That was when Ellie decided it was time to have her breakdown.
She hurried to the kitchen, out the porch/laundry room, through the back door, and onto the patio. There was a tattered old picnic table sitting on the cobblestone deck. She collapsed onto the bench, clutched her stomach, and looked up at the house, wondering if Boston was busy helping Cassidy pack.
She could fight him. And she could fight Cassie. But there was no way she could fight them together. If they wanted to be with each other, there was no way Ellie could deny it.
Cassidy was the most important person in the world, and if Boston was what she truly wanted, Ellie knew she'd grant it.
Even if it destroyed her in the process. She'd die for her daughter if she had to.
Cassidy was lying on her bed, staring at the wall when Boston tapped on her door and popped his head inside.
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"Hey," he said quietly.
She glanced over, looking moody and rebellious. But when she saw him, her eyes shot open. "You came!" she screeched and leaped off the bed.
Boston slipped inside and softly closed the door behind him. He barely caught Cassie as she launched herself into his arms.
"You really came," she repeated in awe and nuzzled her face in his shoulder, wrapping her arms tight around him.
"I told you I would," he murmured and stroked her hair as he carried her to the bed. Boston sat and settled her on the mattress next to him. He pondered idly as he did so, wondering if he would've kept her nestled on his lap if he'd known her for the past nine years and ten months. If he was familiar and comfortable with his daughter, would he have set her next to him like she was someone else's daughter and kept that polite distance between them? Or maybe he would've kept her close and continued to run his hand comfortingly down her back.
A wave of regret hit him. He'd missed so many years.
He waited a beat for the anger to follow, the resentment against Ellie. But he didn't experience it. Instead, he focused on Cassie, intent to make up lost time.
"Now," he said. "What's going on between you and your mother?"
"Nothing," Cassie mumbled, ducking her head. "I just want to come live with you."
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"Well, I don't think nothing happened," Boston said, staring down at the top of Cassie's hair. "I think something definitely happened."
"She's so mean," Cassie finally admitted, lifting her face to show Boston a rebellious look. "I can't do anything because of her. She treats me like a little kid."
Boston checked the impulse to say, "But you are a little kid."
"I hate green beans, but she makes me eat them. My friend Ally gets to stay home from school at least once a month because her mom is so cool. But my stupid mom makes me go every day. I have to take a bath when she tells me to and eat what she tells me to. And she kept me from you. She always makes me do stupid stuff that's good for me.
I'm sick of it. Maybe I don't want to brush my teeth every night. Maybe I don't like healthy food."
Boston swallowed back a quick laugh. His poor little girl.
She had a first-rate mother, and it was driving her crazy. He opened his mouth to tell her she should be grateful instead of so unappreciative, when she blurted out, "And It's her fault you didn't know me all these years."
Boston paused.
"If she hadn't lied to you, you wouldn't have left. It's all her fault."
His chest tightening, Boston sighed and rubbed his face.
He didn't even bother to ask how she'd learned so much about the weeks after her conception. "No," he said. "It's not all her fault. Cassie, I..." He lifted his face and winced in apology. "I said some things"—and did some things—"to 170
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make your mother think I didn't want to stick around. She had a reason to do what she did."
Maybe not a good one in his opinion, but she'd had one.
Cassie looked up at him with wide eyes. "But you did want me, didn't you?"
"Yes," Boston answered immediately. "Of course. And I want you to come live with me more than you'll ever know.
But I think you should stay here with...with your mom."
"Y-you do?" Cassie said, her eyes going wide with hurt.
As much as he wanted to pick up her suitcase and say,
"Let's go," he knew that wasn't the right decision. Children of separated parents had it hard enough as it was. It wouldn't help anything to create such an open war with Ellie about this. Picking that fight with her after the Chuck E. Cheese's outing and letting Cassie catch them at it had been an eye-opening experience. Unmarried or not, he and Ellie were this child's parents, and they needed to appear as a united front.
So Boston swallowed his pride and nodded. "Yes," he said.
"You need her right now. And no matter how mad you are, you love her, and you'd hate to be without her." He paused when he saw her face turn hard and unyielding.
"Just tell me who'd make chocolate chip cookies with you?"
he asked because he remembered Cassie talking about how she loved to make cookies with Ellie. "And who'd go before-school shopping with you every year?"
"C-couldn't you?" the girl asked, looking up at him with wide questioning eyes.
He melted. "Well, yeah. I probably could," he relented with a nod. "But it wouldn't be the same. That's special stuff you 171
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do with just your mom. You and I are going to make up new stuff to do together. And that'll be our special time."
Reaching out, he took both her hands and squeezed firmly.
"I promise someday I'll take you home with me and you can visit my house for a while. Okay? But you have to stay here too. You have to make up with your mother."
Cassidy frowned at that suggestion. "I don't want to make up with her." She jerked her hands from his. "I hate her."
