I knew enough about sex to know I’d really, really enjoy it when I finally was able to experience more than just the do-it-yourself stuff.
I’d had no idea.
From the moment we first did it, I knew I’d never get enough. So from then on, whatever she said went. Whatever she wanted to do we did. She didn’t take advantage of it, nor do I think she even realized the kind of power she suddenly had over me. I woke thinking of the next time I’d be with her and went to sleep anxious about when I’d see her again. But since even Mia didn’t realize what she’d created by giving herself to me as she had, I was shocked when my mom called me on it one morning just weeks after we’d become intimate.
“Aaron Benjamin Lomelli,” she said the moment my little sister walked out of the kitchen. “I hope for your sake and that girlfriend of yours you are both practicing safe sex.”
Flabbergasted, I almost spit out my breakfast. “What?”
“Oh, don’t play dumb with me. I know. I knew this was going to happen. I see it in your tonto face every time you’re around your friend. And I told your father.” Her mouth practically twisted as she made that last statement. “I told that man he needed to sit you down and talk to you.”
“Mom—”
“Are you?” she demanded, standing over me now in a tone that said there was no way I should even try to deny it. “And is she on birth control?”
My face heated for a moment, and I couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Yes,” I muttered.
If my mother only knew the lengths my pre-sex talks with Mia had gone to, she’d have nothing to worry about. We’d covered respect, protection, and discretion. No one could know. She was terrified of ruining her reputation. She didn’t even trust her close friends because, as close as she was to them, she said they were all a bit too gossipy when it came to that stuff and she wasn’t taking any chances, so I was sworn to secrecy.
After all the talks leading up to that day and finally getting to what we’d hyped up so much, it was totally worth every single one of her stipulations. I was willing to do anything she asked me to if it meant it’d keep happening, but how was I supposed to argue with my mother? Somehow nothing ever got past that woman.
When Mia found out my mother knew, she stopped coming over to my house for months. She was mortified, though it didn’t stop me from following her around like the puppy dog I’d become. Except for when we double-dated with my best friend Luke and whoever he was seeing, I hardly hung out with the guys anymore. All my horny teenage ass could think of was being with her. It was intoxicating, and there was no shame in my game. I admitted it to her all the time. I couldn’t get enough.
We were the it couple in high school. But it wasn’t just about that for me. We had the perfect relationship too. We could talk about anything, so there were never any communication issues. If some dude she knew or talked to got on my nerves, I had no qualms about saying so. If she was ever jealous or feeling insecure about anything, which was rare, she’d be upfront about it. We never had any of the stupid issues her friend Chloe and Luke did. He could never figure out what triggered her moodiness, and then he’d snap, and they’d stop talking for days. It ultimately ended their relationship, though they got back together and broke up a few dozen times before ending it for good.
Mia was even great with kids. My little sister, Bea, who was only seven at the time, tagged along with us often when we went to the movies or to grab some fast food. Usually, it was Mia doing the inviting since all I ever wanted was to be alone with her.
My cousin Gerardo, my mom’s sister’s son, was in town on leave from the Air Force the week I graduated high school. He’d smirked a few times at me during the back yard gathering my parents had for me when he saw me sneaking kisses with Mia. He and I had been close before he left for the military, and we still kept in touch with him via snail mail. But, admittedly, ever since things had gotten heavy between Mia and me, I’d been slow to respond, if I did at all, to his mail.
“You are so pussy whipped.” He chuckled the minute Mia stepped away with Bea, who had tugged her anxiously to come see something top secret. “No wonder I haven’t heard much from you.” He shook his head but smiled big, glancing in Mia’s direction then back at me. “My mom mentioned Tia Jojo being worried about you and asked me if you’d told me anything about it. So, you in love?”
I shrugged. I’d been telling Mia I loved her almost since the first time we did it. I’d been on cloud nine ever since, so I guessed I was. “We’ve been together over a year. What do you think?”
“Yep, it’s pretty obvious, and you two are inseparable from what I hear,” he said, lifting his ball cap and scratching the back of his head. “She seems sweet, but you’re not thinking about getting married any time soon, are you?”
“Hell no!” I laughed. “I got plans. Big plans and getting married in the next few years isn’t one of them. Mia and I are cool with things the way they are now. She has plans too. So, nope, no marriage for us anytime soon.”
“Well, that’s good to know,” Gerardo said. “I’ll pass that on to my mom. Maybe she can calm your mom a little. She seems to think you two are so serious you might surprise her suddenly and show up married. Or worse”—he laughed—“with a kid.”
“Nah.” I smiled, glancing back at Mia, who was on her way back with Bea. “My mom’s got nothing to worry about.”
She really didn’t. Mia was pretty wonderful, and I’d always known even before we got together that she was the kind of girl you brought home to mom—a good girl—marriage material. But not yet. Not for a long time anyway.
As easy as it was to talk to Mia, we’d both talked about our plans for the immediate future. Marriage wasn’t one of them. But it was true we had been inseparable. The only thing that had kept me from Mia on the weekends the whole time we’d been together was the fire explorers. I’d since graduated from the explorer academy and was certified now. My sights were now set on becoming a firefighter. Getting in wouldn’t be easy, but I was determined, and it was what I planned on concentrating on. Mia would be majoring in performing arts and had her goals set on opening up her own youth dance studio.
