Chapter 22: 1st to 3rd August.
Saturday 1st August.
I was woken at around 8:30 am with Dad knocking on the door.
“Brian, you’d better get up, son.”
“Okay.” I called shaking the sleep from my mind.
As I got up to dress the sadness and confusion I had felt last night mysteriously left me - leaving me strangely cheery.
The sun shone brightly and birds sang merrily outside as I reached the dining table to devour a cooked breakfast, still smiling much to the bemusement of my parents who stared at me oddly.
This strange cheeriness remained with me until we arrived at the church for Tracey’s funeral mingling with all Tony’s family as they assembled.
“George.” I called recognising Aunt Maisie’s husband,
“Could you organise Tony’s closest relatives to be poll-bearers, please?”
“Sure, No problem.” he confirmed as Rachel’s bright red sports car turned into the car park containing Rachel, Melanie and Lynda followed by Sarah’s father’s light blue saloon containing Sarah, Marcie, Jaclyn and Debbie.
As they all, dressed sombrely in black dresses and suits, disembarked I joined Mum and Dad announcing. “I would like you to meet my friends from the ‘Far East’.” and introduced each one who shook my parents hands saying “Hi.”
They all looked their usual selves, except Debbie who looked visibly shaken with emotion,
I figured Marcie must have told them why Tracey was on her way to see me last Wednesday.
Throughout the requiem mass quite a few people sobbed and sniffled openly as Father Brennan led us in a very moving service.
Most people’s tears were drowned out by Debbie, whose wailing reached a crescendo when the priest announced;
“It is all the more distressing to learn that this young girl was with child when she met with her tragic accident.”
I couldn’t bear to see Debbie in such distress.
I moved from where Mum, Dad and Doreen stood, crossing the aisle to where Debbie was being comforted between Marcie and Rachel and fighting my way past a tearful Lynda, a solemn Melanie and a distressed Rachel I gathered Debbie into my arms to hug her tightly.
“I’ve never seen her like this before,” Marcie sighed, “she’s been like this since last night.”
“Debbie,” I whispered, “You told me on Wednesday that you would be strong for me.”
“I’ll try.” She mumbled as I kissed her sodden cheeks and held her close to me until the ceremony finished when I passed her back to Marcie and made my way to bear the coffin to the waiting hearse outside.
After we had lowered Tracey into her plot I mingled with my girls thanking them for coming, paying particular attention to Debbie who was sitting on a bench seat in Marcie’s arms as she looked completely at a loss for any words of comfort.
“Thanks for coming.” I whispered hugging Rachel and Melanie, who never left each other’s side throughout the whole day.
“That’s okay,” Rachel replied, “we had to show you how much we all felt for you in your hour of need.
You are one of the family now and your loss is our loss.
We were lucky Sarah’s father gave her the car for the day as we wouldn’t all have squeezed into my wee buggy - also we’ve got a gig in Glasgow tonight so we had to come through today anyway.”
Melanie added softly, “I sure hope Debbie will be okay.”
We all looked with concern at Debbie who had calmed down a lot, but still wept in Marcie’s arms as someone called from behind me,
“Brian, Tony would like a word, Okay?”
“Oh sure.” I called back before asking Rachel to wait for a while longer then I made my way towards where Tony and Catherine were being comforted by relatives.
“Please, thank your friends for coming.” Tony whispered hoarsely as I hugged him.
“Tell me,” he asked as I hugged Catherine, “Who is that girl over there?”
“That’s Debbie Campbell, a very good friend of mine.”
Catherine recognised the name. “She was to have been one of the bridesmaids?”
“That’s right.” I replied.
“We’ve never seen her before,” Tony added, “had they known each other long?”
“Only about six months,” I answered, “since I moved to Edinburgh.
Ever since Tracey and Debbie first met they always treated one another like sisters”, I continued, “probably because Debbie is an orphan and never had any family and Tracey always wanted to have someone she could call a sister.”
“When Tracey was sorting out the bridesmaids, my three sisters, she purposely wanted four so that she could include Debbie.”
“Oh,” Tony said showing concern for the girl, “They must have become very close then?”
“Every one of those girls over there, sir,” I continued, “loves Debbie like a sister because Debbie’s life story isn’t a very pleasant one as it’s full of pain and suffering.
They all try in their own way to show her they all care for her, but there was always a strange bond between Tracey and Debbie as if they were natural sisters.
Many were the times they used to sit and talk for hours about wedding plans.