Boston blinked in surprise. He didn't much like the fact that his sweet, innocent young daughter could be so spiteful.
"Please let me come live with you," she begged.
His heart filled with an emotion that seemed to consume him to the point of explosion. He just wanted to scoop her up and let her have whatever she wanted. But she was being a brat, and Ellie's words echoed through his head. That's the second time tonight you got to play the good guy.
"No," he heard himself say, sounding stubbornly resolute and, surprisingly, just like he could remember his own father being. "You said some very mean things about her. Things that would hurt her. I can only imagine what you told her to her face. So you're not leaving this room until you can apologize to your mother."
Cassie's face filled with surprise. Then anger. Crossing her arms over her chest, she growled. "Fine. I didn't want to leave anyway."
Boston eased quietly out of Cassie's room, slightly sick to his stomach. Worried he'd just lost his one chance with her, he paused to swallow down his rising panic. Then he huffed out a breath and walked through the house until he saw Ellie 172
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through the back window. Blowing out another breath for an entirely different reason, he opened the door to join her. He wasn't sure why he bothered. Both Trenton girls despised him at the moment. He should leave. But he felt drawn to Ellie, and leaving was the last thing he could do.
It was a cool evening with a slight breeze. Ellie sat at a picnic table, huddled inside her bulky jacket. For a moment, she looked so much like that college girl he'd fallen for, he couldn't even breathe.
Then she lifted her face and that was it. All the anger he'd felt over the past week evaporated. In its place, a strange ache wrapped around his chest and pulled taut.
Light from the kitchen window reflected on the wet gleam on her cheeks. He didn't like seeing her cry. It made him feel helpl
ess and clumsy. He just wanted to go to her and pull her into his arms and tell her—
Instead, he shoved his hands into his pockets. "There. Now we're both the bad guy," he said and moved to sit on the bench seat opposite hers.
Ellie unobtrusively tried to swipe at her cheeks. "What?"
Boston tilted his head back so he could stare up at the sky and not her. "She begged to come live with me, but I said no.
I told her she couldn't even leave her room until she apologized to you."
"You what?"
She sounded so surprised, Boston straightened and gave her a helpless shrug. "It sounded like something a dad would say."
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He wondered if it'd been the wrong thing, though. He wondered what he should've said. The temptation to ask Ellie what he should've done almost suffocated him. He was so uncertain, even his own skin felt uncomfortable.
But then he noticed a slight smile on her face. "That's exactly what I told her too," she finally murmured.
His heart thumped against his ribcage in a crazy little beat.
He wanted to reach across the table and take her hand.
Unable to keep the anxiety at bay, he asked, "Do you think she'll ever talk to me again?"
Once again Ellie sent him an amused smile, making his pulse even more erratic. "Cassie might be quick to throw a fit, but she's just as quick to get over it. She'll probably be calling you tomorrow and begging you to take her back to Chuck E.
Cheese's."
"And would you let me?" he asked softly.
She didn't answer immediately. Boston held his breath, hoping he hadn't just started another fight. He didn't want to fight tonight. Not when he felt such a kinship with her.
But Ellie didn't grow upset. She lowered her eyes to her tightly clasped hands in her lap and answered, "You know, you could've taken her away for good tonight. I was so upset, I probably would've let her go with you if that was what you'd both wanted."
He swallowed. "I was tempted to tell her yes."
Ellie looked like she was going to start up crying again.
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move toward her. Her face was already blotchy from bawling, and he was once again filled with the urge to hold her.
"I love my daughter," she said in a hoarse voice, "But tonight, I couldn't have fought her...not you and her both."
Boston swallowed, not sure how to respond.
"I thank you," Ellie whispered. "For whatever reason you decided to convince her to stay with me, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart."
He lifted his gaze. "A little girl needs her mother," he said.
"And you...you're a good mother, El. I only have to look at her to know that. She's the most amazing child I've ever met.
She's perfect. You've done an excellent job raising her."
Ellie's face contorted even more, but she still didn't cry.
"Thank you."
"No matter how much I want to be with her," he added with great reluctance. "You were right when you said she doesn't need me. She'd be fine without me." Then he shook his head. "She wouldn't be fine without you."
When she didn't respond, Boston worried he'd revealed too much. But he also realized he couldn't have Cassie without Ellie's help and support.
"You've really changed since college, haven't you?" she murmured.
He gave a soft, surprised laugh. "God, I hope so."
Ellie pulled her feet up on the seat so she could hug her knees. "You know I can't live with losing her every weekend, don't you?"
Boston sobered and let out a long sigh. So, they were back to square one, were they?
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"What about every other weekend?"
Cradling her head in her hands, she closed her eyes.
"I...I'm sorry, Boston. I know you're trying to work with me, but I...I can't. I just can't do it. It's like we're talking about taking my oxygen away."
