I hadn’t even realized I’d zoned out until he cleared his throat again. I glanced up and he was staring at me with that smile that could just melt me. “This is what I meant earlier,” he said. “I can tell your mind is racing to find an answer for this. Your first thought after watching the presentation was, ‘What about all the potential residential customers that could benefit from this?’ I love it.” The twinkle in his eyes as he made that last comment, coupled with the way his eyes bored into mine left me completely breathless. “It’s exactly what I’ve been struggling with since I began this whole thing. We really are gonna be great together.”
I’d become so habitual I didn’t even realize I’d sunk my teeth into my bottom lip, and my breath caught when I saw his eyes fall to my lips. I managed to gulp as he lifted his eyes to mine and his smile slowly flattened.
Mercifully, he cleared his throat and brought his attention back to the television. He turned the video back on, and once again, I begged my galloping heart to be still. The evening wasn’t even half over.
Chapter 9
Aaron
I’d picked up on a couple of things about Henrietta tonight. A few I had noticed before, like that she got tense often. It was odd because when she spoke of private things such as her childhood in foster care and her mother being found dead in a crack house she seemed fine. It seemed those were the kind of subjects most people would tense up about it. Not Henrietta.
The more time I spent with her something was becoming painfully clear. I really needed to remember to think before just saying what I was thinking around her. She’d tensed up when I let it slip what I loved about her. I caught myself, but judging by her reaction, she caught it too. That she’d tense up a bit over something like that was understandable. But there were other times even prior to that. I hadn’t been able to place my finger on what exactly triggered it, but there were times before my bonehead slip when she had completely tensed up so much she’d flub her words suddenly. I felt bad because the times she’d flub I could tell it embarrassed her, but it was entertaining as hell to watch. She was adorable.
One minute she’d be fine; then suddenly she’d get tongue-tied, and her face would get as bright as a fire hydrant. So far I hadn’t pointed out that I picked up on how embarrassed she got. I was afraid to make her feel worse.
Another thing that had begun to drive me nuts was her disposition. It changed so abruptly and often. Too many times I’d given in to the temptation to ask if something was wrong or what was on her mind. But after a few times, it began to feel as if I were invading her privacy, so I refrained.
I figured someone with her past must have a lot of issues and things going through her mind, though she seemed happy enough. Most notably, she seemed as excited about the trip to Milwaukee as I was. So I tried to ignore the odd mood swings as much as it seemed she tried to conceal them.
It was impossible not to smile as I watched her take her copious notes. Except for the times I inevitably got caught up in Henrietta’s eyes, I managed to contain myself and keep our evening together thus far professional. I was highly impressed that she questioned me about the one thing that’s plagued me for years about this contraption, but her getting upset when I said that it wasn’t cost effective nearly did me in. The only other person who’d ever even thought to ask if it would be accessible to everyone was my father. My mom, Bea, or even Mia never bothered to notice. Of course, I’d been talking to Mia about this for years, so she didn’t have to ask, but she never really cared either way. Henrietta’s concern about that part of it had been as genuine as my own. To most, that wouldn’t seem like such a big deal, but I couldn’t help feeling like that meant something. What exactly, I had no idea. There was still so much about her that utterly confused me.
I’d walked out of the room for a moment for two reasons, to use the bathroom, which was a valid reason, but my other reason felt contrived. Mia had called earlier and I’d sent it to voicemail. I’d reasoned I was working—in the middle of watching the presentation with Henrietta—and it was unprofessional to interrupt it to take a personal call. But really I hadn’t wanted to deal with that conversation in front of Henrietta. Mia knew I was working today, but I never gave her details such as who else would be there and what exactly I was working on, and she never asked unless she called mid-workday. I knew if I answered, those were typically the questions she’d ask just casually, but I’d be forced to tell her it was just Henrietta and I this Saturday night and we were watching TV in my living room. Not working in the back room—Henrietta in the warehouse and me in my office.
But it might be worse to wait until later tonight when we were completely done to call Mia back, especially because I had no intention of lying about any of this. I had nothing to hide. So why the hell did I feel as though I’d snuck in the restroom to call my fiancée while I had another girl in my front room waiting?
“Hey, I just noticed I missed your call.” I held the phone to my ear, attempting to repress the feelings of guilt because it was impossible to deny that what I was feeling for Henrietta now felt wrong.
“Yeah, I’m running a little late, so I was gonna ask if you’d prefer to meet me there tonight?”
“Umm,” I said, feeling the complete panic of not knowing what she was talking about—again.
I’d planned on prolonging tonight as long as I could. Henrietta had only been here a little under two hours, and she usually worked at least four. Tonight I was hoping for more, and Mia was talking about running late?
What the hell was wrong with me? I hadn’t the slightest idea what she was talking about—again. Then it hit me. Drinks with her brother and his wife. Fuck!
At least this wasn’t something momentous she’d been talking about for weeks. She’d mentioned it in passing the other night. Clearly, it’d barely registered. I glanced at my watch. It was just shy of eight. I couldn’t even remember what time she’d said.
“I’m running late too,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t make a big stink out of it. After all, I wasn’t the only one running late.
