“You understand I would do anything to keep you safe, to keep you with me?”
Brow crumpling in confusion as to what he referred to exactly, I nodded once. I was slowly coming to understand this – Breandan’s need to have me with him. I felt it too.
“Say-so,” I murmured and leaned back.
I had not seen my fairy since I’d saved Tomas from the sun, and there was much feeling between us. Thankfully, none of it seemed hateful. I knew had Breandan not stood between his brother and I that Tomas would more than likely be ash. Lochlann had prepared to do battle with me and if his skill was anything like his younger brother’s I would have been in serious trouble. I didn’t even know if Lochlann could touch the Source and wield magic. Yet Breandan had defended me and given me time to get my vampire safely into the cool ground to rest until he could protect himself again.
Breandan ran his finger down the bridge of my nose, breaking my reflective trance. “Good,” he concluded.
Breandan’s voice was something indescribable. To my ears every syllable was silkily profound. I was sure no one else could hear the raw beauty of his voice, and in some strange way I was glad, as it meant I could covet it for my own.
Over his shoulder I saw Conall join us and my frown smoothed as I wiggled my fingers in a wave at him. Already I felt better simply for having my fairy close and touching me.
“The bond is ancient and powerful,” Lochlann’s voice had my shoulders hunching like he’d poked me with a stick. It took a great deal of will for me to not want to supplicate myself to him when he spoke like that, but Breandan no longer seemed affected and his hold on me tightened. “I would never go against the will of the gods and of magic,” Lochlann continued as he moved closer to us, “but we must observe that faiykind expect … certain customs to be observed and revealing this connection has been forged between the Priestess and the former Wyld Guardian would not be wise.”
Lochlann stopped at my back, so close I could feel the heat of his chest. I shifted in Breandan’s arms and pushed forward, not liking how close he was. Over my head, Breandan locked eyes with his Elder, held his gaze in a lengthy silence.
There was a sudden and palpable pressure in the air.
Maeve skipped forward, her gaze flitting between her two brothers. “Brother….” Both turned to her, like me, unsure of which she spoke.
Conall appeared at my elbow, and I blinked at his protective stance, his hand on my shoulder as if prepared to rip me away from Breandan. He watched both of the fairies with a careful eye, his long fingers flexing on my skin.
I held my breath, tense, not wanting them to fight, but too afraid to say anything lest it start them arguing.
After a beat, Lochlann backed two steps away and continued smoothly with, “Rae, you must be discreet about your attachment to Breandan. The people are frightened, confused. They have much to concern themselves with, and the last thing we need is for them to lose all faith in their new leader before he has even acceded the throne.”
Conall bowed his head slightly and released me, but did not step away, kept his stance defensive.
I arched an eyebrow. “Throne?”
“We have not used the term King or Queen in many millennia, but the High Lord and High Lady are effectively royalty,” Conall explained his glare fixed on Breandan.
I pursed my lips. “So what is the Priestess? Where does she fit into that arrangement?”
Lochlann breathed out hard from his nose in impatience.
“Traditionally the High Lady was the Priestess,” Breandan said quietly.
“Oh, right,” I said cordially, running that through my mind a few times. It took a few beats for it to click and make sense what that meant for me personally. My eyes widened and though I was nowhere near him I took another step away from Lochlann into Breandan, the idea of being his making me feel ill.
“I’m not thrilled either,” Lochlann said, surly. “Not only does my future Queen not dote on me she was not raised as a lady, but as a human warrior. She is bonded to my younger brother, is willful, reckless, and has a blood tie to a vampire.” He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled darkly. “The gods laugh at me.”
“But I can’t … I mean, you know that I would never–”
“Choose me over him?” Lochlann motioned to Breandan with a bold swipe of his hand. “I am aware but it changes nothing. Until then we must give the people a united front to gather courage from. I will not ask you to mate with me until you are ready, or unless there is no other choice.”
