“Scared him?” her friend asked. “What makes you say that? Leopold often said that Frederick was fearless, which is why he’s always been so concerned about his brother especially when he went off to join the war against France.”
A delicate smile tugged on Ellie’s lips, then she turned to Maryann and met her eyes. “There are many areas in which someone can be fearless. However, being fearless in one does not make you fearless in all of them.”
For a moment, Maryann’s eyes rested on Ellie’s face before she nodded and said, “I suppose you are right. I remember when Mathilda was born, Leopold was…terrified. It was a difficult birth, and I lost a lot of blood. Dr. Madison later said that I was lucky to be alive. When Leopold heard that, he went pale, and for a moment, I thought he would pass out.”
Ellie nodded. “The thought of losing you scared him like nothing had ever before, didn’t it?”
“It did,” Maryann confirmed. “For a long time, he refused to share my bed,” a hint of red came to her cheeks as she averted her eyes, “because he was afraid to get me with child again. He was afraid of losing me.”
“And yet, he was a strong man, was he not?”
Maryann nodded. “What do you think Frederick is afraid of?”
Ellie shrugged. “I don’t know…yet.” She swallowed before a determined smile spread over her face. “But I will find out.”
Maryann took her hand then and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I am so glad he married you,” she said, and Ellie’s eyes went wide. “Not only for Frederick’s sake, but selfishly also for my own. I love Theresa dearly, but she is rather a mother than a sister.” Again, she squeezed her hand, and Ellie felt her heart ache at her sister-in-law’s honest words. “And I have so wished for someone to talk to, someone who can understand.”
“I feel the same way,” Ellie whispered as tears pooled in her eyes. “If it wasn’t for you, I would surely go mad. Promise me that we will always talk to each other, that we will always share with each other what burdens our hearts.”
As a tear ran down Maryann’s cheek, she nodded her head vigorously. “I promise, dear Sis-ter.”
Embracing each other, they almost lost their footing and would have ended up in the lake had Ellie not stepped back to break their fall, her foot sinking into the chilled water.
Squealing, Maryann pulled her back up the shoreline. “Are you all right? I am so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Ellie said, laughing. “It felt wonderful actually. Refreshing.” After glancing around, Ellie sat down in the soft grass. “Come on. Take off your shoes and stockings.”
“What?” Maryann gaped. “What if someone sees?”
“There is no one around,” Ellie assured her as a rush of excitement went through her. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have allowed Mathilda, would you?”
Maryann swallowed, then her eyes shifted to her sleeping daughter before returning to Ellie. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
After setting down her shoes, Ellie pulled off her stockings and holding up her skirts stepped into the lake. A deep smile spread over her face as the cool water swirled around her legs, cooling her heated skin. “It is a wonderful idea!” she sighed.
Although a hint of reluctance remained in her eyes, Maryann sat down and quickly removed her shoes and stockings. Then she followed after Ellie, and as her feet sank into the cool wet, the delighted look on her face said more than a thousand words. “I’ve never done this before,” she whispered as though betraying a secret. “Have you?”
At the memory, Ellie bit her lower lip, unable to suppress the wicked grin that came to her face.
Maryann stared at her. “What? Truly? When? I never knew you were this daring!”
Ellie laughed. “It was a while ago, but…it was well worth it.”
“Did anyone see?” Maryann asked, honest shock on her face.
Again, Ellie grinned.
“Really? Who?” Maryann gaped, almost letting go of her skirts. Before they could end up in the water, she pulled them tighter around herself and took a step back up to the shore. “Tell me!”
Remembering that one fateful summer day, Ellie couldn’t help but wonder. “It was Frederick actually.” She laughed at her friend’s shocked expression. “Maybe I should bring him here,” she said, looking around the peaceful oasis somewhere far away from all the things that stood between them. “Maybe it would help him remember the man he used to be.”
***
Returning to the stables, Ellie handed the reins of her mare to the stable boy. Another beautiful day had led her across the pastures surrounding Elmridge. Feeling the wind in her hair, she had chased the sky until a growling stomach had persuaded her to return home.
“You were gone a long time,” observed a quiet voice from above.
Startled, Ellie caught her breath. “Mathilda?” she asked, then noticed the ladder leading up to the hay loft. “What are you doing up there?” After a moment of hesitation, Ellie approached the ladder. Glancing up, she quickly assured herself that no one was watching and swiftly found her way up to the hay loft. On unsteady feet, Ellie picked her way through the mounds of hay until a small head with rather dishevelled chestnut locks appeared as though out of nowhere.
“Shhh!” Mathilda cautioned, putting a finger to her lips. “Pearl and her kittens are sleeping.”
“All right,” Ellie whispered, and after taking a few more rather precarious steps, she sank down into the hay beside Mathilda. “If they are sleeping, then what are you doing here?”
“I’m watching over them,” the girl stated as though it was the most natural thing in the world to watch over sleeping cats. “I’ll make sure that nothing happens to them. I promised Pearl.”
“I understand,” Ellie said nodding her head as a suspicion formed in her heart. “You are true to your word. That is very honourable of you.”
