26. EXPLOSION
Concrete walls glisten with moisture, phosphorescent strains of mold, and graffiti that’s tame compared with D-town art. The air in the subway tunnels feels dead, heavy with spores and other things that thrive in deep, wet places. I cough, and the sound echoes, joining the drip-drip-drip and ongoing hisssss of all the leaks down here.
“Shh,” Lawson snaps.
I wrap my arms tighter around my aching ribs. He’s been tense ever since the Arena. I told myself he was just worried about Tab, but now…
“What’s wrong?” I whisper.
“Nothing.”
“Are you mad at me?”
Drip, drip, drip. Drip—drip. Hissssss.
Before we left the Arena, he put his shirt back on. It seems that so much of my blood that close to his skin should bring as closer together but apparently not.
“Yes, I’m pissed,” he finally says.
“Why?”
He whirls. In the dark, he’s a moving shadow, blocking the way. “Because how am I supposed to believe you love me?”
I recoil. “What?”
“Everyone knows someone who can’t love themself can’t love you, and you obviously don’t love yourself, and…Bang.” He breaks off, breath rasping.
“Lawson, calm down. What makes you think I don’t love myself?”
“You won’t protect yourself!”
“G. Spot. It always comes down to that for you, doesn’t it? I thought, I don’t know, that we’d gotten past all your superiority crap. How dare you say that my religion means I don’t love myself? I don’t believe in violence. I don’t believe in it. Believe me that if I did, you’d be the first to know!”
“It just makes no sense to me, okay?” Now he’s the soothing one. “If you don’t believe in violence, how can you let violence be done to you?”
“Now, that makes no sense.”
“No?”
“No! I’m not responsible for the violence other people do, only what I do.”
“Kay, whatever.” His hands hover, palms out, in the darkness between us. “You win, okay? I just think you’re too damn forgiving.”
But I keep shouting; I can’t stop. “Want to prove I don’t love myself? Take a look at my relationship with you. You’re a fundamentally violent person…”
“Relationship?”
“…Sam died as a direct result of your actions, and still all I could think about…” I choke up. “You were gone, and all I could think…”
“Are we in a relationship?”
“…I don’t care about any of it, I just want to be with you! So you’re right, I am too forgiving. Yes, we’re in a bloody relationship!” I stand, chest heaving, hands clenched at my sides.
Lawson lunges, and his hands curl around my biceps. I sway forward, and our mouths collide. He inhales sharply, parting his lips, and my tongue finds his.
“I’m sorry,” he gasps against my mouth. “Seeing you like that. I thought…I thought…”
“I know, me too. When you fell…the train…you…” My fingers grasp his hair, holding his face to mine, as a strangled sound rips out of me.
He breaks away. “I can’t take this anymore, Aidan. It’s too hard.”
“What choice do we have?”
“We—” He bites off the word.
“We, what?”
Ka-boom! An explosion rocks our underground world. The concrete walls seem to pulse, like we’re inside a drum that has been struck. I stumble, landing hard on one knee. Then Lawson is there, curling protectively over me. A new hisssssss starts up nearby and doesn’t stop.
I squeeze his knee. “We gotta hurry.”
He pulls me to my feet and hollers, “Tab!”
“Here!” Running footsteps follow the shout.
“Lawey!” someone, presumably Tab, yells.
“Hurry, honey,” he calls back. Then to me he says, “They must be taking down The Dance.”
“I thought they were retrofitting it.”
“Me too.”
In the next minute, the others catch up. Lawson grabs Tab’s hand in one of his, mine in the other and, towing us along, runs down the abandoned subway track. Lin pulls up the rear. We round the final corner and skid to a stop.
Rubble fills the tunnel, blocking our way out. Far above, dust floats in a beam of sunlight. A section of road has caved in.
“Up and out,” Lawson says.
I trace the path to the light, a small mountain of broken concrete, all ragged edges and uncertain footing. Not going to be easy on Tab, or me, after the Arena. I look at Lawson, and the corner of my mouth can’t help but twitch as I shake my head. “Will there ever be a trip with you that doesn’t involve sketchy climbing?”
He grimaces and pitches his voice for my ears alone. “I wish things were different.”
“If wishes were guns…” I whisper back.
Lin is standing a few steps away; Tab is right beside us. He squeezes my hand, then releases me.
Lawson goes first. He always does. He stands for a moment at the top, a far-away figure haloed by light that, from below, seems clean-air bright. My dried blood stands out like war paint on his GeeGee shirt.
He stares at something on street level, then crouches beside the hole. “Hurry.”
Lin and I send Tab up, spotting from below, until Lawson pulls his sibling into the safety of his arms. Tab cries out at the contact, and Lawson flinches and looks back down into the hole. The sun behind leaves his face in shadow, but there’s no doubt he’s in full-on Lawson glare mode.
“What the bang, Lin?” he shouts.
She rolls her shoulders and gestures for me to go on up.
Lawson sits back on his heels. The hand that’s not holding onto Tab rests on his knee as he watches my progress, and I climb toward his fingers and the word REAL.
Almost before I know it, those fingers close around my wrist, helping me out into the relatively fresh air of D-town. Sounds of demolition emanate from The Dance, which is just visible one street west, teeming with GeeGee guards and construction workers. The beat from the Haven fights for airspace, while Lawson looks me over, probably to make sure the climb hasn’t aggravated my injuries, but I don’t feel much worse than before, and he guides my hand to Tab’s, folding my fingers around those of his sibling.
“Wait here.” He turns as though to descend back into the subway.
Oh, shit. Lin.
“Wait!” I let go of Tab and grab at Lawson, catching his muscular forearm. “The Dance! The rest of the Bees.” I gesture in that direction. “I have to go help them.”
Lawson glances west, then back down to Lin, up to me, frowning. “Okay, no, you’re right. Go. I’ll be right behind you.”
I’m already backing away, and I nod, then turn and hobble as fast as I can down the street, away from whatever’s about to go down between him and Lin, feeling like a coward.
“Be careful,” he calls after me.
I round the corner to The Dance, huffing from exertion and pain, and run smack into an army.