I spluttered and quivered as I tried to come up with a semi polite way to tell him he had a better chance of mating a high goddess than with me. Seeing the horror on my face and my furious rebuttal on my lips, Conall jumped in and argued, “The mating of the fairy Priestess with the High Lord is tradition.” His gaze bounced between the three of us unsure of whom to target.
Lochlann held up his hand for him to be silent. “Our mating will not be discussed at this time, but I will not let you make a fool of me in front of all demonkind. Can you be discreet?”
He asked the last not just of me and for the first time his gaze fell on Breandan who flinched as if it was a physical slap. Meeting his brother’s contemptuous gaze his own eyes filled with anger, and went wild. He looked away, jaw working manically before he clenched his fists, and swallowed whatever it was he wanted to say.
There would be no swallowing on my part that was for sure. “We can try to be discreet,” I agreed. “But for our safety, not your pride.”
I looked back at my fairy who had regained control of himself, and gifted me with a long, heated stare that slid up one side of me, and rubbed down the other. My wings fluttered and my breathing deepened as I sank into him. The air between us warmed and buzzed with tension.
Conall cleared his throat and Breandan tore his gaze away, a light flush across his cheeks. My own face burned and I dragged in a shaky breath. I removed myself from his arms, and hugged my stomach to make my trembling less pronounced.
Discreet. Right.
“You’ll have to do better than that,” Lochlann said in a tight voice and held out his hand to me. “Walk with me around the tree bases before you leave. I will announce we agreed you will seek out the grimoire once you have left.”
Maeve, who I had all but forgotten she was so quiet, snorted then coughed daintily behind her hand. She batted her reddish-purple eyelashes at her brother’s scowl. “Can I go with them?” she asked in her high trill.
“No,” Lochlann replied.
Her face crumpled. “But I–”
“No!” Breandan and Lochlann barked.
Maeve and I shared a long-suffering look.
Plainly irritated, Lochlann held out his hand again, and didn’t bother to disguise his dislike of me. Not that I cared. I thought he was repressed and boorish, but whatever. I gingerly placed my palm on his, cringing when his big hand engulfed mine, and locked my fingers in an overly tight grip. A shudder wracked its way up his frame and mine.
Conall frowned at us. “You both look uncomfortable.”
Lochlann forced his shoulders down from his ears, but I couldn’t help leaning away from him until he practically held me upright.
Sighing, Breandan brushed his fingers across my cheek. The comfort was instant and my body unlocked allowing Lochlann to pull me upright. Breandan let his hand trail down my neck and across my shoulder blade before giving me a gentle shove forward.
Lochlann started at a brisk walk and I stumbled to keep up with him. He was pretty huge, and two of his strides equaled three of my steps. Soon the three gigantic tree trunks came into view, and the auras began to press on me again.
Lochlann slowed and pulled me closer to his side. “Smile,” he ordered through his teeth.
Coming to a stop he raised our joined fists high, nearly yanking my arm out of my socket, forcing me to stand on my tip-toes he was so tall. The move was met with a cry of jubilation from the crowds above. Happy voices singing praise
and lower baritones bellowing greetings. I pulled the corners of my mouth up even as I clenched my throat muscles, moments away from emptying my stomach onto the ground in panic.
I did not like this habit of mine, the need to vomit when I got stressed, anxious, or scared. Emotions I experienced with worrying frequency since these demons came trampling into my life … or did I stumble back into theirs?
Breandan was close by my side, silent, his eyes locked on his brother’s hand engulfing mine. A wild desperation simmered beneath the surface of his calm that even I could see, and Conall kept half his attention on him, and the other half on me. He looked pleased, and joined the salute with much enthusiasm, pride oozing from every pore of his being.
Lochlann let our hands drop. Before I could scurry away from all the eyes he yanked me closer to his side, and leaned to murmur intensely in my ear. “You lead my brother into danger and I do not like it.”