I know Debbie was overjoyed when Tracey asked her to be a bridesmaid, because, it’s all Debbie has talked about these past few weeks.”
“The girl with the long black hair and the pretty blonde one next to her?” Pointing out Rachel and Melanie, “They play in a band called ‘Diamonds’ their debut single gets released today.
It was written by Rachel, the dark one, to show Debbie how much they all love and care for her. It’s all about Debbie’s life. I hope you will listen out for it - it’s called ‘Baby - You’re an Angel’, - the song says it all.”
“May we meet your friends?” Tony asked, “to thank them for coming?”
“Certainly,” I replied going to fetch them, “don’t go away.”
I made my way past where Rachel, Melanie, Jaclyn and Lynda stood chatting, to the bench where Marcie and Sarah comforted Debbie.
Crouching before Debbie with my hands on her knees I looked into her crystal blue sparkling eyes and whispered; “Debbie, are you okay?”
“I’ll be alright in a wee minute,” she answered.
“Okay princess,” I sighed taking her hand, “Mr. and Mrs. Collins would like to meet you.”
She nodded in confirmation while Marcie dabbed Debbie’s cheeks with a handkerchief telling her to be brave, while I kissed Sarah to thank her for being there, before we all rose and headed slowly towards Tony and Catherine.
After introducing them I made my way to stand between Mum and Dad at the main cemetery gates.
“That’s a fine collection of girls you’ve got there, Son.” Dad smiled.
For a moment I cruelly thought the only girl I wanted – is the one brought here but, sadly, the only one not going home again.
“Why don’t you invite them all back to the house for some tea, we’d like to get to know them?”
“Sure.” I answered.
I watched Catherine smile for the first time since Wednesday, while she talked to Debbie, as an insane plan came to me.
“Sarah,” I called as I left my parents, motioning Sarah to follow me to a bench a few yards away.
“Yes Boss?” I slipped my arm around her shoulder as we sat.
“Sarah, I’ve been trying to figure out how we can bring some good out of the events of the past few days.
I have got an idea that might sound crazy, but it just might work.
I’m making this all up as I go along and it’s a little sketchy at the moment, so tell me what you think - okay?”
“Sure will, boss.”
“Okay, Sarah.
Firstly, the only thing Tracey ever wanted in life was to make her parents happy. Everything she ever did was to make them proud of her.
Every breath she took was full of love for them and almost every word she spok
e was in praise of them.”
“The greatest thing Tracey believed she could do to make them really happy was to give them a grandchild, but, unfortunately, because of her own impatience her dream became reality for only a few hours before being tragically taken away from her.
Are you with me so far?”
“So far, so good.” she answered.
“Now, Tracey’s parents,” I continued, “gave her everything she ever wanted and their only wish was to keep Tracey happy, but, the only thing they couldn’t give her was a little sister - are you still with me?”
“I think so.” was Sarah’s hesitant reply.
“Debbie - on the other hand - never had any of the things Tracey had.
The things that you and I take so much for granted, she’s never had - happy birthdays, merry Christmases, nice holidays, and more importantly, the company of brothers and sisters and the love of good parents.
When Tracey and Debbie got together they quickly discovered that the thing they both had in common was that they realised they didn’t have a sister and they, sort of, adopted one another to make up for it.
So much so, that when Tracey picked her bridesmaids, my three sisters, she purposely included Debbie to show her how much she cared for her - okay so far?”
“I think I’m beginning to get the picture,” Sarah replied becoming increasingly confused.
“Sarah, Tracey would be very unhappy at seeing how much pain and heartache she brought to her parents these past few days.
Not only have their dreams been shattered but, Debbie’s are also, and you wouldn’t think to look at them at the moment that all their hearts are breaking.”
I pointed over Sarah’s shoulder to where Tony, Catherine and Debbie surrounded by the other girls were sitting joking with each other and I could see Sarah was amazed at this happy transformation.
“Sarah, Tracey’s dream can live on through Debbie and through Debbie ALL their dreams can be fulfilled.”
“Hold on a second,” Sarah snapped abruptly, “Hold the phone.
Do you mean to replace Tracey with Debbie and carry on as if Tracey didn’t exist?”
“Of course not,” I assured her, “there will always be a special place in our hearts for Tracey and no-one could ever replace her.
However, the love that Tony and Catherine have shouldn’t die just because Tracey is not here.
Would it not be better to give their love to someone who’s never had it, and could surely use it, than waste it on a memory, when they’ll still have their memories anyway?”