My obsession and the novelty of having sex so often had calmed a bit but not a whole lot. If I had a choice between a night out with the guys or enjoying Mia all night, I’d still go with the latter in a heartbeat. Though she’d been the only girl I’d ever been with, there were plenty of girls who flirted. If I had to be honest, I’d begun to wonder and daydream of being with some of them for a change. But I wasn’t an idiot. I had a good thing with Mia, and I wasn’t about to mess that up.
~~~
Age 23
Walking into my parents’ house had the feel of an intervention.
My somber family members were afraid to look me in the eyes when I entered, all three of them sitting in the front room, just waiting for me to take a seat. The only thing that detracted from the mood was the heavenly aroma of my mom’s caldo de res coming from the kitchen and the Spanish newscaster on the television. My mom had asked me to come over for dinner, but it wasn’t unusual for her to do that, especially when she’d made one of my favorite comfort foods. So I hadn’t thought anything of it. Now I was having second thoughts.
“What’s going on?” I asked, sitting on the edge of the sofa’s armrest next to my dad, who appeared more irritated than worried as everyone else did.
My sister Bea, now barely a teen, cleared her throat and stood up. “I think you made a really big mistake breaking up with Mia. So does Mom.”
She motioned to my mother, who sat next to my dad. Now my mother straightened, sitting up closer to the edge of the sofa. “Mijo, it’s just that, as your mom, I want you to be with someone who’s gonna love you unconditionally. Love you for you, for who you are inside, not for your looks or your occupation, and La Guera, well, she’s been there from the very beginning. She knows you better than anyone, and her love for you is as genuine as it gets. Your father also agrees—”
>
“Don’t put words in my mouth.” My dad straightened up, frowning even more severely than when I’d first walked in. “I said I like the girl and he’d been with her so long she already felt like family, but I never said it was a mistake for him to break up with her.” He turned to me and lifted a finger. “Mia might be as sweet and as perfect as they come, but that doesn’t mean she’s perfect for you. You need to go with your heart.”
“But, Gordo, you said—”
My mother began to tug at his arm as my dad shook his head and shushed her. “Cariño, we’ve talked about this. It doesn’t matter how perfect we think she is for him. He’s the one who has to be with her. What’s the sense in forcing something and possibly bringing kids into this world that will end up in a broken home?” He turned back to me. “You need to decide for yourself what your heart wants. Don’t do it for anybody else but you. Your mama is just worried that some girls,” my father said, giving my mom a look, “not all, are out there searching for a man to snag for the wrong reasons, and we know Mia’s interest in you is genuine. But I’ve told your mama before, and I’ll say it again. You would’ve never broken up with her in the first place if you didn’t have good reason.”
Before I could respond, my mom huffed, crossing her arms, and my sister plopped down on the sofa chair across from me. “To sew his wild oats,” Bea said with a disgusted twist of her lips.
“No matter how many other pretty girls you date, mijo,” my mother added, “remember Mia is the one who’s been there before all your accomplishments. She loved you just for you.” She stood up, looking very defeated. “Just remember that. I’d hate for you to live to regret this because I think you just might. Now let’s go eat.” She turned to my sister, barely glancing at me for a second. “Come help me, Mamita.”
Bea jumped up from the sofa but not before turning to give me one last pleading glance. The second the kitchen door swung closed my father started again only this time in a lower voice and motioned in the direction of my mother. “Your mama seems to forget I had a girl for many years before I fell in love with her and never looked back.”
“How did you know?” I asked curiously because if I were honest with myself, I was beginning to feel as though I had made a mistake breaking things off with Mia.
“Ah,” he said, smiling and sitting back against the sofa cushion. “It’s something you don’t describe. You feel it. That’s what makes it so special. I’d never felt anything like it with any other girl. You’ll be drawn to her in a way you can’t control, no matter how hard you try. It’s like”—he paused to think about it for a moment—“this burning need you’ll feel for her. But not just sexual. No.” He shook his head slowly. “That’s the least of the burn. It’s what you feel right here.” He pointed to his heart. “Like all the good things in your life—everything that excited you once upon a time, all the things that mattered to you so much before—seem so insignificant once you meet her because after that, none of that means anything unless she’s a part of it. It’s like suddenly she’s a part of you, and you will never be whole again without her.” My dad smiled as I stared at him, taking in everything he was saying. “It’s the only way I can think to describe it. So when I felt it with your mother, there was no doubt. None.” He regarded me very seriously. “Your mama was the one for me. My other half.” He smiled. “You’ll know. Trust me. Just go with your heart, and you can’t go wrong.”
I’d never felt for Mia what my dad described. It was why I’d begun to feel as if I needed a break. After years of being with her, instead of feeling like she was part of me, I felt as if there were something missing. Like I needed a new experience in life. The times I’d been tempted by other girls had begun to happen too often, and I refused to cheat on her, so I asked her for a break. I told her it would be good for us.
Mia wept.
