Chapter 6
Together, but far
At the beginning of the new millennium I have become convinced that my life had to change, think about everything that had happened, it was just the worst way to lead.
I often repeated "I will not continue to wonder how it would be" I had to react. One day, flipping through a magazine I read that organized a trip to the places diamonds and I did not think much to book me. I did not know how I would have done with Eleana, but I was certain that I would not have sold.
In the evening, I came home; I was ready to face it. I said "Eleana I booked a trip." She looked at me with dead eyes and terrified as I had taken off the air. I was expecting a furious reaction laden with accusations of "you and all, I misunderstood" after a pause that seemed interminable, told me: "What do you want, go ahead, I beg off you." I did not know whether to exult or feel selfish, but I accepted and I did not repeat myself. I promised that I would return in time for his birthday.
The next day I came back I brought a beautiful brooch of emeralds which she enjoyed very much and told me that he would wear again. I had asked if I brought home the gems that I bought and I have been content with pleasure. It seemed to me that our remoteness had done well. When he returned, I showed the corundum variety sapphire blue cornflower and said to her: "The absolute best coloration is called Kashmir blue" when I realized that I did not listen. "Why are you laughing?" I said, and she replied: "It makes me laugh to think that you went up there just for the stones, I'm a lucky woman."
I found it ironic and thought it be separated for a while had done well. To me the distance from her and the proximity to the gems I had a great time. I felt re-established the old balance, one enclosed in my creative world in which no one and had no problem ever allowed to enter.
The next day I went to the jewelry store, I was heartened clear and I worked, even though I had a lot of back and had to prepare a sample of triptychs of my realization to bring to the show. In the evening I came home I thought maybe I would Eleana greeted with a hug as he had not for a long time. I could see the lights on the driveway of his room and hope was fading, but I decided to go up, to pull it out of that damn place that had become her refuge for not cope with life.
I was on the door. "Ele, I'm back" I said, feeling the air its fragrance of sea foam, but got no answer. I opened the door with the intention of putting into practice what I had thought a little earlier, and I approached her, but she was not there, it was on the floor, wrapped in pink shirt, with a bleached face and unkempt hair that went up the neck to neck. I remained stuck sitting on the edge of the bed, with her eyes wide open.
I looked at the sleeping pills on the night table and I thought the worst. I was not able to touch her. I rushed to the phone and I called Verter. He assured me that the rescue would have been timely. "Meanwhile - he said- raise and stick your fingers down your throat," but I was in total panic. "I cannot" I said. He shouted: "Silvio listen, do as I say!", but here I was full of fear that prevented me from moving and I was completely stiff.
Verter came and practiced an injection. For a few seconds, I saw Eleana lift the eyelids. His eyes stared at me, I saw again those of his father on the day that I found in my shop and a thick across his chest, and I went up to the neck. Then the ambulance carried away and I remained without understanding what was happening to me.
The metallic click of the medical bag made me wince. "Are you okay?" I asked in a low voice Verter pressing my shoulder. "Forgive me if I have not been able to do anything" I said. "You have only to say to her, not me," he said as facing an issue on which he did not want to come back. "It will save?" I said, my question resonated in the hall as a cry for help more geared to my consciousness that his state of health. "Gastric lavage put it back" he said.
I slipped my hands in my pocket that I could not calm down by the quake but I think he realized perfectly well that I was very dizzy. "I did not expect this" I said. "It certainly was not his intention" he said and had the exact expression as if to say that he was ready to listen to me if I wanted to. We sat down and I explained to him, and that I had not confided in him because she had authorized me to do so. "Make sure you get her to be cured, if the clinic to send me, I have a great specialist in these cases" he said. "Now excuse me, I must go."
He crossed the room in silence. On the front door, he hugged me. I started making mental order, to tell me that I did because of a physical illness, but this invisible evil that had befallen Eleana I do not know how to explain. I thought that until that moment I had considered her as a childish tantrum that could solve with a little good will.
Many times I even believed that it was busy out of spite. Such a gesture by Eleana did not expect it. For the first time after years of marriage, I had the distinct feeling of not knowing who I was before. I was worried but also affected as if she had betrayed my trust. I dozed off a little, wondering why he had done.
On his return home I had to prepare a special dinner. I remembered it was fulfilled in me that every object was linked to a memory of a happy event lived with his family, and I was asked to set the table with everything she used for parties. In the evening, at the table, I saw quite serene.
I asked: "Have you rested this night?" "Pretty well" he said moving his fingers among the flowers tablecloth embroidered by her grandmother. I took time, I turned my head starts embroidered 'So here we are the two of us, together, a delicious dinner'; phrases 'sorry if I was insensitive', but it all ended with "you have to treat," and in the meantime we had reached the sweet. I was made to prepare Neapolitan pastries, a Babà. I was advised that it was soaked with rum and good according to the recipe that he had left his mother, she always said that imitation is recognized by icing poor.
I wanted to hear it again, instead, told me: "There's rum, I would not interfere with the drugs." I left in the dish too sweet and I could not help myself: "It's true that you were not going?" She looked at me with eyes of wonder. "How can you think of such a thing" he said with an expression of regret, "do not know me at all, you do not know how much I respect and love life." I was getting worried and annoyed to have her in that way I would not have achieved my purpose. "All right, come on, let's leave" I said and I turned around to look elsewhere, but instead she went on as if I had not even spoken. "My suffering is the consequence of having experienced very serious and not to accept what is irreversible," she said and looked at his plate. I thought it would have started to give me the count of all the terrible events that had lived, one after the other. I listened and chest muscles were burning, I wanted to get up and get out, but I did not. Then she said: " You do not know how many times I woke up in the morning wondering about for which I was still alive" and she wiped his eyes. "You do not know what it means to realize just denying feel good, everything happened so fast."