“Hmm,” she said, not sounding at all bothered by this. “Maybe I can cancel. We weren’t the only ones they were meeting, so it’s not like they’re getting completely stood up, and I’m really feeling pooped.” I felt the relief instantly, but it was short-lived. “I think I will,” she said then added, “Maybe I’ll just meet you back at your place instead, and we can have a quiet night in?”
“I, uh . . . I’m still working, babe.”
Okay, this didn’t just feel wrong anymore; my gut knew it was. Though, technically, I wasn’t lying. I was still working and planned on working for a few more hours. I also knew that, as far as covering what Henrietta needed to know about the presentation, we were pretty much done. The rest of the evening we’d be mostly just hanging out. The conversation before I’d walked out of the room had already begun to get into the personal. She’d asked me about the two different fire graduation photos on my wall. I’d begun to explain about one being from the explorer academy and the other from the actual fire academy. That had led to more talk about my job as a firefighter when my phone buzzed again and I’d excused myself.
I managed to get Mia off the phone without her asking too much about what I was working on tonight. She’d also agreed to my suggestion that since she was so pooped, I could meet her back at her place tonight when I was done, instead of her coming here.
When I got back to the front room, Henrietta was standing by my entertainment center, studying some more of my photos. “Is this your senior prom picture?” she asked with a somewhat bewildered expression.
“Yeah.” I smiled, looking at the picture of Mia and me that seemed like a lifetime ago.
“Prom king and queen, huh?” She glanced back at it, staring a little longer. “Doesn’t surprise me. You two certainly fit the part, but, wow, you both look so young and innocent.”
“We were,” I admitted, feeling a mixture of nostalgia and melancholy.
; “Bea said you and Mia have been together over ten years?”
I nodded with a smile as the tinge of guilt I’d still been feeling for having blown Mia off yet again to hang out with Henrietta instead, grew heavier. “We’ve been friends even longer.”
“Wow,” she said again, taking the seat a few cushions down from me on the sofa. “That’s probably why you two have lasted this long. Because you started out as friends.”
“We did break up once.” I wasn’t sure why, but I suddenly wanted her to know that.
She nodded, her smile waning a bit. “Bea mentioned that.” She started to say something then stopped.
“What?” I asked curiously.
Henrietta shook her head, looking a little uncomfortable. “It’s none of my business.”
“Go ahead. You’ve shared plenty of your personal stuff with me.”
Her fingers played with the corner of the pages on her notebook as she looked down and stared at it. It’s something I noticed she’d done earlier when she seemed uncomfortable. Her curiosity about my personal life excited me in a way I didn’t understand. But I knew it shouldn’t, and I hated the uneasy mood it seemed to put her in.
“I don’t mind sharing, Henri. It’s not a big deal at all.”
Glancing up, she smiled at me timidly and she shrugged. “It’s a nosey question. You two seem so perfect for each other; it just made me wonder why you’d ever break up.”
“It’s not nosey,” I assured her. “I’ve asked you even more prying stuff about your past.” This time I shrugged. “She was my first everything, and we’d gotten together so young I needed a break. I had a lot going on at the time, but mostly I was feeling like maybe I was missing out on something by not going out with other girls. I was . . .” I stopped myself, wondering how much I should admit to, then went on, “I’d begun to question how deep my feelings for her really ran. The spark didn’t feel as bright as it once had.” I thought about it for a moment and decided not to admit the whole truth. In hindsight, I knew my cousin had hit it on the nose way back. Except for when I’d been completely pussy whipped, the spark had never really been there at all. But she didn’t need to know all that. “So I asked her for a break.”
That seemed to surprise her, and our eyes locked for a moment. Her eyes really were something else. I’d been taken by them from the very first time I’d met her, and they had made their way into my dreams more than I cared to admit. I found my insides heating the longer our gaze lasted. This had occurred before but never this long, and she finally glanced down at her notebook again.
“You guys were obviously meant to be since you ended up together again.” She glanced back up at me, her mouth and eyes curving into that smile that left me breathless too often now. “That’s good. As I said, you two seem perfect for each other.” With an even sweeter smile, she added, “Bea seems very fond of her too.”
The additional comment about Bea should’ve added to the already overwhelming culpability that what I was feeling for Henri was wrong on so many levels. But it didn’t. Slowly, my need to get to know her even better—be around her as often as possible—had begun to drown out that voice in my head. The one that had been saying all along that the longer I was around this girl the higher the risk was that I’d do or say something disastrous, something I wouldn’t be able to undo. Yet I couldn’t pull myself back now, so I asked what I’d been wondering for weeks.
“What about you? Anyone special in your life?”
The sweet smile fell for a moment, but she recovered quickly then nodded. The immense jealousy that gutted me so instantly not only surprised me but had me sitting up straight.
“Eddie,” she whispered then smiled, but it wasn’t as genuine as her earlier smile when she referred to Mia and me being perfect for each other. “We were friends for a long time, too, before anything happened.”
