“Wait, what?” That's all I could muster up to say because the situation had me confused. Looking around at the growing crowd, I turned around hoping the boy I thought was Robert hadn’t left so I could escape and we could just pick another spot to study.
Then I was nose to nose with Kelly Martin. She stood in front of me with her arms crossed and a huge smile spread across her face.
“Look, Kelly, if this is about the food thing, I’ll let you spill some on me and we can move on.”
“Don't act stupid, fatty. I have all your secrets right here.” She held up her hand containing computer paper and began reading. I just stood there in shock while my dislikes, my dreams, my fears were read out loud. Phones recorded and pictures captured my humiliation.
The room began spinning and I gasped for air. A large arm went around my waist, snapping me out of my haze. “I'll bet $50 that I bang this little virgin by spring break!” I was pulled into another set of arms. “No way dude, $100 says I bang her!” I slapped whoever he was and he let go. I tried to push my way through the crowd that cheered on the bets being thrown out. There were so many people and flashes kept blinding me.
Finally a security guard began yelling into a megaphone telling the crowd to break it up. I tried to follow the voice but arms kept coming around my waist and hands kept grabbing my butt. I screamed as loud as I could, “Just stop!” The security guard finally pushed through with Alissa right by his side. She ran up and hugged me. “Do not cry. Whatever you do, do not cry.” She kept whispering it over and over into my ear as she dragged me toward the exit.
We rushed past stores and customers made their way towards the entrances to see what all the commotion was about. Go back to shopping, people! Don’t pay any attention to the loser over here!
Once I got outside, Alissa led me to a bench and sat me down. I didn't know what to say. So many emotions ran through me and my mind couldn't decide which one to grab onto. Alissa knelt in front of me, looking straight into my eyes. “Talk to me. What the hell just happened?”
“I don't know.” I was being honest. I told her what the D.A.’s had said and about the papers Kelly had been reading from. Then it clicked. “There is no Robert Stratton. It was them. They tricked me. I let them trick me. I'm so stupid! How did I not see this coming? How could I let them do this to me?” I didn't think I was screaming, but I wasn't quiet either.
The exit door opened and out poured Kelly with the other D.A.’s. I wanted to run, but I stayed there frozen hoping they wouldn't see me if I didn’t move.
“Oh, look, there's the virgin.”
“Hey virgin, I just sent out the video to everyone I know!” Kelly’s voice sounded like someone running their fingernails down a chalkboard. “Just think of how many dates you'll get now!”
“Yeah, I almost feel sorry for you because you can’t help how ugly you are! Cover Girl can only cover so much, right?” Everyone laughed.
The flood-gates opened and I did exactly what Alissa told me not to do. Tears poured out as I sat there, unable to move. “Oh, cry baby virgin! Oh, how sad!”
“You’re such a loser!”
Alissa grabbed my arm and we walked away while they kept screaming at us throughout the parking lot. We jumped on a bus not even caring where it would take us. I just had to get out of there.
~*~
The bus drove off in the opposite direction from my house, but it didn't concern me. All I cared about was getting away from the mall. I concentrated on breathing to stop my body from shaking. My adrenaline always seemed to kick in full blast after being faced with stressful situations. All the good comebacks ran through my mind after the fact and I knew I would be thinking about what I should have done differently for days, if not weeks, to come. The only one that stood out right now was why the hell I’d gone in the first place.
“Instead of blaming yourself, you should be mad at those jerks,” Alissa said in a very calm voice. I didn't even bother denying my thoughts because she knew me all too well.
Calm down, Katherine. Watching all the people we passed going on with their normal lives made me even more agitated. I wished I could share my pain and humiliation so I didn't feel like I was the only one experiencing it.
After I was able to stop my body from shaking, it dawned on me that we were still traveling in the opposite direction of my house. “We should get off at the next stop and figure out how to get home.”
