, "Frank … what's the matter?"
My father told her, "Deenie dropped by so I decided I might as well drive her home and let Joe close up."
"I'd better get supper started then. As soon as Helen comes home we can eat. Why don't you stay, Rae?"
Aunt Rae said, "Thanks Thelma, I think I will."
Aunt Rae's face reminds me of an owl. Even when I was a little kid I thought so, but I never told her. Not that there's anything wrong with looking like an owl. It's just that Aunt Rae might not think that's a compliment.
"How come you're so quiet today, Deenie?" Aunt Rae asked.
"I don't know."
"You look like you've been crying," she said. "Thelma, doesn't she look like she's been crying?"
Ma squinted at me. "Deenie, what's wrong with your eyes? They're all bloodshot."
"Nothing, Ma."
"You're sure?"
"Yes, Ma."
"You better let me put some drops in them."
"I don't want drops, Ma!"
"Thelma … " Daddy put his hand on Ma's shoulder. "She's okay. Just let her be."
Aunt Rae said, "Well … we've got some news to cheer you up, Deenie. You have an appointment to see the head of one of the top modeling agencies in New York."
"I do?" I asked Ma.
"Thanks to Aunt Rae," Ma said. "She sent your picture in without telling us. Today they called to say they want to see you."
"They do?"
"A week from Friday, at two o'clock," Aunt Rae said.
"But that's when I have French."
"So you'll take the afternoon off," Ma said.
"I can't. I can't miss French. I'll never be able to make it up."
"Deenie … " Ma said. "I don't think you understand. This is a very important interview."
"I don't care," I said. "I'm not going to miss French."
Aunt Rae stood up. "I just remembered I have leftover chicken in the refrigerator. I think I'll go home for supper after all."
When she was gone Ma said, "That wasn't a very nice way to act in front of Aunt Rae."
"I'm sorry."
"I hope so," Ma told me. "Because Aunt Rae is very good to you."
"I said I'm sorry!"
"I heard Janet made cheerleading," Helen said at supper.
"Yes," I told her.
"Well … don't feel too bad … I didn't make it either and I tried out all three years I was at Adams."
"Who says I care one way or the other?" I took a sip of milk.
"Deenie has more important things to think about than cheerleading," Ma said.
"But she tried out," Helen told Ma.
Ma put her pork chop down. "That was a waste of time, Deenie. Suppose you had been picked? You would have had to tell them you couldn't do it. You can't give up all that time. You'll be working soon." She reached for the salt.
"I didn't try hard, Ma. I just did it to keep Janet company." I glanced over at Daddy but he kept on eating.
"Cheerleading's a big thing at Adams," Helen told Ma. "Practically all the seventh grade girls try out. Don't you remember how much I wanted to make it then?"
"With your brain you don't need to jump around yelling cheers!" Ma said.
Daddy finished his applesauce. "I can understand why the girls try out," he said. "It makes them feel important to be on the cheerleading team."
"Squad," Helen said. "They don't call it team. They call it squad."
"Same difference," Daddy said.
"As if Deenie needed to be a cheerleader to feel important. Just wait until her picture's on the cover of some magazine." Ma waved her fork at me. "I want you in bed by eight every night this week, Deenie."
"But Ma … "
"You heard me. I don't want to take you on this interview with circles under your eyes. And you've got to practice walking an hour a day. Remember the last time … what that woman said?"
"Okay … okay … "
"Did you hear about Janet?" I asked Midge the next morning.
"Naturally. She called as soon as she got home. She was really excited."
"She did just great," I said. "I knew the second she finished her cheer she'd make it. Did she tell you how I messed up?"
"No, what happened?" Midge asked.
"Oh, I flubbed my words and practically fell over backwards doing my jump. It was a riot! I almost cracked up right on the stage." I laughed as hard as I could.
"Janet didn't tell me that."
"I guess she didn't notice because she was nervous herself. But it was so funny. Anyway, I couldn't have accepted even if they'd picked me. You know I have all these interviews coming up. I really just tried out to keep Janet company."
Midge didn't answer that because the bus came along then. We saved Janet a seat as usual, but when we got to her stop she wasn't waiting and we made it to school just as the first bell rang so we had to go straight to our homerooms. I wondered if Janet was sick. She seemed fine yesterday. Or maybe she was so excited she couldn't sleep last night and missed the bus.
Susan Minton was waiting by my desk in homeroom. "I looked for you yesterday, after tryouts."
"I had to go somewhere," I said.
"Oh. I wanted to tell you what an awful mistake the judges made. They should have picked you. I just can't understand it."
"Forget about it, will you, Susan!"
"Sure Deenie … if you want me to. It's just that everybody thinks you should have made it. I mean, Janet's okay and all, but she isn't anything special."
"I said, just forget about it! Janet's one of my best friends."
"I know it," Susan said. "And you must be really happy for her."
"That's a fact." I took a book out of my desk and pretended to read.
I didn't see Janet until lunchtime. She was waiting for me in the cafeteria. I said, "Hi … I thought you were sick or something."
"Oh no. Alice Applebaum called last night to say her mother drives her to school three days a week and since she lives near me she offered me a ride. Especially since we'll be practicing together and all that."
"Oh."
"We're getting our sweaters and skirts this afternoon."
"That's nice."
"Deenie … I wish we both could have made the squad."
"Look," I told her, "even if I had made it I'd have to quit because my mother's lined up a lot of interviews for me and I just wouldn't have time for modeling and cheerleading too."
"You know something? I think I made the squad because I had that chicken's foot in my pocketbook. It really brought me good luck!" Janet opened her purse and pulle
d it out.
"You still have it?"
"Yes … but now I'm giving it to you. If you carry it on your next interview it'll bring you good luck!"
Janet handed it to me. I didn't want to touch it but I didn't want to insult her either. So I took some napkins, wrapped it up, and stuck it in my pocketbook.
Five
I have gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays right after lunch. I like having it then because it makes the afternoon go fast since there's only one period left after gym and that's when I have French.Our French teacher, Madame Hoffman, won't let us speak one word of English while we're in her room. And that means not one! On the first day of school I had to go to the Girls' Room and Madame Hoffman wouldn't let me out of her class until I could say, "May I please be excused," in French. I almost died because by the time I learned to say it I wasn't sure I would make it to the Girls' Room in time. And the boys were all laughing at me too. I'm taking Spanish next year.
Midge and Janet aren't in my gym class but Susan Minton is. Whenever we have to take a partner she's always right there grabbing for my hand. This semester we have modern dance. Starting in February we'll have sports. Then we won't have to take partners so often.
I was so busy thinking about how to get out of being Susan's partner that I didn't even care that the
Creeping Crud was getting changed next to me. Her real name is Barbara Curtis but I named her the Creeping Crud because she's got this disgusting rash all over her. It's supposed to be some kind of allergy but who wants to take the chance of finding out by touching her? It could be leprosy or something like that! When we have to take partners in gym she's always the one who's left over and Mrs. Rappoport says, "Barbara, would you like to be my partner?"
I guess that's what would have happened today if I hadn't been so pokey getting dressed. But by the time I made it to the gym everyone had a partner, even Susan Minton. And since somebody was absent there was an even number of us today. So I wound up with Barbara Curtis and I had to do my warmup exercises next to her, which wouldn't have been all that bad except when we were through Mrs. Rappoport said, "Okay, girls … now join hands with your partner and we'll practice our polka-step around the gym."