CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The week passed without incident. While other aspects of my life leveled out, one part didn’t—Collin. We were avoiding each other. I saw him in passing, walking down the hall or on stage after school. Eric was always nearby, so I didn’t try to talk to him. Even if we were alone—what would I say? I wondered if we could go back to being friends, but I doubted that was possible.
At night, after Eric brought me home, I’d sit alone—staring at my ceiling until dawn—hiding in the safety of my parentally warded home. I’d hear Collin’s words echo inside my mind. The recollection of his silky voice and intense sapphire eyes washed over me. The memory left me breathless, like I was falling in a dark dream, with no way to wake up. Collin’s absence made me realize how much he meant to me, no matter how much I wanted to deny it. Damn. What was wrong with me? A kiss with him would reveal everything. It would leave me completely exposed, and endanger Collin. The best way to deal with this problem was to ride it out. The lust would burn off, and I’d have my friend back—I hoped.
Attempting to shift my thoughts to something more productive, I tried to discover how I got tainted in the first place. It didn’t seem like something very common, since the prophecy was around for a while and no one else had this problem before. I invited Shannon over one night, and we tried to figure out how it happened. She sat on my bed, acting like we were just us again. It made me sad, because I knew things we would never be just us again. There would always be an element of mistrust between us.
She said, “I researched some stuff for you. There wasn’t tons of info. I think I got it, but it’s weird. ” She looked up at me, pulling her feet in tighter. Shannon liked to curl up into a ball when she was stressed. Apparently, she was beyond stressed because she couldn’t scrunch her body smaller.
“I can handle weird. Tell me.” My heart raced slightly. Hope flowed through me. I’d learn what caused it, and then I could change it, right? I tried to stop pacing.
“It comes down to blood. Demon blood is powerful, and it works differently than angel blood. Angel blood builds up and makes you more—you. Just better. Demon blood is more like acid, snaking its way into your body, slowly corrupting, slowly empowering.” She paused, looking at me. “When a Valefar binds—enslaves—a Martis, they have to remove the soul and then add their blood. They gouge the victim’s forehead, and cover the scar in demon blood. It enters the bloodstream through the mark and binds the victim to the Valefar at the same time. But you have no scar. He didn’t get that far. But… there had to be blood. Did he bleed? Any chance, during the demon kiss, you accidentally… swallowed his blood?” Shannon asked the question like it was the most bizarre, unlikely thing in the world. And it was… or would have been, if I didn’t fight back. But, I did.
My stomach sank, “I bit his lip. I couldn’t break the kiss. He was too strong… so I bit him. Hard.”
She looked disturbed, “You drank it?” Her lips pulled into an expression of disgust.
“No,” I said, “I didn’t drink it. I spat it all out. His blood ran down my face, and got all over me. But, I don’t think I swallowed any.” Clutching my arms, I pulled them tightly into my chest, and began to pace again. I clearly remembered having the blood in my mouth, but I couldn’t remember swallowing it. And part of the night was a blur. I didn’t know what happened. One moment I was conscious, and the next I was in Eric’s arms. I still didn’t know what he did to revive me. I thought I died. “What if I swallowed it?”
She leaned back against the wall, dangling her legs off the side of the bed. “I don’t know. No one ever drinks it. Those who do, usually die—or turn Valefar. No one has been stuck in the middle before.” She smoothed her long hair over her shoulder. “It’s possible that you swallowed a tiny amount, and that was what caused your mark to change color—tainting you—like the prophecy said.”
I looked at her, horrified. “So, that’s what did it? Demon blood… ” The only thing I could do to free myself, was also the thing that damned me. Shit. How did this stuff happen to me? Feeling ill, I wrapped my arms around my middle, and stared out my window into the inky sky. The chill from the glass seeped through, and I shivered. “What about my soul? He took a huge chunk, but I don’t know how much. I thought he’d taken all of it. I thought I died, Shan.”
Her expression was grieved. “You still have soul, otherwise that mark on your head would be bright red. And you’d be dead. Martis are amongst the living and must have a soul to survive. Valefar don’t. That’s why they drain us first, and add blood later. As long as you have enough of your soul, you can’t become one of them. Not completely.”
I closed my eyes, pressing my hand against my forehead. I damned myself. I did this to myself. After a panic attack that lasted a day or two, the anger slowly turned into something else—something dark. If Jake hadn’t attacked me, it wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have been tainted. I wouldn’t be the girl in the prophecy. But, I was the one who did it. I was the one who made him bleed. In the end, it was my fault. I had to keep this a secret. No one could know that I swallowed demon blood, because everyone else who did so died or turned Valefar. Everyone—except me.
The days passed and I said nothing. The darkness, the cold fingers that felt like death had robbed me again, were suffocating me. I didn’t tell anyone, although I knew Al and Eric could tell that I was suffering. We continued training, but I made little progress.
One day the training changed from the normal physical stuff, to something better. I was glad for the change and walked with Eric into the gym. We passed a gaggle of nuns, and some Martis who came to the church to train with Eric. The place was becoming overrun with Martis. It was no accident that they were all swarming around me. But no one noticed I was different. No one saw. And I hid it as best I could.
