“Why have I introduced myself with such a fanfare?
“I’ve listened to all your talk, and I’ve heard all the arguments and all the doubts that some of you have been raising.
“I won’t hide anything from you. It is your kind of talk that is ruining this country. That kind of talk has its roots in communism. It is calculated to sadden our hearts and make us restless. Such words can lead us black people astray, and you know how deeply we believe in God and in Christianity. Kenya is a Christian country, and that’s why we are so blessed.
“First things first. This feast is not a Devil’s feast, and it has not been organized by Satan. This feast has been arranged by the Organization for Modern Theft and Robbery in Ilmorog to commemorate a visit by foreign guests from an organization for the thieves and robbers of the Western world, particularly from America, England, Germany, France, Italy, Sweden and Japan, called the International Organization of Thieves and Robbers.
“Secondly, our university students have become very conceited. They have now devised ways of discrediting theft and robbery even before they know what modern theft and robbery really is. These students are spreading the kind of talk I have just heard from Wangarĩ and Mũturi, namely, that theft and robbery should end.
“So I would like to say this: I am very sure that people can never be equal like teeth. Human nature has rejected equality. Even universal nature herself has rejected any absurd nonsense about equality. Just look at God’s Heaven. God sits on the throne. On his right side stands his only Son. On his left side stands the Holy Spirit. At his feet the angels sit. At the feet of the angels sit the saints. At the feet of the saints sit all the Disciples, and so on, one rank standing below another, until we come to the class of believers here on Earth. Hell is structured in the same way. The king of Hell is not the one who makes the fire, fetches the firewood and turns over the burning bodies. No. He leaves those chores to his angels, overseers, disciples and servants—”
“I say,” Mũturi interrupted him, “have you ever been to Heaven?”
“No.”
“Or Hell?”
“No.”
“So this picture you have sketched for us—where did you get it from? Isn’t a picture, like the shadow of a tree? Where is the tree itself?”
“If you look at this world, you’ll see for yourself that what I am saying is quite true,” Mwĩreri wa Mũkiraaĩ replied quickly. “Some people are tall; others are short. Some people are white; others are black. Some people lead a charmed life when it comes to matters of property; others have absolutely no luck, even with ten cents. Some are born lazy; others are born diligent. There are some who are VIPs by nature, natural managers of wealth, and others who are trash, natural destroyers of wealth. Some people know what civilization is; others have absolutely no idea. Some people know how to organize themselves; others can never take care of themselves. Some people, the majority, can only be dragged into modern society with a rope around their necks or a string through their noses, while others, the few, are born to do the pulling. There are two types of human being in every country: the manager and the managed, the one who grabs and the one who hopes for leftovers, the man who gives and the man who waits to receive.”
“Sir,” Wangarĩ interrupted him, “don’t you know that nothing lasts forever? Haven’t you heard what Gĩkũyũ said a long time ago, that he who used to dance can now only watch others doing it? And he who used to jump over the river can now only manage to wade through it? A pastoralist does not stay in one spot. Change, for the seeds in the gourd are not all of one kind!”
“I am talking about things that I have studied thoroughly,” Mwĩreri told Wangarĩ. “Let’s turn back to the question of business and economy and ask ourselves this: is theft and robbery a bad thing all the time, in all places, for all people?
“Believe me when I say that theft and robbery are the measure of a country’s progress. Because in order for theft and robbery to flourish, there must be things to be stolen. And in order that the robbed may acquire possessions to be stolen and still be left with a few, they must work harder to produce wealth. History shows us that there has never been any civilization that was not built on the foundations of theft and robbery. Where would America be today without theft and robbery? What about England? France? Germany? Japan? It’s theft and robbery that have made possible the development of the Western world. Let’s not be fooled by socialist cant. To banish theft and robbery from a country is to stifle progress.
