Chapter two
Dancing with death
The next four years of my life were absolutely awesome. I am not sure if Hazel even knew what she had done for me the day that she uploaded that video onto the internet with the headline, “My hero wasn’t a super star. He just made me feel like one!” Those fourteen little words and the video of me singing for her had made me an overnight sensation. At first it was just in Ottawa, but slowly, my fame began to spread like a bad disease. Now I love the talent shows and because Hazel died the very night that she posted the video, newspapers and even the evening news talked about what a great gift I had given her. After a few months, my fame started to fade away so I started recording and posting more videos. Sometimes two or three a month, but I never played another song at a hospital. The only girl I ever sang for was Hazel and as far as I am concerned, that was the way it should be. I sang for her and her alone. Somehow, I thought that it would cheapen what I shared with Hazel that day. Even when the days became years, I still kept that picture of us with an orange lifesaver caught between her teeth to remind me of her so that she would never be forgotten.
So that brings us up to the last few hours of my life, before I died. Now, like all really good stories, mine started on a happening Friday night in Kanata, Ontario, Canada. It was not my usual Friday night because tonight I was celebrating with reason. I had just received my two millionth subscriber on YouTube and signed a fat recording contract. Not bad for a seventeen-year-old. Life was great and I was partying like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow. I was partying for me and Hazel both so I had to do more than your average teen. Little did I know there wasn’t a tomorrow in store for me.
It was actually a great party night. My sidekick Angelo and me hooked up with some college girls and were playing "Power Hour". It might not seem like a wild night until you understand the rules. It’s 60 1.5 ounce shots of beer and you must down them all in 60 minutes. Now I am not a great drinker, but when a hot blonde drinks that many drinks around a semi-famous Asian kid, the odds of me getting laid are always in my favour.
So there I was, mixing it up with some gorgeous blonde named Sable. Yes, can you believe it? She had curves in all the right places. I mean legs that seemed to climb all the way up to her neck like a stairway to heaven and an ass you could flip quarters off of. Even her name said sexy. This was going to be a night to remember. We were up to shot forty-five I think when I decided to take it to the next level. What can I say? I am a confident teen in the prime of his life and I know how to get college girls between the sheets? You add whisky!
I looked into her eyes and got lost in them. They were as blue as the clearest ocean and her smile shined. The prom queen type who was always the center of attention. You know, the kind who generally play dumb despite being smart as a whip because it’s expected. I watched her down her shot and slam the shot glass down onto the table, making a loud popping sound as it connected with the glass top. Kneeling over the table, letting her v-shaped top drop open, in a slurred whispered she said, "I think you are trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me."
I stared down her top smiling and responded, "Nope I don't need to get you drunk to do that. I am Jason Wang and I am adorable."
Stumbling backwards she giggled uncontrollably, "You are probably right." Sable was moving her hips to the music as she downed another drink and added, "How many are we at now?", in her best playful flirt. Covering her mouth, she rolled her eyes, "I lost count. How many is that?"
Like a lion looking his prey in the eyes, I knew that I had her right where I wanted her. I am a player and knew the time was right to score. Hell, I am going to be famous soon and it’s actually a great compliment that someday she can tell the world she slept with the Canadian Treat with A Beat, Jason Wang.
"I will be back in a minute. Don’t go away," I whispered in her ear as I slipped away to join Angelo over at the makeshift bar on the other side of the room. I looked back to see Sable twitching her legs together, making her hips sway along with the music. It was a beautiful sight and every pair of eyes was on her. Of course, the only thing that really mattered was who she was with tonight, not who wanted to be with her.
Angelo smiled a devilish grin as he hollered, "You sly dog you. I can't believe how much eye candy just runs your way. High school girls any of us can get, but a college girl. Hell that's like almost a woman.", as he pounded my fist.
I was beaming with pride as I said, "Of course bro. I am like dynamite. Legendary and booming." Ok that probably wasn't my greatest line and was as corny as it sounded. The minute it left my lips I knew that, but Angelo, being an easily impressed brute seemed to get more excited as I talked. He was my best friend. Giant Neanderthal looking guy who even had a sloped forehead and was dumb as a box of hammers, but he was a good friend. Loyal to a fault at times.
"So I guess you and her need a room right?" I didn't even have to answer. All I needed to do was smile as he added, "I made sure that one was left for you and miss sweet pants."
We made our way to the bedroom. Sable was so out of it that I had to half carry her. No its not romantic nor would my mother be proud, but it’s part of being a semi-famous star or at least how I do it. We made our way into the room and Sable laughed as I plopped her on the bed. She slurred, "I think that you are gonna have to take off my clothes because I am way too drunk."
