CHAPTER X.
ROYAL EXERTIONS FOR THE GOOD OF THE PEOPLE.
WHAT a singular scene was that private supper with the Regent of Franceand his _roues_! The party consisted of twenty: nine gentlemen of thecourt besides myself; four men of low rank and character, but admirablebuffoons; and six ladies, such ladies as the Duke loved best,--witty,lively, sarcastic, and good for nothing.
De Chatran accosted me.
"Je suis ravi, mon cher Monsieur Devereux," said he, gravely, "to seeyou in such excellent company: you must be a little surprised to findyourself here!"
"Not at all! every scene is worth one visit. He, my good MonsieurChatran, who goes to the House of Correction once is a philosopher: hewho goes twice is a rogue!"
"Thank you, Count, what am I then? I have been _here_ twenty times."
"Why, I will answer you with a story. The soul of a Jesuit one night,when its body was asleep, wandered down to the lower regions; Satancaught it, and was about to consign it to some appropriate place;the soul tried hard to excuse itself: you know what a cunning thing aJesuit's soul is! 'Monsieur Satan,' said the spirit; 'no king shouldpunish a traveller as he would a native. Upon my honour, I am merelyhere _en voyageur_.' 'Go then,' said Satan, and the soul flew back toits body. But the Jesuit died, and came to the lower regions a secondtime. He was brought before his Satanic majesty, and made the sameexcuse. 'No, no,' cried Beelzebub; 'once here is to be only _le diablevoyageur_; twice here, and you are _le diable tout de bon_.'"
"Ha! ha! ha!" said Chatran, laughing; "I then am the _diable tout debon_! 'tis well I _am no worse_; for we reckon the _roues_ a devilishdeal worse than the very worst of the devils,--but see, the Regentapproaches us."
And, leaving a very pretty and gay-looking lady, the Regent saunteredtowards us. It was in walking, by the by, that he lost all the graceof his mien. I don't know, however, that one wishes a great man to begraceful, so long as he's familiar.
"Aha, Monsieur Devereux!" said he, "we will give you some lessons incooking to-night; we shall show you how to provide for yourself in thatbarbarous country which you are about to visit. _Tout voyageur doit toutsavoir!_"
"Avery admirable saying; which leads me to understand that Monseigneurhas been a great traveller," said I.
"Ay, in all things and _all places_; eh, Count?" answered the Regent,smiling; "but," here he lowered his voice a little, "I have never yetlearned how you came so opportunely to our assistance that night. _Dieume damne_! but it reminds me of the old story of the two sisters meetingat a gallant's house. 'Oh, Sister, how came _you_ here?' said one, invirtuous amazement. '_Ciel! ma soeur_!' cries the other; 'what brought_you_?'"*
* The reader will remember a better version of this anecdote in one ofthe most popular of the English comedies.--ED.
"Monseigneur is pleasant," said I, laughing; "but a man does now andthen (though I own it is very seldom) do a good action, without havingpreviously resolved to commit a bad one!"
"I like your parenthesis," cried the Regent; "it reminds me of my friendSt. Simon, who thinks so ill of mankind that I asked him one day whetherit was possible for him to despise anything more than men? 'Yes,' saidhe, with a low bow, 'women!'"
"His experience," said I, glancing at the female part of the _coterie_,"was, I must own, likely to lead him to that opinion."
"None of your sarcasms, Monsieur," cried the Regent.
"'L'amusement est un des besoins de l'homme,' as I hear young Arouetvery pithily said the other day; and we owe gratitude to whomsoever itmay be that supplies that want. Now, you will agree with me that nonesupply it like women therefore we owe them gratitude; therefore we mustnot hear them abused. Logically proved, I think!"
"Yes, indeed," said I, "it is a pleasure to find they have so able anadvocate; and that your Highness can so well apply to yourself _both_the assertions in the motto of the great master of fortification,Vauban,--'I destroy, but I defend.'"
"Enough," said the Duke, gayly, "now to _our fortifzeations_;" and hemoved away towards the women; I followed the royal example, and soonfound myself seated next to a pretty and very small woman. We enteredinto conversation; and, when once begun, my fair companion took carethat it should not cease, without a miracle. By the goddess Facundia,what volumes of words issued from that little mouth! and on allsubjects too! church, state, law, politics, play-houses, lampoons, lace,liveries, kings, queens, _roturiers_, beggars, you would have thought,had you heard her, so vast was her confusion of all things, that chaoshad come again. Our royal host did not escape her. "You never beforesupped here _en famille_," said she,--"_mon Dieu_! it will do your heartgood to see how much the Regent will eat. He has such an appetite; youknow he never eats any dinner, in order to eat the more at supper. Yousee that little dark woman he is talking to?--well, she is Madame deParabere: he calls her his little black crow; was there ever such a petname? Can you guess why he likes her? Nay, never take the trouble ofthinking: I will tell you at once; simply because she eats and drinks somuch. _Parole d'honneur_, 'tis true. The Regent says he likes sympathyin all things! is it not droll? What a hideous old man is that Noce: hisface looks as if it had caught the rainbow. That impudent fellow Duboisscolded him for squeezing so many louis out of the good Regent. Theyellow creature attempted to deny the fact. 'Nay,' cried Dubois, 'youcannot contradict me: I see their very ghosts in your face.'"
While my companion was thus amusing herself, Noce, unconscious of herpanegyric on his personal attractions, joined us.