Instinctively, my head hung before I jerked it straight. I narrowed my eyes at him, annoyed he continued to use the power of his voice to try and intimidate me. “You need the grimoire and you need me. Don’t forget it,” I whispered in reply. “I’m doing the best I can. I’m thinking all things considered I’m doing well. I’m pretending I enjoy your touch aren’t I?”
“You have no idea what we must face in the days to come as a people. I beg the gods you do not only shatter my brothers spirit with whatever perversion you have with that vampire, but the spirit of my people as you shirk your responsibilities.” He scoffed in derision. “To think when I learned you had been found I was excited to meet my future mate. But now I see you are exactly like your mother, selfish.”
I swallowed hard and forced down tears I refused to let him see. I was not weak. He would not see me cry. Was I selfish? Well, yes. I had been raised to look for my own safety first. To take care of myself so that I could then in turn take care of those who depended on me. I couldn’t change who I was in the space of a few days and become an altruistic leader, no matter how many times I was told it was my true nature. I knew who I was to these people, and what they expected of me. I was too aware of it. “You think you know me,” I said in a voice just as cold as his. “You don’t.”
“I can only judge on what I see. And what I see in you, Rae is fear. Mistrust. Confusion. Do I see evil? No, but I do not see the purity I expect of the Priestess.”
“It’s not like I asked for this. You all came looking for me, remember?”
My tongue thickened with the words. That was not exactly true. It had been me who had ventured beyond the Wall. I was the one who had been drawn to the forest and disobeyed the Sect Doctrine, the rules set down by the Priests that kept us safe.
The fairies had looked for me, but deep down inside I had been looking for them too.
Lochlann’s gaze darted over my shoulder. “And look what happened when the most vulnerable of us found you.” His gaze turned hard as steel, condemning me with the power at his command. “You will be the end of him, and it breaks my heart.”
His will crushed upon my own, and I grunted. Pushing my own influence up as a barrier was the only thing that stopped my knees giving out from beneath me, so sudden and intense was the attack. I pulled my hand from his grasp and spun on my heel, letting my tail flick behind me and punch him in the gut. Cursing, Lochlann stumbled at my unexpected jab, and I sniffed at him over my shoulder before stomping off, ignoring Conall’s plea to stay and Breandan’s curious stare, to say my final goodbyes.
When I knew I was no longer in view by the people, I breathed out. Shaking, I rubbed my sweaty palms on my hips. This friction between Lochlann and I wasn’t good. Nor was the deception by omission to the people. Did they truly believe I would mate with Lochlann now that Devlin was gone? How would they react when they learnt I had a bond to Breandan and a blood tie to a vampire?
Reaching the sacred ground Devlin used to sacrifice Alex, I let the energy of the place soak my pores. The vibration of magic was strongest here and I shivered. It was just a place, nothing to be afraid of, right?
My eyes landed on the altar and the body wrapped in green vines and flowers that lay a top it. Standing before it guilt and loss flooded my heart. Gathering my courage, I placed my palms on her chest. The dim hum of energy from the body was unexpected, and my hands lifted off her in shock. Brows furrowed, I cocked my head. Focusing, I pushed my influence out and sent it down into the cold flesh not sure what I was doing or expecting to find.
“Rae.” The sharp call snapped me back into my own mind, and the connection, the sense of consciousness lost.
I swallowed and looked down at my hands then the body. “I think ... it felt like she–”
“You should not play with the dead.” Breandan took my hand and pulled me away from Lex’s body.
Letting myself be pulled away, I shook my head in confusion. “But I felt her.”
“We are all connected to the Source on some level or another. As fairy we can tap into this energy and seek out minds that are not our own. That is how Lochlann keeps track Maeve’s state and mine. That is why you can feel Alex when you touch her body. It takes time for the energy to fade after the life has ended, more so when the death is sudden.” He sighed. “Rae, what in the heavens did you think you were doing before using your magics to craft such perversion?”
Damn. All of a sudden my toes were the most interesting thing to stare at. “I– I don’t know what–t you … m–mean….” My tongue tied into a knot, and my stomach cramped uncomfortably. I avoided his eyes as yet again I tried to lie.
