“I never should have brought you here,” Deklan mumbles. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
He hands me another tissue, and I wipe my nose and eyes. I take several deep breaths and try to get my shit together again.
“I need to be here,” I say softly. “Deklan, I need it. I can’t be kept in the dark anymore. That’s why Kathy died—because I didn’t know what was going on.”
Deklan stares at me as he holds my face in his hands. He looks like he’s about to say something when there is a knock at the door.
It’s Teagan.
“Dek?” She opens the door a crack and looks back and forth between us.
“Yeah?”
“Sean wants to talk to you.” Teagan stares at Deklan, her face expressionless.
“Has Andrew been by?”
“Yeah, he just left with Brian.”
They look at each other for a moment without speaking, and then Deklan glances at me.
“I don’t want her alone.”
“I’m going to show Kera how to run the numbers for the legal books,” Teagan says. “Sean wants me to start networking with Neil’s associates to start gathering information. He also wants Grange released.”
I feel Deklan tense around me.
“Why?” he asks.
Teagan glances over her shoulder, staring out into the hallway for a few seconds before responding.
“We’re going to need to talk privately,” she says softly.
Deklan nods.
“Kera,” Teagan says, “come on with me. I’ll show you how to get to the spreadsheets.”
I follow her back into the study. The tension in my shoulder releases slightly when I see that everything has been cleaned up. Neil’s body is gone, and there is a brand new couch in the room. Sean is still in his chair, leaning back and grinning as if he’s on an iron throne.
“Deklan, we need to have us a little conversation,” Sean says.
“Sure, boss.”
“In the back room.” Sean stands and Deklan follows him to a small door in the back of the study while Teagan and I sit at the desk, and she starts to show me a bunch of spreadsheets full of numbers.
“These are the legal books,” she says. “You’re going to start with those. Once you get the hang of it, I’ll show you the real ones.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll also show you the reporting features within the database. You can run monthly reports for the accountant and Lucas.”
Teagan shows me how to navigate the spreadsheets and gives me a few simple tasks so I can get used to using the software before excusing herself and leaving me alone in the study.
Deklan and Sean haven’t returned from the other room, and I feel a little weird being here by myself, especially after what was going on here just a couple of hours ago. I close my eyes, breathe deeply for a few seconds, and then try to focus on the work.
Teagan’s spreadsheet is complicated, and it’s taking me a while to figure it all out. I get through three rows of calculations before I glance at the door to the back room and wonder what’s taking them so long.
I strain my ears, but all I hear is muffled sounds coming from the room. I can’t help myself—I slowly and quietly get up from my chair and tiptoe over to the door. As I get close, I can hear Sean’s voice.
“She was supposed to be mine anyway,” he says. “You know that.”
“You made the decision to change that, Sean.” Deklan’s words are slow and steady. “You made that choice, not me. You were right about it, too. Doesn’t make sense for you to marry O’Conner’s kid. I was the better choice, and you saw that. You helped him save face, too, so we can keep doing business with him.”
“And you ended up with a hot piece of ass. I could have given her to Lucas.”
“But you didn’t. We’ve been over this before. You made the right decision, boss.”
“Why? Because you’ve fallen for her?” Sean laughs. “You have! You have fallen for her! You fucking idiot.”
Whatever Deklan says in response is too low for me to hear. I shuffle closer to the door so I can press my ear to the wood. Deklan’s words become clearer.
“Whatever happened to get us here, she’s my wife now. You said so. We stood out there, and the state made it legal in their eyes and God’s. We can’t forget our roots, Sean. We’re still Catholic, and the church doesn’t sanction divorce or adultery.”
“So, what are you saying Dek? You aren’t fucking anyone else?”
“Why would I?”
“Why indeed?”
“Sean, don’t you think we should get back to the actual business at hand?”
“No, I don’t.” I hear Sean let out a big sigh. “What I want is for you to admit that your wife wishes she had married me instead.”
“I don’t see that it’s relevant.” Deklan still sounds calm, but there’s a tightening of his voice. “What’s done is done.”
“She’d drop on her knees and suck my cock if I told her to.”
If Deklan replies, I can’t hear it.
“Where are your loyalties, Dek? With me or with her?”
“Both,” Deklan finally says. “We should make sure we all stay in alignment so neither ever comes into question.”
There is a long moment of silence before Sean replies.
“It’s a good thing I’m feeling kinda generous today, Dek. I’ll let this slide for now, but I’m going to expect some compensation.”
I hear footsteps heading for the door, and I quickly run back to my seat at the desk and start tapping the keyboard and moving the mouse around.
“Time to go,” Deklan says. He grabs our coats from the rack and practically pulls me out of my seat to help me get my coat on.
“I haven’t finished what Teagan asked me to do.”
“Later. I’ve got stuff to do.” He doesn’t say another word as we leave the house and wait for John to bring the Viper around to the front door. Deklan puts the car in gear, and we speed away from the house.
