“Stand up,” he says as he takes my hand in his and pulls lightly.
I do as he asks, and he pulls me around until I’m standing in front of him. With him sitting on the bed and me standing, we are just about at eye level. He watches me as he reaches to his waistline and pulls off the plain white T-shirt, and I’m staring at his naked chest.
Every muscle is outlined. He’s got an eight-pack for abs instead of the usual six. His shoulders and arms are huge. They look like they could crush a man without any effort at all. There’s a long, thin scar near his shoulder.
I look back to his face, and his blue eyes have a softer look about them. For the first time, I find myself really looking at him. His cheekbones are high, his jaw strong, and his nose perfectly straight. His dark hair is cut short, nearly military style, and contrasts sharply with his skin. The calm displayed in his eyes has changed his appearance completely, and I feel some of my fear slip away.
I watch as he drops his gaze from my face to my body, feeling heat rise to my skin as he looks down to my feet and then back to my eyes.
“You’re a beautiful girl,” he says, and I glance away, embarrassed by his words. Deklan reaches up and touches my shoulder before slowly tracing his fingers down my arm and gripping my hand until I look back at him.
He takes my hand and places it on his chest, right above his heart, never taking his eyes off mine. I take in a long breath, wondering why my heart is beating so quickly. He doesn’t speak. He just holds my hand against his skin until I move my thumb back and forth, running it along the curve of his pectoral, and a shiver courses through my body.
He’s so warm. I can’t believe how soft his skin is, considering the hard, external appearance he’s displayed before. I can feel his heart beating under my palm, and my head swims.
Deklan reaches up to my hips and steadies me. I didn’t even realize I was swaying. He moves his hands up and down my sides, and I tense.
“Relax,” he says quietly.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“You can do whatever you want, as far as I’m concerned.”
“But…what am I supposed to do?”
He smiles gently.
“Touch me,” he says.
“Where?”
“Anywhere.”
The reality of what we are about to do floods my brain. I’m so nervous I can barely stand. My hands are shaking as I copy his earlier motion, and trace his shoulder and arm with a single finger. When he doesn’t move, I run back up his arm with my whole hand, stopping at his bicep. He flexes, and I push back against the firm muscle.
“How much can you bench press?” I know almost nothing about weightlifting, but it sounds like the kind of question someone might ask a body builder.
“Four hundred or so,” Deklan responds with a slight shrug, “if I have a spotter.”
I nod as if I know what he’s talking about, but I have no clue what a “spotter” is. Four hundred pounds is a lot.
Deklan stands, and my hands fall from his shoulders as he towers over me. He reaches down and releases the button on his pants and then lowers the zipper. As his pants fall to the floor, I notice scarring on his lower leg, but it’s not a thin line like the one on his shoulder. His skin looks mottled, like the kind of scar left from a burn. As I try to be subtle about looking at the scars, Deklan hooks his thumbs into the waistline of his boxer-briefs, slowly pulls them down, and my eyes go wide.
I don’t know if it’s huge; I have no basis for comparison. It looks big, jutting out from his body like a tentacle attached to a bizarre underwater alien in a monster movie.
It also looks…weird.
From the pictures I remember from health classes, I’m expecting a ridge and a bulbous tip at the end, but there isn’t one. Instead, his whole shaft runs smoothly together, all the way to the end.
“I was never cut.” Deklan’s voice startles me from my ogling.
“Cut?”
“Circumcised.”
“Oh.” I don’t know how else to respond. I know from my online classes that some men have a foreskin and some do not, but apparently, I’ve only seen pictures of men without one.
I realize I’m still staring at it and quickly look away. I hear Deklan chuckle softly, and I wonder what is so funny.
“You’re laughing at me.” I sound like a petulant child, and I don’t care. This is all bad enough as it is. I don’t need him mocking me as well.
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“You’re just…young,” Deklan says. “It’s not what I’m used to.”
I consider asking just what sort of woman he is used to but think better of it. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know the answer.
