The Trooper Robots fell back, still firing, taking cover behind some nearby palm trees. Pressing home their advantage, the Revenge and the Wrangler followed them out of the fortress. Suddenly Hogzilla raced forwards from the rear of the convoy, screeching to a halt in front the gates. The Wrangler and Revenge were now cut off from the rest of the robots and surrounded by hostile Trooper Robots.
In the safety zone, Bubba turned angrily to Roadkill. “What the hell are you playing at?” he yelled.
Roadkill giggled drunkenly then blew Bubba a kiss. “Sorry, hillbillies, all’s fair in love and war.”
Unable to retreat, the Boston Wrangler and Redneck’s Revenge went on the offensive. A panel slid open from the top of the Wrangler and a metal tube extended out of its chassis. There was a sudden whoosh of compressed air and a baseball shot upwards. WHAM! The Wrangler’s bat slammed the ball into the head of an advancing Trooper Robot, sending its chrome face-plate spinning. WHAM! The Wrangler smashed a second ball squarely into the robot’s exposed microprocessor. With an explosion of sparks the Trooper went down.
“Would you look at that?” Stacey yelled excitedly. “Pow! The Wrangler’s batting average goes off the radar!”
The Wrangler pitched more baseballs into the air, clubbing them at the Trooper Robots with devastating accuracy. The Troopers retreated, now concentrating their laser fire on Redneck’s Revenge. The sheep shearing robot advanced towards them, the blades and shears in her chest cavity buzzing hungrily. The Trooper Robots kept out of her range, firing a steady volley of laser bolts. The front section of the Revenge’s chassis glowed orange and started to smoke.
“And the sheep shearing robot is taking terrible punishment!” exclaimed Stacey. “Could it all be over for Redneck’s Revenge?”
A hidden panel in the Revenge slid open and a tiny robot sheepdog scampered out. He ran fearlessly at the group of Troopers, barking shrilly, and the surprised robots scattered in all directions.
Stacey smiled at the comical sight of the robot dog taking on the might of the Toymaker’s forces. “And here comes Rover to the rescue…”
The Trooper leader swung round to get a clear shot at the robot sheepdog — stepping straight into the path of Redneck’s Revenge. The rubber lips of the Revenge puckered, clamping onto the chrome head of the Trooper and sucking it through the robot’s blade-lined chest cavity. The blades and shears exploded into action, blitzing the robot into shrapnel and silver dust.
The remaining Troopers turned their fire on the robot sheepdog, but he scampered back towards its parent robot, taking refuge inside the chassis, like it were a kennel. The dog re-emerged from a dog-flap on the other side of the Revenge and darted around the back of the trio of Troopers. He started gathering up the fallen baseballs, nosing them towards the three robots.
“That’s it Rover, fetch!” Stacey laughed.
A Trooper Robot turned in confusion, trying to aim its rifle at the dog darting back and forth. It slipped on one of the baseballs, overbalanced, and tumbled into the whirring jaws of Redneck’s Revenge.
The remaining two Troopers concentrated their fire on the Revenge and the twin laser beams penetrated through the robot’s casing, searing the delicate circuitry within. There was a muffled explosion from deep inside the belly of the robot and Redneck’s Revenge crashed to the ground, belching black smoke.
“And the Revenge is down and out!” cried Stacey.
The Boston Wrangler rejoined the battle, baseball bat swinging. It clubbed down the nearest Trooper, knocking the head clean off of its shoulders. The final Trooper spun round and blasted the Wrangler at close range before disappearing into the jungle.
Major Hacker called over to the competitors. “Prepare to move out. That Trooper could lead us to the Toymaker!”
This was the signal to everyone that the show would now leave the confines of the fortress into the jungle. Toby, Kennedy, Bubba and Billy-Bob ran to their respective robots, trying to get them operational again.
De Coza called over to Major Hacker, pointing at the charred remains of Redneck’s Revenge. “That thing classified as trash, Major?”
Without waiting for an answer, Dumpmaster stomped towards Redneck’s Revenge, its hinged jaw gnashing in anticipation. Bubba and Billy-Bob jumped aside just in the nick of time as Dumpmaster pounced onto the Revenge like a scavenger on a wounded animal. It ground down relentlessly, chewing and swallowing, expelling the remains into various recycling bins.