I broke off for a second as Debbie’s infectious laughter filled the silence again,
“If they can bring a little bit of happiness to Debbie today, think of how much comfort they could bring each other tomorrow.
Well, what do you think?”
Sarah, deep in thought, looked at the happy scene at the main gate and smiled as Debbie laughed again. “I think you’re completely crazy, I also think it might work.
I have always believed it’s not fate - it is God’s way of testing us.
If any good can come out of this tragedy that has to be it - I think.
It’s at least worth a try. Yes, go for it, you’ll never know if you don’t try. Not a chance of working though, but I like the idea behind it.”
“Okay,” I smiled kissing her forehead, “don’t say anything to anyone yet - I’ll have to work out a plan of attack just now.
Could you go over there and ask Marcie and Rachel if I can have a quiet word with them?”
“Sure Boss,” she smiled standing up, “like the adding machine once said.” we smiled at each other for a moment before Sarah rejoined the others sending Marcie and Rachel, as requested, to join me.
“Well?” I asked them once I had repeated my idea while they listened intently, horrified at my suggestion.
“You must be kidding,” Marcie hissed, “I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in all my life.”
“On the other hand,” Rachel added, “She’s twenty-two now. There’s nothing legally against it. She’s old enough to make her own decisions and we all know that Debbie would jump at the chance of having the kind of life Tracey had.”
“I have absolutely no doubt Debbie would jump at the chance”, Marcie confronted me, “but, that couple,” indicating Tony and Catherine, “are still in deep shock at losing their only child so suddenly and tragically, PLUS an unborn grandchild that they knew nothing about.
I cannot believe Rachel, you actually think such a ludicrous idea would have any chance of working and approve of it.” She chided Rachel.
“I didn’t say I approve of the idea.” Rachel replied in her defence, “I just think it might be worth considering.”
“Once the shock wears off,” Marcie commented, “which could take quite a while, it could turn nasty if Debbie doesn’t match up to the expectations they had for Tracey.
I cannot allow Debbie to get hurt again, I just cannot allow it.”
Rachel, deep in thought, added. “Marcie’s sure, Brian, you’re only thinking of Debbie’s happiness and that you don’t want to see her get hurt any less than we do. It is a fantastic idea, but I am afraid Marcie’s right - it is all fantasy. Debbie could quite easily get hurt.”
“She might look like a woman” Rachel continued, “but she’s only a child desperately holding onto her youth in the hope that one day her prayers will be answered, but, the older she gets the less likely they will be. This is the kind of thing that could very well kill her.”
“It’s just an idea,” I pleaded in my own defence, “and you can see how well they’re getting on just now. Will you think about it and then we’ll see how to tackle it? Yes?”
They both agreed and we rejoined the others as Tony and Catherine reluctantly kissed Debbie before being driven home by a relative.
“Okay girls,” I called to the assembly, “My Mum and Dad have invited you all over for tea so, unless anyone has any better suggestions - follow me.”
I led the three-car convoy the short distance home, where the girls were an instant hit with my family and soon settled down to chat away with everyone as if they were old friends.
Rachel and Melanie were, understandably, the centre of attention when they announced their impending chart hit and I was greatly impressed with how well Jaclyn, Debbie and Sarah conducted themselves.
“I have said it before,” Dad repeated as I passed him in the kitchen to collect more biscuits while he put on another pot of tea, “and I’ll say it again, that’s a fine collection of beautiful young ladies you’ve got there, son. Do they all live with you?”
“Yes, all except Melanie, the very pretty blonde one and the young one with the long brown hair - she’s Sarah, my secretary.”
He gave me an envious smile as he switched the electric kettle on preparing the teapot for more tea, until I laid down my plate of biscuits and asked quietly,
“Actually Dad, can I ask you something?”
“Sure Brian, that’s what I’m here for.”
“Suppose,” I began, “you were in the same position as Tony?”
“Your only child was tragically killed in a road accident and understandably, you’re pretty cut up about the whole thing - would you consider accepting another girl in her place?”
“Well,” Dad replied deep in thought, “That’s a difficult question to answer.”
“If anything happened - God forbid - to any of my children although there would be another five to ease the pain I would find it very hard to get over losing any of them - even you.
In Tracey’s case she was their only child and Catherine isn’t as strong as she used to be, so she must be under a great deal of pressure at the moment.
I suppose it would depend on who the substitute was.
Whether you wanted her to remind you of Tracey or you wanted her to help you to get your thoughts off her - why? - What have you got in mind?”
I explained my insane plan to him, which sounded
more feasible the more I talked about it while he listened intently.