“Are you all right?” I ask quietly. I’m tempted to tell him what I overheard, but I’m not sure what his reaction might be.
Deklan ignores my question and tightens his grip on the steering wheel until his knuckles go white. I don’t want to keep secrets from him. I want to tell him what I heard, but he is obviously in no mood to talk.
His phone buzzes in the console between us, but he ignores it.
I sit and silently look out the window at the buildings speeding by and force thoughts and images of the day from my head.
The phone buzzes again, and the sound puts me on edge. The third time it buzzes, I grab it to look at the screen. The contact name is Teagan, and the text message just says “WH.”
“Deklan? There’s a message from Teagan on your phone.”
Deklan takes the phone from my hand and glances at the screen.
“What does it mean?” I ask.
“She wants to meet with me.”
“Now?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m going with you.”
“I’m not leaving you alone,” Deklan says, “so yeah, you are.”
Deklan glances over his shoulder and then makes a quick U-turn. He guns the engine and speeds around a couple of cars in his way as I hold onto the door handle and try not to freak out over his driving.
“Where are we going?”
“There’s a warehouse near the dock,” Deklan says. “That’s where Teagan is.”
“What do you think she wants to tell you?”
“I don’t know.”
“What should I do while you’re talking to her?” I ask quietly.
“I don’t want you by yourself,” Deklan says. “I guess you’re coming with me.”
“What’s Teagan going to think about that?”
“Right now, I don’t care.”
We park the car in an empty, gravel parking lot. I follow Deklan as he stomps through narrow rows of storage containers to a large, windowless bu
ilding behind the storage area. It looks like there is street access from the other side, but there aren’t any cars parked in front.
Deklan pulls out his keys and uses one to open a padlock on the door and then leads me inside. Teagan is in a dimly lit office near the door, and she looks up with raised eyebrows at Deklan when we enter.
“Is this a bad time?”
“Yes.”
“Sorry. Gotta talk anyway.” Teagan looks over at me. “You might want to send her out.”
“Don’t you dare,” I say quietly to Deklan. “No more secrets.”
“Out with it, Teagan.”
Teagan raises an eyebrow at Deklan.
“Sorry,” Deklan mutters. “Please, just say what you came to say.”
“I knew Grange was working with Neil. I knew he was passing info to O’Conner, too. My dad was aware of what was going on, and he wanted to see how it would all play out. He thought it would be best for Sean.”
“I got the idea.”
“There’s more.” Teagan leans against the desk and tilts her head. “Sean knew as well. I don’t know why he was playing dumb back there. He knew about Neil and Grange. In fact, Sean was the one who told Grange to keep tabs on Kera.”
“Then why the fuck did he shoot him?”
Teagan just stares at him, expressionless and silent.
“Because he’s a fucking lunatic,” Deklan finally says softly.
“It can’t keep going on like this,” Teagan says. “We are going to have to do something.”
“Yeah,” Deklan says, “like what? He’s the head of the family now, Teag. What exactly do you think we should do?”
“He won’t listen to me at all,” she says. “You might have a better chance.”
“If you heard our last conversation,” Deklan mumbles, “you wouldn’t think that.”
“Then we have to consider other options.”
Deklan shakes his head slowly.
“He’s still…trying to get his bearings. He’s exerting his authority—trying to make a place for himself. He needs time to figure out how to do it all.”
“He wants her.” Teagan nods over to me.
“He’s testing me,” Deklan says. “He wants to know I am as loyal to him as I was to his father. This is his way of doing it. If he wanted Kera, he could have married her in the first place, and he didn’t. It’s God asking Abraham to sacrifice his son. Sean is testing my faith.”
“How long do you think it will be before he makes a demand for her? He’s talked about it before.”
“He doesn’t really mean it.” Deklan shakes his head.
“He sounded like he meant it,” I say quietly.
“What?” Deklan turns his head sharply in my direction.
“I overheard you,” I finally say, “when you and Sean were talking about me.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“What did he say?” Teagan asks.
“He wants me on loan,” I say with a snort. My chest feels tight, and I can’t take a deep breath.
“It doesn’t matter,” Deklan says before I can give any details. “He’s just talking shit.”
“He’s losing it, Dek. I used to think he at least had a game plan, but now I think he’s just winging it.”
“He’s figuring everything out.” Deklan stares at his hands and nods once. “He needs some time to adjust—we all do. He hasn’t been the same since your father died.”
“It started before then,” Teagan says, correcting him. “You know it did. It started with Marie.”
“Who’s Marie?” I ask.
“A hooker,” Teagan says.
Deklan glares at her.
“She was.” Teagan shrugs at him before she looks back at me. “He’d been seeing her regularly, but then she turned up dead. Overdose.”
“She was just a junkie hooker,” Deklan says.
“You know he was behind it. He practically bragged about it.”
“I need time,” Deklan says. “I need time to think. I can’t…I just can’t quite deal with all this at once.”
“Don’t take too long,” Teagan says. “I have the feeling I’ll be the next one on the chopping block, and then you’ll be on your own.”