Unable to so much as force a smile, I stared at her silently. Of course she was spoken for. Of course someone had claimed her already, despite how young she was. In the short time I’d known her, I’d come to discover what an amazing young woman she was and how easy it felt to talk to her. She made me feel comfortable when I spilled my guts about all the aspirations I had for this business. And it was heartwarming to see the genuine enthusiasm not only when she spoke of her own goals for her future but when I spoke of mine.
Swallowing hard, I fought the unreasonable anger that she hadn’t mentioned her boyfriend before. She’d told me about everyone else in her life. Why had she left this out? “Is he back in California?”
Those sweet brows narrowed and she shook her head. “No. Edi’s my roommate. The one you met today.”
It didn’t register at first. Then when it did, it still didn’t make sense to me. Surely I’d misunderstood. I stared at her, speechless. She couldn’t be saying what I thought she was saying. Was she pulling my leg or did she misunderstand what I meant by someone special? But then her comment all but jumped at me. The one I’d been too inundated with jealousy to focus on earlier. We were friends for a long time, too, before anything happened.
What happened?
It was the burning question, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask, so instead I said the only thing that came to mind. “Oh. So you and Edi . . . are . . .?”
I couldn’t say it. It didn’t seem possible. I had nothing against the lifestyle, but I would’ve never believed Henri to be gay. I knew it was none of my business, but I would’ve thought Bea or Eileen might’ve at least mentioned it. I was still ready for her to laugh and say she got me, but she wasn’t even smiling now. Instead, she just offered a nod. “Yes, we are.”
“Ah,” I said, leaning over to grab my beer bottle and down it.
I’d been sipping slowly, and still more than half was left, but I needed it.
“I think I’ll take you up on that offer of a glass of wine,” she said.
I thought I’d picked up on some unease from her with this subject, and her asking for wine now confirmed it. Earlier, she’d made it pretty clear that she’d be fine with her juice or water. But glad for the excuse to grab another beer, because I sure as hell needed another, I was on my feet immediately.
~~~
I’d just pulled up to Mia’s when I got the text from Henrietta. I’d dropped her off no less than ten minutes ago, and already my heart pounded from the excitement of just seeing her name. Despite her revelation tonight, it hadn’t changed what I was feeling for her. In fact, strangely, I was even more intrigued by her now. I turned off the engine and clicked on her text.
My relationship with Edi is not something everyone knows about. Bea and Eileen don’t even know. I’d like to keep it that way . . . for now. I’d appreciate it if you’d keep this between just the two of us.
If I had questions before, I had even more now. But like earlier at my place, I couldn’t bring myself to ask. Her actions had made it clear the subject was not one she was comfortable discussing. When I’d brought her the glass of wine, she’d changed the subject immediately, going back to discussing her notes about the presentation. As soon as she was done with her wine, she asked if we could call it a night. It was sooner than the four hours she normally put in, but I didn’t ask her why she wanted to leave. I wanted to assure her then and was tempted to text her back that I didn’t have an issue with her lifestyle at all—in case that’s what had made her uncomfortable—but I couldn’t. It didn’t feel appropriate. So I texted her what did feel appropriate and something I needed her to know.
Absolutely. Anything you tell me about your personal life will always be just between you and me. You have my word.
Her one word response was thanks. I groaned, letting my head fall back. This sucked ass. I knew I had no business even fantasizing about anything between Henri and me, but my grown ass imagination had actually begun to do just that—fantasize like a hormonally charged sixteen-year-old. The stupidest thing was it wasn’t just sexual fantasies. What exactly I thought if anything was possible between us, I had no
idea. But my heart had begun to feel hopeful that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling. That I hadn’t imagined the way she looked and smiled at me sometimes.
Now I knew for a fact I was wrong. I’d been way off. My only consolation was that this was for the best. Sitting there staring at the door of my fiancée’s condo, I felt even stupider. Even if Henrietta weren’t gay, even if what I was feeling for her were requited, what the hell could I do about it? Oh, I knew what I could do about it. I’d fantasized enough about that already. The real question was what should I do about it? My brain knew the answer to that even if both my heart and lately my beyond inappropriately throbbing cock were screaming otherwise when I was around her.
Nothing.
~*~
Henri
It was for the best this way. As much as I had previously thought there was no way a man like Aaron could be interested in me, I’d begun to have second thoughts. Not that he’d crossed any lines or said anything remotely inappropriate. Maybe it was just my attraction to him that’d begun to make me nervous yet at the same time hopeful.
It was why I knew I had to put a halt to those thoughts. His admitting that he’d already once questioned his feelings for his girlfriend had me a little too interested. I’d clung to his every word. But it was only because I’d wondered too many times about the reason for their breakup. At first, I’d been mad at myself for asking. It was way too personal a question—none of my business. But the way he’d begun to look at me lately—make me tingle in places I shouldn’t—I’d begun to wonder what it’d be like to be with a man, have Aaron inside me. The very thought warmed my entire body, but it wasn’t just wrong. It was dangerous.
Dangerous because, as much as I kept saying I’d never hurt Edi again, I finally had to admit a man like Aaron had the power to tempt me. I had to tell him the truth about Edi and me. It was safer this way. It was why I felt it necessary that he know but at the same time didn’t want anyone else to. Not yet. I still didn’t feel ready.