“Dumpmaster doing what Dumpmaster does best”, intoned Stacey. “Chew ’em up and spit ’em out.”
The robot sheepdog skirted forlornly around Dumpmaster, watching as the last of its parent robot was consumed. He slowly bowed his head, orphaned.
“Sorry Rover”, said Stacey. “Rust In Peace.”
Dumpmaster swallowed the final mouthful of Redneck’s Revenge with a satisfied belch, then stomped back to De Coza.
Major Hacker glanced at his watch. “Two minutes!” he yelled.
De Coza swarmed ape-like up the side of Dumpmaster, effortlessly climbing the massive robot like it was a children’s climbing frame. He perched himself on Dumpmaster’s mighty shoulders then started sifting through the robot’s recycling bins. He swiftly gathered up a handful of blades, pulled a portable drill from his tool belt and set about fitting the reclaimed weaponry to Dumpmaster.
Major Hacker checked his watch again. “One minute!”
Coach Kennedy had patched up the Boston Wrangler and now everyone was ready to leave apart from Toby and De Coza who were both working furiously on their robots.
Caitlin watched as Toby checked Eve’s circuitry for the umpteenth time. “I don’t know what’s the matter with her”, he muttered. “All her circuits look fine!” He snapped her inspection hatch in the back of her head shut and turned to face Eve. “Prepare for combat”, he ordered. Eve didn’t move. “Eve, prepare for combat!” Toby yelled desperately.
Caitlin gently patted Toby’s arm. “Come on, Toby, you’re going to have to accept it. Eve’s out of the competition.”
“Moving out!” Hacker yelled.
De Coza jumped off Dumpmaster and the robot stomped forwards, now the proud owner of a new set of fangs and claws. De Coza saw Toby still struggling to get Eve operational and sauntered over. “Girlfriend trouble?” he sneered.
Dumpmaster faithfully followed its master, towering over Eve, now looking more like a T. rex than a robot. Several camera drones swooped towards Eve and Dumpmaster facing each other and Stacey followed, recognizing a great David vs. Goliath shot when she saw one.
“Toby, do you think Eve ever had any hope of winning this competition?” she asked, pushing her microphone into Toby’s face.
“Of course”, said Toby angrily.
Major Hacker laughed and disparagingly kicked Eve, still annoyed with the robot for messing up the opening of the show. “Yeah? So any chance of showing us what your little lady here can actually do?”
Eve’s head slowly swivelled round and fixed Hacker with an icy stare.
A ripple of surprise ran through the competitors and production crew at seeing Eve move. “Looks like you’re going to get your demonstration, Bill”, murmured Stacey.
Eve took a tentative step towards Hacker, her gait stiff and ungainly like a suit of armour come to life. She took a second step towards him and the crew and competitors silently drew nearer, sensing something was about to happen.
In the control room, Marty and the production crew crowded excitedly around the monitors as Eve took another step forwards. The Show-Runner manipulated the control desk, zooming in on Eve as she stopped directly in front of Major Hacker.
A deathly hush fell upon the courtyard until the only audible sound was the faint whirring of Eve’s central processing unit as she calculated her next move. The whirring stopped and Hacker suddenly regretted kicking the robot, regretted it more than anything in his life.
The side of Eve’s hand slid back on itself, exposing a wicked-looking steel bla
de. And with one single vicious swipe she lopped off Major Hacker’s head.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
THUMPER!
There were a few seconds of shocked silence as no one could quite believe what they’d just seen.
Then all hell broke loose.
There was a sudden mad scramble to get away from Eve, competitors and production crew stumbling and falling in their haste. De Coza shoved aside Lloyd and Dale who in turn stumbled back into the damaged control panel of the Boston Wrangler.
The Wrangler immediately sprang into life and zeroed in on Lloyd and Dale, perceiving them as a threat. They dodged aside and the robot accelerated past them towards the main body of spectators that were gathered inside the courtyard. It ploughed into the packed mob, clubbing at cast and production crew indiscriminately like an enraged caveman. The crowd parted before it, screaming, pushing, shoving, then stampeded towards the open gates. The Wrangler swerved erratically cutting off their escape, then changed direction again, catching sight of Lloyd and Dale who were now running towards the competitors.