“It’s all right.” Deklan takes my face in his hands. “Touch it. Feel it. Do whatever is going to make you more comfortable with this.”
My heart beats faster. I’m not sure I want to touch it, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to touch it. Should I caress it softly or grip it hard? My inexperience is leading to panic, and I can’t even bring myself to move.
“You really don’t want to do this.”
“Yes, I do.” I want it over with. I want it done—completed.
Consummated.
I also just want it. I want to feel his hands on me. I want to know what it’s like to have something like that inside of me. I want him on top of me, looking down at me with that lust-filled stare. I shiver at the thought, and my breath catches audibly in my throat.
Deklan suddenly takes a step away from me.
“I can’t do this,” he says. “I’m not a rapist. I’m not going to do this.”
My stomach drops with his words, and I’m suddenly aware of the chill in the room as he backs away from me, denying me the heat of his body as his words chill my bones.
“Maybe this is all a big mistake.”
Chapter 6
I blink a few times as I try to process his words. Mistake? Rape? What happens if he goes back to Sean and tells him this isn’t going to work out? What if he tells him he doesn’t want me? Who gets me then?
Sean could—and would—do anything he wanted with me then. He made it clear he never intended to marry me, and God knows what he did to his father to keep that from happening. Would he give me to Lucas, that lecherous older man, or would there be some other, worse fate in store for me?
Deklan may have been unexpected, but so far, he has been kind. He said he would take care of me like a husband should, that he wouldn’t hurt me, and that he isn’t going to kill me. Right now, he is the best option I have, and I can’t let it slide.
My throat tightens for a moment, and I have to force air into my lungs before I can respond.
“You’re my husband. You can’t rape me.”
“Jesus.” Deklan breathes the curse sharply. “Who the fuck told you that?”
“My father.”
“Your father is an asshole.”
I bite my lip as I stare at Deklan’s harsh eyes, and memories of shouts from my parents’ bedroom drown out any sounds in the room. I remember the sound of Mom’s crying and Dad’s angry growls telling her to “just take it” as rhythmic thumps against the wall rattled the house.
“I want you to,” I say again. My voice sounds small, and I have to clear my throat.
“It’s all right if we wait,” Deklan says again.
“I don’t want to wait.” I manage to sound definitive this time. “This is our wedding night, and we’re supposed to do this now. I’m not resisting. I…I want you to do it to me.”
“What do you want me to do?” Deklan asks.
“Um…make love to me?”
“Jesus.” He closes his eyes and takes a long, slow breath. I can see tension in his jaw, and he presses his lips together tightly. I dare to glance down just in time to see his cock twitch. “Kera…”
As his voice fades, I take a step closer to him and then hesitate. If I move any nearer, I’ll bump i
nto his dick. Maybe I should. Maybe he would like that. Maybe I’m supposed to do that, but still, I falter. I reach out for him instead, wrapping my fingers around his forearms.
“I want to,” I say again. I look up into his eyes, holding his gaze as best I can. My heart is pounding in my ears. I recall his remark about how young I am. I feel young. Young, inexperienced, insecure, and desperate.
Deklan moves his hand to my cheek and rubs his thumb across my skin as he stares into my eyes. He leans down and brushes his lips over mine. Instant relief washes over me, and I raise myself up onto my toes and push back against his lips until he opens his mouth. This time, I don’t wait for him, but push my tongue into his mouth.
He moans and pulls me closer for a moment before breaking the kiss.
“We’ll go slow,” Deklan says. He swallows hard and places his hands on my hips as I slide my fingers up to his biceps. I can’t get my fingers even halfway around them, and the distance between us reminds me of grade school dances.
Deklan takes one of my hands and guides it to his shaft, using his hands to wrap my fingers around it. I move my hand with his, stroking him up and down. It’s hard and thick, but the skin is surprisingly soft. I can feel the edge of a long vein running along the underside, and Deklan moans when I run my finger over it.
