Home.
My God, I’m really living with him. My mother is not a fool. She knows. What if people here at the office know?
***
I don’t see Cole before I leave the office. He’s in a meeting that rolls into his partner meeting, but he still manages to send me a text right as I reach my apartment door: I’m crazy for you. I want to meet your mother.
I suck in air and let it out. I’m crazy for him too, but right now I just feel a little crazy in general. I open the door and find my mother in her scrubs, slipping her purse over her shoulder. “There’s a bus that just overturned on the highway. The hospital needs me for a couple of hours. I’m sorry, honey. Mac N Cheese is in the oven.” She rushes toward me and hugs me. “I was so looking forward to a mom and daughter dinner. I should be back by midnight. If you’re up, we can have hot chocolate and talk.”
“Is everything okay, though?” I ask.
“There you go again. Of course it’s okay.”
“How is your architect?” I ask as she rushes toward the door.
“I like him,” she says, smiling. “I’ll tell you more over cocoa.” She disappears, and I text Cole: She got called into the hospital for a few hours. We’re having midnight coffee. Won’t be over.
My cell phone rings and I expect it to be him. “Hello,” I say, without checking caller ID.
“Lori, it’s Ned at the restaurant. I’m desperate for help. If you can work a shift, I’ll double your tips. That’s how desperate I am.”
I open my mouth to refuse but the word “double” gets me. For the first time since I asked to be on call, I can actually take the shift, and I’ll net a grand of cash. “I’m in. I’ll be there in half an hour.”
I rush to the bedroom, and text my mother: I’m taking a shift at the restaurant. Text me when you head home. I’ll try to be there when you arrive.
She calls me. “Why would you take a shift? You have an important job.”
“He offered to double my tips. That’s a grand we need.”
“You are one person.”
“I know, but when this six months ends, we’re going to be running forward, not crawling. I’ll see you later tonight.”
A few minutes later, I’m on the subway on my way to work.
***
Cole
It’s nearly ten when the partners meeting ends, and I finally return to my office and text Lori: Can you talk?
She sends me a message: I’ll call you in a couple of hours.
The reply does not please me. It feels like a wall. She’s shutting me out, panicking. Fuck. I’m going over there. I have to see her, and we need to get this barrier between us torn down once and for all. I grab my briefcase and head for the door, exiting to the lobby to freeze when I find Ashley at the desk outside the doorway. “Hi, boss,” she says.
“How the hell—you’re here.”
“I know,” she says. “Maria arranged to let me in. She seemed to think me coming straight from the airport to let you know I was here assured you’d be in a better mood tomorrow.” She covers her hands with her face and when she looks at me again, she starts to tear up. “I’m really here and he’s still really a bastard. I loved him and I’m kind of a wreck. You hate wrecks.”
“I do,” I say, “But tonight, we’ll be a train wreck together, and you probably just stopped me from creating a bigger one. Come on. I’ll take you to dinner and we’ll get drunk.”
She grabs her purse. “I’m in.”
***
Fifteen minutes later, we walk into a spot that I happen to know Lori worked at during her four-job hell. I chose it for that reason. I wanted to see where she’s been, what she’s done and I damn sure can’t take her here.
It’s a high-end place and I have to tip heftily to get a table. Ashley and I sit down at a table that is far from private in the center of the room. I order an expensive bottle of wine and Ashley starts pouring through everything she’s endured. “Is this too much information?” she asks.
“The part where he fucked you on the train before he fucked your whole life,” I say. “That was too much information.”
“Right. Where is our wine? I need to drink. This is an expensive place. We should be able to get our wine.” She glances around spots someone to target apparently because she stands up and steps in front of a waitress. “What does it take to get our wine?” Ashley demands, clearly not herself. “We’ve been waiting. This is really ridiculous.”
Oh fuck. I love this woman but she’s killing me. “I’m sorry,” a familiar voice says. “I’ll check on it.” I know that voice, and I stand up as Ashley sits down to find myself staring at Lori.
