CHAPTER IV.
AN INTELLECTUAL ADVENTURE.
A LITTLE affected by the vinous potations which had been so much anobject of anticipation with my companion, Tarleton and I were strollinghomeward when we perceived a remarkably tall man engaged in a contestwith a couple of watchmen. Watchmen were in all cases the especial andnatural enemies of the gallants in my young days; and no sooner did wesee the unequal contest than, drawing our swords with that true Englishvalour which makes all the quarrels of other people its own, we hastenedto the relief of the weaker party.
"Gentlemen," said the elder watchman, drawing back, "this is no commonbrawl; we have been shamefully beaten by this here madman, and for noearthly cause."
"Who ever did beat a watchman for any earthly cause, you rascal?" criedthe accused party, swinging his walking cane over the complainant's headwith a menacing air.
"Very true," cried Tarleton, coolly. "Seigneurs of the watch, you areboth made and paid to be beaten; _ergo_--you have no right to complain.Release this worthy cavalier, and depart elsewhere to make night hideouswith your voices."
"Come, come," quoth the younger Dogberry, who perceived a reinforcementapproaching, "move on, good people, and let us do our duty."
"Which," interrupted the elder watchman, "consists in taking thishulking swaggerer to the watchhouse."
"Thou speakest wisely, man of peace," said Tarleton; "defend thyself;"and without adding another word he ran the watchman through--not thebody but the coat; avoiding with great dexterity the corporeal substanceof the attacked party, and yet approaching it so closely as to givethe guardian of the streets very reasonable ground for apprehension. Nosooner did the watchman find the hilt strike against his breast, than heuttered a dismal cry and fell upon the pavement as if he had been shot.
"Now for thee, varlet," cried Tarleton, brandishing his rapier beforethe eyes of the other watchman, "tremble at the sword of Gideon."
"O Lord, O Lord!" ejaculated the terrified comrade of the fallen man,dropping on his knees, "for Heaven's sake, sir, have a care."
"What argument canst thou allege, thou screech-owl of the metropolis,that thou shouldst not share the same fate as thy brother owl?"
"Oh, sir!" cried the craven night-bird (a bit of a humourist in itsway), "because I have a nest and seven little owlets at home, and t'other owl is only a bachelor."
"Thou art an impudent thing to jest at us," said Tarleton; "but thy withas saved thee; rise."
At this moment two other watchmen came up.
"Gentlemen," said the tall stranger whom we had rescued, "we had betterfly."
Tarleton cast at him a contemptuous look, and placed himself in aposture of offence.
"Hark ye," said I, "let us effect an honourable peace. Messieurs thewatch, be it lawful for you to carry off the slain, and for us to claimthe prisoners."
But our new foes understood not a jest, and advanced upon us with aferocity which might really have terminated in a serious engagement, hadnot the tall stranger thrust his bulky form in front of the approachingbattalion, and cried out with a loud voice, "Zounds, my good fellows,what's all this for? If you take us up you will get broken headsto-night, and a few shillings perhaps to-morrow. If you leave us alone,you will have whole heads, and a guinea between you. Now, what say you?"
Well spoke Phaedra against the dangers of eloquence. The watchmen lookedat each other. "Why really, sir," said one, "what you say alters thecase very much; and if Dick here is not much hurt, I don't know what wemay say to the offer."
So saying, they raised the fallen watchman, who, after three or fourgrunts, began slowly to recover himself.
"Are you dead, Dick?" said the owl with seven owlets.
"I think I am," answered the other, groaning.
"Are you able to drink a pot of ale, Dick?" cried the tall stranger.
"I think I am," reiterated the dead man, very lack-a-daisically.And this answer satisfying his comrades, the articles of peace weresubscribed to.
Now, then, the tall stranger began searching his pockets with a mostconsequential air.
"Gad, so!" said he at last; "not in my breeches pocket!--well, itmust be in my waistcoat. No. Well, 'tis a strange thing--demme it is!Gentlemen, I have had the misfortune to leave my purse behind me: addto your other favours by lending me wherewithal to satisfy these honestmen."
And Tarleton lent him the guinea. The watchmen now retired, and we wereleft alone with our portly ally.
Placing his hand to his heart he made us half-a-dozen profound bows,returned us thanks for our assistance in some very courtly phrases, andrequested us to allow him to make our acquaintance. We exchanged cardsand departed on our several ways.
"I have met that gentleman before," said Tarleton. "Let us see what namehe pretends to. 'Fielding--Fielding;' ah, by the Lord, it is no less aperson! It is the great Fielding himself."
"Is Mr. Fielding, then, as elevated in fame as in stature?"
"What, is it possible that you have not yet heard of Beau Fielding,who bared his bosom at the theatre in order to attract the admiringcompassion of the female part of the audience?"
"What!" I cried, "the Duchess of Cleveland's Fielding?"
"The same; the best-looking fellow of his day! A sketch of his historyis in the 'Tatler,' under the name of 'Orlando the Fair.' He is terriblyfallen as to fortune since the day when he drove about in a car like asea-shell, with a dozen tall fellows, in the Austrian livery, black andyellow, running before and behind him. You know he claims relationshipto the house of Hapsburg. As for the present, he writes poems, makeslove, is still good-natured, humorous, and odd; is rather unhappilyaddicted to wine and borrowing, and rigidly keeps that oath of theCarthusians which never suffers them to carry any money about them."
"An acquaintance more likely to yield amusement than profit."
"Exactly so. He will favour you with a visit--to-morrow, perhaps, andyou will remember his propensities."
"Ah! who ever forgets a warning that relates to his purse!"
"True!" said Tarleton, sighing. "Alas! my guinea, thou and I have partedcompany forever! _vale, vale, inquit Iolas_!"