“So I’ll finish by saying this: it’s fitting that property should be in the hands of the nation’s successful men, those born with the ability to manage wealth even in their sleep. Just imagine what would happen if a country fell into the hands of trash—the destroyers, the lazy, the idle, the wretched, those so feckless that they find it difficult to bend down to remove the jiggers on their toes, to kill the lice under their belts or even to frighten away fleas? Wouldn’t this be the same thing as throwing precious pearls to pigs, which will only trample the stones into the mud? Long ago the Mũcũng’wa dancers used to sing:
The dancer’s bell should be taken away from the weakling.
It should be given to the great hero.
“The question is: who are the modern heroes? We are—the people with money. It’s we who have proved that we can beat foreign thieves and robbers when it comes to grabbing money and property. Our eyes are now wide open, and we are able to see clearly that theft and robbery are the true foundation of modern progress and development. That’s why I myself attach great significance to the competition at Ilmorog, this competition that is being discredited by university kids. And that’s why I would like to ask all of you here to attend the competition tomorrow to see for yourselves. And if any of us feels like entering the field to compete and to demonstrate his skills, he should feel free to do so. I personally believe in the democratic principle that states that he who is able to grab should be allowed to grab. You allow me to grab, and I allow you to grab. You grab, and I grab, and we’ll see who beats whom at the game. Those who can bite should meet in the open to dispel all doubts about who has the sharpest teeth. But we should all stop this business of destroying other people’s happiness by clandestine means. Throw away those fake cards printed by the university students, and I’ll provide you with proper ones.”
Mwĩreri wa Mũkiraaĩ paused. He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his face and then his nose. As for the other passengers, they were quite quiet, as if they could not believe the evidence of their ears.
Wangarĩ was the first to rouse herself out of the general stupefaction. “It is quite true that the pain in the heart doesn’t kill! You really dare to call us ‘trash’? You shamelessly call us peasants and workers ‘pigs’? You claim that we should be robbed of the pearls of our land? Who cultivates those pearls? He who sows and reaps, he who eats what others have grown—which of the two is the lazy one? Of the two, which produces the brightest pearls of the land?”
“You!” Mũturi added. “You are very highly educated. But let me tell you this. When a monkey is robbed of its young, a mouthful of food is given it in return. But you people go too far. You rob us of the produce of our own hands, and you don’t throw us even a small portion. You dam the river above us, so that not a drop of water gets through to us below. God never has a chance to see how strong your thighs are. I’ve heard it said that the Earth spins constantly and never rests at any one spot. Life is the circulation of the blood; death is the blood clogged in the veins. Life is the heart beating; death is the heart stilled. We know that a baby in its mother’s womb will not be still-born when it plays inside her and moves about. You! Something new may appear at dawn that was not there the night before. Don’t despise the masses. The Iregi generation is still alive and rebellious. What did the Singer say the other day? That you people had better take care—it’s we who were there with Kĩmaathi.”
Mwĩreri wa
Mũkiraaĩ did not pay much heed to Wangarĩ’s and Mũturi’s outburst. He raised his voice a little, and he began to talk as if he were at the altar, preaching to a multitude with the Bible open before him.
“Why are you so amazed?” Mwĩreri wa Mũkiraaĩ began. “Haven’t you read the Book of God, the Book of Everlasting Life, brought to us by the missionaries? And haven’t all these things been prophesied in that Bible? I say: he who has eyes, let him see, and he who has ears, let him hear. . . .”
Jacinta Warĩĩnga, Gatuĩria, Mwaũra, Mũturi and Wangarĩ leaned forward so they would not miss a single word. Matatũ Matata Matamu Model T Ford, registration number MMM 333, was like a church; the passengers were deaf to the noise of the vehicle as it waddled along the TransAfrican Highway, bearing them toward Ilmorog, the seat of the great competition in modern theft and robbery.
Mũturi heard the rustle of a piece of paper at his feet. He bent down, picked it up, put it in his pocket and went on listening.
Mwĩreri wa Mũkiraaĩ lowered his voice. He spoke gently, in a slow, soft voice, as if he were singing a lullaby to send their souls and minds to sleep. . . .
“. . . For the Kingdom of Heaven is as a man traveling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one. . . .”