“Cole,” she breathes out, her gaze going to Ashley and then back to me before she turns and takes off.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Lori
I’m shaking when I reach the restaurant’s kitchen; mortified, hurt, embarrassed. I am in love with Cole. And he’s with another woman who just treated me like shit in front of I don’t know how many people. In front of him. Somehow, I do not cry. I am like a robot, hunting my boss down until I find him. “It’s ten, Ned,” I say to the fairly grumpy old man I really can’t deal with right now. “I’m supposed to leave at ten, remember?”
“You can’t stay longer?” he snaps.
“I told you when I got here what time I had to leave.”
“Right.” He grimaces, and I wait for the attack, but it doesn’t come. “Thanks for coming in.” He reaches in his pocket and hands me a large bill to complement the tips in my pocket. “You saved my ass tonight.”
I’m shocked at how generous and kind he is being, but I need this right now in all kinds of ways. “Thanks for the opportunity,” I say.
“Lori!” One of the waitresses shouts. “There’s some hot guy at the kitchen door trying to see you.”
Cole, of course, is the hot guy. He is hot. Obviously a lot of women that are not me, think so, too. I ignore the shout and head for the back door, exiting to the alleyway where I start walking. My cell phone starts to ring almost immediately. I grab it, afraid it’s my mother. It’s Cole. I decline the call. He calls again. I decline. He sends a text message: It was Ashley, Lori. And yes, she was a bitch. She wants to apologize. Talk to me. Answer the phone. I stop walking and lean on a wall. Ashley. Relief washes over me. Ashley. I cry despite the fact that I am relieved. Embarrassment just won’t let go of me. I have to work with her, and Cole saw me there.
My phone rings again and this time it’s my mother. “Hi, Mom.”
“You sound weird,” she says. “Are you okay?”
I don’t lie. I’m not okay. I can’t say I’m okay. “I’m about to head home. Are you coming home?”
“I’m headed there, too.”
“Great,” I manage. “I’ll see you soon.”
I disconnect and Cole calls again. I breathe in and take the call. “Lori,” he says, his voice low, raspy. “I would never—”
“I know,” I say quickly. “I didn’t think you would. It just—it all shocked me.”
“Where are you? I’ll come to you.”
I want him to come to me. God. I really want him to come to me, but I’m confused and that embarrassed thing won’t let go. “I need to go see my mother. I need to be home tonight.”
“Your home is with me.”
“No, Cole. No.”
“Don’t say no because of tonight. This was nothing.”
But it was, I think. It was such a reality check, such a divide. “I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hang up, and start walking, taking a corner and entering the subway. At this hour, the car for my train is all but empty and I find a corner to sit, fighting back all of those feelings I don’t want to feel. I took money from Cole. Now he saw me at that restaurant. I let myself become what I didn’t want to be. This person he has to take care of. This person who needs him the way my mother needed my father.
I arrive
at my apartment building, and I have never hated this place more, but I can’t get us out of here. I need to pay off Cole first. I need to make my wrong, right. I rush up the stairs and walk into the apartment to find my mother has yet to arrive. I lean on the door and there is a loud knock.
“Lori,” Cole says. “Open up.”
My heart squeezes and so do my eyes. I don’t answer. I am not going to answer.
“I know you’re in there,” he says. “I feel you there. I’m not leaving until I see you.”
Anger comes at me hard and fast. I open the door and step into the hallway. “Why are you here?” I demand, and he is bigger than life right now, handsome, his hair rumpled like he’s been running his fingers through it. Like he’s been fretting.
“That’s obvious, isn’t it?” he says. “I’m here for you.”
“I told you I didn’t want you here. I told you! Why would you come here, when that is the one thing I’ve asked of you? And now? Tonight, after what happened?”
“That’s exactly why I had to come,” he says. “I wasn’t going to let you feel what you felt. I needed you to see me, to know that I don’t feel anything you’re thinking I feel about what just happened.”