“We can just find the nearest coffee shop and I'll call my mom,” Alissa said, still calm. I could feel her staring at me but I was too ashamed to look back at her. I just nodded.
We walked into a Mom-and-Pop coffee shop and I went directly to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and dried off without looking in the mirror. I wasn’t ready to face myself yet.
I felt my cell phone vibrate in my back pocket and fear was the first thing I felt. Why can't everyone just leave me alone? It physically hurt to pull it out. I squinted at the screen through my burning eyes.
Mom: Just checking in.
Katherine: All is fine.
Mom: Glad I don’t have to worry. Love you.
If she only knew what her stupid daughter did, I don't think she would ever leave me alone again. There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Occupied. Be right out.” Time to face the world again.
Alissa was sitting at a small table for two ending her phone call. “My mom is on her way.”
“Did she get mad that we are nowhere close to the mall?”
“No, I told her I would fill her in later.” Alissa had a relationship with her parents that I envied. They trusted her and she had managed not to lose that trust. They had always supported her as well as her older brother, even when he decided to join the Army. They all sat down together for Sunday dinner and shared stories about their week. I couldn't remember the last time my mom and I sat down for a full meal together.
I finally had the nerve to look up at Alissa. She gave me half a smile and I could tell she was trying to find the right words. Finally she said, “So, I guess we won't be double-dating any time soon unless you want me to hook you up with one of Matt's friends?” I let out a nervous laugh, “Um, no. I don't think so.” She smiled and said, “You know, no one will even remember this in like a week, right?” She almost sounded convincing, but we both knew better. This stunt would follow me through the rest of my high school career.
Alissa's phone beeped after fifteen minutes of uncomfortable silence to let us know her mom was outside. I climbed into the back seat keeping my head down so her mom wouldn't see my broken expression.
“So, did you girls have fun?” Her mom always sounded happy.
“Oh, you know, just another drama-filled day in the lives of high schoolers!” Alissa tried to match her mom’s happy tone but it came out really sarcastic.
Taking her cue not to ask any more questions, her mom turned up the radio and hummed to the music the rest of the ride back to my place.
“Thank you so much for the ride, Mrs. Sullivan. I really appreciate it and hope we didn't pull you away from anything important.” I always tried to be polite even though she always told me to call her mom.
“You two pulled me away from my fictional book boyfriend but don't worry, he isn't going anywhere.” Alissa got her boy craziness from her mom. I just smiled.
“Hey, Mom, I'm going to hang out here until Kitty Kat’s mom gets home from work if that's okay?”
“Sure sweetheart, just text me when you're ready to come home. Oh, and thanks for texting me when you got to the mall safely,” she said sarcastically because Alissa always forgot.
“Sorry,” we both said in unison.
She just rolled her eyes. “Bye, ladies!” We both waved as she pulled away.
I felt better walking into my room until I saw my laptop. I stared at it and held myself back from throwing it out the window. Anger was setting in and I felt a panicky need to erase all things Robert Stratton.
“I'll make some coffee. You write do
wn all the authors you follow so we can re-friend them on your new Facebook account.” Alissa freaked me out sometimes the way she could read my mind.
A couple of minutes later, Alissa returned with two coffee cups and a half-eaten bag of chocolate kisses. I was still staring at my laptop scared to log in for fear of seeing some of the pictures taken of me at the mall. Alissa grabbed my laptop and sat down on the floor, motioning for me to sit down next to her. She opened it up and began reading off names of authors. I wrote them all down. After that she made some clicks, turned my laptop towards me and made me watch her click confirm to delete.
“Okay, time for a fresh start.” I just nodded in agreement but felt the tears wanting to fall because despite the treachery it had ended up being, I would miss the fake guy who’d become a very real friend to me. That got me thinking. “Who do you think that was in those pictures?”
“Who cares? I always thought you could do so much better, but I didn't say anything.” I rolled my eyes at her because I recalled her calling him a hottie at least once.