“Go ahead,” he says as he lets go of my hand. “Touch me some more.”
I stare down at my fingers as I continue to stroke over the skin. I tighten my fingers around the shaft to see how far they will reach, and Deklan hums. When I glance at his face, there’s a slight smile and a sparkle in his eye. I loosen my grip and reach beneath to touch that vein again. Deklan seems to like that as well, and I run my hand up to the base of his scrotum. The skin of his balls isn’t as soft as his cock, and I can feel a harder lump inside the sack. I give it a little squeeze just to see how hard it is.
“Careful!” Deklan lets out a hiss. “Those are kind of sensitive.”
“I’m sorry!” I start to pull my hand back, but he grabs my wrist.
“It’s all right,” he says. “Just a little softer touch.”
I bite my lip, now terrified of doing something else wrong. I start to touch him again, but I hesitate.
“Really, Kera, it’s all right.”
I look down again, but whatever boldness I had acquired is abruptly gone. I don’t know where I should put my hand, and my thighs keep clenching in the most distracting way.
“Please,” I whisper, “will you just do whatever you want? I have no idea what I’m doing.”
Deklan stares at my face for a long moment, licks his lips, and brushes his knuckles across my cheek.
“Would that make it easier for you?”
“Yes.”
He kisses me gently—lips only. He lingers for a moment before I feel his hands at the hem of the sheer white lingerie top. I swallow hard and raise my arms so he can lift it off of me. I turn my head to the side, my face warming with embarrassment as he stares at me.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he says quietly.
“So are you.” I quickly close my mouth but not before the words come out. Deklan is a big man and unmistakably masculine. I can’t believe I just called him beautiful.
He gives me a half grin as he slides his hands down my sides. When he brings them back up again, his thumbs brush the sides of my breasts, and I shiver.
Without warning, he lifts me up, turns around, and tosses me onto the bed. He leans over and grabs the edge of my panties, slowly peeling them off me. His eyes go dark as he looks me over and places his hands on my ankles. Slowly, he runs his hands all the way up my legs, and I feel my muscles tighten as he gets close to the top. He doesn’t touch me though—not there. Instead, he caresses my hips as he crawls on top of me.
He balances with one hand on the mattress as he uses the other to explore my body. My shoulders, my arms, my sides, and then finally my breasts. I gasp as he leans down to take a nipple in his mouth, sucking and licking gently. I press my thighs together, suddenly needing friction.
“Do you like that?” he whispers as he runs his tongue over one nipple and then the other.
“Yes,” I whisper back.
He kisses me as his hands roam over my body. I try to copy his movements, running my hands over his back and shoulders. I’m continually amazed at how his body can be both soft and hard all at the same time. I slide my hands a little lower down his back and reach the curve of his ass. I feel him flex, and his cock presses against my leg as he grips my hip. The more he touches me, the more I don’t care about whether or not I’m doing it right.
“You’re clenching.” He reaches for my thigh and pushes my legs apart. “Leave your legs open for me.”
I gasp again as his words affect me more than his touch. I squirm a little, and he puts pressure on my leg to hold me still. He maneuvers one of his legs in between mine and pushes my knees farther apart. I feel his hand on the inside of my thigh, creeping slowly up until he finally reaches the top, and I moan as his fingers find me.
He slides one inside, and I close my eyes as I push the back of my head against the pillow. He adds another finger, slowly moving in and out of me. I rock my hips to the motion, and when his thumb brushes my clit, I yelp. I reach for him, grabbing his shoulders with both hands as I start to rise up.
Deklan places a hand against the middle of my chest, between my breasts, pushing me back against the bed.
“Stay right there,” he says. He moves his fingers again, thumbs my clit, and covers my mouth with his own. I moan against his lips and feel his mouth turn up in a smile as his tongue glides over mine.
I’m so close, I can almost taste it.