Apparently Eric was a kick ass warrior. It was clear he was one of the best in the world. Martis came from all over the place to learn from him. They whispered of his abilities, and were in awe. I’d seen some of them training with him. They fought gracefully, nothing like my pathetic sparring. No doubt, I was his worst student.
After he pushed through the doors, he stopped in front of me. He wore blue jeans and a white tee shirt, same as always. His amber eyes were playful. “I want to show you something. One second.” When we walked in there were three other Martis in the room. Eric walked over to them. They all chatted like they had known each other forever. He turned toward me, while he spoke too softly to hear. The Martis laughed, and threw their bags over their shoulders, and cleared out.
The last one to leave was a woman with jet-black hair named Elena. I’d seen her training with Eric over the past few weeks. She called over her shoulder, “Good luck newbie!”
My eyes went wide as I looked at Eric, not liking how this training session was turning out. “Why are they looking at me like that, Eric?”
He smiled, walking over to me in long strides. “Are you nervous? I thought Ivy Taylor could handle anything?”
“Yeah,” I said, “that was before things got all freaky. What are we doing? Why all the secrecy?”
“It’s not so much a secret, as a safety precaution. And Al wanted you in here alone when we trained. So I threw everyone else out. Awesome, right?”
“Yup. Awesome.” My mouth flattened into a thin line. I didn’t like being treated different. People would notice me. They already had. Eric spent more time training me than anyone else. I just laughed, shrugging it off that I was impossible to train. He sat down on one of the mats and folded his legs. I mirrored him.
“Ivy, I am going to show you one of the coolest things that Martis can do. Al wants to make sure you learn how to do it. And it takes time to learn.” He smiled at me, and leaned back on his arms. “Martis have the ability to turn light into physical matter.”
My eyebrow arched. That was unexpected. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s part of the power of the angel blood. Martis can call meld light in
to a physical form. We can use it for lots of things. It’s typically used by Polomotis when they battle and Dyconisi when they heal. I haven’t seen enough Seyers to know exactly how they use it, but Al said you would use it and that I should teach you.”
I nodded, not sure what I thought. He sat up, holding his palm in front of him. His fingers twitched as he smiled, his gaze on my face, while my eyes were watching his palm. A point the size of a pinhole faded into existence, glowing a dim blue. As his fingers twitched, the orb grew larger and larger. Soon it was a floating sphere with a bright blue center, encircled by another sphere of translucent white light.
It was beautiful. I reached out for it, extending my fingers to touch it, wondering what it would feel like. I looked to Eric for permission, and he nodded saying, “You can touch it.” I reached out, extending my fingers toward the orb. Its soft light radiated calming warmth. Its surface was smooth with an underlying softness, like a pearl. Mesmerized, I ran my finger over the slick surface, finally pressing my palm into it. The light enveloped my hand. The inside of the sphere wasn’t liquid, but it wasn’t solid either. It felt like warm pudding, congealed into a smooth liquid. I wiggled my fingers through the goo and pulled my hand out, expecting it to be wet, but it wasn’t.
“Eric, what is that? What do you use it for?” I asked, looking at him. He watched me intently as I examined the orb, smiling.
“It’s light. Well, a piece of light. The healers use it to heal wounds. It can heal just about anything in the right healer’s hands. Good healers can use vast quantities of light and do amazing things. Warriors use it in battle. We can use it for anything from illumination to using it as a weapon. But, the only way to make sure a Valefar actually dies is with celestial silver. The light can stop them, and save us, but the Valefar won’t be completely destroyed and can resurface later, if we only use light.”
“Can I hold it?” I asked.
He shook his head. I watched as the orb’s light dimmed, as it disappeared from his palm. “You are going to learn to call it. That way Al can teach you how to use it.”
A smile tugged the corner of my mouth. Anticipation flooded me with giddy excitement. I wanted to be able to call the sphere of light, because it was cool. So, maybe my reasons were shallow at that point, but the sphere had a mesmerizing factor like watching the bubbles inside of a lava lamp. He told me the basics, and held his palm under mine, after scooting closer. “Since it’s light, it’s warm. You can reach out for it, and it’ll come to you because you are Martis.” Eric’s hand cradled mine. He called the light and the orb formed on top of my palm. I could feel the warmth form on my flesh before the blue pinhole appeared. But, the light didn’t grow. It disappeared. I breathed in deeply, and looked at him. I wasn’t wholly Martis. I wondered if the light would listen to me, or if the darkness that was within me would chase it away.
Eric could tell I was tense, but he had no clue why. “You can do this Ivy. This is basic stuff. Whatever Al has you do with it is way harder. You totally don’t need to worry.” He smiled at me, and then repositioned his hand under mine. “You try now.”
Although he explained it to me several times, actually doing it was difficult. I concentrated on the warm air swirling around my fingers, tracing the heat source to the light that illuminated my hand. I called to it, willing it to pool in my palm the way Eric did. I watched, as I felt my hand remain at a constant temperature. There was no pin prick of heat, no blue pinpoint of light. After a few moments Eric’s voice broke the silence. He dropped his hand and slid in front of me.