"Ah! my dear Noce," said the lady, most affectionately, "how well youare looking! I am delighted to see you."
"I do not doubt it," said Noce "for I have to inform you that yourpetition is granted; your husband will have the place."
"Oh, how eternally grateful I am to you!" cried the lady, in an ecstasy;"my poor, dear husband will be so rejoiced. I wish I had wings to fly tohim!"
The gallant Noce uttered a compliment; I thought myself _de trop_, andmoved away. I again encountered Chatran.
"I overheard your conversation with Madame la Marquise," said he,smiling: "she has a bitter tongue; has she not?"
"Very! how she abused the poor rogue Noce!"
"Yes, and yet he is her lover!"
"Her lover!--you astonish me: why, she seemed almost fond of herhusband; the tears came in her eyes when she spoke of him."
"She is fond of him!" said Chatran, dryly. "She loves the ground hetreads on: it is precisely for that reason she favours Noce; she isnever happy but when she is procuring something _pour son cher bonmari_. She goes to spend a week at Noce's country-house, and writes toher husband, with a pen dipped in her blood, saying, 'My _heart_ is withthee!'"
"Certainly," said I, "France is the land of enigmas; the sphynx musthave been a _Parisienne_. And when Jupiter made man, he made two naturesutterly distinct from one another. One was _Human nature_, and the other_French nature_!"
At this moment supper was announced. We all adjourned to anotherapartment, where to my great surprise I observed the cloth laid, thesideboard loaded, the wines ready, but nothing to eat on the table! AMadame de Savori, who was next me, noted my surprise.
"What astonishes you, Monsieur?"
"_Nothing_, Madame," said I; "that is, the absence of _all_ things."
"What! you expected to see supper?"
"I own my delusion: I did."
"It is not cooked yet!"
"Oh! well, I can wait!"
"And officiate too!" said the lady; "in a word, this is one of theRegent's cooking nights."
Scarcely had I received this explanation, before there was a generaladjournment to an inner apartment, where all the necessary articles ofcooking were ready to our hand.
"The Regent led the way, To light us to our prey,"
and, with an irresistible gravity and importance of demeanour, enteredupon the duties of _chef_. In a very short time we were all engaged.Nothing could exceed the zest with which every one seemed to enter intothe rites of the kitchen. You would have imagined th
ey had been bornscullions, they handled the _batterie de cuisine_ so naturally. As forme, I sought protection with Madame de Savori; and as, fortunately, shewas very deeply skilled in the science, she had occasion to employ me inmany minor avocations which her experience taught her would not be abovemy comprehension.
After we had spent a certain time in this dignified occupation, wereturned to the _salle a manger_. The attendants placed the dishes onthe table, and we all fell to. Whether out of self-love to their ownperformances, or complaisance to the performances of others, I cannotexactly say, but certain it is that all the guests acquitted themselves_a merveille_: you would not have imagined the Regent the only one whohad gone without dinner to eat the more at supper. Even that devotedwife to her _cher bon mari_, who had so severely dwelt upon the goodRegent's infirmity, occupied herself with an earnestness that would haveseemed almost wolf-like in a famished grenadier.
Very slight indeed was the conversation till the supper was nearly over;then the effects of the wine became more perceptible. The Regent was thefirst person who evinced that he had eaten sufficiently to be able totalk. Utterly dispensing with the slightest veil of reserve or royalty,he leaned over the table, and poured forth a whole tide of jests. Theguests then began to think it was indecorous to stuff themselvesany more, and, as well as they were able, they followed their host'sexample. But the most amusing personages were the buffoons: theymimicked and joked, and lampooned and lied, as if by inspiration. As thebottle circulated, and talk grew louder, the lampooning and the lyingwere not, however, confined to the buffoons. On the contrary, the bestborn and best bred people seemed to excel the most in those polite arts.Every person who boasted a fair name or a decent reputation at court wasseized, condemned, and mangled in an instant. And how elaborately thegood folks slandered! It was no hasty word and flippant repartee whichdid the business of the absent: there was a precision, a polish, alabour of malice, which showed that each person had brought so manyreputations already cut up. The good-natured convivialists differed fromall other backbiters that I have ever met, in the same manner as thetoads of Surinam differ from all other toads; namely, their venomousoffspring were not half formed, misshapen tadpoles of slander, butsprang at once into life,--well shaped and fully developed.
"_Chantons_!" cried the Regent, whose eyes, winking and rolling, gavetoken of his approaching state which equals the beggar to the king; "letus have a song. Noce, lift up thy voice, and let us hear what the Tokayhas put into thy head!"
Noce obeyed, and sang as men half drunk generally do sing.
"_O Ciel_!" whispered the malicious Savori, "what a hideous screech: onewould think he had _turned his face into a voice!_"
"_Bravissimo_!" cried the Duke, when his guest had ceased,--"what happypeople we are! Our doors are locked; not a soul can disturb us: we haveplenty of wine; we are going to get drunk; and we have all Paris toabuse! what were you saying of Marshal Villars, my little Parabere?"
And pounce went the little Parabere upon the unfortunate marshal.At last slander had a respite: nonsense began its reign; the fullinspiration descended upon the orgies; the good people lost the use oftheir faculties. Noise, clamour, uproar, broken bottles, falling chairs,and (I grieve to say) their occupants falling too,--conclude the sceneof the royal supper. Let us drop the curtain.