She wept as she never had the entire time I’d been with her. I felt like a dick, but I knew I’d feel even worse if I continued to stay in a relationship that now felt forced and I ended up cheating on her.
I may not have ever experienced what my father spoke of, but I knew Mia had felt it. I saw it in the way she looked at me, felt it in way her body responded to mine when we made love. I saw it in her shattered eyes when I broke her heart. My sister had already told me more than once that Mia was destroyed by our breakup. Yet the breakup hadn’t been nearly as hard for me. Still, after months of being apart from her—experiencing the meaningless flings I’d been afraid I might regret missing out on—it began to feel like a mistake. I missed talking to her. My dad had hit it on the nose. It did feel as though I’d lost a family member. More than anything I missed my friend.
It had been months since I’d last spoken to Mia. The night I left my family’s intervention, I hurried to see Mia and told her how much I missed her. When she began to cry and tell me it wasn’t fair to play with her heart like that, I asked her to get back together with me. It really felt like the right thing to do.
She said, “yes.”
Chapter 3
Henri
College: Freshman year
My life had done a complete one-eighty ever since I’d moved in with Gemma. During that time, there’d been some intense ups and downs. But through it all, Edi had been there for me and was now the closest person to me in my life. She was the one person whom I could share anything with, and though we weren’t actually related, she’d become a sister to me. I shared everything. Everything except what had become my biggest fear.
That she, too, would abandon me someday.
I didn’t even know how deep that fear ran until she told me she’d accepted a volleyball scholarship to Michigan State clear across the country. I nearly lost it. I was able to cover it up by rushing out of the room and pretending I was sick to my stomach for other reasons, but I lost sleep and cried until I’d finally pass out each night for weeks. So when she suggested I apply at Michigan, too, and that her parents were even helping her get an off-campus apartment that I could share with her, I was ecstatic.
I got in, and the whole time we made plans and talked about our college life, I was in heaven. Not only was she taking me with her, but we’d be living together for at least four years. It was the relief I didn’t even realize my heart had been praying for, for so long. For at least the next four years, I wouldn’t have to live with the fear of her leaving me like everyone else I’d ever cared about. It was a dream come true, and at first things were perfect.
Then things took a very unexpected turn. The first time it happened we were drunk. We’d gone to a few crazy frat parties and, though we’d been thoroughly warned by some of Edi’s older teammates about how crazy these parties could get, it was still a shock.
We’d both agreed that while we’d be taking school very seriously and behaving responsibly we were still going to enjoy our college years. So we participated in the drinking games and let loose. At one point, we ended up kissing each other on a dare when we were stupid drunk. While it did feel a bit confusing, especially because while we both chalked it off as crazy college fun, some of the foggy memories of that night were a bit alarming. Like how even back at our apartment when we were no longer putting on a show for the guys at the party, I had a faint memory of kissing Edi again. Neither one of us had talked about it the next day or any day later, but we’d both agreed to slow down the partying.
It had been over a month since the party where we kissed, and Edi mentioned another party happening around the block.
“You ready to go out again?” she asked a few nights prior as we ate dinner together. “Maybe this time we don’t play any drinking games. Just go and hang out.”
That sounded good to me. I could use a night out. “Yeah, I think I’m ready. But I like your idea about no drinking games this time. It’s why I got wasted so fast.”
We also agreed to not staying out so late, especially since Edi had practice the next morning. Friday night we got ready and laughed when we saw we were dressed almost the sa
me: leggings, boots, and similar sweaters only different colors.
We got to the party and drank slowly, sipping our beers. Like at the previous parties, some of Edi’s friends from the team were there again. It wasn’t until then that I noticed her friend Astrid was never at any of these parties, yet Edi still often mentioned hanging out with her after practices. I was glad about that, since obviously I still wasn’t completely over being paranoid about Edi replacing me in her life.
After several beers, I was beginning to feel a little buzzed but nothing like the last time. We ran into and hung out with Doug and Jeremy, a couple of guys we’d met at one of the previous parties. They kept bringing us beers. I told myself at least it was just beer, but I was still beginning to feel the buzz.
“Maybe we should slow down,” Edi said after the fourth one the guys brought us back.
I hadn’t even finished my third, so instantly I was in complete agreement. I set down one of the beers so I wouldn’t look like a lush drinking two at a time.
“You guys putting on a show for everyone like last time?” Doug asked.
I felt the heat in my face and neck and smiled, exchanging glances with Edi. I was buzzed but nowhere near like the last time, and the memory of my behavior that night was still embarrassing.
“I don’t think so,” I said softly, unable to look at any of them, including Edi.
“Drink up then,” Doug said, laughing.
“Actually,” Edi said, and I noticed her tone was strained so I turned back to her. “This is my last,” she said, lifting her beer up. “I have practice early in the morning.”
I knew her practice wasn’t that early, but I nodded anyway. “Yeah,” I agreed, raising my cup. “My last too.”
Once Doug and Jeremy realized we wouldn’t be any fun for them—like last time—they quickly found other girls to hang with.
“C’mon,” Edi said, taking my hand and pulling me through the crowded house of rowdy drunks.