Caitlin saw that the deranged robot was heading straight for Toby and ran towards him, impatiently pushing past Typhoid Mary who was looking at the chaos around her with drunken bemusement.
“Toby!” she screamed.
Toby turned at the sound of Caitlin’s voice and saw the Wrangler beating a path towards him, smashing aside chairs, tables and lighting equipment. He backpedalled and tripped over a large metal crate, falling to the ground. The baseball bat came plummeting down towards his head and he rolled away. It whistled past him, smashing into the crate and buckling its lid.
There was a muffled explosion and the Wrangler was blown into the air, its bat spinning crazily like a helicopter rotor. It crashed to the ground upside down, its caterpillar tracks revving uselessly. The Wrangler’s burning bat struck the ground, somehow righting the robot, and then it was off again, zooming erratically around the courtyard.
Toby sat up, shell-shocked and deafened by the blast. He turned back to the burning crate and glimpsed movement through the billowing smoke. For a moment he had the confused impression the crate contained dozens of small children, the tops of their heads bobbing into view as if trying to see over the lip of the crate. Then he saw the word THUMPER stencilled on the side and realized what they were.
“Watch out”, he screamed, “that crate’s going to—”
The crate overturned, releasing 50 or so Thumper robots into the fortress courtyard. The robots pogoed in all directions like demented jack rabbits, landmines strapped to their backs. People ran back and forth, trying to dodge the Thumpers as they exploded around them.
Toby saw a Thumper bounding towards him and he scrambled out of its way, taking shelter inside the robot workshop wing. The Thumper bounced past him, rebounded off the robot statue without detonating, then zigzagged towards the gates.
Inside the gatehouse, Hinks saw the Thumper approaching and braced himself for the coming explosion. It abruptly changed direction, skimming past the gatehouse wall. It collided with the gate hinge on the perimeter wall and detonated on impact, totally destroying the electronic gate mechanism. The massive gates started to swing shut.
Lloyd and Dale reached the gates just as they crashed together, the hydraulic bolt sliding to. “Open the gates!” screamed Dale, as the crowd piled up behind them, crushing them against the gates.
Hinks stabbed his finger repeatedly on the gate operator. “It’s not working!” he yelled.
Inside the studio, Marty saw a wave of Thumper robots bouncing across the courtyard towards him. He watched, hypnotised, as they randomly formed a v-shaped formation like a flock of geese, hopping nearer and nearer.
Stacey’s panicked face abruptly blocked Marty’s view of the Thumpers. “Marty, the shutters!” she screamed.
Marty snapped out of his trance and slammed his fist against the shutter button on the studio wall. The steel doors started slowly grinding down towards the floor.
“Come on!” Marty muttered, his eyes flicking anxiously between the Thumpers lazily bouncing towards him and the shutter inexorably descending.
Stacey pulled Marty back into the studio, seeing the race between the closing shutter and the advancing Thumpers was a dead heat. The shutter hit the ground at exactly the same moment the first Thumper crossed the threshold. There was a brief whine of protest from the shutter-motor as it crushed down on the robot, swiftly followed by a terrific blast as the Thumper exploded, demolishing the entire shutter and the front section of the studio roof.
Marty, Stacey and several production crew members were thrown back by the blast. The swirling dust started to settle and Marty sat up, his face blackened and his hair singed but otherwise unharmed. He crawled over to Stacey who was doubled over in a fit of coughing.
“Are you okay?” Marty shouted.
Stacey didn’t answer, looking past Marty in terror. He turned and saw a column of Thumpers emerging through the billowing smoke, pogoing merrily towards them.
“Run!” Marty yelled.
He hauled Stacey to her feet and hand-in-hand they raced through of the smoke-filled studio. All around them people milled back and forth, trying to dodge the bouncing Thumpers, their panic and confusion intensified as the robots were programmed to move randomly and so were impossible to anticipate.
Another explosion rocked the building and a shrill inhuman scream rang out. Stacey turned and saw that the Show-Runner had taken a direct hit, its seated body sizzling and jerking like it was in an electric chair.
“Come on”, yelled Marty, dragging Stacey forwards, and she promptly tripped over a leather-clad figure lying on the ground. The man groaned and Stacey saw it was Hank Warfield, the actor playing the Toymaker. The entire left side of his costume was a smoking ruin, jagged chunks of shrapnel poking through the shredded leather. She ripped off his leather mask and saw his face was covered with blood.