A delighted smile came to the girl’s lips. “She trusts me.”
“And rightly so,” Ellie assured her, watching with delight as Mathilda’s eyes began to shine with pride. “I can see that Pearl is sleeping soundly, knowing that you are watching over her and her babies.”
“I wouldn’t let anything happen to them!” Mathilda stated with vehemence.
Squeezing the girl’s hand, Ellie smiled at her. “You are watching over them just as your mother watches over you.”
A shadow fell over the girl’s face at hearing her words, and her head sank.
“What makes you sad?” Ellie asked, trying to look into her face. “Is it about your mother?”
Mathilda shook her head.
“Can you not tell me?”
Shrugging her shoulders, the girl lifted her head, big, round eyes searching Ellie’s face. “I am not sure you would understand. It is a question of honour.”
“I see,” Ellie mumbled. For a moment, she felt confused about the girl’s stated reason, considering it rather odd. However, then something her father had once said to her little brother shot into her head, and she suddenly knew what Mathilda meant.
“I think we all know about honour,” she said, watching the girl intently. “In our own way. Keeping a promise once given is very honourable.”
Mathilda nodded.
Once Pearl and her kittens awakened, Ellie left her niece to care for them and returned to the house. She went upstairs to change out of her riding habit and then proceeded straight down to her husband’s study.
Never before had she entered it, but today, his rather solemn mood of the past few days would not keep her out.
After a quick knock, Ellie opened the door and stepped across the threshold. Her husband’s head snapped up from the stack of papers before him on the large desk. Closing the door behind her, Ellie approached him and found herself looking into widened eyes. Clearly, he had not expected her to seek him out.
However, Ellie was determined to pull him out of his self-inflicted isolation by force if necessary, and now, she even had a reason why she needed to speak to him. A
fter all, it was a family matter.
“Is there anything I can do for you, my lady?” he asked, rising from his chair. Taking a step forward, he stopped as though uncomfortable with the dwindling distance between them. “May I offer you a drink?” he asked before a frown settled on his face. Apparently, he had just remembered that ladies did not drink brandy in the middle of the day. Or at all, at least as far as she was concerned.
“Thank you, no,” she declined his offer and took another step toward him. Seeing his eyes narrow, she decided not to push him further. At least, not today. “I have come to speak to you about Mathilda.”
“Mathilda?” he echoed, and his eyes opened wide with alarm. “Is something wrong? Has something happened to her?”
Ellie shook her head. “I apologise for alarming you. No, she is fine.” He visibly relaxed, and Ellie smiled at the evidence that his heart was not as cold as he wanted her to believe.
“Then why are you here, my lady?”
With regret, Ellie noticed that he did not call her my dear, and in the spur of the moment, she decided to call him on it. “At the garden party, you called me ‘my dear’,” she reminded him, watching with delight as his eyes fell from hers and his hands began shuffling papers on his desk.
“You said you wished to speak about Mathilda,” he reminded her.
Ellie smiled. “As you wish, my lord.” His eyes met hers, and for a moment, she saw a hint of wonderment at her unexpectedly bold conduct. “I am concerned for her. She seems rather saddened, and I believe it would do her good if you spoke to her.”
“Me?” His eyes widened, and he stared at her as though the mere thought was preposterous. “Why me? Why not her mother?”
“Maryann has spoken to her, and I believe their relationship is on the mend,” she explained, taking a step toward him. His eyes followed her. “They have shared their grief over your brother’s loss. However, I have reason to believe that Mathilda’s current, rather strange behaviour is due to something your brother told her.”
“And what would that be?” Frederick asked, his eyes now determined to ignore her.
Ellie shrugged. “I am not sure, which is why I need you to speak to her.”
A frown came to his face before his eyes reluctantly focused on hers. “Then how do you know I am the one who can help her?”
Ellie smiled. “Are you so determined not to speak to her?”
Flustered at her open words, Frederick turned away, his feet carrying him over to the window. “I assure you I am not,” he said, but his voice vibrated with emotions. “I merely ask be-cause…my time is limited, and at the moment, there are quite a few issues that require my attention.”
Ellie laughed, and he turned his head to stare at her before focusing his valuable attention out the window once more. “Have it as you wish, my lord,” Ellie said, her steps carrying her closer to him.
At every soft clunk of her shoes on the parquet floor, Frederick’s shoulders seemed to tense as though he thought himself the prey and her the predator. Ellie’s heart softened toward him, but she refused to alter her behaviour simply because he currently disapproved.
“Well, then to answer your question, my lord,” Ellie spoke to his turned back, “something she said reminded me of my father. I remember walking by his study one day, and since the door stood ajar, I heard him speaking to my brother.” Slowly, Frederick turned around, honest interest in his eyes. “He spoke to him of duty and family honour.” Shaking her head, Ellie laughed. “He was five at the time. However, my father never thought it too early to instil in his children a sense of duty to their family. All the same, when Mathilda told me how she had given her word to Pearl to watch over her…”
His eyes narrowed, and a confused frown appeared on his face.
“Pearl is the mother cat in the stable,” Ellie explained.