I push harder with my hips, trying to reach that last bit of friction, but Deklan abruptly removes his fingers. He places another gentle kiss on my lips as I moan in protest. He snickers softly and then sits up, reaching one of his long arms over to grab something from the nightstand drawer.
“What is that?” I ask.
“Lube,” he says simply. He tilts the small bottle into his palm before he runs his hand along his shaft. “You’re pretty wet already, but a little more won’t hurt.”
I swallow hard, recalling the emphasis my health class placed on using protection. I have no idea how many women Deklan has been with before or if he could be carrying any STDs. I bite my lip. This man is my husband. He’s also Catholic. There’s no way I’m going to ask him to put on a condom.
Once he’s done coating himself, he rubs his fingers between my legs again. I can feel how slippery the lube makes me, but I’m still nervous. Glancing down at his cock so close to the entrance of my pussy makes it look huge.
Deklan leans over me again, pressing his lips to the side of my neck, near my ear.
“It will fit,” he says softly. “I promise.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“Will it hurt?” I close my eyes. I’m not sure I want to know the answer.
“It shouldn’t. Not much anyway. That’s where the lube comes in handy.” Deklan kisses me again, slides his fingers in and out once more, and then sits up. “It will be easier if you’re on top.”
“It will?” I look at him dubiously. Everything about him makes me think he isn’t normally a bottom kind of guy, and his suggestion surprises me.
“Trust me.”
I don’t trust him—not in the least. Still, I follow his directions, and when he lies on his back, he pulls me over the top of him until I am straddling his waist. I don’t know where to put my hands. On his chest? His shoulders? To the sides of his body, my palms against the mattress?
“Just use me for balance.” Deklan takes both of my wrists and guides my hands to his sternum. Once I have myself positioned how he wants me, he lets go of my wrists and reaches down between us.
I look down, watching his fingers as he wraps them around his cock and holds it up, pointing at me. With a deep breath, I position my body over the tip, and Deklan sl
ides it back and forth across my opening, spreading the lube around my folds. He steadies himself as I drop my hips until I feel the head of his cock push inside of me. I’m expecting pain, but all I feel is pressure. Deklan doesn’t move. He just watches me and waits until I push down a little more, allowing him entrance to the very core of my being.
It’s a strange feeling, this stretching of my body. The lube makes everything slippery, and even with the stretching feeling, it doesn’t hurt as I slowly lower myself a little more, and his cock begins to disappear.
“Keep breathing,” Deklan says softly.
I didn’t realize I was holding my breath. I inhale deeply, adjust my hands on his chest, and push down again. The pressure increases as his cock goes in deeper, and Deklan strokes my wrists, arms, and shoulders. My skin tingles everywhere he touches me, bringing out the goosebumps though my flesh feels warm.
I watch his face as he strokes his fingers from my shoulders, across my breasts, and down to my waist. He grips my hips, encouraging me to move the rest of the way down. With a deep breath, I lower myself as much as I can and feel a trickle of sweat run between my shoulder blades. Deklan’s eyes close, and he lets out a quiet groan.
I’m all the way down, and I think he’s completely inside of me. I gasp as I feel him flex, pushing himself just a tiny fraction deeper until he is buried.
“Oh, fuck,” he whispers, eyes still closed. His chest rises and falls quickly with his breaths, and he grips my hips a little tighter before he runs his hands up my back and pulls me down to press his lips against mine. I meet his tongue with my own, daring to rub it against his as his fingers tangle in my hair.
He breaks the kiss and stares at me intently.
“You okay?”
I nod, licking my lips. I can still taste him.
“Ready for more?”
“What should I do?”
“Raise yourself up a little, baby,” he says. “Up on your knees and then back down again. Go slow until you’re used to it.”
I do as he says, closing my eyes to the feeling of his cock sliding in and out. The recent, unresolved tension begins to build again as my clit presses rhythmically against his pubic bone. Deklan places his hand on my shoulder, pushing me backward until I have to put my hands behind me to keep from falling right off of him. The pressure changes, and Deklan and I groan together.