“I’m assuming we’re going to use a fake name?” Alissa looked at me for confirmation.
“Yes, and it needs to be Kat Bing.” I smiled thinking about my crush on Chandler Bing from the series Friends that my mom loved to watch on DVD when her day had been extra awful.
Alissa snapped her head up and gave me a very intense look. “Ummm, how are you going to explain to your mom what happened? Did you even tell her you were talking to Robert?”
“No, I did not tell her and no, I am not going to tell her anything,” I said before she had a chance to ask.
“Do you really think you should hide something like this from your mom? What happens if my mom talks to her about it?”
“Alissa, you better not tell your mom what happened! Do you have any idea what my mom would do to me if she found out?” I used my authoritative voice.
“Well, it's not like grounding you would teach you a lesson since you have no social life.” She flashed me her huge sarcastic grin.
“Let's just tell them both that I got so stressed out about midterms, I led you to the wrong bus to get us home?” It sounded better in my head.
She rolled her eyes. “What if they see the pictures or videos online?”
“Unless they frequent our classmates’ Facebook pictures, I highly doubt they will ever come across anything.”
“Alright, but Kitty Kat, you better pray to the God of Luck.”
“Oh, don't worry,” I sigh, “I'll just add him to my list.”
My text alert sounded, scaring us both. Alissa started laughing and said, “Ah, maybe that's him now!”
I looked down at the screen and opened a text from a number I didn't recognize. As I read it, I could feel my face turn red. Alissa grabbed my phone and read it out loud. “How about a date tomorrow night?” She texted back, reading it out loud to me before she sent it. “Who the hell is this and how did you get this number?” We both sat there staring at the phone waiting for a reply. One minute later the reply was a link to someone’s Facebook page.
“Hand me your laptop.” Alissa typed it in and seconds later went very pale.
“Do not show me. Just tell me how bad it is.” I began to feel bile rising up into my throat.
“Well, let's just say the betting is over five hundred and your phone number is written across the top of a picture of you.” She looked up at me, cringing.
“Do something! Take it down!” I started shouting out of panic.
“I can't take it down! The best I can do is report it.”
“Can't we call them or something?”
“Call who?”
“Facebook, Alissa, or someone! What the hell?”
As if on cue, my text alert went off again.
“It's never going to end, is it?” Tears started pooling in my eyes because I already knew the answer to my question. I opened the keyboard up and snapped the phone in half. “Walk with me to the dumpster?” Alissa just nodded and followed me outside.
“How are you going to explain this one to your mom since you can't get out of not telling her?”
“I'll say I lost it and I would feel more comfortable getting a new number.”
“Wow, Kat, the lies are just rolling off your tongue today. I would be impressed if I wasn't so worried for you.”
“I like Kat. A lot better than Kitty Kat. It suits me better. Let's stick with it.” I was desperate to change the subject.
“Alright, Kat it is, but whoever you decide to be, please promise to tell me the truth, no matter what.”
“I promise, Al.”
“I am in no way an Al.”
“I had to try.” I flashed a fake smile and hugged my best friend. My only friend.
~*~
A little luck was on my side because my mom bought the phone story. I felt bad for not telling her what happened but she had enough to worry about, or at least that's how I justified the lies. Alissa's mom must have bought the lie as well because she hadn't mentioned anything either.
School, however, had become my personal version of hell. Where I had been invisible just last week, now everyone was looking at me. The looks varied from person to person. Some were sad, as though they were embarrassed for me, but most were smirks. I found notes stuffed in my locker and boys passed me their phone numbers in the hallway. I didn't even look at what I was being passed, only holding it long enough to find the nearest trash can.
I met Alissa in our usual spot before we headed into the lunchroom.
“It's Friday, it's lunchtime, and we only have to get through half the day before spring break!” She seemed very excited even though I knew she didn't have anything fun planned besides sleeping in all week. She probably needed a break as much as I did from all the attention we’d been getting.
