“Hey listen!, Anker there is a seriously ugly dude from the pirate ship who wants to talk to you. Should I patch him through?”
“Go ahead Navi let’s see what they have to say.”
“You’re on captain.”
“To the captain of the Grumman wasp, this is Captain Laursen of the Defiance; we have claimed salvage rights on this vessel. Please leave the vicinity immediately or we will assume you are claim jumpers and will act to protect our claim.”
“Ahh Captain Laursen I’ve actually heard of you and your sorry bunch of misfits, you should take that as a compliment.”
I laughed at the audacity of that “Well thank you very kindly for that and may I have the pleasure of knowing who it is I’m speaking with?”
“You have the honor and the privilege of speaking with Captain Sparks.”
Of course I’d heard of the infamous captain of the Firehawk. He is the meanest, most wanted pirate in the ‘verse and he had red eyes….crap.
“Well I was wondering what that stench was. Not many pirates could afford a wasp. With that black paint I figure you must think its ominous but I think it looks like a giant turd, that explains the smell wafting through my salvage operation.”
“You sniveling excuse for a captain I will cut out your tongue and eat it while my men feast on your heart!”
I replied “Come dance in the fires with me.” I could hear him raging at his men demanding that they attack us. Then the line went dead.
I turned and found Dozer grinning at me. “You just royally pissed off the worst pirate in history…I’m so excited!
“You’re nuts Dozer, Ice please remind me to have Dozer committed when we get back to a civilized planet.”
“Yes, sir” came the reply from the darkness above.
We sat there for what felt like an eternity just waiting for that red eyed madman and his crew to come charging down the promenade. The minutes crept by I kept sighting down the scope at the far end while Dozer frequently checked and rechecked his myriad of weapons. Ice just sat quietly in her sniper’s nest. Finally I heard and felt a light bump echo through the ship. I looked at Dozer and he smiled and said “they’re heeere.”
“You really do need help Dozer, sheesh!”
“Anker it’s Navi I found a couple of those security bots, Should I send them to harass ol red eyes?”
I had to smile Navi is awesome “Yes please, send the welcoming committee.” I jumped as I section of the wall opened nearby and 10 bots rolled out and down the promenade. Not soon after I heard yelling and shooting coming down from somewhere down the promenade. “How many pirates are there Navi?”
“I count 30, captain, pretty large crew for a wasp.”
I nodded absently to myself before realizing Navi probably couldn’t see me. “Yes, I have to agree that’s a pretty big crew but I guess it’s not expected considering what they do, cannon fodder ya know?” I looked down the promenade hopefully as I heard a scream and then there was a large “CRUMP” and silence fell over the ship.
“Captain, they have made it past the bots and are on their way to your position. The bots managed to bring down 3 of them.”
“Nice going Navi!” I grimaced to myself 27 more to go.
“Navi, I just had an idea…”
“Oh no”
“Shut up Dozer, my ideas usually work! Navi, cut the power to the slideways and kill the lights over us and the sections behind us but keep the areas in front of us nice and bright!”
“Oh, like a shooting gallery, that’s awesome!”
“See, my ideas are good Dozer.” With that the light flickered out leaving us in the dark with a large lit up runway of death. I could see Dozer smiling in the darkness, the man really did love carnage when Ice’s Lightning Bolt started spitting hot death at the pirates creeping up the stilled slideway.
Dozer and I both jumped at the hiss of the bolts, looked at each other sheepishly and started shooting. The pirates were using the bodies of the dead bots as cover but I could see a few charred pirates laying about, testament to the power of the lightning bolt. I waited as a small group of braver than smart of pirates made a dash at Dozer and myself. When they were about 100 feet away I popped up from behind cover and let Hunny bark round after round at the pirates. Small “whumps” followed and the small group of brave pirates were dead on the ground each having a large hole in their chests. I looked over at Dozer with a smirk “I’m no doctor but I’d say these men died from acute heartburn,oh yeah!” Dozer just groaned, rolled his eyes and went back to trying to kill pirates. I looked up in time to see a wall of pirates coming down the promenade. “Navi, what the hell happened to 30 pirates!”
“Sorry captain they must have something that hides them from my sensors.” Replied Navi.
“Sorry isn’t going to save us! Lars get your butt down here quick!” I yelled
“I’m on my way captain!” Lars gleefully shouted
The wall of pirates is hollering as they come running down the promenade. I am in shock and I notice that Dozer and Ice have stopped firing as well. The wall is about 200 feet away when I come to my senses and start shooting again. Which has the effect of waking up Ice and Dozer again. I knew we were in trouble as it seemed the pirates had armor on and most kept coming after being hit numerous times. I order retreat when I hear a mighty bellow behind me and turn to see something out of a fairytale.
Lars comes charging out of the airlock, his epic beard streaming out over his shoulder with his massive sonic axe clenched in one mighty fist. He goes roaring past us bellowing a war cry as he goes. As he clears our last barrier he gives chipper a mighty swing and a huge swath of the wall of pirates fall and with another swing the wall of pirates is gone. The pirates lay upon the ground blood streaming from every orifice. I jump up cheering for Lars and am soon joined by Dozer and I even hear Ice clapping from above. That’s when I notice a small group of armored men slipping from cover to cover.
“They must be his elite team” I think to myself, I cut the celebration short. “Guys, there is an elite team moving in!”
malevolent laughter echoes down the promenade. “Well done Captain Anker I’m actually impressed I must thank you for clearing out the riff raff. Now I don’t have to pay anyone but a few loyal officers and myself hahaha!” Captain Sparks has decided to make an appearance.