“Huh. You did exactly what I told you? Felt the warmth in the air, and then backtracked to the light? Calling it to you?”
I nodded. “Maybe I need more practice?” What else could I say? That my demon blood kept the light from coming to me?
Eric’s brows scrunched together. “No. This doesn’t usually take practice. It’s more of an understanding and execution. Let’s go over everything again. Maybe we skipped something.” Eric started from the beginning, and repeated everything he already told me. When he was done, he told me to spread my fingers wide and fixate on the sensation of the air flowing over my skin. Then we resumed our positions with his hand cradling mine. “Now, focus on the air. Feel it touching your palm; it’s pressing lightly against your flesh.”
I focused. I had to make this work. By sheer will power, it had to work. I knew failing once would be a fluke, but failing twice—on something so basic—well, there was no way to hide that. Concentrating harder, I focused on the air surrounding my palm. I felt its subtle movements as it moved slowly over my still palm. I felt the air trapped between the back of my hand and Eric’s growing warmer. The warm air traveled the entire length of his fingers, filling the small chasm between our hands. Breathing deeply, I focused on the warmth—feeling it radiate around me. I pictured the blue sphere, calling to it with my mind, commanding it to come to me. Eric had told me that when I found the light it would flow to me like honey, slowly surging towards me in golden beams. To my horror, I felt the honey rays around me refusing to answer my call. They moved toward me initially, but as they were about to form into the blue mini sphere, they were repulsed by me. My hand was empty, for a second time.
Eric was baffled. His forehead wrinkled as he spun around in front of me. “What happened? Did you feel it?”
I nodded, not wanting to look at him. The light didn’t want anything to do with me. I was tainted, and it knew. Soon he would know it. “Yes, I felt it.”
“Okay, let’s try one more time. This time I’m going to sit in front of you and watch you. But I’ll call the light. You are just going to hold it. If you were able to feel it, you should be able to hold it. This is easy Ivy. I’m sure it’s your teacher, and not you. Smile, okay?”
I smiled weakly at him, already knowing what would happen. Humoring him, I did it anyway. Eric called the light, and soon had the beautiful double sphere swirling in his palm. He sat directly in front of me. With his free hand, he lifted my palm. I spread my fingers to receive the orb, and then cradled the back of my hand to hold it in place. He inched the sphere toward me slowly. My heart slid into my stomach. I couldn’t stand to watch this. He put the hand that held the orb of light directly over my palm and slowly started to shift the orb to my palm. The sphere took an odd shape, and began to pour towards my open hand. Hope flittered through me as I saw the light flowing toward me. I called to it, begging it to stay this time. But it didn’t happen. Right before the light touched my flesh, I felt its repulsion. As the orb shifted from Eric’s palm to mine, the light disappeared.
Eric stared at my empty palm. His fingers pressed my flesh as he spoke, “I don’t understand. Anyone can call light. But it won’t go to you.”
I pulled my palm away from him, tucking my arms tightly around me. “It doesn’t seem to like me.”
“It doesn’t work like that. Light doesn’t like one Martis more than another. It doesn’t care. It calls like to like—like two drops of water melding into one.” He looked up at me. His expression was confused. He sat waiting for an explanation to come to him—one that made sense. But nothing came. We sat there staring at each other.
I was the only one who knew why the light wouldn’t come to me, that it could never come to me. While my angel blood allowed me to call it, my demon blood repelled it. I swallowed hard, wondering if it was so obvious to Eric. Eventually he suggested we go to Al with this problem. I didn’t protest. When he told the old woman, she thanked Eric and asked him if he had any ideas. He blamed the failure on his teaching skills. Al kindly thanked him, and asked to speak to me alone.
My heart was going to explode. How long could I hide this? She had to know. Al sat in her usual spot, her old eyes looking at me. “So, the light won’t obey you?”
I swallowed hard, “Guess not.”
“That’s an oddity, for a Martis.” There was a long silence, like Al was waiting for me to confess. But I wouldn’t. She finally said, “We all use the light
differently, according to our abilities. Eric uses it as a warrior, and others use it to heal. For my kind, the Seyers, we call it into our visions. We can see things that haven’t happened yet. Being able to call light is a safety precaution. It ensures that I don’t get trapped in a vision. The light shields us, and protects us. While I’m uncertain of your abilities at this point, I know that you must be able to do this. If the light won’t come to you—you won’t have that protection, Ivy. That will be dangerous.”
Trying not to squirm, I said, “I’ll practice. I know I can do it.”
“Do you?” she asked. “You really think that the problem was that you didn’t try?”
I backed to the door, ready to leave. “That had to be it. I’ll practice until I get it.” She nodded at me, and I left. I had to perfect something that I couldn’t do. And lying this time wouldn’t fix it.
At the end of the week, Eric told me that Al wanted to talk to me alone. That worked well, because Eric had a meeting. So we agreed to meet up after school. We parted ways, as he took the shorter path to his locker. It was weird, but I felt safe around Eric. I knew it wasn’t real though. As soon as he found out what I was, he’d turn on me.