“Debbie?” he asked, “the blonde girl who cried all through the funeral?”
“That’s the one,” I replied, “she would be perfect for Tony and Catherine.”
“Well, what do you think?” He looked at me in disbelief for a few seconds until he convinced himself that I was serious.
Dad opened his mouth to speak but closed it again without uttering a word when he heard the living room door open and Rachel followed by Melanie and Mum entered the kitchen saying; “Brian, we’ve got to go now, we are due on stage in a couple of hours.”
Rachel came to me and hugged me tenderly before moving to Dad to thank him for his hospitality as Melanie kissed me and followed suit.
“Oh,” Mum suddenly remembering something reached into the pocket of her suit jacket, “before I forget. Catherine asked me to return this to you.” She held out Tracey’s engagement ring.
All eyes were on me as I silently lifted the ring from Mum’s outstretched palm and let out a sigh as I stared longingly at it for a few seconds, before handing it to Melanie.
Tracey’s engagement ring was not only the symbol of my love for her it was also a reminder of my weaknesses as returning it to Melanie brought back the memory of our night of passion.
I recalled how easily She and Debbie had seduced me.
I recalled my warm night with Rachel as a feeling of guilt came upon me at betraying the trust Tracey put in me.
I resolved to make it up to her by making all their dreams come true.
“Rachel,” I called softly as I felt tears coming to my eyes.
“Have you thought about what I asked earlier?”
Rachel wrapped me again in her powerful arms and sighed,
“Brian, please take care not to break her heart, because if you do, I’ll break your legs.”
She smiled although I knew her threat to be deadly serious as I kissed her cheek again saying, “I’ll be careful.”
She then broke away from me slipping her arm around a confused Melanie’s waist and exited calling, “bye” as Dad wished them luck by calling. “Break a leg.”
Dad chuckled for a few seconds at his own wittiness while Mum stared at me bewildered. “Okay.” She said after a short pause. “What’s going on?”
“It’s rather a long story.” I replied evasively going to answer the telephone in the hall, which began to ring at that moment.
“Hello Brian,” I heard Tony say, “did we thank you for attending this morning?”
“Probably.” I answered somewhat cheerily.
“Well thanks again. Could you convey our thanks to your family and friends for coming also - especially that blonde girl who gave us the strength to get through today.”
“I sure will.” I assured him.
“Tony - could I come to see you tomorrow for a private chat about something?”
“Sure, Brian. You’re welcome anytime.” he assured me then we said goodbye.
“Well?” I asked Marcie as we drove east once I had checked that Debbie was fast asleep in the back seat.
Jaclyn and Lynda elected to go with Sarah.
“Have you thought any more about my idea?”
Marcie looked around to satisfy herself that Debbie couldn’t hear us before saying quietly.
“That girl has been through so much in her young life.
She’s not prepared for another broken heart although I do agree that it is a fantastic chance for her to experience what loving parents are.
Can you be sure that they would always love her?”
“Let me ask you the same thing, Marcie.
Before we introduced you to Jaclyn that was Rachel’s main concern.
Could we be certain you would accept her as your child and always love her?”
Marcie smiled, as she knew she had been beaten.
Marcie placed her hand tenderly over my left hand as it rested on the gear lever and with deep emotion implored. “Brian. I love that kid. I don’t want her hurt again. Be very careful please.”
I squeezed her hand and assured her.
“I intend to see Tony tomorrow and if he says yes we’ll see what Debbie thinks of it.
If he says no then Debbie need never know. We will play it by ear. Okay?”
We agreed we would examine all the details and only if we were all satisfied that it was a good idea would we tell Debbie, then we completed our journey in relative silence.
That night I dreamed I met Tracey on her way to heaven and she asked me to promise that I would always take care of Debbie. To which I readily gave her my sincere oath – “Always Listen to Sarah.” she implored before she said goodbye and walked up white marble steps until a cloud hid her from view and I woke up in a strange panic.
Sunday 2nd August.
I lay still for a few moments thinking about my dream and continued to think about Tracey until I arrived at Tony’s house around midday.
I had several doubts as to how Tony would receive my idea as I nervously made my way up the path towards the front door stopping to gaze at the bare flowerbed where once Tony had tended to his multicoloured flora.
This only served as another reminder of Tracey’s departure.
‘‘Hello Brian’’. Tony called, waking me from my daydream, trundling a wheelbarrow towards me.
‘‘Good afternoon sir - can I possibly have a quiet word with you?”