CHAPTER FOUR
1
. . . For the Kingdom of Earthly Wiles can be likened unto a ruler who foresaw that the day would come when he would be thrown out of a certain country by the masses and their guerrilla freedom fighters. He was much troubled in his heart, trying to determine ways of protecting all the property he had accumulated in that country and also ways of maintaining his rule over the natives by other means. He asked himself: What shall I do, seeing that these people over whom I have always lorded are now about to expel me from these plantations and factories that I have taken from them? I can no longer cultivate the fields; I can no longer work with my hands. And if I wait until I am clubbed and gunned out of the country, I will live forever in shame because of all the hair-raising stories I have told them about the invincible might of my armored cars and bombs, and because I have always tried to show them that the white race can never be dominated by the black race. And when the guerrillas win, and they seize the key to the country, I shall never be able to repossess these plantations and industries. This tea, this rice, this cotton, this coffee, these precious stones, these hotels, these shops, these factories, these fruits of their precious sweat—these and more shall be lost unto me. But now I know what I shall do, so that when eventually I go back to my own country through the front door, I shall be able to return here through the back door, and I shall be well received, and I shall be able to plant seeds that will take root more firmly than the ones I planted before.
He called his loyalist slaves and servants to him. He taught them all the earthly wiles he knew, and especially the trick of sprinkling theft and robbery with the sweetest-smelling perfumes, and the trick of wrapping poison in sugar-coated leaves, and many tricks for dividing the country’s workers and peasants through bribery and appeals to tribe and religion. When he had finished, he informed them that he was about to leave for his home overseas.
When they heard that their lord and master was about to leave, the loyalist slaves and servants rent their clothes and smeared their bodies with ashes, and they knelt down and cried: “How can you go away and leave us here, mere orphans, when you know full well how we have persecuted the masses and have perpetrated many other crimes in your name? Did you not vow that you would never leave this land? How can you now leave us to the mercy of the nationalist guerrillas?”
And the lord, their master, told them: “Are you possessed of so little faith? Let not your hearts be troubled, for you must trust in the God I have taught you to know, and you should also trust in me, the interpreter of his Will. I have many ways of fulfilling my wishes in this land. If that were not so, I would have told you, so that you would have had time to flee or to find ropes to hang yourselves with before you are caught by the patriots. But what I wish to do now is to prepare positions of leadership for you, and to add a little more to the crumbs that you have been gathering from my table. And later I shall return with lots of money and many banks, and I shall also bring you more armored cars and guns and bombs and airplanes, so that I shall be with you and you with me, so that we may love one another always and eat together, I sating myself on choice dishes, and you collecting up the precious remains.”
And it came to pass that as the ruler was about to return to his home abroad, he again called together all his servants and gave them the key to the land, telling them: “The patriotic guerrillas and the masses of this country will now be deceived, because you are all black, as they are, and they will chant: ‘See, now our own black people have the key to our country; see, now our own black people hold the steering wheel. What were we fighting for if not this? Let us now put down our arms, and sing hymns of praise to our black lords.’”
Then he gave them his property and goods to look after and even to increase and multiply. To one he gave capital amounting to 500,000 shillings, to another 200,000 shillings, and to another, 100,000 shillings, to every servant according to how loyally he had served his master, and followed his faith, and shared his outlook. And so the lord went away, leaving by the front door.
And the servant who had received 500,000 shillings immediately set out and bought things cheaply from the rural peasants, and sold them to the urban workers at a higher price, and in this way made a profit of 500,000 shillings. And the one who had received 200,000 shillings did the same: he bought cheaply from producers, and sold dearly to consumers, and so he made a profit of 200,000 shillings.
But he who had received only 100,000 shillings thought he was clever, and he reviewed his life and that of the masses of the land, and that of the master who had just left for a foreign country. And he began to talk to himself, saying: This lord and master has always bragged that he alone developed this country with the aid of the small amount of money that he came with, shouting, “Capital! Capital!” Now let me see whether capital will yield profit without being watered with the sweat of the worker, or buying cheap the labor of the peasant and worker. If it produces profit by itself, then I shall know beyond all doubt that it is money that develops a country. So he went, and he put the 100,000 shillings in a tin, and covered it well, and then dug a hole by a banana plant, and buried the tin there.