“You tried to make a zombie.”
My mouth fell open. It was out there, the word I had not even said to myself. “That’s not possible. It’s a legend told by Vodoun to scare witches and other demons.”
“Yet that is what you tried to do to as she lay awash in blood at the altar. I felt it in the air. You called on the Loa, Rae, and they were answering you. You defied natural order and that is not your purpose.”
I bit my lip, hard. “It was you? You stopped me?”
“If you had truly wanted to tie her to such a repugnant fate I would have let you finish.” He held up his palm to stop me from speaking. “But I think I stopped you in time.”
I grabbed his hand. “You think? I saw her twitch, but I thought it was her body being zapped with magic.” I looked back to the body and thought of the energy I could feel within her. Was it possible? Was there a way to bring her back to me?
A shadow of a nameless emotion passed his face, like clouds over the sun, but it was gone in an instant, smothered by that expressionless mask he hid behind. “To complete the resurrection you needed to lock her soul in her body. She did not awaken, she was set free.”
My excitement died and I loosened my grip on his hand. Tears welled in my eyes to run down my face. “I miss her,” I confessed and scrubbed at my cheeks. “She’s only been gone a few hours and I– I’m struggling to accept it. She doesn’t feel gone to me.” I tried to make him understand that her loss was not something I could rationalize. “She should never have been dragged into this. She suffered. They humiliated her and abused her body. I want … wanted to give her something back.”
“You tried to give her life but it was not for her wellbeing.”
I jerked like he had backhanded me and stared at him. “How could you say that to me?”
“You tried to reanimate her for yourself. No one would want to live such a wretched existence, least of all someone as vibrant as I sensed your friend to be. She would have become a killer, Rae, and consumed with thoughts of flesh and pain. A slave to the urges and whims of the dark magic she was reborn from. Her flesh would be cold and dead. She would never change or grow. You would have given her life, but lost the friend you knew.”
“You don’t know her. She would have been fine. I would have helped her, zapped her with good energy or something.”
I looked inward, seeking answers to my own questions and complicated thoughts. In truth, I’d not
thought of the repercussions when I had tried to reanimate Lex. How would she have felt becoming a zombie? Created and kept alive by dark magic pumping through her body. The knowledge of how to create zombies had supposedly died out alongside the Vodoun; Bokors and Mambos who practiced voodoo a decade before. Lex’s own mother was the last known voodoo sorceress known to humankind – hunted down by the Clerics and executed. Her mother’s power was the reason why I thought calling on the voodoo deity would save her from death. But would Lex have forgiven me? Could she have ever been happy?
“It was selfish,” I admitted and my shoulders slumped. “But it doesn’t matter. It didn’t work. I swear to never try it again.”
As I said the words magic crackled, and a heavy constraint wrapped around my neck and settled. Then the collar of air disappeared. I blinked, placing my hands around my neck.
“Uh, what happened?”
Breandan stared at me like I was mad. “You made an oath.”
I rubbed my neck. “By saying I swear?”
“Our words are bound by magic. If you swear to do something, you must keep the promise.” He pulled my rubbing hands down from my throat and placed them at my sides.
I shifted, fidgety. I plucked at my bottom lip instead, knowing yanking on my hair, or rubbing my nose would be too big a giveaway to how uncomfortable I was feeling. “This goes hand in hand with the whole speaking the truth thing, right?” He nodded. “So if I break an oath–”
“You die.”
I gaped at him then spluttered; “You didn’t think to tell me this before?”
His shoulders lifted and fell. “You would not break an oath lightly.” His eyes darted to the shadowed mound to the side of us then back to me. “You’re finished?”
I grunted my disagreement, and stepped away from him wanting to get this next part over with quickly.
The thing I turned to was a living crypt of trees and leaves. The great oak trunks had twisted down and their roots had reached up to entwine together tightly. It was stunning and I could not believe I had connected my power to that of the fairy Wyld and created this.