”Sure, Son.” He said sighing as he drove his spade into the wet bare earth mumbling something about “Life must go on.”
It started to rain before he began his digging as I continued quietly.
“It’s a rather delicate matter, Sir.”
Tony looked up at the sky as the rain became heavier so leaving his spade upright in the earth he beckoned me to follow him to a space between the house and garage through to the rear garden.
He led me to a large greenhouse asking;
“Would you care to step into my office?”
The heavens suddenly opened as we sat on camp chairs amid trays of plants and flowers and as the heavy rain thudded onto the glass roof I sat deep in thought while Tony sighed,
“I didn’t feel like working today anyway. Now what can I do for you?”
I took a very deep breath and let it out very slowly saying;
“We’ll sir, it’s more a case of what I can do for you.”
I began to relay my plan as cautiously as I could while we both stared out at torrential rain.
“Since last Wednesday,” I began, ”I’ve been completely lost without Tracey and up until yesterday I could feel what you and Catherine were going through and all the time I was thinking if there were some way I could help to relieve your heartache.”
“Just being there, when we needed you, was enough.” Tony interrupted.
“Don’t sir,” I continued, “It pained me to see your distress.
I knew it would have made Tracey’s spirit very unhappy to see the sadness she brought you these past few days.
I felt very useless yesterday while everyone else tried to comfort you, but I felt I had to do something more.
Even when we discovered that we had a problem of our own, Debbie, I felt even more inadequate because there was nothing I could do or say to comfort her either.”
Tony’s eyes began to glaze over as he recalled the events of the past few days.
“The only bright spot yesterday was when you and Debbie got together at the cemetery and as you began to comfort one another, I was still trying to figure out how I could help, when an idea came to me.”
I chose my words very carefully as I continued.
“Tracey’s only aim in life was to keep you and Catherine happy and make you proud of her.
The greatest thing she reckoned she could do for you was to give you a grandchild and became almost possessed with the preoccupation of getting pregnant, but, because of her own impatience her dream was reality for only a short time before being taken awa
y again.
I know that you gave Tracey everything she ever wanted, but, there was always one thing that you couldn’t give her - the one thing she wanted more than anything else - a little sister.”
A tear fell from Tony’s eye as he listened intently to me I felt very nervous as I continued.
“When Tracey met Debbie we all thought that they had struck up a great friendship.
It wasn’t until yesterday I realised that it was something more than just friends.
Tracey treated Debbie so much like a sister that when she picked her bridesmaids, my three sisters, she purposely wanted four.
Tracey wanted to include Debbie although they had only known each other for such a short time compared to the years she has known the likes of her friend Doreen.
Debbie was ecstatic when she was asked and you saw how deeply she was hurt by her performance yesterday.”
He nodded as he recalled Debbie’s distress.
“Have you had a chance to hear ‘Diamonds’ song on the radio yet?”
“Oh Yes,” he answered, I heard it this morning, but it was over before we realised it was the one you told us about.
“Okay,” I continued,
“That song, ‘Baby - You’re an Angel,’ could apply to quite a few unhappy situations in anybody’s life - such as losing a lover or a child - and I hope Rachel and her girls become successful with it as they’re a fantastic group and deserve it.
Anyway, the song is about Debbie’s lost childhood which I won’t go into, but it’s full of unhappiness and uncertainty.”
“All Debbie has ever wanted was a family to love and could love her - she found that love through Tracey, when they used to sit and talk about you and Catherine.
Debbie used to ‘lap up’ all Tracey’s stories and never tired of hearing how loving you were to Tracey.”
I decided I had beat around the bush long enough and it was time I came straight to the point now that all the ‘ground work’ had been done.
“Sir, the love you had for Tracey shouldn’t die because she’s not here to share it - would it not be better to give your love to someone who could surely use it than save it for a memory - when we’ll still have our memories anyway?”
Another half-hour discussion followed wherein I sensed that Tony was warming to the idea, but he was, rightly, concerned what Catherine would think.
“Okay,” he conceded, “I’ll talk it over with Catherine and let you know.”
A feeling of great relief came over me as we discussed the best way of tackling the difficult situation of getting Catherine and Debbie together and explaining the plan without hurting either of them.
“What we could do,” Tony suggested, “we could arrange for Debbie to come through here to thank her for her help yesterday and if they get on really well - we’ll think about it.”
“Let’s play it by ear,” I concluded as the rain eased and Tony left me to run inside the house to ask Catherine if she would mind if I brought Debbie through to visit, maybe tomorrow evening.