"What's my name?" I asked her. Her eyes were barely open and they looked like they were sliding off the corner of her face.
Covering her mouth, she snorted, "I can't remember. You are that YouTube guy everybody talks about. The one who loved the dead girl."
I don’t know if it was the fact that when we met she knew my name and now she was so drunk that she couldn't even remember it or the fact that she mentioned Hazel, but I couldn't do it. I might be a world class prick, but not a rapist. Women had been drunk before and that makes me better looking, but they can always say no. If she couldn't remember my name, it meant that she wasn't really aware of what she was doing. "I can't do it."
Sable seemed so shocked as she tried to respond. "Do what? Me?" She laid there trying to raise her head, "Its ok, I want this."
I sat beside her and tugged at the blankets trying to get enough to cover her. "It’s ok. If you want it now, then hopefully you will want it when you can remember my name."
Lifting her hand in the air she hollered, "Jackson! That's you name Jackson something."
I laid on a corner of the bed and had to laugh. My new name was Jackson something. I started to feel lightheaded as I laid there. It felt more like the world was spinning in hyper speed even though I knew from past experience, if I could just sit up it would stop. I was kind of an expert at being drunk, but never had the world spin this fast. It was like riding a tilt-a-whirl only this one was attached to a rocket engine on full blast.
A slight giggle filled my ear and I looked over, thinking it was Sable laughing, but she had already passed out. "I can't believe that my hero turned out like this." I listened to the giggling start again, trying to place the voice. It was so familiar yet, I couldn't place it. It was like one of those moments when the word is right on the tip of your tongue. You know what you want to say. You have used the word a hundred times before and now that you need it, it’s gone. "My god you forgot me."
"No Hazel. I didn't forget you. I am just drunk and couldn't remember your name.", I coarsely stuttered as the image of her smile came to mind.
Giggling she responded, "Good because I would hate to think I walked down all those stairs to help you and you couldn't even remember my name. I would really hate that."
"Hazel you died. How can you help me?"
"Jason you are dying right now. You are unconscious and choking on your own vomit. It’s so gross too. I mean, really, choking on your vomit. I still can't believe how you went from a sweet charming boy to this! Whatever it is that you have become now." It wasn't really what she was saying that filled me with shame, but mor
e the image of how she was saying it that formed in my head. I could see her curling her nose as those words left her lips. There was a croaking noise pounding in my ears and my throat started to burn. “Oh that’s so gross.”
My whole body tightened as the panic of dying kicked in. My muscles quaked as I struggled, gasping for each breath, but that it was useless. In my head I was screaming, “I don’t want to die. I am too young to die.”
Hazel’s stern voice bellowed, “Really! You are too young to die? You are a stupid little boy you. I was too young to die.” After a long silence she chirped, “Ok, maybe we are all too young to die, but I didn’t have a choice. I tried to hold on to every minute and you threw your life away. Every choice you made lead you right to this moment.”
“Can’t you help me?” I pleaded desperately.
“No I can’t and even if I could, I wouldn’t.” I don’t really know how I knew, but I had this image of Hazel standing there with her arms crossed staring at me with disappointment in her eyes. “You have turned into such an A-hole. I can’t believe that I helped give you a road to a place where you could become more. Do more to make the world better in your own way and you throw it all away. You have become a major freaking A-hole.”
Thunder rolled all around me and I heard Hazel squeak, “Sorry.”, as if she was talking to someone else. “We don’t swear up there so they don’t like it when I swear down here. Either way, you can’t stop what’s going to happen so you might as well go with the flow. Think of it as following the tides and just enjoy the ride.”
“What, you want me to just accept dying? Give up?”
Giggling she added, “Exactly. You brought this on yourself. I will be waiting for you. Please don’t make this an all day thing. I have got better things to do than waste my whole day babysitting you and your broken soul.”, then everything went silent. A haunting whisper faded off, “Don’t keep me waiting too long.”
“Where are you going to meet me? Am I going to Heaven?”, I kept screaming and calling to Hazel, but she wasn’t there or if she was, she wasn’t talking to me anymore. “Hazel where are you? Talk to me please.”, I begged.
I woke up blinded by glowing white. It wasn't really what I expected, but then again, I guess those who actually find their way to Heaven don't exactly write home and report to those they left behind. It would be kind of cool though. Mom gets a post card with a picture of the pearly gates with the words, "Love this place. Beautiful clouds and last week, played golf with Elvis.", written on the back. That would be so cool. Getting to hang out with the king of rock and roll I mean.