“Hi. Who is this?”
At the sound of my mother’s voice, I cringe. I turn to find her approaching, shoving her long brown hair from her face. “I’m Lori’s mother, Evelyn Havens.” She extends her hand to Cole.
“I’m Cole Brooks,” he says. “Lori’s—”
“Her boss,” my mother says. “Yes. And you really are just too good looking for the sake of the female population. My, my. Come inside. I’ll make coffee.”
“He can’t stay,” I say quickly.
“I’d love some coffee,” Cole counters, his eyes on me.
“Oh, good,” my mother says, opening the door. “I can’t wait to chat and hear about your work.”
She enters the apartment and I step closer to Cole. “Do not say a word about us.”
There is a flicker of emotion I cannot name in his expression, before it becomes unreadable. “Of course not, Lori,” he says tightly. “I will continue to wait for the day that you decide we’re worthy of that acknowledgement.”
I think I just hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t make that right. Already he’s stepping around me, and into the apartment.
I squeeze my eyes shut just thinking of the Goodwill Emporium Cole has just entered. I dread the look in his eyes, but he and my mother are already talking. I have to go in. I join them inside and shut the door to find Cole sitting at our kitchen table that is so small, while he is so big that he looks like he’s sitting at a kiddie table.
“I have this delicious chocolate creamer,” my mother says, grabbing it from the fridge. “Would you like some?”
Cole’s eyes meet mine, dark and still unreadable. “I’d love some,” he replies.
He hates sugary coffee but my mother hands him the bottle and he pours it in the steaming cup in front of him. “You, honey?” my mother asks, setting another cup of coffee in front of the empty seat next to Cole, which is obviously meant for me.
“Yes,” I say, moving to sit down as my mother does the same, effectively sandwiching me between her and Cole, the wall the table is against directly in front of me.
The minute I’m in the chair, Cole’s leg is pressed to mine, and heat radiates up my thighs, straight to my sex. My gaze shoots to his, and he knows what I feel. I see it in the arrogant glint in his eyes. “Lori tells me you’re a nurse,” he says, glancing at my mother.
“All my adult life,” my mother says. “It’s a crazy, satisfying job.” My mother doesn’t linger on her. She turns a question on Cole. “How long have you been practicing law?”
“You might as well say my entire life,” Cole says. “My father started talking to me about case law when I was in diapers.”
My mother smiles. “He must be proud of you; both of your parents must be proud.”
Cole’s expression doesn’t change, but I feel the flex of his leg against mine.
“Do they live here in New York City?” my mother asks.
“They’re gone, mom,” I say, trying to rescue Cole. “His father right around the same time as Dad.”
“Well then,” she adds, studying Cole a long moment, “you and my daughter have much in common. I’m sure that helps you work well together.”
“Indeed,” Cole says, his eyes meeting mine. “It does. We do.” Seconds tick by, seeming to hang in the air, with no words spoken until Cole breaks the connection. “I should go,” he says, giving my mother a nod. “Thank you for the coffee and the visit, Mrs. Havens.”
“Evelyn,” she corrects.
“Evelyn,” he says, his attention shifting back to me. “Walk me out, Lori.” It’s not a question.
I nod anyway, as if it was, and stand up, my belly clenching, chest tight with adrenaline and emotion. Now is the time when I face what he thinks of this place and me. Now is the time that I face the imbalance in our lives. Cole waits for me at the door and opens it, allowing me to exit first. I step into the hallway with him immediately behind me. The minute the door shuts, I whirl on him and explode, without even meaning to do it. “I told you not to come here and yet you went inside.”
He pulls me to him. “Move in with me. Leave this place and come home with me.”
“My mother—”
“Can come, too. We have an extra bedroom.”
We.
No.
“No,” I say.
“If you think she won’t come,” he says, “at least let me give you the peace of mind of getting her out of here and into a nice place.”