A hint of a smile touched his lips before he nodded. “I see.”
“Well, it felt to me as though she was acting out something her father had taught her or spoken to her about.”
“But why?” Frederick asked. “Why to a cat?”
A soft smile on her face, Ellie lifted her hand and placed it on his upper arm, from where it slowly slid down before dropping to her side again.
Although she had wanted to touch him since the day they had met, now her hand had moved without conscious thought. The situation had inspired a physical sign of understanding and comfort, and she had given it without thinking about it twice.
Upon seeing Frederick’s rather disconcerted face though, Ellie experienced a moment of unease. However, ignoring her own doubts, she smiled up at him. “Because she misses him, and as a child, she does not know how to handle grief any other way.” Her eyes looked deep into his. “Even adults are often at a loss when something happens that changed everything they held dear, everything they believed in.”
Frederick swallowed, his eyes, however, remained on hers.
“You knew your brother best,” Ellie said. “Do not worry. You will know what to say.” She smiled at him encouragingly, and he still did not look away. “She is a remarkable child, and some-times children have a way of seeing the world at its simplest. They see the simple truth when adults are lost in its complicated details. Listen to her, and maybe you will find answers to your own questions.”
Frederick’s mouth opened then, but he only stared at her as though she was an apparition. No words left his lips, and yet, his feet took a step forward as though her closeness was not as un-bearable as it had been a moment before.
Then he smiled at her. “I will speak to her.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
He nodded his head and turned to go.
“Frederick,” she called after him, delighted at how his name felt on her tongue.
Again, he turned to look at her, and his eyes held a glimmer of joy as though he enjoyed hearing his name on her lips as much as she had enjoyed saying it.
A slight flush warmed her cheeks, and for a moment, her eyes dropped to the floor before meeting his once more. “Maybe one day, you will call me ‘my dear’ again.”
His eyes narrowed, and yet, the expression on his face remained pleased. “Maybe,” he whispered and left the room.
For a moment, Ellie thought she would faint as joy flooded her heart and her head began to spin.
Chapter Nineteen – Simple Wisdom
Maybe.
The word echoed in Frederick’s head as he left the house and headed over to the stables. Before his inner eye, he saw his wife’s glowing eyes and charming smile. The way she had looked up at him had taken his breath away, and he didn’t even know why. In all honesty, she was not a beauty, and yet, he thought she was beautiful. The kindness and compassion, the determination and directness he always saw within everything she did amazed him. After everything that had happened to her, how could she remain so life-affirming?
Stepping into the stables, Frederick lifted his head. The scent of fresh hay tickled his nose, and he inhaled deeply. Since his return, he had spent too much time indoors, and he felt the smell of the world outside beckon him with each step he took.
A soft rustle above his head drew his attention, and reluctantly he directed his thoughts to the task at hand.
Climbing the steps to the hay loft, Frederick craned his neck, trying to spy his niece among the mounds upon mounds of golden hay. Finally, when he was almost ready to give up, chestnut curls peeked out from a particularly large pile of the golden ears.
“Mathilda?” he called, and her head appeared, round eyes staring at him as though she was seeing a ghost.
“Uncle Frederick?” she gasped before her eyes narrowed, and she looked at him with a hint of suspicion. “What are you doing here?”
Thinking that his wife would probably advise him to be honest, Frederick said, “I came to speak to you.” Her dirt-stained face remained unreadable, and he thought that she would probably make a talented spy. Shaking his head at such an absurd thought, Frederick
sank into the hay beside her. “What are you doing up here?” The moment the words left his lips, his eyes caught the curled-up ball of fur beside her.
Lost in sleep, Pearl and her kittens looked completely at ease.
“I am watching over them,” Mathilda answered, a sense of importance ringing in her voice.
Frederick nodded. “What makes you think they need someone to watch over them?” He glanced around. “They seem quite safe here.”
Mathilda shrugged. “Everyone needs someone. Nowhere is truly safe. Bad things can always happen.”
As her words echoed in his head, Frederick remembered what his wife had told him, and he realised that she had been right. As young as Mathilda was, these few simple words showed that deep down she understood the ways of the world. She knew that happiness was not a constant. It could be lost. And while her young eyes clearly saw the dangers the world held, she was still deter-mined to do what she could to make it a safer place for those in her care.
Pride filled his heart. She was barely six years old, and yet, she already showed qualities that usually only came with age and experience.
Experience. Frederick mused.
Since the day her father had died, Mathilda had experienced many previously unknown emotions, and despite her young age, she had found a way to handle them. Deep down, Frederick envied her, knowing that he was far from such simple wisdom that his little niece possessed.
“What about you?” Frederick asked. “Who is watching over you?”
Eyes focused on her charges, Mathilda twirled a corn stalk between her fingers. “I’m not sure. Father used to.”
“Would he sit by your bed and watch you sleep?”
To Frederick’s surprise, Mathilda broke out laughing. However, when her charges began to stir, she reduced it to a slight chuckle.
Confused, but smiling at her nonetheless, Frederick said, “I haven’t seen you laughing like this in a long time. I like it.”