Jiyeon sat at her desk at the NIS building. After seeing off Tom, she knew she would not be able to sleep. She decided to go back to the office. She could sit next to her phone. Maybe Mr. Park would call with news when the mission was completed. Or maybe he would call Mr. Lee again and Mr. Lee could call her. Either way, it would be easier to sit here than at home she thought. Mr. Lee had strangely left right after seeing off Tom. He did not say where he was going.
She tried to get some real work done. She opened up an email. She read it. She did not understand what she read, so she read it again. Still nothing. Her mind kept floating away, thinking about what was quietly happening a few hundred miles north. Somehow her mind did this while it was reading.
She looked around the office. It was already quite late. The office was almost empty. Except for Mr. Kim, of course. Jiyeon stuck out her head and took a peek at him. He was sitting in his dark office. He was reading a document. His office’s blackness contrasted sharply to the well-lit hallway outside. Jiyeon kept staring.
What is he always reading?
She squinted her eyes to see if she could discern any of the papers on his desk. It was too dark in his office to make anything out.
Suddenly, Mr. Kim mechanically raised his head up. Jiyeon could see that he was looking straight at her. Her heart began to beat faster. His face was expressionless. He held his stare and did not look away. She could hear her heart beat.
What’s making me so nervous? He works in my group.
But he did not stop staring. Jiyeon gave in and put her head back down, pretending to read something on her desk. But her heart was still beating fast and she felt her face get warmer.
She decided to walk over to the kitchenette and get some water. Cold water can relax anyone she thought. She got up and started walking down the hallway, away from Mr. Kim’s dark office. She walked past rows of empty desks. Empty dark office after empty dark office flew past on her other side. She looked inside some of the offices and saw pictures of someone’s kids, all smiling. She thought it looked strange to see someone smiling in the dark.
Finally after what felt like a hundred steps, Jiyeon arrived at the kitchenette. It too was well lit. She grabbed a cup and filled it with cold water from the filter. As she tasted the cool water’s refreshing sensation, she thought about how Tom did not even have this luxury right now. She leaned against the refrigerator, her arms crossed while she held her cup. She was staring well past the wall in front of her. She wondered where Tom was. Was he crawling on the beach? Was he running through the forest? Was he stressed? Was he scared? She tried hard to picture what he would look like scared, but she could not do it. She did not know why she wanted to picture it anyway. She then thought about the other possibility. Was he – found? She forced down a sip of cold water.
Ugh, this is why I can’t sleep or work right now.
Her mind could not let it go. Even though something deep inside of her said that she would be hugging him tomorrow, wrapped in his big arms, she could not rid herself of these strange thoughts.
She slowly started walking back to her desk. The endless rows of empty desks stacked with paper looked like there had been a lot of work done in this office. She soon arrived at her desk and sat down. She looked at her computer screen and tried to focus. When she could not, she sat back in her chair and looked around the office again.
Suddenly she jumped up in her seat. Her heart sped up again and she could feel the blood pulsing through the left side of her neck. Mr. Kim’s office was empty. His jacket was gone. His bag was gone. He had left. Where did he go? She looked around. She could not see anybody walking around. But Mr. Kim is always here, she wondered.
Why did he stare at me and then leave so suddenly?