I paced the greenhouse paying little attention to the plants while rehearsing my part of the plan until I heard Tony beckoning me to come to the back door.
“Catherine’s in bed,” he sighed, “She says she’ll be happy to see Debbie anytime.’’
“Okay,” I smiled, “May I use your phone and we’ll get the ball rolling.”
Nervously I dialled the number, which was answered by a familiar voice.
“Marcie,” I called, “Do you know if Debbie is free any day this week? There is someone here who would like her to visit them.
“Brian,” she assured me quietly, “I’m quite sure she’s free tomorrow - It’s a bank holiday.”
I could not believe my luck. “Hold on a second and I’ll go ask?”
Tony saw my obvious delight but didn’t realise any significance until I told him “Debbie works in a bank.”
“That is indeed fortunate.” he smiled as I handed him the receiver,
“It might be better if you ask her yourself?”
“Hello,” he began nervously, “Is that Debbie? This is Tony Collins here, we were wondering if you are doing anything tomorrow? - No? - Great, would you like to visit us for a while to maybe cheer us up like you did yesterday?
You would love to? - okay, we will see you tomorrow morning okay?
We will see you then. Bye.”
After he replaced the receiver I offered to bring her through tomorrow - as I intended to visit Mum anyway.
“I implore you, sir,” I spoke silently and sincerely, “It’s just a crazy idea. If you decide it is too risky then there’s no harm done.”
We excitedly said our goodbyes and I left to ponder my actions on my journey eastwards.
“You’ll never guess,” Debbie beamed at me when I arrived at the flat,
“Mr. Collins has asked me through to Glasgow tomorrow to visit him.”
I smiled pretending I knew nothing of the news although Marcie kept giving me concerned glances until Debbie excitedly went to her bed at 10 p.m. leaving me alone with Marcie.
We stared at each other for a few minutes in silence.
“I am warning you.“ Marcie waved a menacing digit at me; “If that girl gets hurt I’ll never forgive you for as long as you live - which won’t be long if Rachel gets her hands on you first.”
She pleaded with tears coming to her sparkling blue eyes.
“I love that kid, please take care of my baby, please.”
I assured her that I wouldn’t let any harm come to Debbie, then getting to my feet I slowly made my way to my room, where I set my alarm for 9:00 a.m.
I lay on my bed fondling the teddy Debbie had given me while praying that no harm would come to her.
Monday 3rd August.
The sun shone brilliantly as I got up and made my way to the living room.
Marcie was sitting at her usual place at the table writing cheques to pay a bundle of bills while Debbie was standing silently looking out of the window dressed in a flowery summer dress that showed off her figure perfectly.
I collected a bowl and returning to the table to pour cereal into it Marcie looked at me somewhat puzzled as she nodded towards the forlorn Debbie.
It hadn’t dawned on me that Debbie was staring at the street anxiously awaiting Tony’s arrival as I had forgotten to tell her that I was taking her through.
“Oh, Debbie,” I called softly, “I’m sorry honey. I forgot to tell you last night.
Tony asked me if I’d bring you to Glasgow when I’m going this morning.”
Debbie sighed and her enchanting smile returned as she came to the table saying, “Thank goodness, I wasn’t sure if he knew where to come.”
Turning to Marcie she apprehensively asked, “Do I look okay?”
Marcie removed her glasses and inspected Debbie from head to toe, before smiling, “Debbie, you’re as beautiful as you always are.”
Debbie reached over the sofa, picking up a white fluffy teddy, which resembled the one she had given to me, except this one was roughly three times larger and asked,
“Do you think they’ll like this?”
Marcie knew the significance of the gift and didn’t know what to say to Debbie, “It’s beautiful dear, but it’s you they want to see.
Just be yourself and keep smiling I’m sure that they will love you.”
They kissed each other as I finished my breakfast and called.
“Okay kid, whenever you’re ready - let’s go.”
Debbie looked nervous as we pulled up outside Tony’s house about an hour and several unanswered questions later, “Like Marcie said,” I whispered before kissing her for good luck, “just be yourself - keep smiling and they will love you as much as I do.”
She sighed and taking a deep breath she picked up her shoulder bag and her teddy and walked slowly up the path to Tony’s front door where she stood smiling nervously at me until Tony opened it and ushered her inside.
“ARE YOU
COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MIND!”
Mum bellowed at me when I explained my presence.
“You can’t do that – you can’t play about with people’s lives as if it’s just a game.
Just because one guy gets ‘struck out’ that doesn’t give you any right to field somebody else in their place. Life is a whole different ball game. Somebody could get seriously hurt.”