Anyway, as my eyes started to adjust to the light, I realized that the bright light wasn't at the end of a tunnel or leading up to some elegant staircase like I thought it would be. It was some kind of reflection bouncing off this thick white cloud that looked like fresh snow after a winter storm, only it was floating all around me. I pushed my hand into it trying to push it away, but it went right through it and a burning sensation started immediately. As I yanked my hand out, it was blue and reminded me of frosted glass only it shined. I just stood there watching the clouds roll around me, trying to remember if anything like this was ever mentioned in the bible.
"It’s not actually a cloud, but more of a thick mist.", Hazel’s voice barked from somewhere in the distance.
I surveyed the area around me trying to find her, but the only thing I could see was a living wall of glowing white fog that was so thick, it seemed to push against the flesh with great force. Of course, just like my hand, any place it touched me burned like fire even though I knew it was freezing cold. "Where am I?", I screamed, trying to understand if this was some practical joke before you made your way upstairs.
"It’s a void of sorts. Think of this as your personal judgement; where you get to either go up with me or down with the undesirables." I was shocked to learn that this was where people were judged. It was just a foggy room with air that tasted stale as it touched your tongue.
"So everybody faces this when they die? There's a lot of false advertising when it comes to the afterlife and paradise.", I said with a charming smile on my face. I wasn't worried because I knew deep down I was a great guy. I had to be, otherwise Hazel wouldn't have had to wait so long to take me up.
"No! It doesn't happen very often and if you weren't such an A... I mean, if your head wasn't so swollen and you didn't change, you wouldn't be here right now."
Again, her tone was sharp with just a tad of disappointment in it. "What exactly did I do that was so wrong?" It seemed like a valid question considering I was being judged by a dead twelve-year-old. Of course, I always had a soft spot in my heart for Hazel. The older I got, the less I thought of her in a romantic nature and more sisterly I think.
I heard a flicking noise then the sound of crumbling paper as something cut through the wall of white. It was some kind of scroll with old tarnished faded paper that had tattered ends. It made a whizzing noise as it unrolled like a road heading straight towards me. "There quite a lot of sins attached to your soul Jason. You have heard of the highway to Hell? Well, you are looking at it now."
I burst out laughing as the idea that the actual highway to Hell was just a ten-foot roll of faded paper. Hazel stepped through the fog with tears in her eyes. It never occurred to me that Angels could cry before. Ok I have heard of Angels weeping, but it never crossed my mind that my Angel would be weeping over what I had done. "What could I have possibly done to make my Guardian Angel cry?"
Hazel had a half laugh half cry on her face as she blurted out, "I am not an Angel. I am your friend and the idea that your stupidity is going to take away your one shot to join us hurts me." Wiping the tears from her eyes, she pointed at the long list on the paper, "Look at the mess you have made of your life and others too! Just look at it."
I was still getting over the fact that a ghost was here to save my soul instead of an Angel to really look at the list. I blurted out, "You are not an Angel?"
Hazel's body tensed as she stomped and screamed, "No you A-hole. I am the only one who believed you could be saved. The only one who thinks that sweet, caring thirteen-year-old boy who made my last day on earth special, was still alive in there somewhere.", as she pointed towards me. The ground shook as the echo of thunder shook everything around us. Hazel’s head dropped and she looked up, shrugging her shoulders, "Sorry."
Before she could say anything more, I rolled my eyes stating, "Yes I know they don't like when you curse up there." I looked at the list and asked, "What did I do that was so bad?"
Hazel snapped, "A lot, but your biggest sin is you killed a girl.", as she pointed towards a highlighted line on the paper.
I screamed, "I didn't kill anybody, especially a girl."
"Yes you did. Maybe you didn't directly pull the trigger so to speak, but you did load the bullets into the gun."
I was mad now. Somebody upstairs screwed up the paperwork. I might not be a saint, but I never killed anyone. I am a lover not a killer. Grabbing the paper, I yanked it towards me ripping it and stared down at the name highlighted it yellow. "Kristina Harris", was written. I snapped, "I don’t even know a Kristina Harris. So how could I have killed her?" The second the words left my lips I was troubled, but I didn't know why. That name, "Kristina Harris," sounded familiar, but I didn't know why.
Grabbing me firmly by the hand, Hazel said, "Let me show you." It felt like my body was being turned inside out and the fog was being yanked away until there was only a streak of light shooting away from us. “This isn’t going to be pleasant.”, was all that Hazel said.