“He’d never do that.” Deklan glares at her. “You’re his sister.”
Teagan raises an eyebrow.
“How long are you going to keep those blinders on, Dek?”
Chapter 34
We get into the car, and Deklan places his hands on the wheel and stares out the windshield without starting the engine.
“You know I’d never let him touch you,” he says.
“He’s your boss.”
“You’re my wife.”
“He obviously thought you were going to tell him it was all right, or he would have just said that in front of me.”
“He wouldn’t say it in front of you.”
I glance over at my husband, wondering if he’s really that blind when it comes to Sean. I remember what Teagan said about the hooker, and I ask Deklan to tell me more about it.
“She was just a hooker,” he says. “She didn’t mean anything to him. After she overdosed, he went a little off the deep end.”
“Why would he go off the deep end if she didn’t mean anything to him?”
Deklan glances at me, furrowing his brow. I suddenly realize how right Teagan is and how blind to Sean’s behavior Deklan has become. When he doesn’t come up with an answer, I ask another question.
“What did Sean do after she died?”
“Fought with his father, mostly. Sean went on a lot about how he would run the business better than anyone else ever had. They had one big argument over a supplier, and Sean took it upon himself to blow up the delivery van.”
“He blew up a shipment?”
“Yeah.” Deklan shakes his head. “He was a kid blowing off steam and arguing with his father. I don’t think it was all that abnormal.”
“Blowing up a van is normal teenage angst to you?”
Deklan chuckles, but I don’t find anything funny.
“Well, not in a normal family, I guess. For the Foleys, maybe it is.”
“So, Fergus Foley probably did the same sort of thing when he was a kid?”
“Fergus? No, he was always very levelheaded. Sean’s mother was a trip, from what I’ve heard.”
“I don’t know anything about her,” I say. “Is she gone?”
“Gone, not dead.” Deklan finally starts the car and pulls out of the lot. “She’s in an institution somewhere upstate.”
“A mental hospital?”
“Yeah. She’s schizophrenic or something like that. Some kind of personality disorder, maybe. I don’t remember. Fergus hated doing it, but he had to have her committed. She wouldn’t keep up with her meds, and he couldn’t run the business and deal with her at the same time.”
“Do you think Sean might be the same way? I mean, is he like his mom?”
“I don’t know.” Deklan sighs. “I didn’t have a lot of contact with her before Fergus sent her away.”
“Maybe that’s what’s wrong with him,” I say quietly and then bite at my lip, wondering if I should just keep my mouth shut.
“He’s the boss, Kera,” Deklan says. “I swore loyalty to the Foley family when I was a teenager, and Sean is the head of the Foley family. Without them, I don’t know what might have happened to me. I would probably be dead, and Brian would be, too.”
“But that was Fergus, not Sean.”
“That doesn’t change my loyalty to the family.”
I watch Deklan out of the corner of my eye, wondering why he can’t see reality. Sean is insane and needs to occupy the room next to his mother’s, but Deklan won’t admit it. Even Sean’s own sister sees it, but my husband can’t. He can’t see past his loyalty to Sean’s father.
Where does that leave me?
“You really would do anything for them, wouldn’t you?”
“I would. I have.”
“You
’ve killed people for them. For him.”
Deklan stares straight ahead, ignoring my question. Maybe he thinks it’s rhetorical. Maybe he realizes there is another question that comes afterward. It was the same question Sean asked him in the back room.
Would Deklan let Sean have me if Sean insisted on it? What if he told Deklan to kill me? If it came down to his loyalty to the Foley family and his loyalty to me, which one would he choose?
Do I want to know the answer?
I’m silent the rest of the way home. It seems like this day has gone on forever, and all I want to do is go to sleep and forget about all of it. When we get back to the apartment, Deklan asks what we should make for dinner, but I just shrug. I’m not hungry.
“Kera, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.” I walk over to the couch and turn on the television. I don’t even bother to change the channel, I just stare at whatever show pops up until Deklan grabs the remote and turns the TV off.
“I hate that you know,” he says.
“What?”
“You saying everything is fine when it’s obviously not.” He sits next to me and reaches for my hand. “Is this about what you overheard?”
I think about all the obnoxious and borderline threatening things Sean has said to me. I’ve managed to ignore them for long enough, so why is what he said to Deklan so much worse? Is it because Deklan heard it but isn’t going to do anything about it? Or is it because Sean is that much closer to making good on his threats?
There are too many reasons, and they are weighing me down. I can’t think straight. When Deklan starts rubbing at my wrist, I realize the last thing I want right now is his comfort.
I pull my hand away from him and stand up. My whole body is tight, and my eyes are starting to burn. I turn away from Deklan and walk swiftly to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
“Seriously, Kera? Are you really locking yourself in the bathroom instead of talking to me?”
I don’t answer. I have no idea what to say, and I want to just forget it all—pretend it never happened. Something inside my head made me forget the kidnapping for years. Why can’t I do that at will?