I assured her that I knew all the risks involved and that the two people who could get hurt most Debbie and Catherine need not know anything about it if Tony decided it would not work out. “And anyway, the only one who would end up getting damaged the most, mentally and physically, was me.
I’ve got a wedding to cancel,” I snapped unfeelingly, “what’s the best way to go about it?”
Mum told me it was a case of getting cancellation cards printed and circulated but as Catherine held all the details about the wedding I had to abandon my plans until later, so I spent a very lazy day mostly sunning myself in the garden.
By seven o’clock in the evening there still was no contact with Tony.
As my curiosity was getting the better of me I decided to call on him.
“Come in, Brian,” he smiled opening the door, “come in.
There’s something you’ve got to see.”
He led me through to the rear of the house to the dining room window where we saw Debbie and Catherine sitting on the back lawn laughing while leafing through a photograph album.
“They’ve been like that since Debbie arrived this morning,” he said softly.
“All day they’ve been playing games and telling jokes and already Catherine looks forty years younger than she did yesterday.
Thanks Brian, for bringing her today.
I know Catherine will be okay because of what they’re doing now.”
“What are they doing?” I asked confused.
Tony took a deep breath and whispered. “They are looking through an album full of photos of Tracey. Her baby pictures, her first day at school, every birthday, in fact, almost every step Tracey took in life.
I cannot bear to look at the album yet, so I keep making excuses to come inside to look at them from this window.
That kid is, as the song says, definitely an angel.”
I placed my hand on his shoulder as I could see tears beginning to well up in his eyes and asked, “Have you thought any more about my idea? That angel could be yours.”
We agreed that he would talk to Catherine after Debbie had gone home, while he prepared four glasses of iced lemonade before leading me out to the back green carrying two glasses each.
The moment Debbie spotted me she let out a squeal of delight. Jumping up, she ran towards me throwing her arms around my waist. She hugged me tightly while I stretched my arms out sideways so as not to spill any lemonade onto her dress.
Debbie looked absolutely radiant as her skin, awash with perspiration, mixed with her sweet perfume filling my nostrils with a musty aroma.
“Have you enjoyed yourself today, princess?”
“Oh, yes.” She enthused loosening her grip enough for me to hand her a glass.
“I’ve had an absolutely wonderful day, thanks Brian.
Come over here, I must show you something.”
Grabbing my hand she led me to the seat and while she leafed through the album I kissed Catherine as Tony hovered uneasily.
“Look!” Debbie exclaimed pointing to an enlarged photo of a blonde, curly-headed, chubby baby in a crawling pose wearing nothing but a wide toothy smile, and bore the legend ‘Tracey - 5 months.’
I had often seen this photo before on the occasions when Tracey insisted on showing me her baby pictures. Whenever she reached this particular photo of herself she would run her fingers over the surface of the photo deep in thought.
I always thought she was thinking about how much joy she brought her parents, but now I realised that she was secretly praying for a child of her own - just like her - perfect in every way.
“Isn’t that a beautiful photo?” Debbie asked running her fingers over it just as Tracey had so often done while we all tearfully looked on in agreement.
“Yes, it’s beautiful.” I agreed fighting back a tear as I looked at the photo that somehow summed up the reason for Tracey’s life, and sadly the only reason for her death.
After a minute Debbie broke the silence by asking;
“Is it home time now?”
“I’m afraid so, princess.”
She took a deep breath as she closed the album and hugged Catherine and Tony who made her promise to visit them again soon.
Picking up her bag I slipped my arm around her waist as we waved goodbye and walked silently to the car.
The tormented look on her face was disturbing as she forcefully used every ounce of her strength to fight back tears welling up inside her.
I wasted no time driving the car away from Tony’s to a supermarket car park two streets away where I stopped, hushed the engine and gathered Debbie into my arms just as the torment in her eyes reached boiling point.
She screamed and her entire body vibrated as she buried her head in my chest and wailed loudly and uncontrollably for twenty minutes while I stroked her hair and sobbed “Go ahead baby, it’s okay, let it all out.”
“I’m really sorry Brian,” she sobbed once her wailing had eased, “I promised I would be strong for you.”
“It’s okay baby, get it all out of your system. Sometimes it’s okay to cry, it’s okay now.”
“How can God do that?” Debbie moaned, “To take away from such lovely people their only reason for living?”
“I don’t know, princess, I really don’t know.”