I could hear her getting excited and I was worried, but I did not dare stop. My thoughts were adjusting to his emotions and I knew that I would not have achieved my purpose. "You know what it means to me to have no more roots, it is no longer I." "Okay," I said "I do not mean to make you shake."She remained silent a moment, then said: "I could not rest that night, there were three nights I did not sleep even for an hour , came to mind many unpleasant things, so many requests for help go empty, so many people to which I gave love and I know now that did not deserve it."
I looked at her. I said "Hey, are you crying?" "You have to know that I did not remember of having taken and when I realized, I was already out of energy" he said. I approached her and kissed her on the forehead, I realized that it was sweaty. I said: "You made me scare you know?" "I know, but it was a distraction," he said. I said, "I think it's important to talk with a specialist." She looked at me. "I do not think it is so easy to get out, I'll probably have to get used to ward off panic attacks all my life" he said, shaking his head. "Verter cares about your situation" I said and I was expecting a harsh rejection. "I'll try, if it makes you feel better" he said as he stood up from the table.
<
br /> A week later she came into the clinic and I felt relieved. She had greeted me and told me that I should not worry if for the time of therapy, I was forbidden to visit her, so she would be back home soon. I had the smile convinced, but my confidence has not withstood the first week. I was in an empty house, emptied of my affections, at the mercy of events. I no longer had control of the situation, and for me it was a necessity. I never found it so threatened in my certainties. I realized that without her I did not have a home.
Four weeks after admission Eleana, Stephanie appeared in jewelry store. I was expecting a request for any occasion. "I went to see how you are" he said, greeting me with a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks" I said. I was amazed at her attention. She sat in the chair, crossing his long legs, running a hand through his hair straight and blond. "I am relaxed, I thought that I needed help" he said. I never confided in her that I felt Eleana without hovering. I was tempted to ask her: "Do you think you will talk to her?", but did not succeed. "You are well" I said with a polite gesture approaching. His blue eyes stood out in the lights of the glass wall as he looked around. "In the window I see the news" he said and showed my latest creation.
Then he began to talk about Verter, the fact that for a long time did not receive gifts from him. I pretended to be neutral and detached hearing officer while I was not at all. She kept talking to me and said "I know who is on duty with which it is traveling right now" and began to vent his constant betrayals. I was unable and without courage and pretended not to know when in fact the behavior of my friend did not even I shared. She spoke me and warmed and spreading the same scent in the air that I had given to Eleana, but she refused, saying that he had caused her severe headaches. I thought at this point was appropriate change the subject.
"What is this delicious fragrance you're wearing?" I said. She is approached by bending her head a little to one side and lifted the blonde hair and showed me the neck inviting me to smell it. "Like this?" she said me and while she felt like my latest creation, a diamond choker whites and blacks, and I laced him and saw that he was about her that was a marvel. "Why tonight not to lend it to me?" she said, and she looked in the mirror. I've always considered a beautiful woman, and frankly I never explained why Verter acted that way with her.
"We have dinner together?" she said and put me in the position of having to choose between the precious and let them keep the rudeness to refuse the invitation. I thought that his behavior was anger toward her husband, of course it was a novelty for me and I felt quite embarrassed. I told myself that as we were friends I would not have left my precious and have some fun it would help me chase the gloom. I accepted.
Dinner at the restaurant in the city was great as his presence. We finished late. "I'll walk," I said. "It's still early" she replied. I do not know why I said, "What do you think if we get into the house?" perhaps, for the reason that I was tired to go home and feel lonely, or simply because the presence of her was beginning to like it.
I drove and I could not hold a conversation. Until that time only Eleana I was sitting next to me and already regretted the proposal, but she put a hand lightly on my neck. She said: "Ah, do not worry, I have no intention to embarrass you" and I fed the driveway of the villa and I went over shame at the thought that I passed the threshold of the house accompanied by another woman who was not Eleana.
We walked into the living room and I offered her a drink. She sipped from the cup and looked around. "I'd like to use the hot tub in your pool" she said. I counseled her.
The next morning, while I was in jewelry, Eleana called me who had resigned and that he was returning home in a taxi. I tried and tried to get her to come to me before, but to no avail, she had too much desire to go through his things and I thought that the housekeeper would not arrive in the late morning. I threw the phone on the floor and I hastily put the customer at the door surprise, and I hurried down to the store's gate.
I drove the car zigzagging, among pedestrians and people on bicycles, it was left in a brush close to balance, I saw myself a sweeping gesture and felt a colorful exclamation, I thought it was not necessary to me, I was already saying to me. Then I caught the rearview mirror to alert you pinned my plate, thanks to the bus stop which prevented me from overtaking. At last I climbed into the house, but the last corner I had to swerve and break suddenly when suddenly I found myself in front of the car Eleana.
I went to the side, just for a moment, his eyes crossed but there reading my written words unpronounceable. I went into the living room and saw that Eleana had vented his anger by reducing shatter the glass table. I had not left no doubt among the flashy trace of lipstick on one of the cups, my bathrobe on the floor beside the couch, and above, creased and a half tucked between the cushions, the pink of her that I had lent recklessly in Stephanie.
I threw myself on the couch, sank his face into the pillow, but I could still feel the smell of Stephanie and I shot up and threw it away. Among the fragments of glass I saw his gold wedding ring. I was crying with rage. I shook his faith in his hands and gave me stupid.
Yet nothing had happened, I could never betray Eleana, not even my dear friend and I wondered why Verter Eleana would have to believe me.
***