“Hank? Hank, can you hear me?” she cried. Hank nodded weakly. “Hold onto me”, she instructed and hauled him to his feet.
“Got thumped…” Hank mumbled. “Thumper thumped me…” He crumpled backwards and Stacey caught him awkwardly.
“Help me with him!” she yelled to Marty, then saw that Marty was no longer there. She looked around wildly and realized he had been swept along by the crowd into the swirling smoke.
Stacey placed Hank’s arm around her shoulder and stumbled through the smoke-filled studio, her eyes searching for the illuminated EXIT sign. There was another distant explosion and the lights abruptly cut out, plunging the studio into darkness. Screams of alarm rang out from all around the studio. Stacey kept running and suddenly she found herself in the corridor and realized that the door and most of the interior wall had been blown away.
The smoke cleared and Stacey saw that a trio of Thumpers were clustered around the water cooler, bouncing aimlessly. Stacey warily circled the robots and headed down the corridor towards the holo-booth. She checked behind her and saw that one of the Thumpers had peeled off from the group and was now hopping after her.
Stacey started to run faster, half carrying, half-dragging Hank. She checked behind her again and saw the Thumper was now directly behind her, following her path. She changed course, swerving towards the holo-booth, and got a fleeting glimpse of someone taking shelter inside, huddled behind the chair.
Stacey turned back to the Thumper again at exactly the same moment it clipped the corner of the holo-booth. There was a deafening explosion, the blast sending the booth’s metal walls spinning end-to-end down the corridor.
Stacey clambered to her feet, miraculously uninjured apart from a gash to her forehead. Hank groaned and she stooped to hoist him up from the floor.
She froze, seeing a man’s hand poking from the shattered holo-booth carcass. Her eyes widened in horror as she recognized the gold Rolex watch on his wrist.
“Marty!” she screamed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
ATTACK OF THE GIANT ROBOT
Outside the main building, the Thumper robots had the run of the courtyard, free to bounce where the whim took them. Terrified production personnel lined the outer edges of the courtyard, hemmed in by the marauding monopods.
A Thumper bounded towards the bottleneck of people congregated at the south of the courtyard and the crowd surged backwards, compressing those nearest to the gates.
“We’re gonna get crushed to death if we stay here!” Dale gasped.
“You got any bright ideas, let’s hear ’em”, wheezed Lloyd, pushing desperately against the crowd.
Dale pointed at the gate bolt, 4 metres above them. “That bolt, you think maybe we can shift it?”
“Are you crazy, how are we gonna get up there?”
“Teamwork”, said Dale.
“Now you’re thinking”, said Lloyd approvingly, and prepared to hoist his massive bulk onto Dale’s shoulders.
“Not you! Me!”
“Oh. Right.”
Lloyd lowered himself and Dale scrambled up his back, planting his feet on either side of Lloyd’s neck. Lloyd slowly rose to his full height with Dale balanced unsteadily on his shoulders. They turned towards the gateway and Dale reached up for the bolt.
Something whizzed past Dale’s head and smashed against the steel gate. He wobbled precariously, grinding his foot against Lloyd’s ear.
“Hey what’s going on up there?” demanded Lloyd.
Another projectile exploded above Dale, showering him with glass fragments. “Someone’s chucking things at me!” he yelled indignantly. He turned and saw that the burning Boston Wrangler was zooming down the courtyard towards him, smashing its way through a cluster of camera-drones that had frozen in mid air like tiny satellites. “Oh no!” he moaned.
“What is it?” Lloyd cried, desperately trying to look past the sea of faces hemming them in. “What do you see?”
The crowd magically parted, revealing the Boston Wrangler barrelling towards him, its burning baseball bat resembling an Olympic torch, wafting figure-of-eight smoke trails. The bat swung through the air towards Lloyd and he dodged, only just managing to keep Dale on his shoulders. The robot’s bat struck the steel gate making it reverberate like a giant gong. Dale recoiled and his hand shot out desperately, making contact with the bolt. It slid open and Dale fell heavily against the gates, his body weight forcing them open. They both lost their balance and tumbled to the ground. They picked themselves up and saw the Wrangler was swerving around into a U-turn, preparing to make another pass at them.