Alissa had been shooting down questions all week from guys inquiring how to get me to go out with them. I lost count of many guys she told to “kiss her ass.”
Matt had stayed by her side as much as possible and even “stood up for” me himself. Any time someone would approach me, he would protectively put his arm around my shoulder. He was so big, no one dared to say anything. He really is a nice guy.
“Hey! Hey, you!” I looked up at some girl dressed in black with black hair and black eyeliner. She was staring straight at me and I just stared back. Nothing about the girl screamed friendly.
“Yes, I'm talking to you, you little slut. You better stay away from my boyfriend or STDs won't be the only thing you have to worry about.”
I had no idea what to say so I just kept staring at her.
Matt spoke for me. “What makes you think she'd even talk to your boyfriend?” How does he stay so composed?
“Yeah, what the hell is your problem?” Alissa asked. Matt had to pull her back down as she tried to stand up. She ignored them, though.
“Don't play stupid. I saw him stuff a note in your locker and if you think for one second I'll lose him to your slutty ass, think again.” She turned and walked away leaving me still speechless. Her two friends greeted her with high fives and one of them flipped me off before walking away.
“Ummmm,” was all I could muster up.
“You know, what I don't understand is, everyone knows you're a virgin but now they're calling you a slut? How can a virgin be a slut?” Alissa laughed her nervous laugh and Matt just shrugged.
“Matt, what is the deal with guys wanting to be with a virgin?” He looked at her with an “oh shit” expression. “Don’t you boys have any self-respect? How about respect for girls?” She pushed Matt’s hand away and turned to face me. I appreciated her trying to take the attention off me, but my stomach started to gurgle.
“Are you okay, Kat?”
“I think I'm gonna be sick.” I grabbed my backpack and hurried towards the bathroom with Alissa right on my heels.
Chapter 5
Alissa
I followed Kat into the girl’s bathroom needing to make sure she
was okay but also to deter anyone from following her in to give her more grief. She slammed the stall door shut and began dry heaving.
“Kat, you need to calm down. Just breathe slowly.” The dry heaves turned into quiet sobs. The stalls were too small for me to crawl in with her so I settled for standing on the toilet in the stall next to hers, looking over the separator. It broke my heart to watch Kat leaning over the toilet on her knees. “I could tell you all day not to care about what others think, but I know you wouldn't listen. No one knows you like I do, so please trust me when I say, you are none of those things people are saying behind your back.” I was trying to sound sympathetic, but I was angry that I had to watch her go through this.
“I'm trying really hard not to care. I really want everyone to just leave me the hell alone. I'm so mad I let this happen,” she cried out, smacking her palm down on the toilet seat.
“Kat, you didn't do this, they did. You did nothing to deserve this bullshit.” I felt like going out there and punching something or someone.
“Being invisible was lonely sometimes, but I want that back,” she choked out, looking up at me with her blotchy face covered in terror.
“You know, we could get back at them somehow. Make them feel all the emotions you're feeling. Give them a taste of their own medicine.”
“Then what, Alissa?” she asked shaking her head. “There's no way to get them all back. If they found out it was us doing anything to them, they would just make our lives that much more a living hell.”
“It would make you feel better though. I know it would make me feel better.” I tried to smile at her, but I was just too angry.
“It wouldn't make me feel better being like them. It would make me feel worse knowing I sank down to their level.” Kat stood up, blew her nose one last time and walked out to face herself in the mirror. “Ugh. Well, at least I don't wear mascara,” she said with a small smile.
“You always try to be positive but you’ve got to remember that we don’t live in a perfect world, Kitty Kat.” I went to hug her but she stopped me.
She glared at me. “Don't think I won't pull out my Kung Fu if you call me that one more time.”
“Sorry.” She let me hug her until the bell rang.
~*~
I met Kat after school in our usual spot. I texted my mom to let her know we were going to be a little late because I wanted to talk to our guidance counselor.