“No, Cole. I knew this is how you would react.” I shove on his hard, unmoving chest. “This is why I didn’t let you come here. Now you need to save me. Now it’s all about you saving me, not being with me. I don’t need to be saved. I can save myself. I, we, are not your charity case.”
“That’s not what this is,” he bites out, low and rough. “You know that and there are so many things I want to say to you, but not here in this hallway. Not like this.”
“Not like this is right,” I snap back. “Cole, it’s not our time. I was crazy to try to change that. You are not getting stuck with your employee and her mother.”
“Do you really think that little of who and what we are together?”
“That’s not it. I care about you. I care that much about you. I won’t trap you. I can’t do that to you. I don’t want to wake up one morning and realize that we’re different. That we’re that couple.”
“We won’t be. We can’t be, and you aren’t staying here. I won’t let you.”
“You don’t get to make my decisions.”
“You are not staying here. Let’s go somewhere and talk.”
“I haven’t even found out why my mother wanted to talk. That’s why I asked you not to come here.”
“I couldn’t leave things like they were. You know that.”
“I have to go inside. I need to know what is going on with her. I need space, Cole.”
“No, you don’t,” he says, and the next thing I know, his mouth is on mine in a fiery kiss that steals my breath, and steals all of me. That’s the problem with Cole: He consumes me. “You have tonight,” he says, when his lips part from mine. “Tomorrow we talk. Tomorrow you’re back with me.”
He turns and heads down the stairs. I lean on the wall. What am I doing? What are we doing?
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Lori
I force myself to straighten and enter the apartment, shutting the door on everything but my mother. She remains sitting at the kitchen table, no doubt waiting on me, and she’s a smart woman. There is no doubt in my mind that she has questions I have to answer. Inhaling, I cross the tiny room and join her. “What’s the real story with you two?” she asks.
“He’s my boss, mom. The end. Why did you want to talk t
onight?”
“I was going to talk to you about meeting Joe. I think it’s time.”
“Time?” I swallow hard. “Really? Is it serious?”
“It’s good,” she says. “I want you to know him. Maybe you both can come by and see me at the hospital during one of my breaks? Or even coffee tomorrow? That way it won’t interfere with your work.”
“Yes. Of course. Just tell me when.”
“Good. I’m excited for you to meet him.” She reaches for my hand and squeezes. “I know you have to go to bed. You and working that restaurant tonight. That’s too much.”
She’s letting me off the hook. I’m not sure what to think. “I made a grand for us tonight, but I actually am tired.” I stand up, taking the exit she’s offered me. “Night, mom,” I say, heading toward the bedroom.
“Lori,” my mother calls out.
I turn and look at her. “Yes?”
“I don’t know why Cole was here tonight, but I know it wasn’t about work.”
“He’s my boss.” It’s a ridiculous, obvious reply, and the three words I’ve used as an excuse for too much.
“Do you know that people used to tell me that your father looked at me like I was the sun, the moon, and the world? He looked at me like Cole looks at you.”
I press my hand to my face. “He’s my boss,” I repeat, saying those stupid words again.
“Come sit down and talk to me.”
“Okay,” I whisper, and I do. I wobble back to her and I sit down.
“Is your job on the line?” she asks.
“No,” I assure her quickly. “No, Cole is a good man. My job will never be on the line, as long as I do it, and do it well.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
This is my mother and I just blurt out what I feel. “He’s rich. He’s established. I’m neither.”
“I repeat,” she says. “What’s the problem?”
“He wants to save us.”
“You think that if you lean on him then you’ll forget how to stand on your own two feet,” she assumes. “Because you think that’s what I did.”
“No, mom. I don’t think—”
She holds up a hand. “Don’t coddle me. I get I could have done some things differently. I admit that, but Cole isn’t your father and you aren’t me. I don’t know Cole, but I will give you general thoughts. What you want and need is a man who lifts you up and doesn’t hold you down, and his money or power or success doesn’t determine if he does that for you. But you know if he does or does not.”