We stayed in the car weeping in each other’s arms for about an hour until we had no more tears to shed, then with a kiss, a cuddle, and a few reassuring words we set off home, hand in hand, in silence.
“Oh, you’re back,” Marcie sighed, hugging Debbie as soon as we arrived home.
“I would like a quiet word with both of you before you go to your beds.”
Marcie ushered us to the dining table, where Rachel was sitting quietly, asking Debbie if she had had a good time in Glasgow.
“Oh yes,” Debbie replied, “we had such a wonderful day, and I promised I’d visit them again soon.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Marcie said with tears coming to her eyes,
“Debbie, we had a call a little while ago from Mr. and Mrs. Collins.”
“They asked me a lot of questions about you and we asked them quite a few about them before they asked us to ask you a very, very important question.”
She placed her hands over Debbie’s as she advised her solemnly,
“Debbie, my darling, we love you, and you know we wouldn’t let any harm come to you, and we only want you to be happy.”
“The question they asked me is very, very important and very serious and you must think hard about your answer.”
“Okay,” Debbie became very tense, as she looked into Marcie and Rachel’s serious eyes not knowing the surprise in store for her.
“Debbie, Mr. and Mrs. Collins want to ask you if you would consider going to live with them forever. They would like to adopt you.”
Debbie’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open as she stared at Marcie in disbelief.
“Debbie,” Rachel added, “It would mean giving up everything you have here. It’s a very big decision and it’s not one you should take lightly.”
Marcie interrupted adding, “You know we’ll always be here for you because nobody loves you any more than we do but you must make this decision on your own.
Now, go to bed and sleep on it and in the morning we will see how you feel about it. Okay?”
Tears resumed to flow down Debbie’s cheeks as she hugged Marcie tightly and sobbed.
“You know it’s all I’ve ever wanted my whole life. It’s all my dreams come true.
You won’t have to wait until tomorrow for my answer.
If
they want me I would love to go, I want to go, I need to go.”
Rachel joined the huddle of tearful faces for a few minutes before Debbie broke away and headed slowly out of the door.
“I’m warning you,” Marcie sobbed pointing a menacing finger at me again, “If that girl gets hurt I’ll never forgive you for as long as I live.”
“He won’t live that long.” Rachel added, just as the door clicked open again and Debbie re-entered.
Slowly she came to me, threw her arms round my neck and kissed me.
“Can you give me the ‘phone number please?” she hoarsely sobbed.
“Are you completely sure?” I asked as I produced my address notebook from my pocket, located Tracey’s entry and handed it to her before she slowly exited.
“No way” Emily laughed,
“I cannot begin to believe Tony and Catherine bought it?”
“There was still a very long way to go, but the first steps had been taken.”
I assured her.
“I had convinced Tracey’s distraught parents that as their only child was now gone they could replace her with someone else.
My Mum had said “just because one guy ‘strikes out’ you can’t just replace them with another guy, but it looked like this was a feasible plan.
I hope that I could make it work out for Debbie, and Tony and Catherine, just like it had worked out for Marcie and Jaclyn.
Things couldn’t have gone better for Marcie and Jaclyn – they had found happiness after 18 years apart – now if I could manage to bring a little sunshine into Debbie’s life as well – where’s the harm?
Thinking about it today, Emily, If I had married Tracey as expected Tony and Catherine’s adoption of Debbie would still have been a fantastic plan that could have worked out for everyone concerned – couldn’t it?
The next few days, however, would be very difficult for all of us.”
Emily was giving me that quizzical look again as she suddenly burst into floods of tears.
“I am very sorry, Emily, for upsetting you with all this tragedy”.
“It’s not that - May I confess something, Brian?”
“Sure you may.” I answered confused.
“When I came here I was initially looking for the low-down on ‘Diamonds’ Band and thought I could maybe gather some ‘dirt’ that I could sell to a tabloid perhaps.”
I looked at her horrified that she would consider such a thing.
“Now that I have heard your story I am pleased with what you have revealed to me and I hope I can turn your story into something you will be proud of.
I am truly sorry Brian for misleading you.”
I gathered Emily into my arms and we wept together for several minutes until she asked if I could forgive her and now I knew her ‘real’ motives for being there - if I would please continue?
Before Emily went to the bathroom to freshen up I made her promise that not one word of the story would be passed onto anyone without my approval and then I had another cigarette on the balcony.
I thought about what Emily had confessed and felt betrayed by her but I also realised that the events I had relayed to her thus far - about the time when I was roughly her age - proved that I was no angel.
Emily reminded me far too much of myself at her age.