And it came to pass that before many days had elapsed, the lord came back to that country, through the back door, to check on the property he had left behind. He called his servants to account for the property and the money that he had given to each.
And the one who had been given 500,000 shillings came and said: “My lord and master, you left me with capital of 500,000 shillings. I have doubled it.” And the lord was truly amazed, and he exclaimed, “100 percent profit? A fantastic rate of profit. You have done well, you good and faithful servant. You have proved that you can be trusted with a little property. I shall now make you an overseer of many enterprises. Come and share in your lord’s happiness and prosperity. I shall make you managing director of the local branches of my banks here and I shall appoint you a director of certain companies. You will also acquire a few shares in the same companies. From today I shall not let my face be too visible. You will represent me in this country.”
And the one who had been given 200,000 shillings came and told his master: “My lord and master, you left me with 200,000 shillings. Behold, your capital has yielded another 200,000 shillings.” And the lord spoke and said: “Wonderful, this is really wonderful: such a rising rate of profit! A stable country for investment. You have done well, you good and faithful servant. You have proved that you can be trusted with a little property, so now I shall make you an overseer of many enterprises. Share in the happiness and prosperity of your master. I shall make you
a sales director of the local branches of my insurance houses, and a director of the local branches of my industries, and a director of many other companies that I shall show you. You too will also acquire a few token shares. From today I shall hide my face. I shall stay behind the scenes, and you will stand at the door and at the windows, so that it is your face that will always be visible. You will be the watchdog of my investments in your country.”
And the one who had been given 100,000 shillings stepped forward and told his master: “You, lord and master, member of the white race, I have discovered your tricks! I have also discovered your real name. Imperialist, that’s your real name, and you are a cruel master. Why? Because you reap where you have never sown. You grab things over which you have never shed any sweat. You have appointed yourself the distributor of things which you have never helped to produce. Why? Just because you are the owner of capital. And so I went and buried your money in the ground to see if your money would yield anything without being fertilized by my sweat or that of any other man. Behold, here is your 100,000 shillings, exactly as you left it. I now give you back your capital. Count it and check that not a single cent is missing. The most remarkable thing was this: my own sweat provided me with food to eat, water to drink and a shelter in which to sleep. Ha! I’ll never kneel down before the lifeless god of capital again. I will be a slave no more. My eyes have now been opened. If today I joined hands with all the others who have opted to be masters over their own sweat, there would be no limit to the wealth we could produce for our people and country.”
The master looked at him with much bitterness in his eyes, with much pain in his heart. Then he spoke to him: “You bad, unfaithful and lazy servant, member of a rebellious clan! Could you not have put the money into a bank or left it in the hands of those who trade in money, so that on coming back I would reap just a little interest? Do you know how it hurts me to find that you buried my capital in a grave, like a corpse? And who has revealed the secret of my name? Who has advised you to reject me, just because I reap where I have never sown and profit by things over which I have never shed any sweat? Who has told you that harvesting and husbandry is not hard work? No! You black people are incapable of such rebellious thoughts! No! You black people are incapable of planning and working out ways of cutting the ropes that tie you to your masters. You must therefore have been misled by communists. You must have got those dangerous thoughts from the party of the workers and peasants. Yes, your mind is poisoned with communist notions. Communism. . . . You have become a real threat to the peace and stability that used to exist in this country for me and my local representatives, the local guardians of my property. Now you are going to feel the heat of such a fire as will make you forget my real name forever. Arrest him, now, before he spreads these poisonous thoughts to other workers and peasants, and teaches them that the power of organized unity is stronger than all my bombs and armored vehicles! Take away even the little that he has, and divide it among yourselves. For unto the man of property more will be given, but from the poor man will be taken even the little that he has kept in reserve. That is the most important of all my commandments. What are you people waiting for? Go and get the police and the military to arrest this fellow, who has had the audacity to reject slavery. Throw him into jail or into everlasting darkness, so that his family will harvest only tears and the gnashing of teeth!