Boston closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair.
"Will you be honest with me if I ask you a question?"
After a moment, she gave a hesitant nod.
"Do you..." The asking was tough for him, and he had to pause before he continued. "Do you think she'd be better off if I did leave and never came back? I mean, I'm not going to mess her up by suddenly becoming involved in her life, am I?"
For a moment, Ellie was too stunned to speak. This wasn't the Boston Kincaid she knew at all. The college boy she'd dated would never have given her such an advantage, never exposed his vulnerable side. He didn't question himself.
The man really had changed.
Determined not to let that affect her, she asked, "Would you leave if I said yes?"
The achy look he sent her made her want to start crying again. "I want to say yes," he said. "I only want what's best for her. But from the first moment I saw her, I don't know..."
He shook his head, as if dazed. "It was like... bam, smacking me in the center of the chest and taking my breath. That little human was a part of me. And suddenly, I wanted...I wanted to be a father. Her father. I wanted to be a part of her world.
But..." He paused to lick his lips. "I don't want to hurt her."
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Ellie felt herself fall into a hole she'd sworn to herself she'd never fall into again. She looked at Boston Kincaid and wanted to be loved by him. He honestly seemed like a different man from that twenty-two year old she'd once known. He'd matured.
Loosening toward him, she admitted, "If you want the truth, then no, I don't think she'd be worse off with you in her life." Then she bit the inside of her lip, wondering what the hell she was doing. This was her one chance to get rid of him, and she wasn't taking it.
Boston looked about as shocked by her declaration as she felt about making it. But he laughed in relief and grinned at her like he thought they were mending fences when, yeah, that probably was what they were doing. Neither of them had yelled all evening. That had to mean something.
"So, what happens now?" he said.
Ellie was about to answer, "I don't know," when it struck her. "I think you need to get to know Cassie better before you can take her anywhere by yourself. I mean, tell me honestly, what do you know about nine-year-old girls?"
Frowning, he said, "Nothing, but—"
"Plus, if I saw you with her a few times, and was convinced she'd be okay, then I'd probably feel better about letting her go with you overnight somewhere."
He paused, looking truly shell-shocked now. "You mean, you want me to come here...with you around...to see her?"
He looked like he might prefer a root canal.
"Not especially," she admitted. "But it's the only compromise I can think of at the moment."
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"Fine, then," he said and nodded a little too quickly for her comfort. "I'll come here. When do you want me?"
Right now...in the bedroom, flat on your back. The answer popped into her head so suddenly, she actually blushed for thinking it. Glancing away in absolute mortification, Ellie cleared her throat. "Umm...how about Saturday. Anytime.
We'll be here all day."
"Is eight too early?"
She shook her head.
He smiled. "It's a d—ah, it's a deal then." Pushing to his feet, he held out a hand. "Thank you, Ellie."
"Thank you for what you did tonight."
Their hands met across the table in a formal manner. But his warm flesh connecting with hers still caused her skin to tingle.
"I just hope she doesn't hate me now," he murmured as he slowly pulled his palm from hers.
It took Ellie a
moment before she figured out to whom he was referring. Then it struck her. Cassie.
"Oh," she said a little breathlessly. "No. Cassie will be okay. Trust me."
He still looked uncertain. "I wish I could mend fences with her before I leave," he murmured. But then he hitched a brave smile Ellie's way and added, "I'll see you Saturday."
Ellie opened her mouth and almost made a huge mistake.
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Boston Kincaid's enemy, but befriending him wasn't smart either.
"I'll see you Saturday," she returned, feeling lame.
And for the first time in over ten years, they separated in peace. Ellie sank against the picnic table and cradled her head in her hands, wondering if being on good terms with him might be more dangerous than keeping him as an enemy.
When the back door cracked open, she jumped and surged to her feet, ready to throw herself at him. But thank God, it was Cassie coming out to join her and not him returning.
"Cass," she said.
"Mommy," the girl spoke in a trembling voice. "I...I'm real sorry for the things I said to you. I..."
"Come here," Ellie said.
Her daughter dashed forward, throwing her arms open.
Ellie pulled the child into her lap, and they hugged.
"It's okay," Ellie murmured, kissing her hair. "I love you.
No matter what, I'll always love you."
As the girl settled against her and they began to talk out their problems, Ellie felt a spurt of regret that Boston hadn't been able to get the same make-up session she was having.
He was missing out on one of the greatest gifts a parent could have. And for the first time in a good long while, she wished she hadn't kept him from his little girl.
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Chapter Eleven
That Friday night, a thunderstorm rolled over Lawrence. It was bad enough Ellie and Cassie hurried to the Young's house to stay in their basement for the worst of the squall. Keller and Cassie sat cross-legged on the floor playing Go Fish as the adults hovered by the high basement windows and watched strong winds and rain roll in.